‘Red One’ Review: Santa’s Helpers Have Been Working Out

Over time, Santa Claus movies have become inherently and forgivably silly. After all, there are only so many reasonable commercial twists you can put on one of the most commercialized characters in the Western world. It’s what has given us the contractual Santa (“The Santa Clause”); the pugilistic maniac Santa (“Violent Night”); the one about Santa’s degenerate brother (“Fred Claus”); and later this month, the Satan Santa (“Dear Santa”).

Perhaps, then, we should be resigned to the inevitable corporate momentum that produces something like “Red One,” a film that has the courage to ask: What if the Santa Claus story was like a Marvel movie?

In this one, directed by Jake Kasdan, Santa Claus (J.K. Simmons) is inexplicably jacked, Dwayne Johnson leads a kind of Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. team to protect the Big Red, and Chris Evans has revived the sensibilities of an older superhero alter ego (not the noble sincerity of Captain America, but the slacker snark of Johnny Storm). It’s all a particularly egregious piece of commercial slop — just a little too expensive and passable to qualify for being so bad it’s sort of fun.

Cynical and struggling to feel the holiday spirit, Callum Drift (Johnson), the head of security for Santa (a.k.a. Red One), hands in his resignation letter on Christmas Eve before working his final holiday. Of course, Santa is mysteriously kidnapped shortly after, sending Cal into a frenzied search, replete with a dull blur of explosions and far more fight sequences than an earnest Christmas movie should be allowed.

With the clock ticking, Cal and his boss, Zoe (Lucy Liu), are forced to call on Jack O’Malley (Evans), the tracker who helped facilitate the kidnapping itself. A deadbeat dad who, naturally, has Jason Bourne’s fighting skills, Jack has been a lifelong naughty-lister who’s only out for himself — until his ice-cold heart begins to melt while reluctantly assisting Cal.