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    Conan O’Brien Says No More Trump Jokes for Final Two Months on TBS

    O’Brien said the last episodes of “Conan” will feature special guests and clips of his favorite moments on the show before he moves to HBO Max.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. We’re all stuck at home at the moment, so here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Fourth Time’s the CharmIn his Monday night monologue, Conan O’Brien announced that after 11 years, he will be “winding down” his TBS late night show, with a final episode airing June 24.“Some of you are wondering why am I doing this? Why end things here at TBS?” O’Brien said. “And I’ll tell you: because a very old Buddhist monk once told me that to pick something up, you must first put something down.”O’Brien said he is leaving to launch a “fourth iteration” of his program with HBO Max later this year, and that his final two months on TBS will be dedicated to clips of his favorite moments and will feature special guests.“I’m very proud of what we’ve accomplished here,” O’Brien said. “And so what I’d like is I’d like these last couple of weeks to be a fond look back at all the absurd madness that my team and I have concocted. Best of all, I just want to point out, there will be shockingly few, if any, references to Donald Trump because that’s always been my favorite kind of comedy.”The Punchiest Punchlines (Things Are Looking Up Edition)“According to a new ABC News poll, Americans are more hopeful about the future than they have been in 15 years, since 2006. Of course, the poll was conducted before we found out Elon Musk is hosting ‘Saturday Night Live,’ so we’ll see if it holds up.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Of course, we’re feeling good. We have vaccines in our arms, stimulus checks in our pockets and hot sauce in our Goldfish.” — JIMMY FALLON“According to polls, the last time we were close to being this optimistic was 2006. I’m not surprised. That was when Tom Hanks brought back the mullet.” — JIMMY FALLON“That’s right, 64 percent are feeling optimistic, while the other 36 percent had a rough weekend at the Kentucky Derby.” — JIMMY FALLONThe Bits Worth WatchingRoy Wood Jr. shared the history of Black royalty on Monday’s “The Daily Show.”What We’re Excited About on Tuesday NightDr. Anthony Fauci will offer some coronavirus updates on Tuesday’s “Jimmy Kimmel Live.”Also, Check This OutLou Diamond Phillips as Ritchie Valens in the 1987 biopic.Columbia PicturesThe 1987 box office hit “La Bamba” was a watershed moment for films about Latinos, yet Hollywood failed to capitalize on its audience appeal. More

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    Stephen Colbert Can Relate to Ted Cruz

    “Now that Joe’s president, I find it much easier to sleep, too,” Colbert joked on Thursday.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. We’re all stuck at home at the moment, so here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Snoozin’ CruzSenator Ted Cruz, Republican of Texas, appeared to have fallen asleep during segments of President Biden’s congressional address on Wednesday.“I can relate to Ted Cruz,” Stephen Colbert said on Thursday night. “Now that Joe’s president, I find it much easier to sleep, too.”“Ted Cruz was so bored at that speech that he fell asleep. And I know what you are thinking right now. You think I’m going to say something like ‘Oh, that’s weird, I thought lizards slept with their eyes open.’ But I’m not going to say that, because honestly, that was the most relatable thing that Ted Cruz has ever done.” — TREVOR NOAH“Dreaming of Cancún, no doubt.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Lyin’ Ted just turned into Snoozin’ Cruz.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Now, to be fair, he had a full day of flipping off babies at the park.” — JAMES CORDEN“Because that speech was boring, and when you consider that almost none of Biden’s goals are going to get past Congress, we basically just listened to an old man talk for an hour about his dreams.” — TREVOR NOAH“President Biden called on Congress last night to create a new agency to develop breakthrough treatments for diseases such as Alzheimer’s and cancer, and who knows, maybe even narcolepsy.” — SETH MEYERSThe Punchiest Punchlines (100 Days Down Edition)“Today marks the end of President Joe Biden’s first 100 days in office, which is the period where every president tries to get their big things done. You know, F.D.R. introduced the New Deal, Ronald Reagan rolled back the welfare state, and Bill Clinton installed that stripper pole in the situation room.” — TREVOR NOAH“And to celebrate the occasion, last night Joe Biden delivered his first address to Congress. Yes, for hundreds of years Joe Biden has sat and watched other presidents give speeches to Congress, but now it was his turn.” — TREVOR NOAH“Joe Biden’s got that new job enthusiasm, which always fades over time. You know, and right now he’s like ‘I’m changing everything.’ And like a year or so from now, his top priority — top priority — is going to be angling his computer monitor so that no one can see he’s watching ‘Outlander.’” — TREVOR NOAH“And get this: 85 percent of people who watched Biden’s speech approved of it. That’s amazing. The only other things Americans like that much are Dolly Parton and cheese fries.” — JIMMY FALLON“In Trump’s first 100 days he accomplished a lot, too. He tweeted that Snoop Dogg’s career was failing, that Nordstrom was mean to Ivanka, and that he was a better host of ‘The Apprentice’ than Arnold Schwarzenegger.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Bits Worth WatchingDesus and Mero shared some thoughts about Justin Bieber’s new dreadlocks.Also, Check This OutAfter a breakthrough performance on “The Tonight Show” in 2017, “there were a lot of people I felt that had pigeonholed me into this idea of what they thought I was,” Harrison said.Chantal Anderson for The New York TimesOften playing a scene-stealing side character, Patti Harrison finally gets a starring role in “Together Together.” More

