Jimmy Kimmel: Biden Is Steady but Slow, Like ‘Grandpa at the Wheel’

“He’ll get us there, it’ll just happen very slowly with the blinker on the whole ride,” Kimmel joked of the president and his 38 percent approval rating.

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A new poll found President Biden’s approval rating is at 38 percent.

“That was before Congress passed the infrastructure bill, though,” Jimmy Kimmel said on Tuesday night. “And if anything can get the American people fired up, it’s infrastructure.”

“We’re also not even a year into his presidency, Joe Biden. Don’t worry, he’s like Grandpa at the wheel. He’ll get us there, it’ll just happen very slowly with the blinker on the whole ride.” — JIMMY KIMMEL

“The poll did have one bit of good news for Biden: He’s not Kamala Harris.” — STEPHEN COLBERT

“Kamala Harris has an approval rating of 28 percent, which is — makes no sense, because she basically has nothing to do. I mean, it’s like criticizing a backup quarterback: ‘Tom Brady is OK — I don’t love the way Blaine Gabbert has his legs folded on the bench.’” — JIMMY KIMMEL

“Kamala’s approval rating of 28 percent is even lower than the 30 percent who approved of Dick Cheney in 2008 after he shot a guy in the face.” — JIMMY KIMMEL

[imitating Joe Biden] Thirty-eight percent ain’t so bad, Jack. Why, I remember when 38 was the highest percent that existed. Then ol’ Patty Numberton came out and said, ‘Hey, fellas, what about 39?’ We all said, ‘That’s the greatest idea since sliced bread.’ Then we all went, ‘Yeah, why don’t we start slicin’ bread? I’m tired of choking on a loaf! No, I’m serious, folks.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT

“There’s only one president in the history of polling whose approval rating was worse than Biden’s at this point. You want to guess which president it was? I’ll give you a hint — his name rhymes with ‘garbage dump.’” — JIMMY KIMMEL

“The congressional committee investigating the Capitol riot issued subpoenas today for 10 of Donald Corleone’s associates.” — JIMMY KIMMEL

“The big headline is that the Jan. 6 committee has issued six subpoenas to the ex-president’s top campaign associates, a collection of powerful dumb-dumbs who helped orchestrate the last-ditch efforts to steal the election, a high-stakes, low-I.Q. heist on democracy, starring pardoned criminal Michael Flynn, a.k.a. General Grumpypants. Pardoned criminal Bernie Kerik: the Scalp. Disgraced lawyer John Eastman: the Accessorizer. Campaign manager Bill Stepien: Bland Master Flash. Executive assistant Angela McCallum: the Spare Tiffany. And senior campaign adviser Jason Miller as the Honey Trap. — STEPHEN COLBERT

“In the days leading up to Jan. 6, these Traitor Joes were plotting how to throw out election results, huddled together in a set of rooms and suites in the posh Willard Hotel in downtown D.C. Their room bar tab must’ve been huge. It’s, like, 20 bucks a pop for those mini Molotov cocktails.” — STEPHEN COLBERT

“Now, just to be clear, a subpoena doesn’t mean you’ve done anything wrong — although in this case, it absolutely means you did something wrong.” — JAMES CORDEN

“We’re so close to figuring out who’s responsible for this. What a mystery.” — JAMES CORDEN

Stephen Colbert auditioned Paul Rudd for People’s “Sexiest Man Alive” on Tuesday’s “Late Show.”

Will Ferrell returns to “The Tonight Show” on Wednesday night.

OK McCausland for The New York Times

Courtney Barnett’s third album is a study of both the simple certainties of life and the big thing that comes after.

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