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      Jimmy Kimmel Wants to Testify at Donald Trump’s Criminal Trial

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      “I think I can keep Trump awake during the trial,” Kimmel said after learning that text messages about his talk show were entered as evidence in the case.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Another Historic FirstDuring Donald Trump’s criminal trial on Thursday, a series of text messages between Michael Cohen and Keith Davidson was entered into evidence containing several references to “Jimmy Kimmel Live.”Kimmel said he was excited, proud, and “exhilarated, even, because from here on, we aren’t just following the Donald Trump drama in New York, we are part of it now.”“It’s the first time — I don’t want to brag — but first time a late-night talk show has been introduced into evidence at the criminal trial for a president of the United States. Johnny Carson didn’t get that with Nixon — we got it here.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Suffice it to say that when Ryan Murphy makes the nine-part mini-series about this for Fubo, I will be in it. I would assume someone like George Clooney or maybe Chris Hemsworth will be playing me. Guillermo, you will be in it. You’ll be played by — you’ll be played by Pedro Pascal.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“I’m sick of being out of the court — I want to be in it. Why was I not asked to testify? It’s outrageous! I’m going to start suing people!” — JIMMY KIMMEL“I think I can keep Trump awake during the trial.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Punchiest Punchlines (More Trump Takes Edition)“Yesterday was a day off from the trial, so Trump jetted off to Wisconsin and Michigan to perform his hit one-man show, ‘Complaining for Applause.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Prosecutors argued today that former President Trump should be sanctioned again for violating his gag order. Apparently, he talks in his sleep.” — SETH MEYERS“The courtroom sketch artist hates him. I mean, absolutely, she turned him into the hunchback of ‘Bloatra Dame.’ It’s like his tongue is about to shoot out and get a fly on it.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Scientists in England recently revealed the facial reconstruction of a Neanderthal woman that was buried about 75,000 years ago in a cave. Or it might have just been another courtroom sketch.” — SETH MEYERSThe Bits Worth WatchingKate Hudson made her T.V. performance debut on Thursday’s “Tonight Show” with the song “Gonna Find Out” from her forthcoming album, “Glorious.”Also, Check This OutRichard Gadd and Jessica Gunning star in “Baby Reindeer,” a semi-autobiographical Netflix mini-series in which Gadd plays a version of himself.Ed Miller/NetflixThe Netflix hit “Baby Reindeer” is based on a true story from the life of creator and star Richard Gadd. More

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      Seth Meyers Mocks Donald Trump for Falling Asleep in Court Again

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      “Does he even wear suits to court or just footie pajamas and a nightcap?” Meyers joked on Wednesday.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Power Naps?Former President Donald Trump appeared to fall asleep in court again during his criminal trial this week.“If your main criticism of your opponent is that he’s sleepy, so much so that you call him ‘Sleepy Joe,’ then I would say that your one job as a candidate is to not fall asleep in public,” Seth Meyers said on Wednesday.“All right, what is going on with him? Hibernating bears don’t sleep this much. I’m starting to think when they say he slept with a porn star, they meant literally.” — SETH MEYERS“If you can’t make it through your own trial for defrauding voters during a presidential election without nodding off, how are you going to make it through your daily security briefings as president? Are you going to put a bunk bed in the situation room?” — SETH MEYERS“Oh, so the trial for him covering up having sex with Stormy Daniels is a lot like him having sex with Stormy Daniels — he lasts only a few furious minutes and then nods off.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“So far, the only thing that can keep him awake is an iPad playing ‘Bluey.’” — JIMMY FALLON“Does he even wear suits to court or just footie pajamas and a nightcap?” — SETH MEYERSThe Punchiest Punchlines (‘Vaygan’ Edition)“That’s right, Shana, get ready for him to grab you by the vaygina.” — JIMMY KIMMEL, on Trump’s strange pronunciation of “vegan” as “vaygan” at a rally in Wisconsin on Wednesday“He’s unfamiliar with any food not offered on a Meal Deal Menu.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“My favorite president was Ronald Vāgan.” — JIMMY FALLON“You know what they say, Viva las Vee-gas.” — JIMMY FALLONThe Bits Worth WatchingThe rapper and singer Doja Cat performed her track “Acknowledge Me” on Wednesday’s “Tonight Show.”What We’re Excited About on Thursday NightStevie Wonder will perform on Thursday’s “Jimmy Kimmel Live.”Also, Check This OutMore than 170 rare books have vanished, replaced by very high-quality fakes. This reproduction of a first edition of an 1822 book by Alexander Pushkin was found at the University of Warsaw library in Poland.Wojtek Radwanski/Agence France-Presse — Getty ImagesMore than 170 rare books have disappeared and been replaced with high-quality fakes in libraries around Europe. More

