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      Late Night on Trump, the Constitution and Playing With Dolls

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      On “Meet the Press” and social media, President Trump gave the hosts a lot of material to choose from, even by his standards.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Presidents Say the Darndest ThingsDuring a “Meet the Press” interview that aired on Sunday, President Trump was asked whether he had to uphold the Constitution. He replied, “I don’t know.”“Wow, they talked a lot about Biden’s mental decline, but this guy can’t even remember stuff from, like, four months ago,” Seth Meyers said on Monday.“Well, it’s been great, folks, but that’s it — I think we can roll credits on the United States.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“On ‘Millionaire,’ that’d be the warm-up question, like ‘What color is an orange?’ or ‘Name a planet with people on it.’ I mean, if you can’t answer that the president’s supposed to uphold the Constitution, I’m pretty sure they wouldn’t even let you become a citizen.” — JON STEWART“It’s the same answer he gives when they ask where Melania lives: ‘I don’t know, I’d have to ask my lawyers.’” — JIMMY KIMMEL“The Constitution isn’t one of Don Jr.’s birthdays. You can’t just ignore it.” — JIMMY KIMMELTrump, asked about the economy, also doubled down on his suggestion that children could get by with fewer toys. “I don’t think a beautiful baby girl needs — that’s 11 years old needs to have 30 dolls,” he said. “I think they can have three dolls, or four dolls.”“Right, think of them like wives: Two, three, four would be a good number.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“All you need to know about the relationship he has with his daughters and granddaughters is he thinks 11-year-olds still play with dolls.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Congratulations, Mr. and Mrs. Johnson. It’s a beautiful 11-year-old baby! You did so well in your 44th trimester.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“In response, Pokémon has rolled out their new slogan: ‘Pokémon, Gotta Catch a Couple!’” — SETH MEYERS“I mean, who runs on a pledge of ‘Let’s make Christmas worse for children’?” — BILL MAHER“A billionaire telling kids they need to cut back on dolls. That is some world-class political messaging right there.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Every interview now is like an episode of ‘Kids Say the Darndest Things.’” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Punchiest Punchlines (May the Fourth Edition)We are having trouble retrieving the article content.Please enable JavaScript in your browser settings.Thank you for your patience while we verify access. If you are in Reader mode please exit and log into your Times account, or subscribe for all of The Times.Thank you for your patience while we verify access.Already a subscriber? Log in.Want all of The Times? Subscribe. More

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      Late Night Watches ‘Signalgate’ Claim a Victim, Sort of

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      Mike Waltz, who added a journalist to a Signal group chat about plans to bomb Yemen, is out as national security adviser, but his career isn’t over.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Not the Last WaltzOn Thursday, Mike Waltz — famous for inadvertently adding a journalist to a Signal chat group where officials discussed plans to attack Yemen — was removed from his post as President Trump’s national security adviser. But Trump soon announced that he would nominate Waltz to be the ambassador to the United Nations.“The news was first reported when he accidentally texted it to Lester Holt,” Seth Meyers said on “Late Night.”“So finally — finally — a member of the Trump administration faces lasting consequences that lasted three and a half hours.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“What a strong message that is: ‘We can’t trust you to keep our secrets. But go cavort freely with representatives from every country in the world.’” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Well, he’s not fired, but he was removed from the group chat.” — JIMMY FALLON“It was a tough decision, and as with anything this sensitive, the first person to find out was Atlantic editor Jeffrey Goldberg.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“So, that guy, the one who claimed strangers’ numbers can get sucked into your phone, will now be Trump’s ambassador to the United Nations if he gets confirmed, which means he’ll spend a lot less time at the White House, where his portfolio seemed to consist of two things: leaking war plans on group chats and, much like his phone, sucking up to Donald Trump.” — SETH MEYERSThe Punchiest Punchlines (Return to Office Edition)“Apparently, Elon Musk is stepping away from his work at the White House so he can focus on running Tesla. He was like, ‘Hm, what’s better: this dumpster fire or this dumpster fire?’” — JIMMY FALLON“Elon is dialing back his DOGE duties to focus on his own disaster of a company.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Bits Worth WatchingQuinta Brunson, the creator and star of “Abbott Elementary,” crashed Thursday’s “Tonight Show” to promote her gig hosting “Saturday Night Live” this weekend.Also, Check This OutGeorge Clooney in “Good Night, and Good Luck.” He was among the screen stars who got Tony nominations for their work on Broadway this season.Sara Krulwich/The New York TimesAudra McDonald, George Clooney, and Sarah Snook, stars of both stage and screen, received Tony nominations on Thursday. More

