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      Stephen Colbert Isn’t Fazed by the News About Clarence Thomas

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      “‘Wow, I can’t believe Clarence Thomas did something inappropriate,’ said a woolly mammoth reanimated after being frozen in the Siberian permafrost,” Colbert joked.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Red Flags on the S.S. MoneybagsClarence Thomas, the Supreme Court justice, has come under fire for accepting lavish trips and gifts from Harlan Crow, a wealthy conservative donor, without disclosing that he had done so.“‘Wow, I can’t believe Clarence Thomas did something inappropriate,’ said a woolly mammoth reanimated after being frozen in the Siberian permafrost,” Stephen Colbert joked on Monday.“Crow’s relationship with Justice Thomas was more than just a few voyages on the S.S. Moneybags. These luxury trips happened virtually every year for more than two decades, including trips around the world on Crow’s superyacht, flying on Crow’s G5 jet, and visits to Crow’s various estates, including one in the Adirondacks, which has a three-boat garage. Well, yeah, a busy family’s got to have three boats — what if the kids sleep late and miss the school yacht?” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Thomas insists that these gifts from Crow don’t count because of their personal relationship, saying, ‘We have been friends for over 25 years.’ OK, but you’ve been on the Supreme Court for 31 years. ‘Oh, it’s not a bribe — he’s my friend.’ ‘Oh, how’d you guys meet?’ ‘Oh, he was bribing me.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“He’s your close personal friend that you know everything about, so I guess it would be really embarrassing to learn that Harlan Crow has a collection of Adolf Hitler artifacts and Nazi memorabilia, including two paintings by Hitler. Ladies, take note. That is a red flag.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Crow also has a display of swastika-embossed linens. Yeah, yeah. It all comes with the Monsters of History fine dining set: You get the Nazi Napkins, the Pol Pots and Pans, and the Osama bin Ladle.” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Punchiest Punchlines (Easter Monday Edition)“At the White House this morning, the Bidens hosted the annual egg roll. Why they do this the day after Easter, I don’t know. Jesus is like, ‘I have to rise again again?” — JIMMY KIMMEL“It’s a tradition going back over a century, to when children were invited to search for treats in Chester A. Arthur’s muttonchops.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Once again, this year’s theme was ‘Egg-ucation,’ although Biden also made time to address the Egg-conomy.’” — JAMES CORDEN“But this is not the first time they’ve repeated themes. You know, when Trump was president, the Easter theme was ‘Eggomaniac’ for three years in a row.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Bits Worth WatchingOn the “Late Show,” Brian Cox shared some thoughts on his character, Logan Roy, after this week’s explosive episode of “Succession.”What We’re Excited About on Tuesday NightThe comedy legend Carol Burnett will appear on “Jimmy Kimmel Live” on Tuesday.Also, Check This OutMarilyn Minter at her studio pictured with “Mickalene Thomas,” 2022-23, with large enamel on metal painting at right.Thea Traff for The New York TimesAt 74, the artist Marilyn Minter’s ambitious new show includes portraits featuring women she admires, such as Gloria Steinem, Monica Lewinsky and Mickalene Thomas. More

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      Late Night Awaits Donald Trump’s Perp Walk