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    Jimmy Fallon: Vaccinated Americans Are ‘Flashing Their Mouths Like It’s Mardi Gras’

    “I’ve got to be honest: I’m going to miss wearing a mask.” Fallon joked on Tuesday. “The adult acne made me feel young, you know?”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. We’re all stuck at home at the moment, so here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Mask OffPresident Biden announced on Tuesday new coronavirus guidelines that would allow vaccinated Americans to forgo wearing masks when participating in outdoor activities or when not in a crowd.“When people heard that, people in the street started flashing their mouths like it was Mardi Gras,” Jimmy Fallon joked.“I’ve got to be honest: I’m going to miss wearing a mask. The adult acne made me feel young, you know?” — JIMMY FALLON“Aw, yeah! Take it off, baby! Show daddy them nostrils!” — STEPHEN COLBERT“That’s good news. Where are we on pants; are those still required?” — JIMMY KIMMEL“This is great news for people who love fresh air, but a little late for those who already have the tan lines.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Now we can go back to the good old days of giving each other dirty looks because of racism, classism, sexism, ableism, homophobia, and those people who wear Adidas pants with Nike shoes.” — TREVOR NOAH“You see, we never needed masks; we already knew how to hate each other.” — TREVOR NOAH“On the bright side, now we can stop weirdly opening our eyes to greet people on the street.” — JIMMY FALLONThe Punchiest Punchlines (Who Charted Edition)“I’m also glad because now, according to the C.D.C. charts, if you’re vaccinated, you can go eat outdoors now without a mask on, as opposed to before, when you had to wear a mask while you were eating.” — TREVOR NOAH“The chart ranks activities from safest to less safe to least safe. It’s the same chart people use when deciding between Delta, United and Spirit Airlines.” — JIMMY FALLON“Because what better way to get people to remember something than a 14-row, three-column, color-coded document with loads of text?” — JAMES CORDEN“Who designed this chart, the same people who designed those parking signs in L.A.?” — TREVOR NOAH“I love, as well, if you look, exercise class is the last thing on the list. It’s even like the list going, ‘Look, we both know you’re not going to do it.’” — JAMES CORDEN“It’s unreadable. You don’t see the forest service putting out flow charts like: ‘No fires, unless the fires are in stone pits, or you come from a long line of firefighters, or you watch the weather and you know a rainstorm is coming in a few minutes.’ No, they say: ‘No fires or this bear is going to eat your [expletive] family.’” — TREVOR NOAH“And, yes, I know the C.D.C. is just trying to cover all the bases, because maybe there’s a tiny chance you could get corona, even if you’re vaccinated. But if that messaging ends up convincing people that there’s not much of a reason to get vaccinated at all, then we’re shooting ourselves in the foot, which is not something we should do. Or, as the C.D.C. would put it: ‘masked guy in an indoor red zone.’” — TREVOR NOAHThe Bits Worth WatchingCorrespondent Dulcé Sloan delved into the history of female hip-hop M.C.s on Tuesday’s “The Daily Show.”What We’re Excited About on Wednesday NightMike Lindell, the chief executive of My Pillow, will appear Wednesday on “Jimmy Kimmel Live.”Also, Check This OutNichole ShinnVaccine fan fiction is getting users hot on TikTok. More

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    Late Night Wraps Up This Year’s Academy Awards

