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      Stephen Colbert Retires His Joe Biden Sunglasses

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      The “Late Show” host is putting his aviators on a shelf, now that the president has ended his re-election campaign.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Biden’s Retirement PartyPresident Biden bowed out of the 2024 presidential race on Sunday.“It’s shocking, but this makes sense,” Stephen Colbert said. “It’ll give him time to rest up for 2028.”“He steered this country out of a horrific pandemic, he saved countless lives by encouraging people to get vaccinated, he brought the economy back, he rallied our allies, he reasserted America’s place in the world stage, and most inspiring of all, at no time was he Donald Trump.” — STEPHEN COLBERTColbert officially retired his Joe Biden aviator sunglasses on Monday, saying they had done “the hardest job of all:They made it seem like I had a Joe Biden impression.”“But I do not have a Kamala Harris impression, so she’s wearing aviators, too.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“I am officially retiring all of my ‘Joe Biden is old’ jokes, OK? They were starting to get tired anyway. Just like Joe Biden. That was the last one! I swear. Now I’m going to unretire them to use on Donald Trump.” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Punchiest Punchlines (Bye Bye, Biden Edition)“Typically, on Sundays, everyone thinks about quitting their job, but Biden is the first person to actually go through with it.” — JIMMY FALLON“Yeah, it was one of the rare times every cable news graphic said ‘Breaking news’ and it was breaking news.” — JIMMY FALLON“Well, he didn’t, like, drop out so much as he kind of just, like, wandered off, you know what I’m saying?” — LAMORNE MORRIS, guest host of “Jimmy Kimmel Live”“Biden is now getting credit for guiding us through the pandemic, creating millions of jobs, rebuilding our nation’s crumbling infrastructure and eliminating billions in student loans. Democrats heard that and were like, ‘Hey, this guy should run for president!’” — JIMMY FALLON“Following the big news, Biden supporters gathered around the White House to thank him for dropping out of the race. Biden’s not quite sure how to feel, you know? I mean, ‘thanks for leaving’ is not really a compliment, you know?” — JIMMY FALLONThe Bits Worth WatchingJimmy Kimmel’s guest host, Lamorne Morris, offered a few helpful tips for being “Caucasian at the Cookout.”What We’re Excited About on Tuesday NightHugh Jackman, star of “Deadpool & Wolverine,” will appear on Tuesday’s “Tonight Show.”Also, Check This OutJames Earl Jones, left, and Andre Braugher in “Homicide: Life on the Street.” The series begins streaming on Peacock on Aug. 19.Michael Ginsburg/NBC, via Getty ImagesAll seven seasons of the acclaimed 1990s police procedural “Homicide: Life on the Street” will finally be available for streaming next month. More

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      Late Night Taunts Former Critics Who Changed Their Minds About Trump

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      J.D. Vance and Nikki Haley, among other Republicans at the convention, seem to have gotten over their reservations about the former president.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Walking It BackA recurring theme of this week’s Republican National Convention has been former critics of Donald Trump singing his praises, including Nikki Haley and, most notably, J.D. Vance, who accepted the vice presidential nomination on Wednesday.“Vance started by saying, ‘All that comparing-Trump-to-Hitler stuff? Full take-backsies,’” Jimmy Fallon said on “The Tonight Show.”“While speaking last night at the Republican National Convention, Nikki Haley said, ‘There are some Americans who don’t agree with Donald Trump 100 percent of the time.’ For example, all the speakers of the R.N.C. just a few months ago.” — SETH MEYERS“That’s right, Nikki Haley spoke at the R.N.C. last night and said that former President Trump has her ‘strong endorsement, period.’ And then Mike Johnson tried to have her arrested for saying ‘period.’” — SETH MEYERS“You are a total sellout with no spine. Period.” — ANTHONY ANDERSON, guest host of “Jimmy Kimmel Live”The Punchiest Punchlines (Babydog Edition)“And I think no matter what your politics, we can all agree that Babydog is fantastic. Honestly, if Republicans had nominated Babydog for president, I’d be [expletive] torn. I think even Biden would be like, ‘[expletive], maybe I should drop out.’” — SETH MEYERS on Gov. Jim Justice’s bulldog, who appeared beside him onstage at the convention“Really undercuts your message of doom when the camera cuts to a super-happy dog just chillin’ in a chair. Your words say, ‘If Biden wins, the country will be destroyed,’ but her face says, ‘I’m doing [expletive] great, no matter who wins.’” — SETH MEYERS“Why do I feel like they share a sleep apnea machine?” — JIMMY FALLON“Looks like a Friar’s Club roast on Animal Planet.” — JIMMY FALLONThe Bits Worth WatchingHowie Mandel shared his fondness for pranking Heidi Klum, his fellow “America’s Got Talent” judge, during an appearance on “Jimmy Kimmel Live” on Wednesday.What We’re Excited About on Thursday NightSenator Bernie Sanders will appear live on Thursday’s “Late Show” after the Republican convention wraps up.Also, Check This Out“Shogun,” an FX drama, captured the most nominations, with 25.Katie Yu/FX, via Associated Press“The Bear,” “Shogun” and “Baby Reindeer” are among the television shows with the most Emmy nominations this year. More