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      Jimmy Kimmel joked that a grand jury “decided to push the hearing to tomorrow to give Trump supporters time to iron their Confederate flags.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Still WaitingDespite his preparation, former President Donald Trump was not indicted on Wednesday.Jimmy Kimmel joked that the grand jury “decided to push the hearing to tomorrow to give Trump supporters time to iron their Confederate flags.”“He’s been telling people he’s excited about the idea of getting paraded in front of cameras, like it’s a red carpet at some kind of Guilty People’s Choice Awards or something.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“He’s also saying he specifically wants to get handcuffed behind his back, which, weirdly, is the same request he had for Stormy Daniels when he got into this mess.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Why he would make a spectacle out of being arrested, I don’t know. He’s been even asking friends if he should smile when he gets arrested. He’s been asking friends if he should smile — Melania’s been debating whether she should play ‘Party in the U.S.A.,’ or ‘Celebration’ by Kool & the Gang.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Yep, Trump’s loving the attention from possibly being arrested. What a difference a day makes. It went from ‘lock her up’ to ‘lock me up.’” — JIMMY FALLON“Trump’s even putting thought into his perp walk. He is planning this out like it is a reality show or something.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Wasn’t this meant to happen yesterday? Like, seriously, they’re — they’re stretching this out like it’s the, you know, the end of — the final of ‘American Idol’: ‘It’s time to find out whether or not Trump is getting arrested. Trump is — going to find out after this break. Don’t go anywhere!’” — JAMES CORDENThe Punchiest Punchlines (Spoiler Alert Edition)“The D.C. Court of Appeals today upheld the ruling of a federal judge who found that there is compelling evidence to suggest Trump deliberately misled his own attorneys about whether he had classified documents at Mar-a-Lago. Of course he misled his attorneys. He’s the lied piper. He’s Ms. Led Zeppelin. This is what he does!” — JIMMY KIMMEL“So just to be clear: Trump was already in trouble for stealing classified documents from the White House, and now he may have broken the law again by tricking his own lawyers into lying to the government. So Trump’s original crimes are now having their own little baby crimes. You know, they grow up and implicate you so fast, don’t they?” — AL FRANKEN“Can you imagine being a lawyer for Donald Trump and finding out he set you up? That would make you question whether it was even worth buying a degree from Barbados in the first place.” — AL FRANKEN“So look, I know there are a lot of different cases going on, and this all seems very complicated, but there is a simple explanation: Trump is a, um, a criminal. I hope that clears that up.” — AL FRANKEN“Yeah, everyone’s still waiting to see if and when former President Trump will be indicted for hush money payments to Stormy Daniels. After all of the hype and buildup about Trump, Stormy Daniels was like, ‘Spoiler alert: Get ready to be disappointed.’” — JIMMY FALLONThe Bits Worth WatchingThe actor Kerry Washington shared the story of meeting the director Spike Lee while she was a teenager on Wednesday’s “Late Late Show.”What We’re Excited About on Thursday NightThe drag queen BenDeLaCreme will talk about the anti-trans legislation and bans on drag shows being proposed around the country on Thursday’s “Daily Show.”Also, Check This OutMegan Hilty soaring as Ivy Lynn in the television series “Smash,” which is being developed into a Broadway musical years after it was canceled.Will Hart/NBCThe producers behind the long-awaited stage adaptation of “Smash” announced it will premiere on Broadway during the 2024-25 season. More

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      Late Night Is Getting Antsy for a Trump Indictment

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      The former president was not charged Tuesday, as he predicted. “Right now in Times Square, Anderson Cooper and Andy Cohen are hosting the indictment countdown,” Jimmy Fallon said.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Book him!Former President Donald Trump was not arrested on Tuesday, as he previously suggested would happen. A Manhattan grand jury could indict him as early as Wednesday over a secret payment to a porn star to cover up a tryst.Jimmy Fallon said that people were excited to see Trump officially charged. “Right now in Times Square, Anderson Cooper and Andy Cohen are hosting the indictment countdown,” Fallon said.“I read that former President Trump is expected to be formally charged tomorrow but will not surrender until next week. Yeah, apparently Trump signed up for the government’s ‘charge now, pay later’ option.” — JIMMY FALLON“They’re actually delaying it a bit so the courtroom sketch artist has enough time to load up on orange pencils.” — JIMMY FALLONThe Punchiest Punchlines (‘Jail to the Chief’ Edition)“We should have known he wasn’t getting arrested the minute he said he was getting arrested.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“And I have to say, it’s really a shame he wasn’t arrested today, because what better day for Trump to get arrested than on Rosie O’Donnell’s birthday?” — JIMMY KIMMEL“That’s the last time I believe something that guy says.” — AL FRANKEN, guest host of “The Daily Show”“Here’s a question: If Trump goes to prison, does the Secret Service go with him? Like, do they have to be in? Do they have to serve? It sounds like the premise for a Mark Wahlberg/Kevin Hart movie, right? ‘Jail to the Chief.’” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Tell you what: I bet Trump’s ready to defund the police now.” — JAMES CORDEN“Melania is at Mar-a-logo like, ‘Please don’t put him under house arrest, please don’t put him under house arrest. Anything but house arrest!’” — JAMES CORDENThe Bits Worth WatchingThe comedian Nicole Byer talked about the difficulty of pulling off D.I.Y. projects on Tuesday’s “Late Late Show.”What We’re Excited About on Wednesday NightThe singer-songwriter Caroline Polachek will perform a track from her new album “Desire, I Want to Turn Into You” on Wednesday’s “Tonight Show.”Also, Check This Out“It was a really lovely bunch of actors,” Matthew Macfadyen said about his “Succession” colleagues. “It’s a weird thing, the grief when you finish a job.”Mark Sommerfeld for The New York TimesThe “Succession” star Matthew Macfadyen is experiencing “a complicated mélange of feelings” about the end of the hit HBO series. More

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      Jimmy Kimmel Celebrates ‘the Calm Before the Stormy’