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      Late Night Weighs In on Donald Trump’s $9,000 Fine

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      “I know $9,000 might not seem like a lot to a successful businessman, but what about to Trump?” Colbert said of the court-imposed penalty for violating a gag order.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Spare ChangeOn Tuesday, the judge in Donald Trump’s hush money trial held the former president in contempt, fining him $9,000 for violating a gag order on nine separate occasions.“I know $9,000 might not seem like a lot to a successful businessman, but what about to Trump?” Stephen Colbert joked.“The judge lamented that that is the most he could legally fine him, warning that if Trump keeps violating the gag order, ‘jail may be a necessary punishment.’ I don’t know if it’s necessary for Trump, but I need it.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Even though I’m not on Trump’s side, I don’t think it’s fair. This trial is about the fact that he paid a woman to be quiet. Now if he isn’t quiet, he has to pay them? It makes no sense. They’re using his thing against him. It’s like, like Jesus, a carpenter who they nailed to a cross. I mean, think about it. Read about it in your Trump-brand Bibles, OK?” — JIMMY KIMMEL“The judge also told Trump that if he continues to violate the gag order, he might lock him up. Melania was like, ‘Don’t let the judge tell you what to do!’” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Trump spends $9,000 at the Wendy’s drive-through.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Trump was like, ‘But I get the 10th one free, right?’” — JIMMY FALLONThe Punchiest Punchlines (Trump’s Kids Edition)“I forgot to tell you guys, today was Take Your Kid to Court Day.” — JIMMY FALLON“The good news for Trump is that one of his family members finally showed up at court today. The bad news is it was Eric.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Eric Trump attended his dad’s porn star hush money trial today, which in the Trump family is as close as you get to playing catch in the yard.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Today, the judge ruled that he will cancel court on May 17 so Trump can go to Barron’s high school graduation, which is funny because now Trump has to go to Barron’s high school graduation.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“He woke up from a dead sleep in court and yelled, ‘Objection!’” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Bits Worth WatchingHannah Einbinder, the star of “Hacks,” recalled her first time on television in a conversation with Stephen Colbert on Tuesday.What We’re Excited About on Wednesday NightThe rapper Doja Cat will appear on Wednesday’s “Tonight Show.”Also, Check This OutMaleah Joi Moon in the Alicia Keys musical “Hell’s Kitchen.”Sara Krulwich/The New York TimesWith 13 nods each, “Hell’s Kitchen” and “Stereophonic” tied for the most nominations at this year’s Tony Awards. More

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      Stephen Colbert Scolds Kristi Noem for Killing Her Puppy