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      Jon Stewart Razzes a ‘Daily Show’ Guest: Bill O’Reilly

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      The former Fox host, a longtime foil of the show, said he knew he had “no friends here.” “Well, not just here,” Stewart replied.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Sparring Partners“The Daily Show” was supposed to be in Milwaukee for the Republican National Convention this week, but the attempt on Donald Trump’s life changed that. “What a terrible [expletive] week,” Jon Stewart said as he opened Tuesday’s show from New York.“‘Hey Jon, come back to ‘The Daily Show,’ just for the election. It’ll be fun! You’ll do one day a week, it’ll be a laugh! What could go wrong?’” — JON STEWARTWith security at the convention enhanced, the theater where they’d planned to tape the show was locked down, Stewart explained. In security parlance, it was now in the “hard perimeter,” not the “soft perimeter.” “You really don’t want to be in the hard perimeter,” he said.While Stewart touched on the convention’s first two days in his opener, the real amusement came from his sit-down with Bill O’Reilly, the former Fox host who provided fodder for many “Daily Show” jokes in years past.The two have squared off before, and O’Reilly nodded to that history: “We are able to disagree without hating each other. Now, I truly hate him. But I don’t show it.”“I like coming on here, in front of all of your friends out here — and the audience should know, I have no friends here.” — BILL O’REILLY“Well, not just here.” — JON STEWARTO’Reilly tried to distance himself from Trump, saying that as a registered independent, he didn’t have a candidate. Then he pulled out a sheet of paper and rattled off a list of prices, mortgage rates and overdose rates that had risen during the Biden administration.We are having trouble retrieving the article content.Please enable JavaScript in your browser settings.Thank you for your patience while we verify access. If you are in Reader mode please exit and log into your Times account, or subscribe for all of The Times.Thank you for your patience while we verify access.Already a subscriber? Log in.Want all of The Times? Subscribe. More

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      Late Night Finds Democrats Still Ridin’ for Biden

