Late Night Casts Doubt on the Russian-Ukrainian Peace Talks

Trevor Noah warned viewers not to get their hopes up: “Not only did Russia not agree to end the war; it wouldn’t even admit that it started a war.”

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Russia and Ukraine held their highest-level peace talks on Thursday since the war began.

“But please do not get your hopes up,” Trevor Noah said. “Not only did Russia not agree to end the war; it wouldn’t even admit that it started a war.”

“They met in Turkey. Isn’t it just nice to see Russia going somewhere where they’re actually invited?” — JAMES CORDEN

“Yeah, Russia’s foreign minister, Sergey Lavrov, was asked if they planned to invade any other countries, and his answer was, ‘We are not planning to attack other countries, and we did not attack Ukraine,’ which is obviously a lie, and also not reassuring for the rest of Europe.” — TREVOR NOAH

“And, by the way, if Lavrov is denying that Russia is attacking Ukraine, then what’s he attending peace talks for? What, he wants Ukraine to stop blowing up Russian missiles with their maternity wards?” — TREVOR NOAH

“I can’t even imagine how strange these meetings must be. It’d be like trying to have a conversation with someone who’s actively setting your house on fire.” — JAMES CORDEN

“Do they get there and there’s small talk before they get into it: ‘Ah, yeah, that Russell Wilson trade is crazy. Anyway, we would love it if we could, you know, pump the brakes on the whole invasion thing.’” — JAMES CORDEN

“Apparently, there’s some spider invasion coming to the East Coast in the spring. Oh yeah, and scientists say they’re that the size of a child’s hand, and they can parachute from the sky. I love how scientists were like, ‘How should we describe the size?’ and they’re like, ‘Oh, I settled on a child’s hand.”’ — JIMMY FALLON

“You know, sometimes I don’t understand nature. Why did it feel the need to create something like this, huh? Spiders that have parachutes and fly around? You know, with some things, you get why they exist, like how plants put oxygen into the atmosphere, and how birds evolve into chickens so we could make delicious sandwiches. But giant spiders? Was Mother Nature like, ‘People’s nightmares have become too boring; let’s spice things up’?” — TREVOR NOAH

“You can’t even kill that thing with a regular shoe. Did you see the size? You probably need like a Shaq-sized shoe.” — TREVOR NOAH

“And, by the way, if you think a giant spider is bad, wait until we see the giant pig the giant spider is gonna become best friends with.” — TREVOR NOAH

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