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      “No! Bad, psycho governor! No! Sit down!” Colbert said on Monday’s “Late Show,” spraying water from a bottle.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Bad Governor!The South Dakota governor Kristi Noem, an aspiring vice-presidential candidate, has gotten some negative press over her forthcoming book, in which she describes killing a family dog.“Warning: If you like puppies, you’re not going to like Kristi Noem,” Stephen Colbert said on Monday.“Look, I know it sounds terrible, but it’s much worse. Because this wasn’t some rabid 90-pound hellhound on a meth bender — it was a 14-month-old wire-haired pointer named Cricket. Yes, a puppy named Cricket. Reminds me of Stephen King’s first draft of ‘Cujo,’ ‘Snuggles.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“No! Bad, psycho governor! No! Sit down! Bad! Stay! Stay away from dogs!” — STEPHEN COLBERT“I don’t know how big her staff is, but I’m guessing she has at least a dozen people working for her, probably more. Not one of those dozen or dozens of people raised a hand and said, ‘Uh, governor? Do you think maybe not a great idea to share that story about shooting a whole petting zoo at your house? Maybe we save shooting a puppy in a gravel pit for the next book, you know?’” — JIMMY KIMMEL“By the way, the actual title of Noem’s book where she tells this story is ‘No Going Back.’ Better than her first drafts, ‘Old Yeller 2: He Had it Coming’ and ‘All Dogs Go to Gravel Pit.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Governor Noem, if you don’t like untrainable animals that wolf down chickens, I have bad news about your party’s nominee.” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Punchiest Punchlines (John Wick Edition)“When you’re trying to win over voters, I’m not sure being the bad guy in a John Wick movie is the best way to go.” — JIMMY FALLON“But who among us hasn’t seen a dog running through the fields, not a care in the world, and thought, ‘You deserve to die’?” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Yeah, people are really going to hate her next book, ‘Kristi Noem: Then I Ate It.’” — JIMMY FALLON“It’s one thing to kill a dog named Cricket; it’s another to brag about it in your book. What’s the book even called, ‘I Did It’?” — SETH MEYERSThe Bits Worth WatchingAnne Hathaway and Melanie Lynskey played a new game called “Reverse Charades” on Monday’s “Tonight Show.”What We’re Excited About on Tuesday NightJerry Seinfeld will discuss his new Netflix film, “Unfrosted,” on Tuesday’s “Jimmy Kimmel Live.”Also, Check This Out“Challengers,” starring Josh O’Connor and Zendaya, has a number of sultry moments.Metro Goldwyn Mayer PicturesErotically charged films like “Saltburn” and “Challengers” show that sex is making a comeback in cinema. More

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      How the O.J. Simpson Trial Changed What Comics Could Roast

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      Norm Macdonald and Jay Leno made the double homicides such a constant topic that refraining from jokes the way David Letterman did was noticeable.The weekend after a jury found O.J. Simpson not guilty of murder, the comedian Norm Macdonald opened Weekend Update on “Saturday Night Live” at his desk next to a photo of the defendant. “Well, it is finally official,” he said. “Murder is legal in the state of California.”The 1995 trial of Simpson, who died Wednesday at 76, didn’t just dominate and revolutionize the media. It also became an unlikely staple of comedy. The details of the killings of Nicole Brown Simpson and Ronald L. Goldman were daily fodder for punchlines on talk shows, sitcoms and stand-up stages. And Macdonald cemented his status as one of the finest comedians of his generation thanks to a fixation on what turned into one of the largest comedy genres of the 1990s: the O.J. joke.In his 1996 breakthrough special, “Bring the Pain,” Chris Rock’s button-pushing analysis of the dynamics of the O.J. Simpson case helped change the course of his career. He argued that fame is what saved Simpson. “If O.J. drove a bus, he wouldn’t even be O.J.,” he said. “He’d be Orenthal, the bus-driving murderer.”The O.J. joke was so pervasive in the 1990s that not telling one could make you stand out. In the week after Simpson’s arrest, Howard Stern went on “Late Show With David Letterman” during the most heated era of the late-night wars and asked the host why he was avoiding the subject. “I’ll tell you my problem with the situation,” Letterman responded. “Double homicides don’t crack me up the way they used to.”Letterman eventually did tell some jokes about the trial, including a Top 10 list of things that will get you kicked off the jury (No. 1: “Keep frisking yourself.”). But his caution was in sharp contrast to Jay Leno, who went all in on O.J. jokes on the “Tonight Show.” A study that tracked his monologues revealed that Leno told more punchlines about Simpson than about any other celebrity, edging out Michael Jackson and Martha Stewart. In one running bit, he imagined the trial judge, Lance Ito, and the lead prosecutor, Marcia Clark, as members of a Broadway chorus line. In an even more perversely glib parody, Leno recast the murder trial as a sitcom using the theme song from “Gilligan’s Island” and portraying Simpson as the lovable title character. Was this sketch turning real-life tragedy into diverting entertainment or parodying it? Watching it now makes the difference seem pointless.Moments like Simpson trying on the gloves at trial became fodder for Jay Leno, Macdonald and other comics. Vince Bucci/Agence France-Presse — Getty ImagesWe are having trouble retrieving the article content.Please enable JavaScript in your browser settings.Thank you for your patience while we verify access. If you are in Reader mode please exit and log into your Times account, or subscribe for all of The Times.Thank you for your patience while we verify access.Already a subscriber? Log in.Want all of The Times? Subscribe. More