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      Seth Meyers Recaps Trump’s Latest Revisionist History

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      Meyers said the president’s ABC News interview “changed his mind” about Trump’s first 100 days in office.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Revisionist Recent HistoryPresident Donald Trump sat down for an interview with the ABC News reporter Terry Moran to discuss his first 100 days in office.“And you know what? He changed my mind,” Seth Meyers said on Wednesday.“Before the interview, I thought the first 100 days had been really bad, but after the interview, I thought, ‘Oh, I see the plan, the next 100 days are going to make the first 100 days look amazing.’” — SETH MEYERS“Trump claimed that egg prices are down, gasoline is down, and groceries are down. Then a staffer said, ‘Sir, those charts are your approval rating.’” — JIMMY FALLON“[Imitating Trump] I mean, what kind of an interview is this? I thought you were going to ask me if 100 men could beat a gorilla, not about the tariffs. I don’t know about the tariffs.” — JIMMY FALLON“Trump said that the Declaration of Independence meant unity. Unity is the opposite of independence. How did Trump find the one time that ‘unity and love’ is the wrong answer?” — DESI LYDIC“What makes this even more sad is that the Declaration of Independence is basically the colonies filing for divorce. It’s the one thing Trump should absolutely recognize. And all of that was supposed to be the softball part of the interview.” — DESI LYDICThe Punchiest Punchlines (Shrinkage Edition)“Meanwhile, it just came out today that for the first three months of this year, the U.S. economy shrank. Trump was, like, ‘Well, it was the three coldest months — of course it was shrinkage.’” — JIMMY FALLON“Yes, the U.S. economy is undergoing what economists refer to as a ‘George Costanza.’” — DESI LYDIC“Now, obviously, the economy is a complex interaction of multiple markets, so it’s difficult to point to any one factor, but it’s all Trump.” — DESI LYDIC“A hundred days in, we’re already going to loan sharks for Lunchables with this guy.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“All the experts say the economy is in pretty rough shape. However, Trump’s doctor says it’s the healthiest economy he’s ever seen.” — JIMMY FALLONThe Bits Worth WatchingSpoofing Bill Belichick’s recent CBS interview, Richard Kind introduced his new girlfriend on Wednesday’s “Everybody’s Live with John Mulaney.”What We’re Excited About on Thursday NightPenn Badgley, the star of the Netflix series “You,” will appear on Thursday’s “Tonight Show.”Also, Check This OutPhoto Illustration by The New York Times; Background: Brian Rea; Inset: Dana Scruggs for The New York TimesOn this week’s Modern Love, Miranda July discussed her plot to get older women talking about desire with her novel, “All Fours.” More

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      Late Night Grades Trump’s First 100 Days in Office