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      “People waited all day for white smoke to emerge from the capital, signaling a new leader,” Jimmy Fallon joked after Congressional Democrats met in Washington on Tuesday.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Blowing SmokeCongressional Democrats met in Washington on Tuesday to discuss their concerns about President Biden’s re-election campaign.“People waited all day for white smoke to emerge from the Capitol, signaling a new leader,” Jimmy Fallon said.“So today, Congressional Democrats gathered behind closed doors to talk about Biden’s future in what one of them called a ‘come-to-Jesus meeting.’ No, no! Do not let Joe come anywhere near Jesus until Nov. 6. Walk away from the light, Joe. Get away!” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Some described the meeting as very positive, while others said the room was filled with sadness. So, basically, our government has the same plot as ‘Inside Out 2.’” — JIMMY FALLON“Reports say the mood of the meeting was very somber, with some members comparing it to a funeral, while another said that analogy was an insult to funerals. Hey, Democrats, keep it light.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Meanwhile, that big old flirt President Biden hosted world leaders at the NATO summit in Washington today. But only one of them will be the next Golden Bachelor.” — KATHRYN HAHN, guest host of “Jimmy Kimmel Live”“When Biden walked into the room with 31 world leaders, he wasn’t sure if it was a NATO summit or an intervention.” — JIMMY FALLONThe Punchiest Punchlines (America’s Next Top Vice President Edition)“With the convention starting on Monday, the question on a lot of people’s minds is who will Donald Trump pick as his running mate? And, as of this taping, the latest reports say that Trump has narrowed it down to three: Senators Marco Rubio, J.D. Vance and North Dakota’s governor, Doug Burgum, a.k.a. the cute one.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“It’s the perfect, perfect time for a reality show president to pick his running mate via reality show: [imitating Trump] ‘I see before me three beautiful candidates, but, sadly, only one can be America’s next top vice president.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT, on Trump wanting to announce his running mate at the Republican National Convention“Trump needs someone who is going to help him win, so right now the front-runner is Joe Biden.” — JIMMY FALLON“Trump’s campaign needs to win over women and minorities, which is why he’s narrowed it down to two white guys.” — JIMMY FALLONThe Bits Worth WatchingAasif Mandvi, a former correspondent of “The Daily Show,” returned to promote his new horror-comedy series, “Evil.”What We’re Excited About on Wednesday NightGovernor Gretchen Whitmer of Michigan will discuss her new memoir, “True Gretch,” on Wednesday’s “Late Show.”Also, Check This OutClockwise from left: Jonathan Lethem; Roxane Gay; Stephen King; Sarah Jessica Parker; Marlon James; Min Jin LeeThe New York TimesStephen King, Roxane Gay, Sarah Jessica Parker and more shared their picks for the top 10 books of the 21st century. More

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      Late Night Trolls Trump Over ‘Severe Memory Issues’

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      “I’m starting to think Trump writes his name on buildings just so he can remember where he lives,” Jimmy Fallon said.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.‘50 First Debates’Ramin Setoodeh, the author of “Apprentice in Wonderland,” a new book about Donald Trump, said that the former president had “severe memory issues” and forgot who Setoodeh was in a follow-up interview.“I’m starting to think Trump writes his name on buildings just so he can remember where he lives,” Jimmy Fallon joked.“I love how Trump didn’t remember who the author was but still talked to him for 10 hours.” — JIMMY FALLON“Trump and Biden are accused of having memory issues, which is why they’re starring in the new film ‘50 First Debates.’” — JIMMY FALLON“The author of the upcoming book ‘Apprentice in Wonderland’ said in a new interview that former President Trump has ‘severe memory issues.’ ‘Same here,’ said undecided voters.” — SETH MEYERS“He loves talking about himself so much, he made time to do an interview for a book about ‘The Apprentice.’ I feel like you could get him to host ‘The Apprentice’ right now if you — if you pitched him a reality show where he picks his running mate ‘Apprentice’-style, for the right amount of money, he would 100 percent do it.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Punchiest Punchlines (How Hot Is It? Edition)“Around 150 million Americans are expected to experience temperatures above 90 degrees this week, thanks to what they call a ‘heat dome.’ I always thought the heat dome was that weird helmet thing my grandma sat under at the hair salon.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“It’ll be so hot in Maine this week, the lobsters will be getting in pots just to cool down.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“It’s so hot in New York this week, the rats are wearing crop tops.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“It’s so hot in South Dakota, Kristi Noem’s dogs are shooting themselves.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“It’s so hot at Mar-a-Lago, Donald Trump asked Melania to be even colder to him.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Scientists warn heat waves will be longer, more intense and more frequent. So, good news for Mrs. Heat Wave.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Yep, this week, when you open the weather app, it just shows you the middle finger emoji.” — JIMMY FALLONThe Bits Worth WatchingThe actress Hannah Einbinder told Jimmy Kimmel she was taking notes while appearing on his show to prepare for the late-night show theme on Season 4 of “Hacks.”What We’re Excited About on Wednesday NightLupita Nyong’o, the star of “A Quiet Place: Day One,” will appear on Wednesday’s “Late Night.”Also, Check This OutIn April, Hozier reached No. 1 on the Hot 100 with the bouncy “Too Sweet,” becoming the first Irish artist since Sinead O’Connor to claim the top spot. He’s now on tour with a nine-piece band.Brian Karlsson for The New York TimesA decade after his breakout hit, “Take Me to Church,” the Irish singer-songwriter Hozier has found a new young fan base on TikTok. More