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      Kimmel joked that indictments were “in the air” after former President Donald Trump said he expected to be arrested on Tuesday.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Save the DateFormer President Donald Trump published a Truth Social post on Saturday saying that he expected to be arrested on Tuesday and requested supporters to “protest, take our nation back.”During his Monday night monologue, Jimmy Kimmel joked that indictments were “in the air.”“It’s really magical,” he said. “It’s the calm before the Stormy.”“You know what, we’ve been saying for years that one of these days, we’re going to wake up, and Trump will have been arrested for one of these many crimes? Well, that day could be tomorrow.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“You’ve got to give it to him. It’s not often that everyone sends out a save-the-date for their own arrest.” — JIMMY FALLON“But you never know with him. Either he’s about to actually be arrested or he’s releasing another round of digital trading cards for us to buy. We don’t know for sure.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“The truth is, there’s no good reason for Trump to be in any of this trouble. If Casa-no-brain had just paid Stormy Daniels the $130,000 himself out of his Pizza Hut money or whatever, he wouldn’t be in this situation. He wouldn’t have an issue in New York. So many of his legal problems are based on him being an idiot. If President Karen hadn’t picked up the phone and called around Georgia, asking to speak to its manager to find 11,000 votes, he wouldn’t have an issue in Georgia. If he just tweeted the words ‘Calm down, go home’ four hours earlier like everyone, including his daughter, told him to, he wouldn’t have an issue on Jan. 6. And if the great white hope chest hadn’t boxed up his love letters from the Saudis and Kim Jong-un — if he hadn’t squirreled them out of the White House and into the rec room at Golf-a-logo — he wouldn’t have an issue with the F.B.I. In every case, the reason he’s in trouble is because he is the dumbest criminal in the world. He brought this all on himself. He’s Al Ca-BoneHead, is what he is.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Punchiest Punchlines (Another Failed Business Venture Edition)“Police are going to be like, ‘You have the right to remain silent — now, but also in general. Just think about it. Just something to think about.’” — JIMMY FALLON“You know, if they want Trump’s fingerprints, they could have just looked at the Cheetos dust on his Diet Coke cans.” — JIMMY FALLON“And I’ve got to say, who would have ever thought that Donald Trump would be brought down by a porn star? All of us, right? It was pretty — pretty predictable.” — AL FRANKEN, guest host of “The Daily Show”“But, yeah, Donald Trump paid Stormy Daniels to keep this story quiet, and here we are, still talking about it seven years later, so that would be another failed Trump business venture.” — AL FRANKEN“You know it’s bad when a former president announces that he’s going to be arrested and the general response is, ‘For which crime?’” — JAMES CORDENThe Bits Worth WatchingAl Franken invited Senator Lindsey Graham to be his first interview as guest host of “The Daily Show.”What We’re Excited About on Tuesday NightThe comedian and television host Nicole Byer will appear on Tuesday’s “Late Late Show.”Also, Check This OutTaylor Swift kicked off her Eras Tour in Glendale, Ariz.Cassidy Araiza for The New York TimesTaylor Swift opened her Eras Tour on Friday with a three-hour show traversing her 10-album career. More

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      Jimmy Kimmel Says Trump Can’t Blame Mike Pence for Jan. 6

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      Pence could be blamed for a lot of things, Kimmel said, but not the attack on the Capitol: “They tried to hang him on Jan. 6.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Passing the BlameAt a public appearance in Iowa over the weekend, former President Donald Trump blamed former Vice President Mike Pence for Jan. 6.“Listen, Mike Pence can be blamed for a lot of things, like shampooing with white-out, but he didn’t cause Jan. 6,” Jimmy Kimmel said. “They tried to hang him on Jan. 6.”“Trump said since Pence refused to help him overturn the election, he, ‘in many ways deserves blame for what happened at the Capitol,’ which is the presidential equivalent of, ‘If the teller had just put the money in the bag, everybody would have made it home safe.’” — JIMMY KIMMEL“He said if Mike Pence hadn’t refused to overturn the election, ‘you wouldn’t have had Jan. 6 as we call it.’ Yeah, right. That’s what the calendar calls it, too.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“I have to say, I can’t wait to see Pence debating Donald Trump. It’s going to be like Elmo versus Cocaine Bear.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Punchiest Punchlines (I Created a Monster Edition)“Meanwhile, ahead of his speech in Iowa, Trump said that Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis is ‘probably’ his biggest rival for the Republican presidential nomination. Trump said his only other rivals are the Justice Department and high cholesterol.” — JIMMY FALLON“The former president also went after his chief 2024 rival, Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis, whom he claimed is in the national spotlight only because of the former president’s 2018 endorsement, saying, ‘If it weren’t for me, Ron DeSanctimonious would right now probably be working at a law firm or maybe a Pizza Hut.’ Or, if he was really ambitious, a combination law firm-Pizza Hut.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“The former president also explained his new nickname for DeSantis, saying, ‘I use the word Ron DeSanctimonious or Ron DeSanctus, it’s just a shorter version.’ Yes, because all nicknames need a nickname.” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Bits Worth WatchingThe rapper Bad Bunny joined James Corden for a round of Carpool Karaoke on Tuesday’s “Late Late Show.”What We’re Excited About on Wednesday NightVice President Kamala Harris will sit down with Stephen Colbert on Wednesday’s “Late Show.”Also, Check This OutMelanie Lynskey’s character in “Yellowjackets” is as comfortable skinning a rabbit as she is defrosting a roast.Philip Cheung for The New York TimesThe New Zealand actress Melanie Lynskey stars in two of TV’s current hit thrillers: “Yellowjackets” and “The Last of Us.” More