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      “It’s been an historic 100 days — some would say prehistoric,” said Jimmy Kimmel.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.100 Down, Roughly 1,300 to GoPresident Trump’s 100th day in office was the talk of late night on Tuesday.On “Jimmy Kimmel Live,” the host said (perhaps not sincerely) that he’d had “a day of revelry and jubilation.”“We have 100 days behind us and only 13 more hundred days to go. It’s been an historic 100 days — some would say prehistoric.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Today was President Trump’s 100th day in office. Well, 100th day as president, fourth day in office.” — SETH MEYERS“Yes, it has been 100 days of Trump in the Oval Office. I mean that figuratively. Obviously, he spent lots of those days in the steam room at Mar-a-Lago.” — JORDAN KLEPPER“It is difficult to give Trump’s first 100 days a grade, but if I had to, I’d say it falls somewhere between ‘F’ and ‘U.’” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Let’s be honest: It’s been a bumpy ride. I mean, who knew renaming the Gulf of Mexico might actually be his high point?” — JIMMY FALLON“To mark 100 days in office, Trump kicked off a multiday media blitz that the White House is framing as a victory lap. Yep, and now all he needs is a victory.” — JIMMY FALLON“And the whole 100 days thing started back in 1933, right, when F.D.R.’s extraordinary productivity set a first-100-days standard against which all future presidents would be measured. And I think it’s appropriate to compare him to F.D.R., because Trump is well on his way to bringing back polio.” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Punchiest Punchlines (Mark Carney Edition)“With Carney’s victory, Canadians rejected his younger, much Trumpier opponent, Pierre Poilievre, which must be a relief for Trump, ’cause now he never has to try to say that guy’s name.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Don’t mess with Canada. They may be polite. You tick them off, they’re like John Wick after they killed his dog.” — JIMMY KIMMEL”You take that, Trump. That’s what happens when you mess with a country whose national pastime is ‘bar fight on ice.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“But, yes, thanks to Trump, the Liberal Party just pulled off a historic comeback, winning all the major Canadian demographics: hockey moms, hockey dads, hockey non-binaries, hockey seniors, hockey hockey players, and, of course, hot Ryans.” — JORDAN KLEPPERThe Bits Worth WatchingWill Ferrell and Stephen Colbert “Rickrolled” viewers during Tuesday’s “Late Show.”What We’re Excited About on Wednesday NightJohn Cale and Maggie Rogers will perform together on “Everybody’s Live With Mulaney.”Also, Check This OutNearly three hours long, the concert was a characteristic Beyoncé epic.The New York TimesBeyoncé’s Cowboy Carter Tour, kicking off on Monday night in Inglewood, Calif., transformed the star’s personal and musical reclamation into a joyful extravaganza. More

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      Stephen Colbert Translates Trump’s Italian Tariff Talk

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      “The Late Show” host said Italy’s prime minister, Giorgia Meloni, is “seen as something of a Trump whisperer” after she visited the White House on Thursday.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Speaking Trump’s LanguagePresident Trump hosted Prime Minister Giorgia Meloni of Italy at the White House on Thursday.On “The Late Show,” Stephen Colbert said that hopes were high that Meloni, a right-wing populist and a favorite of Trump’s, could convince him to loosen up on tariffs. His admiration for her was demonstrated again when he marveled at her Italian-speaking ability during their news conference.“[imitating Trump] It sounded great — it was beautifully presented. I’ll have the same thing she ordered, but double meatball, double parm.” — STEPHEN COLBERT.“Trump got a visit from the prime minister of Italy today. He had them bring in lunch from the Olive Garden to make her feel at home.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Things went so well that they planned a second play date. Meloni announced that Trump has accepted her invitation to come to Italy for an official visit, and Trump is going to blend right in with the Italians, because he looks like a pile of prosciutto with a little spaghetti on top.” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Punchiest Punchlines (High Holy Day Edition)“Easter weekend is almost upon us. And, man, oh man, if Jesus comes back and sees what’s going on, we are in deep trouble.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“For the first time since 2014, Easter and 4/20 will land on the same day this year, which is going to lead to some very long and confusing egg hunts.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“This Sunday, He is risen, and you is high.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Easter and 4/20 seem like a natural pairing ’cause whoever came up with our Easter traditions was definitely stoned.’” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Bits Worth WatchingThe actress Nancy Kwan discussed her new book, “The World of Nancy Kwan: A Memoir by Hollywood’s Asian Superstar,” with host Ronny Chieng during Thursday’s “Daily Show.”Also, Check This OutKelly Marie Tran, left, Lily Gladstone, Han Gi-Chan and Bowen Yang in “The Wedding Banquet.”Luka Cyprian/Bleecker Street/ShivHans Pictures Starring Kelly Marie Tran, Lily Gladstone and Bowen Yang, Andrew Ahn’s “The Wedding Banquet” is a 21st-century twist on Ang Lee’s 1993 queer classic. More