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      Late Night Latches Onto Donald Trump’s ‘Johnson’ Mix-Up

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      “The sad thing is under MAGA law, his name is now Ronny Johnson,” Jon Stewart said after Trump referred to his former doctor, Ronny Jackson, by the wrong name.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.The Wrong RonDuring a rally on Saturday, former President Donald Trump bragged about passing a cognitive exam before mistakenly referring to his White House doctor, Ronny Jackson, as “Ronny Johnson.”“The sad thing is under MAGA law, his name is now Ronny Johnson,” Jon Stewart said.“Do you know Ronny Johnson? Because Ronny Jackson is the name of the doctor.” — JIMMY FALLON“It’s not Ronny Johnson — it’s Jackson. If that was another cognitive test, you failed it, OK?” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Bragging about acing a cognitive test while forgetting the name of the doctor who gave it to you is like writing on a résumé that you speak three languages and misspelling the word ‘languages.’” — SETH MEYERS[Imitating Trump] “I love Ronny Johnson. Doc Ronny — Doc Ronny Johnson. He gave me the test, then I went home to my beautiful wife, Malaria.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“It’s like walking into a glass door after the doctor says you have 20/20 vision.” — JIMMY FALLONThe Punchiest Punchlines (Milwaukee Edition)“Just weeks before he heads to the Republican National Convention in Milwaukee, he called Milwaukee ‘a horrible city,’ forcing liberals around the country to defend Milwaukee, a city they then had to pretend to have been to: ‘Oh, Milwaukee’s the finest city in, I want to say, Indiana.’” — JON STEWART“This man is about to be in a world of deep-fried hurt.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“And what a beautiful name, ‘Milwaukee.’ Some say it’s from the Algonquin for ‘the good land.’ Others say Milwaukee is Potawatomi for ‘cholesterol.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“I believe that if every city in America was destroyed tomorrow except Milwaukee, the republic would still roll on. Because Milwaukee is America. As Thomas Jefferson himself once said, ‘Schlemiel! Schlimazel! Hasenpfeffer Incorporated.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Trump’s team tried to defend the remarks, saying the former president wasn’t calling the whole city horrible, just crime in the city, with one aide saying, ‘He was directly referring to crime in Milwaukee.’ Now he does have a point. Milwaukee has become so soft on crime that their convention center is hosting a convicted felon.” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Bits Worth WatchingJimmy Fallon shared his “overwhelming” experience of meeting the pope at the Vatican on Monday’s “Tonight Show.”What We’re Excited About on Tuesday NightHannah Einbinder will promote her new Max stand-up special, “Everything Must Go,” on Tuesday’s “Jimmy Kimmel Live.”Also, Check This OutThe family drama “Appropriate” became one of the season’s buzziest plays, partly because of Sarah Paulson’s star power.Sara Krulwich/The New York TimesSarah Paulson, an Emmy winner, won her first Tony on Sunday, taking home best actress in a play for her role in the family drama “Appropriate.” More

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      Late Night Recaps Donald Trump’s Return to Capitol Hill