    “The ratings for the Oscars plummeted from 23 million last year to less than 10 million this year. How can something so woke put so many people to sleep?” Jimmy Kimmel joked on Monday.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. We’re all stuck at home at the moment, so here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Are You Still Watching?On Monday, late-night hosts weighed in on Sunday night’s Oscars ceremonies, which, despite some historic firsts and funny moments, brought in a much smaller audience than last year’s awards.“The ratings for the Oscars plummeted from 23 million last year to less than 10 million this year. How can something so woke put so many people to sleep?” Jimmy Kimmel asked.“The ceremony was watched by a record-low 9.9 million people. Yeah, 9.9 million. That’s like taking everyone who watched ‘Mank’ and adding 9.8 million.” — JIMMY FALLON“I guess most people thought the show was a little sluggish and, at times, a bit uncomfortable. It was as if the whole ceremony had just gotten its second Pfizer shot.” — JIMMY FALLON“This was the Oscars that finally answered the question, ‘What happens when you don’t cut off acceptance speeches?’ Turns out, they go on for a very long time.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“For whatever reason, the awards were held at Union Station downtown, which is the closest many of these stars have ever been to public transportation.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Well, I guess the train station made sense ’cause I fell asleep 30 minutes in. When I woke up, I had no idea where I was.” — JIMMY FALLON“Now, despite the pandemic shaking everything up, the Oscars pulled off a lot of cool moments last night. I mean, we got to see an awards show in a train station, right? We saw Regina King get her steps in. And we even got to see Glenn Close audition to be in Cardi B’s next video.” — TREVOR NOAH“But we also got a lot of history made last night. Chloé Zhao became the first woman of color to win Best Director, Yuh-Jung Youn was the first Korean actor to win an award, and Daniel Kaluuya, my friend, became the first person to get an Oscar and a beatdown from his mama on the same night.” — TREVOR NOAH“You can’t be saying ‘sex’ in front of African parents. In fact, I’m sure the only reason she didn’t whip Daniel’s [expletive] right there was just because there were too many white people in attendance.” — TREVOR NOAH“His mom was like, ‘This is so embarrassing’ and he was like, ‘Relax, no one saw it.’” — JIMMY FALLON“It was an historic evening. You know, before last night, an Oscar had never been given to a still photo of Anthony Hopkins before.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“There were some surprises, notably in the category of Best Actor. Everyone thought that would go to the late Chadwick Boseman. They even saved that category for the end of the show, assuming it would be a big emotional moment to wrap it up. But instead of Chadwick Boseman, Anthony Hopkins won Best Actor for playing a man with dementia in ‘The Father,’ and he was so committed to his role, he forgot to show up for the Oscars.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“And this is true. He was reportedly asleep when he won, which is not a great sign for network television when they say, ‘Hey, Anthony, you know you might win tonight’ and he’s like, ‘Eh, I’ll just watch it on YouTube tomorrow.’” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Punchiest Punchlines (Missed Shots Edition)“Apparently, some people are refusing the second shot because they feared the side effects, which can include flulike symptoms. Unlike the coronavirus side effects, which can include deathlike death.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“One interesting group of people refusing to get the vaccine: people who have gotten the vaccine. Because millions of people are skipping their second doses of Covid vaccines. I can’t believe it — Americans are saying no to seconds?” — STEPHEN COLBERT“I mean, just a few weeks ago we were scrambling for appointments — refresh, refresh, refresh. Now you can pick up Moderna shots in the two-for-one bin at Walmart.” — TREVOR NOAHThe Bits Worth WatchingJustin Bieber joined Jimmy Fallon and the Roots for a stripped-down version of his new single “Peaches.”What We’re Excited About on Tuesday NightThe “Pose” star Billy Porter will appear on “Jimmy Kimmel Live” on Tuesday.Also, Check This OutAnthony Hopkins as the dementia-stricken patriarch in “The Father.”Sean Gleason/Sony Pictures ClassicsAnthony Hopkins had to accept his Best Actor Oscar via social media because producers denied him an opportunity to go live via Zoom during the ceremony on Sunday night. More

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    Jimmy Kimmel Heckles ‘Future Former Florida Congressman’ Matt Gaetz

