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      Stephen Colbert Waxes Nostalgic About George W. Bush

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      “Dubya and I had so many good times together back at the old ‘Colbert Report,’” he said. “I made so much fun of him, and he gave me so many reasons to do that.” Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Back to the FutureDuring a speech in Dallas on Wednesday, former President George W. Bush misspoke while talking about Russia’s war in Ukraine, referring to it as “a wholly unjustified and brutal invasion of Iraq.”On Thursday’s “Late Show,” Stephen Colbert said the slip of the tongue had him feeling “a little nostalgic,” calling Bush “a man who I spent many happy years pretending to like.” (On “The Colbert Report,” his long-running previous show, Colbert assumed the persona of an egotistical conservative TV commentator.)“Dubya and I, for about 10 years, had so many good times together back at the old ‘Colbert Report.’ I made so much fun of him, and he gave he so many reasons to do that.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Jiminy Christmas! The one phrase he definitely should never utter for the rest of his life. It’s like he’s thinking about it all the time, and it just popped out.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Oof. That’s like your wife asking if you’re hungry and saying, ‘I could cheat. I mean eat. I could eat with my mistress.’” — SETH MEYERS“I hate when I mix up my unprovoked invasions.” — JAMES CORDEN“Maybe Bush is going to start admitting to everything he’s been holding back: [imitating Bush] ‘Also, I just want to say: My grandkids are the ones who paint the watercolors; Dick Cheney is a Terminator sent from the future; and there are no human-animal hybrids. I saw the Phillie Phanatic with his head off, and I freaked out.’” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Punchiest Punchlines (Tanking Stock Edition)“Some business news, it’s been a rough couple of months for the economy and I saw that yesterday was the stock market’s worst day in over two years. Yeah, stocks fell so fast, the oxygen masks dropped from the ceiling at CNBC.” — JIMMY FALLON“Experts say if this keeps up, every Merrill Lynch office is going to become a Spirit Halloween.” — JIMMY FALLON“Things are so bad, they replaced the stock exchange closing bell with the losing sound from ‘Price is Right.’” — JIMMY FALLON“The Dow took a drubbing after investors were alarmed by disappointing earnings from Target, Walmart and Lowe’s. There’s only one solution: release the strategic reserve of dads running little errands. Go get some batteries, guys! Buy some spackle! The little bucket — the old one’s probably dried out by now. Just putter around the paint aisle and pick out swatches. She says she wants yellow, but you don’t know which one! Remember, satin shine! It should glow, but not glisten, OK? It should have sheen, but not shimmer. So just buy one can of each. Your country needs you!” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Bits Worth WatchingDesus and Mero threw Rihanna a baby shower, with help from the celebrity party planner Karleen Roy and the CBS newscaster Maurice DuBois.Also, Check This OutFrom left, Harry Hadden-Paton, Laura Carmichael, Tuppence Middleton and Allen Leech in “Downton Abbey: A New Era.”Ben Blackall/Focus Features“Downton Abbey: A New Era” is familiar territory for fans missing Lady Mary and company. More

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      Seth Meyers: Madison Cawthorn Is Gone, but Soon Forgotten