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      “They always return to the scene of the crime,” Jimmy Kimmel said after the former president met with House Republicans on Thursday.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.The Scene of the CrimeDonald Trump returned to Capitol Hill on Thursday, his first visit there since the Jan. 6 riot. House Republicans sang an early “Happy Birthday” for the former president, who turned 78 on Friday.“They always return to the scene of the crime,” Jimmy Kimmel joked.“Some Republicans who were in the room described the meeting as a ‘gripe-filled’ airing of legal and personal grievances. That sounds right.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“The meeting itself, according to sources, took place at an undisclosed location, which means any of the five McDonald’s within a 10-minute radius of the Hill.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“One of the things he’s upset about, he talked about at this meeting, is Taylor Swift supporting Joe Biden. He said, ‘Why would she endorse this dope?’ And they were like, ‘I don’t know, why did we endorse this dope?’” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Punchiest Punchlines (Trump’s Birthday Edition)“They sang ‘Happy Birthday’ to him? They’re not waiters at a TGI Fridays. Isn’t that embarrassing for everybody involved? A room of adults wearing suits saying, ‘Let’s discuss our agenda to dismantle the regulations that protect our environment, but, first, who’s the big boy getting a year older?’” — JORDAN KLEPPER“Seriously, do you people have no shame? It’s the guy’s first public visit since he sicced a mob on you and almost got you killed, and not only are you welcoming him back with open arms, you’re singing him ‘Happy Birthday’ a day before his birthday? This is like if all the teens at Crystal Lake got together to throw a surprise party for Jason: ‘We got you a new chain saw.’” — SETH MEYERS“And the worst part is that Ted Cruz sang it sexy like Marilyn Monroe.” — JORDAN KLEPPER“Trump’s birthday should be fun. The last time people gathered to say ‘Are you 1? Are you 2? Are you 3?’ they were counting guilty verdicts.” — JIMMY FALLONThe Bits Worth WatchingThe singer and actress Maya Hawke discussed her third album, “Chaos Angel,” and her voice acting role as Anxiety in “Inside Out 2,” on Thursday’s “Daily Show.”Also, Check This OutEmilio Estevez, left, and Andrew McCarthy discuss the Brat Pack in “Brats,” a documentary directed by McCarthy.ABC News StudiosThe actor and director Andrew McCarthy examines his life and career as a member of the Brat Pack in his new documentary, “Brats.” More

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      Jimmy Fallon Tracks Biden’s Summer Abroad

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      “Yeah, the president is in Italy for the G7 Summit, or as Fox News put it: ‘Biden Flees Country After Hunter Convicted,’” Fallon said.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Biden’s European VacationPresident Biden landed in Italy on Wednesday for the G7 Summit, his second trip to Europe in a week.“He went to France last week, now he’s off to Italy,” Jimmy Fallon said. “Biden’s like your friend who is somehow posting pics from Europe all summer.”“His staff wants to make sure he’s as jet-lagged as possible for the first presidential debate.” — JIMMY FALLON“Usually when an 81-year-old does that much traveling through Europe, it’s on a Viking river cruise.” — JIMMY FALLON“Yeah, the president is in Italy for the G7 Summit, or as Fox News put it: ‘Biden Flees Country After Hunter Convicted.’” — JIMMY FALLONThe Punchiest Punchlines (Impossible Edition)“A guy named Joey Chestnut — he has the world record for eating 76 hot dogs in 10 minutes — has been banned from the competition this year because he signed an endorsement deal with a vegan meat company, which in and of itself is insane. It’s like if Cookie Monster signed a deal with celery.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“It was announced yesterday that Joey Chestnut will not compete in this year’s Nathan’s Famous Hot Dog Eating Contest because he has a deal with the vegan food company Impossible Foods. Incidentally, his record for those is still just one.” — SETH MEYERS“This is like barring LeBron James from basketball or Aaron Rodgers from podcasting.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Ugh, come on, Nathan’s! You’re going to ban Joey Chestnut just for taking a sponsorship deal? He’s got a family to feed — and feed and feed and feed.” — JORDAN KLEPPER“But Joey Chestnut said he’s ‘gutted’ by the decision, and his fans are furious. And it’s disappointing, for sure. The good news is for Joey, he might not die quite as soon. He might actually live through the Fifth of July this year.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Bits Worth WatchingThe comedian Tiffany Haddish made a case for getting arrested only in Beverly Hills on Wednesday’s “Jimmy Kimmel Live.”What We’re Excited About on Thursday NightBowen Yang and Matt Rogers of the Las Culturistas podcast will sit down with Seth Meyers on Thursday’s “Late Night.”Also, Check This OutThe choreographer Ashley R.T. Yergens said he was surprised by wanting a baby: “I’m like, You are on testosterone,” he said. “You have been in normal male range for years now. What is this biological urge?”Jeanette Spicer for The New York TimesPremiering at New York Live Arts this week, Ashley R.T. Yergens’s “Surrogate” explores how trans men experience pregnancy and I.V.F. More