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      Stephen Colbert Defends PBS and NPR Against Trump’s Defunding Plan

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      Colbert said both public media entities are “already operating on a shoestring budget — Daniel Tiger can’t even afford to wear pants.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.‘Bert and Ernie Have Wives Now’Earlier this week, the Trump administration announced plans to rescind $1.1 billion in federal funding from NPR and PBS.On Wednesday, Stephen Colbert worried that both public media entities are “already operating on a shoestring budget — Daniel Tiger can’t even afford to wear pants.”“And with the administration calling the shots, it could mean changes to public programming. So NPR fans, get ready for ‘Fresh Air’ to become ‘Cough Cough,’ and PBS fans can look forward to ‘Sesame Street: Bert and Ernie Have Wives Now.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“The White House says PBS funding does not ‘align with the Trump administration’s priorities,’ including a PBS program from 2022 about a transgender woman who comes out to members of their bowling league in Ohio. OK, well I get that, ’cause America can’t be allowed to find out that trans people bowl. Because then, other trans bowlers might bowl as well, and if the bowling alleys allow — the pins are women, the pins clearly are women, and the balls are boys, if you use two balls, and then, and then, and then where do the fingers go? I’m not sure where that — and the bowling shoe spray turns my feet into women? I don’t … What would the problem be?” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Punchiest Punchlines (Round Trip Edition)“So the plan, as I understand it, I’m sure we’ll get more details, is if you’re an undocumented immigrant, Trump wants you to go home, but if you’re good at home, he will get you back into the country. They will fly you out of the country and then bring you back. Who came up with this plan, Spirit Airlines?” — JIMMY KIMMEL“You know, usually when Trump offers an immigrant money and plane tickets to go away, it’s because he’s getting divorced. Melania is like, ‘Am I eligible for this?’” — JIMMY KIMMEL“[imitating Trump] I mean, what can we do? America is a gentle, passive giant that would never put pressure on a sovereign nation. Now, then, Denmark, suck on these tariffs and gimme-gimme Greenland.” — STEPHEN COLBERTWe are having trouble retrieving the article content.Please enable JavaScript in your browser settings.Thank you for your patience while we verify access. If you are in Reader mode please exit and log into your Times account, or subscribe for all of The Times.Thank you for your patience while we verify access.Already a subscriber? Log in.Want all of The Times? Subscribe. More

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      Late Night Revels in Harvard’s Rejection of Trump’s Demand