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      “Hopefully, he’ll learn his lesson: Next time you get invited to a cocaine orgy, just go,” Meyers joked.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.UninvitedMadison Cawthorn, a representative from North Carolina, lost his re-election bid in the state’s primary on Tuesday.“Hopefully, he’ll learn his lesson: Next time you get invited to a cocaine orgy, just go,” Seth Meyers joked.“You know, guys, politics is a rough-and-tumble business, and D.C. can be a cruel town. Just when you feel like you’re making headway in Congress, you’re unceremoniously forced out by a cruel and unforgiving system of cutthroats and back stabbers. And that’s exactly what happened last night when one of our nation’s most committed public servants, a camera-shy policy wonk who is laser-focused on serving the greater good, lost his bid for re-election. Oh, wait, I think I read that whole thing wrong. Oh, I read every word wrong. It was just Madison Cawthorn!” — SETH MEYERS“Oh, Madison, you may be gone, but soon you’ll be forgotten. At least now he’ll have more time for his other job, starring as the, I don’t know, bad-boy villain in a CW drama? He looks like he should be next to a locker threatening to tell Pacey about Dawson’s relationship with Joey.” — SETH MEYERSThe Punchiest Punchlines (Pennsylvania Primary Edition)“The results are in, and America has upheld its proud tradition of not knowing who won.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Yeah, as of right now, Dr. Oz is in first place, David McCormick is in second, and the ‘Cash me outside’ girl is in third.” — JIMMY FALLON“Last night, McCormick’s chief strategist tweeted, ‘Based on how many uncounted absentee ballots there are and the margin by which Dave has won them so far, that’s why we are confident of victory,’ while an adviser for Dr. Oz pointed to uncounted ballots in Philadelphia and declared, ‘It’s a jump ball,’ which, I will remind you, is how they eventually decided Bush v. Gore.”— STEPHEN COLBERT“And while Dr. Oz is in the lead for the Republican nomination, more votes have to be counted because the race is still too close to call. This is kind of great. I mean, for once it’s nice to have a doctor waiting for us.” — JIMMY FALLONThe Bits Worth WatchingThe “Chip n’ Dale: Rescue Rangers” co-stars John Mulaney and Andy Samberg guest-hosted Wednesday’s “Jimmy Kimmel Live” as the host recovered from a second bout of Covid-19.What We’re Excited About on Thursday NightJoJo Siwa of “So You Think You Can Dance” will appear on Thursday’s “Tonight Show.”Also, Check This OutBilly Eichner filming a scene for “Bros.” “I’m so excited to finally be able to play a three-dimensional human being,” he said.Nicole Rivelli/Universal Pictures“Bros” is a studio-made rom-com written by and starring gay people that doesn’t recycle straight tropes. More

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      Stephen Colbert Celebrates Sweden and Finland Applying to Join NATO

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      Colbert called the move “good news” based on it being “bad news for Russia.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.The Swedish Are ComingLeaders from Sweden joined Finland in announcing plans to submit an application for NATO on Tuesday.Stephen Colbert called the announcement “good news” because it’s “bad news for Russia.”“Wow, first Finland, now Sweden. It seems like every day we’re learning about another country we could have sworn was already in NATO.” — SETH MEYERS“Finland and Sweden are very serious about making this official. They each left a toothbrush in NATO’s bathroom already.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“One of Russia’s main goals in invading Ukraine was to weaken NATO. Now, instead, the alliance is ‘on the brink of starting its largest potential expansion in nearly two decades.’ How ironic. It’s — it’s like that O. Henry story where the guy buys his wife combs for her hair, and she joins NATO.” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Punchiest Punchlines (Primary Day Edition)“You can feel the electricity in the air because it is Primary Day all across America. Five states are choosing their party nominees for state and federal office: Pennsylvania, Oregon, Idaho, North Carolina and Kentucky. Or as election experts collectively know them, ‘POINCK.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Ah, yes, the excitement of midterm state primaries. Put the coffee on, honey, it’s gonna be an all-nighter.” — JAMES CORDEN“Idaho, Kentucky, North Carolina, Oregon and Pennsylvania all held primaries today, which, of course, is news to the vast majority of people in Idaho, Kentucky, North Carolina, Oregon and Pennsylvania.” — JAMES CORDEN“One of the most-watched races is in Pennsylvania, where Dr. Oz is trying to win the Republican nomination for senate. My apologies to Dr. Oz, but I can’t cross party lines — I’m a Dr. Phil guy through and through.” — JAMES CORDEN“Because there’s nothing more impressive than being called smart by a man who stared directly at an eclipse.” — STEPHEN COLBERT, referring to Dr. Oz’s touting his endorsement from Donald Trump.The Bits Worth WatchingJimmy Fallon and the “Tonight Show” guest Nick Jonas performed auto-tuned tracks based on topics such as “a Craigslist ad for a roommate.”What We’re Excited About on Wednesday NightSarah Silverman will appear on Wednesday’s “Late Night With Seth Meyers.”Also, Check This OutA commuter walking past Nick Cave’s video work, “Every One,” which plays every quarter hour and brings the suits to life in motion.Amr Alfiky for The New York TimesThe musician-artist Nick Cave’s “Each One” installation shows Soundsuits “that seem to be in motion, creating visual vortexes, variously spinning and rising or falling,” in the subway under One Times Square. More

