“And like many exes, he really wants a second chance. But instead of promising to do better next time, he’s threatening to do even worse,” Noah said.
Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.
Land of Second Chances
Donald Trump held a rally on Sunday in Texas, where he said, if re-elected as president, he would consider pardoning those involved with the Capitol riot. On Monday’s “Daily Show,” Trevor Noah called Trump “the greatest con man of all time,” noting he had not pardoned those involved while he was still in office and instead let them be prosecuted.
“Trump is basically the ex that America kicked out for throwing an open house party at the Capitol. And like many exes, he really wants a second chance. But instead of promising to do better next time, he’s threatening to do even worse.” — TREVOR NOAH
“While the Jan. 6 select committee continues to look for the cause of the Capitol riot, the cause admitted to everything and threatened to do it again.” — STEPHEN COLBERT
“If it had been him instead of O.J., the quote would have been ‘The gloves don’t fit, but you don’t need gloves to stab a guy.’” — SETH MEYERS
“What a weird platform to run on for president: ‘I will pardon violent criminals.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT
“You’ve got to admit, Trump leans on his supporters really hard. I mean, first they had to storm the Capitol because he lost the election, then their donations went to his legal fees because he’s always getting sued. Now they have to protest if he gets charged? Like, where does it end? If Trump does go to prison, is he going to make these poor people smuggle cigarettes up their butts?” — TREVOR NOAH
“Even the rioters were, like, ‘Oh no, I don’t think he can say that.’” — JIMMY FALLON
“There’s no better way to announce a presidential run than to say, ‘I’ll empty the jails!’” — JIMMY FALLON
The Punchiest Punchlines (Super Bowl Surprise Edition)
“The L.A. Rams are headed to the Super Bowl after a come-from-behind victory over the San Francisco 49ers. The Rams will play the Cinderella Cincinnati Bengals in the lowest-seeded matchup in Super Bowl history, meaning the teams that oddsmakers least expected to make it this far made it. To put that in non-football terms, if this was a matchup of Kardashians, it’d be like Kourtney versus Rob, OK?” — JIMMY KIMMEL
“Before the season, the Bengals’ odds were 150 to 1. To give you an idea, there are better odds of finding a rapid test at CVS.” — JIMMY FALLON
“This is the most exciting thing to happen to Cincinnati since they found all that spaghetti under their chili.” — STEPHEN COLBERT
“But this is the Bengals’ first Super Bowl appearance since the ’80s. A lot has changed since then: Back then, inflation was high, there was tension with Russia, and our president was in his late 70s.” — JIMMY FALLON
“And, this is crazy, the Super Bowl is being played in Los Angeles at the Rams’ home stadium. That’s right, even N.F.L. players are working from home.” — JIMMY FALLON
“That’s right, we’re two weeks away from the game and experts are wondering, if a Super Bowl doesn’t have Tom Brady, can it still be called the Super Bowl?” — JIMMY FALLON
The Bits Worth Watching
Jimmy Fallon gave two puppies the task of predicting which team will win the Super Bowl.
What We’re Excited About on Tuesday Night
David Letterman will celebrate 40 years of “Late Night” with Seth Meyers on Tuesday.
Also, Check This Out
The new documentary series about Janet Jackson offered more insight into the private pop star but still doesn’t dig too deep.
Source: Television - nytimes.com