    Kimmel poked fun at Gaetz and his friend Joel Greenberg for making their Venmo transactions public: “One of those ‘salads’ cost more than $1,000 — I guess they added avocado.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. We’re all stuck at home at the moment, so here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Public FinanceJimmy Kimmel poked fun at “future former Florida congressman” Matt Gaetz on Thursday night over the more than 150 public Venmo transactions that Gaetz and his friend Joel Greenberg made to dozens of young women.“Three payments for $500, $500, $250, labeled ‘ice cream’; five other payments labeled ‘salad,’” Kimmel noted. “One of those ‘salads’ cost more than $1,000 — I guess they added avocado.”“Two of the transactions were for ‘stuff’ and ‘other stuff.’ And let me just say this: It’s bad enough that Matt Gaetz is implicated in doing ‘stuff.’ But ‘other stuff’? That’s outrageous.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“And, of course, we know about all of this because stupid Joel Greenberg made his Venmo transactions public, as did Matt Gaetz. They didn’t check the privacy box. What’s the opposite of a criminal mastermind?” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Chances are pretty high that if you’ve broken the law, there’s evidence of it on your phone, especially since Gaetz was reportedly using Cash App and Venmo to make payments to his indicted buddy. Used to be when politicians broke the law, they stuffed an envelope full of $100 bills and met their contact in a parking garage. Now they just Venmo a buddy with an emoji of an envelope stuffed with cash.” — SETH MEYERS“I’d say along with getting your phone seized, being chased down a flight of stairs by a crowd of reporters and getting hustled into the back seat of a waiting car isn’t a sign that things are going great. That’s classic corrupt politician stuff. No one ever in that situation is in it for a good reason: ‘Sir, sir, can you tell us how you cured cancer?’ ‘I didn’t cure cancer; stop spreading lies about me. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to be rushed into this unmarked van.’” — SETH MEYERSThe Punchiest Punchlines (Northern Exposure Edition)“In Canada yesterday, a member of Parliament, which is Canada’s equivalent to our House of Representatives, accidentally exposed himself on an official government Zoom meeting. His camera was on, he didn’t know it, and everyone saw his Canadian bacon.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“This is the Canadian version of storming the Capitol.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“People alerted him right after they took a million screen shots.” — JIMMY FALLON“Before putting on pants, he was like, ‘It’s cold here today in Canada, isn’t it cold? Everyone’s talking about how cold it is.’” — JIMMY FALLON“He was completely nude. He was changing after a jog, and thought his camera was off. From now on you can call me that guy’s camera because I am turned on.” — JAMES CORDEN“The member of Parliament apologized and explained it was an innocent mistake — but also, if you want to see more, check out his OnlyFans page.” — JAMES CORDEN“Of course, he apologized — he’s Canadian. He would have apologized whether it happened or not.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“But can you imagine if this happened here? If Jerry Nadler started swinging his thing around on camera?” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Bits Worth Watching“The Daily Show” detailed what it’s like for Black families to have “the talk.”Also, Check This OutIn “Mare of Easttown,” Kate Winslet plays a Pennsylvania detective dealing with missing girls and mounting personal problems.Michele K. Short/HBOKate Winslet plays a small-town cop investigating the murders of several young women in HBO’s new mini-series, “Mare of Eassttown.” More

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    Stephen Colbert Applauds Biden’s ‘Endgame’ for Afghanistan’s ‘Infinity War’

    Colbert pointed out that the conflict “has been going on so long, the first ‘Iron Man’ movie opens with Tony Stark in Afghanistan.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. We’re all stuck at home at the moment, so here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Twenty Years LaterPresident Biden announced on Wednesday that American troops will leave Afghanistan by Sept. 11 after nearly 20 years of war.“When he was V.P., Joe was ‘the most senior dissenting voice against a surge in Afghanistan back in 2008 and 2009,’” Stephen Colbert said, quoting from a news report. “This war’s been going on so long, Biden’s been trying to get the troops out since he was just ‘regular’ old. Now he’s ‘Mountain Dew Baja Blast Extreme’ old.”“The cost: A tragic loss of human life and a duffel bag of your cash they called ‘ghost money.’ Because spending $2 trillion with no clear definition of victory is pretty spooky.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Biden is getting criticism from people who say if America leaves Afghanistan then it will become a failed state, and that is a real danger. But on the other hand, America has been there for 20 years — is it supposed to stay there forever? Because if that is going to be the case, then I mean, America should at least make Afghanistan a U.S. state. And the good news with that is it would eliminate Afghanistan’s terrorism problem completely, because we all know that once terrorists are American, they’re not terrorists anymore — they are just frustrated citizens who are having a bad day.” — TREVOR NOAH“During his remarks, Biden announced that withdrawal would begin on May 1. When the troops get home, they’re gonna be like, ‘Why are all the bars closed?’” — JIMMY FALLON“Despite the fact that 2,400 service members gave their lives, the ongoing war in Afghanistan received not even a mention at the presidential debates. Oh, but how can you expect a ground war in Asia to compete with the urgent threat of windmill cancer?” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Punchiest Punchlines (No Endgame Edition)“President Biden said today he will withdraw all U.S. troops from Afghanistan by September 11 during a speech in the White House Treaty Room, which is where former President George W. Bush announced the start of the war. In fact, all the decorations were still up.” — SETH MEYERS“The war in Afghanistan has been going on for almost 20 years. To put that another way, this war is too old to date Matt Gaetz.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Twenty years is a long time. Those are 17th-century European numbers. That’s the kind of war you fight because the Spanish contessa rejected your proposal to unite the kingdoms and eloped with the Duke of Saxony.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“The war in Afghanistan may finally be over, and people, it’s about time. It’s been what, 19 years? No war should ever be old enough to serve in itself.” — TREVOR NOAH“It’s been going on so long, the first ‘Iron Man’ movie opens with Tony Stark in Afghanistan. This conflict’s older than the Marvel Cinematic Universe. It’s an ‘Infinity War’ with no ‘Endgame.’” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Bits Worth WatchingSamantha Bee opened Wednesday’s “Full Frontal” by tracking anti-Asian racism throughout American history.What We’re Excited About on Thursday NightAnderson Cooper will appear on “Jimmy Kimmel Live,” where he is likely to discuss his upcoming gig as guest host of “Jeopardy!”Also, Check This OutPhoto Illustration by Julia Panek; Photos via Getty ImagesCelebrities who gave product endorsements used to be accused of “selling out.” Now they’re hailed as savvy investors and giving the performances of their careers. More