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      Jimmy Kimmel on North Korea’s First Reported Covid Outbreak

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      “According to their director of their national institute of infectious disease, Dr. Dennis Rodman, the virus, which until now had been ‘Un’-detected, has appeared,” Kimmel said.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Infection DetectionKim Jong-un declared a “maximum emergency” in North Korea on Thursday as the country reported its first outbreak of the coronavirus.“According to their director of their national institute of infectious disease, Dr. Dennis Rodman, the virus, which until now had been ‘Un’-detected, has appeared,” Jimmy Kimmel said on Thursday.“North Korea reported its first coronavirus outbreak today and ordered all cities and counties to enter a lockdown. Or as they call it, ‘business as usual.’” — SETH MEYERS“How did Covid even get into North Korea? Did Kid Rock play Pyongyang and not tell us about it?” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Punchiest Punchlines (24 Hours in Biden Edition)“While speaking yesterday to thousands of union electrical workers, President Biden referred to former President Trump as, quote, ‘the great MAGA king.’ OK, can we please not give him any more ideas?’” — SETH MEYERS“Congratulations, Joe! You’ve selected the one nickname that Trump will gladly use. I mean, I guarantee Trump already has that monogrammed on towels.” — JAMES CORDEN“Foolish move for Biden trying to play the nickname game with Trump. With Trump? You can’t do that. The guy — the guy is a terrible president, but he’s in the hall of fame when it comes to the nicknames. Right, Sleepy Joe?” — JAMES CORDEN“President Biden criticized Republicans at a fund-raiser last night for their recent attacks on Disney and said, quote, ‘They’re going to storm Cinderella’s castle before this is over.’ Oh, buddy, I hate to tell ya — if they’re storming anything, it’s the Hall of Presidents.” — SETH MEYERS“President Biden told a small gathering at a Democratic fund-raiser last night that it’s going to be ‘hard’ to maintain the majority in both houses of Congress, especially since they don’t have it in the first place.” — SETH MEYERS“But today Biden was back in Washington, where he hosted a — co-hosted a virtual Covid summit. The fact that the summit was held virtually pretty much tells you how we’re doing in the fight against Covid.”— JIMMY FALLON“The U.S. co-hosted a summit with Germany, Indonesia, Senegal and Belize. Good, all the heavy hitters are in on this.” — JIMMY FALLON“But Biden is serious about tackling the pandemic. That’s why today he announced the new head of his Covid task force, Patti LuPone.” — JIMMY FALLON“President Biden today called Ferdinand Marcos Jr. to congratulate him on winning the Philippine presidential election. Said Biden, ‘Remember, winning is the easy part — the hard part is convincing everybody that you actually won.’” — SETH MEYERSThe Bits Worth WatchingJanelle James, star of “Abbott Elementary,” joined Desus and Mero to help children record pep talks on a “Keep It 100” hotline.Also, Check This OutJacoba Ballard in the documentary “Our Father.”Netflix“Our Father” tells the story of siblings who unite to bring to justice the fertility specialist who impregnated their mothers with his sperm without consent. More

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      Jimmy Kimmel: Today Is ‘a Stupefying Day in the History of This Country’