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      Late Night Comedians Mock Trump’s Trial-Delaying Efforts

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      “You know what they say: If at first, second, third, fourth, fifth, sixth, seventh, eighth, ninth or tenth you don’t succeed, cry, cry again,” Jimmy Kimmel said.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Hush Money MondayFormer President Donald Trump’s first criminal trial starts on Monday, despite several failed efforts to have it delayed.“His only move left is to have sex with everyone in the court and pay them $130,000 to keep their mouth shut,” Jimmy Kimmel said on Thursday.“You know what they say: If at first, second, third, fourth, fifth, sixth, seventh, eighth, ninth or tenth you don’t succeed, cry, cry again.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Trump has tried everything. He even requested a delay so he could mourn the loss of O.J.” — JIMMY FALLONOn “Late Night,” Seth Meyers pointed out that Trump had spent $100 million — or $230,000 a day — on legal bills for his combined court cases.“First of all, it’s very funny that you have to pay all the lawyers for all your criminal trials through something called Save America. Save America from what, you?” — SETH MEYERS“Also, $230,000 a day — for comparison’s sake — you can buy a pristine 1967 Chevy Corvette with original transmission and teal-blue interior for roughly the same price, which is perfect because that’s Joe Biden’s favorite car.” — SETH MEYERS“Biden should pull that thing up in front of the courthouse every day: ‘[imitating Biden] Hey, Donny, what’d you spend your $230K on?’ Every day that Trump drops that much money on lawyers you should have to hear Joe Biden say the words ‘Vroom vroom.’” — SETH MEYERSThe Punchiest Punchlines (R.I.P. O.J. Edition)“As most of you probably know, the big story was that O.J. Simpson went to hell today.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“It’s rare that a celebrity as famous as O.J. doesn’t get an outpouring of love after news of his death, but it makes sense.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Guys, as I mentioned, the big news today is O.J. Simpson died. As we speak, someone is trying to write the most impossible eulogy of all time.” — JIMMY FALLONThe Bits Worth WatchingJordan Klepper joined Michael Kosta, the guest host, for “Men Talk About Abortion” on Thursday’s “The Daily Show.”Also, Check This OutDonielle Hansley Jr. and Simone Joy Jones in “Don’t Tell Mom the Babysitter’s Dead.”2024 Fence 2021 Films LLCWade Allain-Marcus’s reboot of the cult hit “Don’t Tell Mom the Babysitter’s Dead” keeps the plot from the 1991 original. More

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      Late Night Mocks Arizona’s Abortion Law