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    Jimmy Fallon Pokes Fun at Johnson & Johnson’s Vaccine Pause

    “That’s right, they’re recommending a pause. Then anyone who’s ever been dumped was like: ‘Oh, boy. We know what “pause” means,’” Fallon said.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. We’re all stuck at home at the moment, so here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.What Are the Odds?Johnson & Johnson was the talk of late night on Tuesday after the F.D.A. advised a pause in using its Covid vaccine because six recipients developed blood clots within two weeks of vaccination.“That’s right, they’re recommending a pause. Then anyone who’s ever been dumped was like: ‘Oh, boy. We know what “pause” means,’” Jimmy Fallon joked.“But statistically speaking, six is not that significant, since nearly seven million people in the U.S. have received Johnson & Johnson shots so far. That’s less than one in a million. To put that in perspective, it’s slightly better odds than you have of getting to visit Willy Wonka’s Fantabulous Chocolate Factory, which, for the record, kills or maims four out of the five children who step foot inside.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“You realize that means you’re more likely to get struck by lightning 10 times, which, by the way, is the origin story of Marvel’s most useless superhero.” — TREVOR NOAH“That means the odds are less than one in a million. It’s .0000009 — that’s more zeros than in the Trump family.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“And don’t forget, yes, yes — you might have a 0.0001 percent chance of getting blood clots from this vaccine, but if you get coronavirus, you can get lung damage, heart damage, neurological damage, strokes, seizures, Guillain-Barré syndrome, immune disorders, erectile dysfunction and, get this, also blood clots.” — TREVOR NOAH“And today if you had a Johnson & Johnson appointment in New York, they gave out Pfizer instead. Yeah, it’s like going to a restaurant and hearing, ‘We’re out of Coke; is Dom Pérignon OK?’” — JIMMY FALLON“Yeah, it’s a really rare event. It’s like seeing a working self-checkout machine at CVS, that’s how rare.” — JIMMY FALLONThe Punchiest Punchlines (Johnson v. Johnson Edition)“Honestly, if you ask me, I think it’s impressive Johnson & Johnson even made a vaccine with such a low chance of blood clots. Pfizer and Moderna are drug companies; Johnson & Johnson makes baby shampoo — I’m surprised their [expletive] works at all.” — TREVOR NOAH“When reached for comment, Johnson said it was Johnson’s fault, but Johnson pointed the finger at Johnson.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“I blame the second Johnson. He never graduated high school.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Damn it, Johnson & Johnson, you had one jab.” — JAMES CORDEN“Johnson & Johnson is owned by the same family who owns the New York Jets, so don’t think of this as a pause; think of it more like a 50-year rebuild.” — JIMMY FALLONThe Bits Worth WatchingTaylor Swift revealed the inspiration for her song “Hey Stephen” on Tuesday’s “Late Show.”What We’re Excited About on Wednesday NightThe comedian Margaret Cho will be on Wednesday’s “A Little Late With Lilly Singh.”Also, Check This OutNina Totenberg, Linda Wertheimer and Cokie Roberts in 1979.NPRLisa Napoli’s “Susan, Linda, Nina & Cokie” chronicles four journalists who helped to establish NPR in the 1970s. More