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      “Chuck Schumer said he called for the vote so we would know where Republicans stand. Turns out, they’re standing in the year 1865,” Kimmel said.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Stuck in the PastOn Wednesday, the Senate voted against legislation that would have guaranteed abortion rights nationwide.Jimmy Kimmel referred to the blocking of the bill as “a stupefying day in the history of this country.”“Even though a strong majority of American voters want those rights protected, every Democrat voted in favor of the bill except Joe Manchin, who voted with his fellow Republicans.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“With the Supreme Court likely to overturn Roe v. Wade, the Democrats wanted to get their counterparts on the record opposing it. Chuck Schumer said he called for the vote so we would know where Republicans stand. Turns out, they’re standing in the year 1865.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“It almost feels like maybe we shouldn’t have let the host of ‘Celebrity Apprentice’ pick three Supreme Court justices, you know?” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Punchiest Punchlines (Put Out to Pasture Edition)“President Biden spoke today in Illinois about his administration’s plan to support farmers. Although I feel like he should be asking about their plan to support him: [imitating Biden] ‘You guys got one of those Charlotte’s Web spiders who can write something nice about me?’” — SETH MEYERS“Well guys, today President Biden visited a farm in Illinois, where he announced new steps to fight rising food costs and inflation. You know your presidency is in rough shape when your staff is like, ‘It’s time to drive you to a farm upstate.’” — JIMMY FALLON“Yeah, when Biden first arrived, a Secret Service agent was like, ‘Older McDonald is on the farm. E-I-E-I-O.’” — JIMMY FALLON“But this is strange: At one point Biden actually walked into a corn field and slowly disappeared: ‘If you build back better, votes will come.’” — JIMMY FALLONThe Bits Worth WatchingThe “Tonight Show” guest Florence Welch was joined by Jimmy Fallon and Jimmy Buffett for a performance of “Margaritaville.”What We’re Excited About on Thursday NightAmy Sedaris will pop by Thursday’s “Late Night.”Also, Check This OutGeorge Carlin on “Saturday Night Live” in 1975. His fans include Joe Rogan and Jim Gaffigan.Herb Ball/NBCU Photo Bank, via Getty ImagesNearly 14 years after his death, the comedian George Carlin still has the power to make people across the political spectrum laugh. More

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      Jimmy Kimmel Finds It ‘Impossible to Believe’ Trump Ordered Protesters Be Shot

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      Kimmel weighed in on a former defense secretary’s allegations about the president wanting paratroopers to fire on demonstrators outside the White House.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.That Son of a GunMark Esper, the former secretary of defense, said Sunday night on “60 Minutes” that former President Donald Trump suggested paratroopers begin shooting demonstrators during the George Floyd protests outside of the White House in June 2020. Esper referred to Trump’s request as “shocking.”Jimmy Kimmel called the anecdote “almost impossible to believe,” but later joked “In fairness, he said the same thing about Eric,” his son.“It is shocking. So shocking you should have told us about it at the time.” — SETH MEYERS“It’s also somehow not surprising to me that Trump would specifically request paratroopers, although it also wouldn’t surprise me if he doesn’t know what that word meant. I mean, maybe he knows it’s parachutes, or maybe he thinks it’s the two guys from ‘CHiPs.” — SETH MEYERSThe Punchiest Punchlines (A Tale of Two Presidents: Mother’s Day Edition)“Meanwhile, this weekend was also Mother’s Day, of course. Happy Mother’s Day to all the mothers out there. And I saw that first lady Jill Biden spent the day in Ukraine and met with the Ukrainian first lady. Yeah, basically, Joe got her an Edible Arrangement for Mother’s Day and Jill was like, ‘You know what? I’m going to go to Ukraine — I’m good.’” — JIMMY FALLON“To be fair, it was the only place that still had an availability for brunch.” — JAMES CORDEN“This is when you really see the difference between our current president and the last one. So Joe Biden yesterday tweeted to his wife: ‘Happy mother @flotus. You’re the love of my life and the life of my love. You bring me joy and laughter every day, and I’m so grateful for everything you do for our family.’ Very sweet. So Trump, then — Trump chose more of a ‘Yo Momma’s Day’ message.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“On Truth Social, he wrote: ‘Happy Mother’s Day to all, including racist, vicious, highly partisan, politically motivated and very unfair radical left Democrat judges, prosecutors, district attorneys, and attorney generals, who campaign unrelentingly against you without knowing a thing, and endlessly promise to take you down.’ This is his Mother’s Day tweet, OK? ‘After years of persecution, even the fake news says there is no case or, at best, it would be very hard to bring. someday soon they will start fighting record-setting violent crime. I love you all!’ And yeah, it’s a harsh message, but you know, if you color it in a little bit, it’s actually quite sweet.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“What do you think Trump did for Melania on Mother’s Day — offer her a bite of his McGriddle?” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Bits Worth WatchingJack Harlow did his first interview on a talk show on Monday’s “Tonight Show.”What We’re Excited About on Tuesday NightThe reunited Kids in the Hall will appear on Tuesday’s “Tonight Show.”Also, Check This Out“A Strange Loop” received more Tony Award nominations than any other show.Sara Krulwich/The New York TimesThis year’s Tony Award nominations include 11 nods for the new musical “A Strange Loop.” More