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      Stephen Colbert Ponders a Trump-Kari Lake Ticket

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      Donald Trump is said to be considering the Arizona politician, who also denies having lost an election. Colbert says she’s the “governor of the state of denial.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Who’s the Lucky Lady?A report says Donald Trump is considering a female running mate for 2024, in hopes of winning over suburban white women. On Tuesday, Stephen Colbert noted that Kari Lake, who still denies that she lost Arizona’s gubernatorial race last year, was said to be a contender.“Lake lost her election and refuses to admit it, but she has got one win under her belt,” Colbert said, referring to a conservative conference in Washington where a straw poll found her to be the top choice for the vice presidency.“She must have been so honored to have MAGA voters choose her as the next vice president they try to hang.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Of course, since it’s Trump, he’ll make the decision after holding a Miss Vice President pageant.” — JIMMY FALLON“But Lake found a way to deny this election as well, saying through a spokesperson, ‘We’re flattered, but unfortunately, our legal team says the Constitution won’t allow for her to serve as governor and V.P. at the same time.’ That’s a good point — Kari Lake is currently the sitting governor of the state of denial.” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Punchiest Punchlines (Mona Lisa Edition)“Sightseeing, my Black [expletive]. If you have to punch a cop on your way in, you’re not sightseeing, you fightseeing.” — MARLON WAYANS, on the Fox host Tucker Carlson’s insistence that the Jan. 6 Capitol protesters were “sightseers”“All Tucker Carson proved is that you can make anything better by not showing the bad part.” — MARLON WAYANS“You guys know we can see what you’re doing, right? Kevin McCarthy, who is Trump’s Waylon Smithers, gives all the footage to Tucker, Tucker shows only the tame parts, and then Trump claims the rioters were framed. It’s like watching a magic show where the magician is wearing sheer sleeves.” — SETH MEYERSThe Bits Worth WatchingJames Corden reacted to scary new wax figures of British royalty on Tuesday’s “Late Late Show.”What We’re Excited About on Wednesday NightSt. Vincent will perform on Wednesday’s “Tonight Show.”Also, Check This OutThe writer Adam Bradley offers a “new Black canon,” listing 20 undervalued books that reflect “the infinite number of ways of being Black in America — and of being in the world.” More

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      Stephen Colbert Has News for Fans of Fox