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      “I don’t usually root for Harvard, because they’re Harvard. They’ve got everything. It’s like rooting for Jeff Bezos to win the lottery,” Ronny Chieng said on “The Daily Show.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.What, Like It’s Hard?On Monday, the Trump administration announced it would freeze $2.2 billion in multiyear grants to Harvard after the private university refused to implement requested changes to its hiring, admissions and curriculum.Ronny Chieng adopted a Boston accent on Tuesday’s “Daily Show” to express that Harvard was fighting back “wicked hard.”“We finally found a force more powerful than Trump’s hatred: Harvard’s love of sending rejection letters.” — RONNY CHIENG“Hey, Trump administration, now you’re just like the rest of us because you just got rejected by Harvard.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“And who better to determine what colleges should and should not be doing than the man who had to shell out $25 million in penalties for running a fraudulent university he named after himself?” — JIMMY KIMMEL“My money’s on Harvard. I grew up in the ’80s — I’ve seen ‘Revenge of the Nerds.’ I know who wins these things.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“But, look, I don’t usually root for Harvard, because they’re Harvard. They’ve got everything. It’s like rooting for Jeff Bezos to win the lottery.” — RONNY CHIENG“The only thing I’ll say in Donald Trump’s defense is that Matt Damon went to Harvard, so they obviously don’t care too much about merit.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Punchiest Punchlines (Tax Day Edition)“So today’s Tax Day or, as Hunter Biden calls it, any other day of the week.” — GREG GUTFELD“If you’re watching this live, you have 20-ish minutes to get your taxes in before the deadline. And if you’re an IRS worker, you have recently been fired. I’m sorry about that.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Folks, as I mentioned before, it’s Tax Day or, as billionaires call it, ‘What?’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Does anyone even work at the IRS anymore? Do we even have to? Our IRS office downtown — they turned it into a Spirit Halloween store.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Bits Worth WatchingThe actor Finn Wolfhard reflected with Colbert on 10 years of filming “Stranger Things” ahead of the Netflix show’s final season, on Tuesday’s “Late Show.”What We’re Excited About on Wednesday NightNo stranger to late night, David Letterman will appear on Wednesday’s “Everybody’s Live with John Mulaney.”Also, Check This OutThe bombing of a federal building in Oklahoma City, on April 19, 1995, remains the deadliest domestic terror attack in U.S. history.Jim Argo/USA Today NetworkThe National Geographic docuseries “Oklahoma City Bombing: One Day in America” recounts the experiences of individuals affected by the attack on the Alfred P. Murrah Federal Building 30 years ago. More

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      Late Night Weighs In on Trump’s Perfect Physical

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      “The doctor said Trump’s BMI is 28,” Jimmy Kimmel said. “Right, and so is his next wife, by the way.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.The Picture of HealthThe results of President Trump’s annual physical exam described a man in “excellent health.”“Of course he is,” Jimmy Kimmel said on Monday. “He eats right, he avoids unhealthy foods, diet soda. He manages stress, he doesn’t hang onto anger, he gets a good night’s sleep, he limits his time on social media, he spends lots of time with loved ones, and gets plenty of exercise getting in and out of that golf cart.”“And he’s got a body like Brad Pitt to show it.” — JIMMY KIMMELHe “gave Trump a clean bill of health, saying, ‘his active lifestyle continues to contribute significantly to his well-being’ including his ‘frequent victories in golf events,’ adding, his well-being is also due to a cruel, indifferent universe where good, hardworking people are routinely diagnosed with terminal illnesses, but an objectively evil monster who only eats cheeseburgers and fried chicken lives forever. The world is chaos, there is no god, proven by his frequent victories in golf events.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Dr. Barbabella claims that Trump is 6-feet-3, which he is not. He weighs 224 pounds. Just for comparison, Green Bay Packers quarterback Jordan Love is 6-4, 219 pounds. Honestly, it’s difficult to tell them apart.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“I’m going to say no to either of those numbers. I don’t want to be that guy, but he has a front butt.” — JON STEWART“Maybe they just weighed Trump’s head.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“The doctor said Trump’s BMI is 28. Right, and so is his next wife, by the way.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Barbabella, good man and thorough, wrote: ‘I performed and supervised the comprehensive exam, which included diagnostic and laboratory testing, as well as consultations with 14 specialty consultants.’ ’Cause nothing says good health like your doctor saying, ‘I think you’re fine. I just need to consult with 14 specialty consultants.’” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Punchiest Punchlines (Taking Space Edition)We are having trouble retrieving the article content.Please enable JavaScript in your browser settings.Thank you for your patience while we verify access. If you are in Reader mode please exit and log into your Times account, or subscribe for all of The Times.Thank you for your patience while we verify access.Already a subscriber? Log in.Want all of The Times? Subscribe. More