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      Trevor Noah Has Thoughts on the Rise in Interest Rates

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      Noah blamed inflation on “the pandemic, supply chain issues and a Russian man who clearly wasn’t hugged enough as a child.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.High Level of InterestThe Fed raised interest rates by half a percentage point on Wednesday in an effort to curb inflation.On Thursday’s “Daily Show,” Trevor Noah blamed inflation on “the pandemic, supply chain issues and a Russian man who clearly wasn’t hugged enough as a child.”“And because of that, everything costs more: groceries, gas, blackmail. It’s terrible!” — TREVOR NOAH“Think of the economy like a house party, all right? Yeah, you want it to be banging, you know what I mean? You want it to be banging, but you don’t want it to get out of control because then no one can get a drink, and everyone is punching and fighting over what is left — it’s chaos, basically, it’s chaos! So raising the interest rate is like trying to calm the party down. But if you’re too extreme and you call the cops or you turn on the light and everyone sees who they were dancing with, now the party ends. The whole thing shuts down, that’s the recession of a party. So what the Federal Reserve is trying to do is change the players just enough so people stay, but then also make sure that nobody is dancing on the table.” — TREVOR NOAH“After yesterday’s rate hike, the markets went up 932 points. Pretty good. But this morning, as one reporter described it, ‘Investors woke up with a binge-trading hangover.’ Oh, you’ve got to be careful when you binge-trade; otherwise, you could wake up next to a stock you don’t even remember acquiring.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Then today, everything went kablooey. The Dow tumbled over 1,000 points, in the worst day of the year so far, eclipsing the previous worst day of the year: every day of the year.” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Punchiest Punchlines (Mexican St. Patrick’s Day Edition)“Happy Cinco de Mayo. Yeah, it’s that one day when people are excited to hear someone say, ‘I’ve got Corona!’” — JIMMY FALLON“What a day after two years of working from home — it was nice to have those vaguely problematic parties back in the office again.” — JIMMY FALLON“Meanwhile, today President Biden hosted a Cinco de Mayo reception in the Rose Garden with the first lady of Mexico. Yeah, Biden talked about the warm relationship between the U.S. and Mexico. It’s better than Trump’s message on Cinco de Mayo, which was ‘Think outside the bun.’” — JIMMY FALLON“Now, a lot of people mistakenly believe that today is Mexican Independence Day. It’s not — it’s Mexican St. Patrick’s Day. That’s why we drink green margaritas.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Cinco de Mayo isn’t even celebrated in all of Mexico. And here in the U.S., it only began to take off in the 1970s and ’80s, when brewing companies began capitalizing on it as a way to appeal to consumers. Wow, promoting a holiday for corporations to make money? That is so — that is so crass. I can’t believe it. You know, breaks your heart. Well, at least we’ll always have the Feast of St. Oktoberfest.” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Bits Worth WatchingAhead of Mother’s Day this weekend, celebrities like Kristen Bell, Andy Cohen and Sandra Oh read texts from their moms on Thursday’s “Jimmy Kimmel Live.”Also, Check This OutOn her show, “Oh God, a Show About Abortion,” Alison Leiby addressed the news that the Supreme Court could be on the verge of overturning Roe v. Wade. Desiree Rios for The New York TimesAlison Leiby had just performed her show “Oh God, a Show About Abortion” when she learned of the leaked draft opinion showing that the Supreme Court could be on the verge of overturning Roe v. Wade. More