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      “If there are any Fox viewers watching this — first off, I assume you’re looking for remote batteries. Try the junk drawer in the kitchen,” Colbert said.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.‘Error 404: Journalism Not Found’Rupert Murdoch, the chairman of the media empire that owns Fox News, acknowledged in a deposition that several hosts on his conservative news network promoted false narratives that the 2020 election was stolen from former President Donald Trump, court documents released on Monday showed.“If there are any Fox viewers watching this — first off, I assume you’re looking for remote batteries. Try the junk drawer in the kitchen,” Stephen Colbert joked on Tuesday’s “Late Show.” “Second, you should know a few things about Fox that it isn’t telling you.”“Fox News is being sued for defamation because their hosts endorsed lies about the 2020 election, while their text messages to each other prove that they knew Joe Biden won fair and square, and that their guests talking about stealing the election were all crazy liars. Also, no one can invent a pillow — they already existed!” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Last month, Murdoch sat down for a deposition as part of Dominion Voting Systems’ $1.6 billion lawsuit against Fox News, and he admitted under oath that election lies were knowingly endorsed by Fox hosts Sean Hannity, Jeanine Pirro, Lou Dobbs and Maria Bartiromo, collectively known as dumb, dumber, dumbest and Sean Hannity.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“The Dominion lawsuit is a massive story, which is why Fox News isn’t covering it. In fact, if you go to their website and search the past two months for the words ‘Dominion Voting Systems,’ you don’t get an article — not a single article. You just get a page that says ‘Error 404: Journalism Not Found.’” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Punchiest Punchlines (Fox News Group Chat Edition)“There was no mention of any of this on Fox News today. And here’s the thing: the reason they’re keeping this quiet — I know this is going to be a shock — is because Fox News lied to us.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Conservative media mogul Rupert Murdoch today said that they knowingly endorsed election fraud falsehoods. When reached for comment, Fox News replied, ‘Whoopsy daisy!’” — JAMES CORDEN“That’s not shocking. If Brian Kilmeade ever completed a Wordle, that would be shocking.” — HASAN MINHAJ“Oh, my God! Do you realize what this means? These people are secretly sane! They also don’t respect anyone they have on their show. These guys are texting each other all day about how [expletive] Fox News is. Their group chat is basically MSNBC.” — HASAN MINHAJThe Bits Worth WatchingAmber Ruffin and Jenny Hagel, writers on “Late Night,” made some “Jokes Seth Can’t Tell” about Black History Month and a lesbian kiss on “Yellowstone.”What We’re Excited About on Wednesday NightSheryl Lee Ralph, a star on “Abbott Elementary,” will sit down with James Corden on Wednesday’s “Late Late Show.”Also, Check This OutMaking the Tokyo episode did not change Eugene Levy’s feeling about sushi.Apple TV+Eugene Levy is going worldwide hosting his new Apple+ TV show, “The Reluctant Traveler.” More

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      Jimmy Kimmel Responds to Reports He Caused a ‘Trumper Tantrum’

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      A report said Donald Trump tried to get Disney to reprimand Kimmel for making fun of him. “In other words, President Karen demanded to speak to my manager,” Kimmel said.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.‘Trumper Tantrum’On Monday night, Jimmy Kimmel addressed a Rolling Stone report that said in 2018, then-President Trump asked White House officials to call Disney and demand that Kimmel stop making jokes about him. Disney owns ABC, which broadcasts Kimmel’s show.“The report says at least two calls were made from the Trump White House to ‘convey the president’s anger regarding Kimmel’s monologues and jabs,’” Kimmel said. “In other words, President Karen demanded to speak to my manager.”“You’d think the guy who fathered Eric and Don Jr. would know how to handle jokes, but I guess not.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“You know what, maybe this is why Donald and Melania sleep in separate bedrooms — she was laughing too hard at my monologue at night.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“But really, joking aside, this is a blatant abuse of power. I wonder if Fox News — you know they’re always screaming about censoring comedians — will they defend me on this? I doubt it.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“I wonder what it was specifically that sparked this, his Trumper tantrum.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Punchiest Punchlines (Low Confidence Edition)“The U.S. Energy Department just released a new report that said the Covid pandemic might have been started by a Chinese lab leak. Americans heard and were like, ‘Hey, thanks for that three years too late information. Any “Game of Thrones” spoilers?’” — JIMMY FALLON“Yep, they think Covid started in a lab, but said, ‘They only have low confidence in the report.’ ‘Low confidence,’ which is just one notch above, ‘We have no freaking idea.’” — JIMMY FALLON“How can you conclude something with low confidence? That’s not a conclusion. I think the word you’re looking for is ‘guess.’” — HASAN MINHAJ, guest host of “The Daily Show”“I mean, low confidence — that’s like me saying, ‘I think I can bench 3,000 pounds, but I have low confidence.’” — JIMMY FALLON“Yeah, you could tell by the way they delivered the news: ‘Um, maybe it was a lab leak? That’s stupid. Forget I said anything.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“The conclusion had low confidence. But honestly, once the ‘Queer Eye’ guys get ahold of it, give it a new haircut, teach it how to make guacamole, it’ll be a whole new conclusion, you just wait.” — JAMES CORDENThe Bits Worth Watching“Neil Young” performed the new viral hit “Angela Bassett Did the Thing” on Monday’s “Tonight Show.”What We’re Excited About on Tuesday NightThe actress Rebel Wilson will appear on Tuesday’s “Daily Show.”Also, Check This OutRachel Brosnahan and Oscar Isaac in Anne Kauffman’s revival of “The Sign in Sidney Brustein’s Window” at the Brooklyn Academy of Music.Sara Krulwich/The New York TimesOscar Isaac and Rachel Brosnahan star in a rare revival of Lorraine Hansberry’s “The Sign in Sidney Brustein’s Window.” More