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      “That is crazy — but remember it’s Arizona, so it’s a dry crazy,” Stephen Colbert said of the state’s 160-year-old ban on abortion, newly reinstated.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Hazing ArizonaThe Arizona Supreme Court on Tuesday reinstated a law from 1864 banning nearly all abortions in the state.Stephen Colbert called it “a law so old that it was passed before women had the right to vote.”“To which the Arizona Supreme Court said, ‘Don’t worry, we’ll work on that one next.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“That is crazy — but remember it’s Arizona, so it’s a dry crazy.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“1864? Was anybody even there yet? Was this their first law right after Don’t Shoot the Piano Player?” — SETH MEYERS“States can enforce laws written before they were even states? Does that mean any state in the Louisiana Purchase is now subject to the laws of 18th-century France? If you steal a loaf of bread in Baton Rouge, you’ll be sentenced to 19 years in jail, and they’ll write a musical about you?” — SETH MEYERS, referring to “Les Miserables”The Punchiest Punchlines (‘Simon & Joefunkel’ Edition)The White House state dinner for Prime Minister Fumio Kishida of Japan also got some attention from the hosts.“You know Joe Biden — his state dinners are a little different than the usual. For one thing, they start at 4:30., and you can only get in if you have a Groupon.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“The musical entertainment for the event was Paul Simon, which is — that’s a good one. That’s big. Trump was lucky to get the surviving members of O-Town for one of his state dinners, but Japan got an evening of Simon & Joefunkel.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Yep, Biden got to eat dinner with a performance from Paul Simon. Meanwhile, Kamala Harris had to sit through a lunch with Art Garfunkel.” — JIMMY FALLON“So of course Paul Simon kicked off his old hit, ‘Me and Fumio Down by the Schoolyard.’” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Bits Worth WatchingVampire Weekend performed their new song “Mary Boone” on Wednesday’s “Daily Show.”What We’re Excited About on Thursday NightThe Norwegian singer-songwriter girl in red is the musical guest on Thursday’s “Tonight Show.”Also, Check This OutThe Indigo Girls, Amy Ray and Emily Saliers, were routinely mocked for being too earnest, too poetic, too folky, too lesbian. OscilloscopeThe Indigo Girls opened up their archives for “It’s Only Life After All,” a new career-spanning documentary about the folk-rock music duo. More

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      Stephen Colbert Mocks Trump’s Failed Bid to Delay Hush-Money Trial

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      Colbert said Donald Trump’s lawyers wanted “an impartial jury who knew nothing about the events in America over the last nine years.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.‘His Crimes Are the News!’An appeals court judge on Monday denied Donald Trump’s request to postpone his criminal trial in Manhattan stemming from a hush-money deal with a porn star. His lawyers unsuccessfully argued that the former president couldn’t get a fair trial in New York because potential jurors were exposed to news reporting on his other recent legal issues.“So are you saying members of the jury can’t have seen any news about Donald Trump’s crimes?” Stephen Colbert said. “His crimes are the news!”“[Imitating Trump’s attorney] Your honor, it is only fair that our client be judged by an impartial jury who knew nothing about the events in America over the last nine years. Might I recommend 12 confused men who were dropped off in a forest as infants and then raised by wolves, or, if they’re not available, could we acquire some clone babies that have been rapidly aged in some sort of machine and then released into the jury box. Oh, they think he’s guilty, too? OK.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“You were president — the whole country has a bias. The only way you’re getting a juror who doesn’t know you is if it’s randomly Tiffany.” — SETH MEYERSThe judge released a questionnaire on Monday for potential jurors, with questions like “whether they believe in QAnon, use Truth Social, or attend Trump rallies,” Jimmy Fallon said on Tuesday. “In other words, he wants to know, ‘Are you Marjorie Taylor Greene?’”“‘Has former [President] Trump ever buried you or anyone you love on one of his golf courses?’” — JIMMY KIMMEL“I wish I could get in on questioning these potential jurors. I feel like I’d be so good at it. ‘And one final question, sir: Does your truck have nuts?’” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Punchiest Punchlines (Forgiveness Edition)We are having trouble retrieving the article content.Please enable JavaScript in your browser settings.Thank you for your patience while we verify access. If you are in Reader mode please exit and log into your Times account, or subscribe for all of The Times.Thank you for your patience while we verify access.Already a subscriber? Log in.Want all of The Times? Subscribe. More