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      Stephen Colbert Reacts to the Supreme Court Leak

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      “Congratulations, ladies, your decisions are being made by four dudes and a woman who thinks ‘The Handmaid’s Tale’ is a rom-com,” Colbert said.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Roe NoLate-night hosts reacted to the news of the Supreme Court leak on Tuesday, lambasting the court’s still-unofficial majority decision to overturn Roe v. Wade.“Congratulations, ladies, your decisions are being made by four dudes and a woman who thinks ‘The Handmaid’s Tale’ is a rom-com,” Stephen Colbert said.“Personally, I got suspicious when Neil Gorsuch stopped wearing his ‘pussy hat’.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“That’s right, it looks like the Supreme Court will overturn Roe v. Wade. Apparently, they decided masks aren’t mandatory, but Mother’s Day is.” — JIMMY FALLON“Yeah, that means all across the country, women in places like South Dakota or Missouri or even Texas will have the exact same abortion rights as women in Afghanistan under the Taliban. Yeah, and just think about that: We just evacuated people out of Afghanistan, and now we’re going to have to evacuate them out of Tennessee?” — TREVOR NOAH“Most people thought the freedom to choose was just how America was. No one ever thought the G.O.P. could roll it back by playing a reverse Uno card.” — TREVOR NOAH“For perspective, consider this: It wasn’t until the year after Roe v. Wade that women in America got the legal right to have a credit card without a man. Think about that. Yeah. And I think we would all agree it would be a little weird if the court was suddenly like, ‘Look, if the founders wanted women to have credit cards, they would have said so. They would have.’” — TREVOR NOAHThe Punchiest Punchlines (The Leak Edition)“Today, Chief Justice John Roberts condemned the leak and announced that there will be an investigation into how it got out. Americans are like, ‘Uh, the leak is not our main concern.’” — JIMMY FALLON“The conservative majority on the court has a fundamental right to choose when they want to release a decision into the world. Imagine having some random person violate your privacy and make that choice for you. Who would do such a thing?” — TREVOR NOAH“This leak is a clear violation of the court’s right to privacy. How dare someone make this decision for them.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“It’s crazy how conservatives always manage to make themselves the victim in any situation. I mean, they have just accomplished this thing that they’ve been working toward for 50 years, and their first reaction is ‘It’s so unfair what’s happening to us!’ I’m sorry, what, you wanted your ruling to be a big surprise and now someone ruined it?” — TREVOR NOAHThe Bits Worth WatchingThe “Late Night” writers Amber Ruffin and Jenny Hagel reacted to the Supreme Court news with concerns about Democrats’ getting anything done.What We’re Excited About on Wednesday NightSheryl Crow will talk about her new Showtime documentary, “Sheryl,” on Wednesday’s “Late Show.”Also, Check This OutEmma Galbraith as Angie Chen in “Inbetween Girl.”UtopiaMei Makino’s “Inbetween Girl” is a coming-of-age drama following an artsy, biracial high school student grappling with the guilt of sleeping with another girl’s boyfriend. More