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      Late Night Can’t Believe Tucker Carlson’s Texts About Trump

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      “Oh, my God, it turns out the Trump hatred was coming from inside the house!” Seth Meyers said.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Fox News and FrenemiesNew documents released as part of the defamation lawsuit filed by Dominion Voting Systems against Fox News revealed that the popular host Tucker Carlson sent several denigrating texts about former President Donald Trump. In one text, Carlson wrote of Trump, “I hate him passionately.”“Oh, my God, it turns out the Trump hatred was coming from inside the house!” Seth Meyers said.“Wait, wait, are you telling me Tucker Carlson is secretly sane? I would feel so betrayed if I was a Fox viewer. This is like if you joined a cult, sold all your belongings, shaved your head, moved to the desert, and then it turns out the cult leader is just, like, a Methodist.” — SETH MEYERS“You hate him? But talking about him is the thing that pays your big salary!” — STEPHEN COLBERT“That’s right, Tucker Carlson said he couldn’t wait to ignore Trump and that he hated Trump passionately. That’s as damning as the time I got caught texting Trump, ‘Real talk, I also think windmills kill birds.’” — SETH MEYERS“The only thing I thought Tucker was capable of hating with a passion were female M&M’s who are a seven or lower.” — SETH MEYERS“That’s fighting words! White-on-white crime, let’s go!” — MARLON WAYANS, guest host of “The Daily Show”“To be fair, I feel like every friend group has a second group text for that one person they secretly hate.” — JIMMY FALLONThe Punchiest Punchlines (Banned by Biden Edition)“Well, guys, the White House just backed a bipartisan Senate bill that would give President Biden the power to ban TikTok, or as they’re calling it on TikTok, the ‘trying to lose the election’ challenge.” — JIMMY FALLON“I wouldn’t worry just yet. As of now, Biden thinks TikTok is the clock on ‘60 Minutes.’” — JIMMY FALLON“Of course, Biden could end TikTok at any time simply by making an account.” — SETH MEYERS“Don’t worry — to make it up, Biden promised us that he’d give everybody 100 free hours of AOL.” — JIMMY FALLON“Yeah, officials think China is using TikTok to spy on us, and China was like, ‘Yeah, well, we had a backup idea, but you shot it down.’” — JIMMY FALLONThe Bits Worth WatchingKerry Washington played a guessing game with Jimmy Fallon called “Mmm Hmmm Hmmm” on “The Tonight Show” on Wednesday.What We’re Excited About on Thursday NightLily Tomlin and Jane Fonda will appear on “Late Show” on Thursday.Also, Check This OutFans and new readers alike will appreciate this list of essential works by the mystery writer Patricia Highsmith. More

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      Stephen Colbert Ponders a Trump-Kari Lake Ticket

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      Donald Trump is said to be considering the Arizona politician, who also denies having lost an election. Colbert says she’s the “governor of the state of denial.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Who’s the Lucky Lady?A report says Donald Trump is considering a female running mate for 2024, in hopes of winning over suburban white women. On Tuesday, Stephen Colbert noted that Kari Lake, who still denies that she lost Arizona’s gubernatorial race last year, was said to be a contender.“Lake lost her election and refuses to admit it, but she has got one win under her belt,” Colbert said, referring to a conservative conference in Washington where a straw poll found her to be the top choice for the vice presidency.“She must have been so honored to have MAGA voters choose her as the next vice president they try to hang.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Of course, since it’s Trump, he’ll make the decision after holding a Miss Vice President pageant.” — JIMMY FALLON“But Lake found a way to deny this election as well, saying through a spokesperson, ‘We’re flattered, but unfortunately, our legal team says the Constitution won’t allow for her to serve as governor and V.P. at the same time.’ That’s a good point — Kari Lake is currently the sitting governor of the state of denial.” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Punchiest Punchlines (Mona Lisa Edition)“Sightseeing, my Black [expletive]. If you have to punch a cop on your way in, you’re not sightseeing, you fightseeing.” — MARLON WAYANS, on the Fox host Tucker Carlson’s insistence that the Jan. 6 Capitol protesters were “sightseers”“All Tucker Carson proved is that you can make anything better by not showing the bad part.” — MARLON WAYANS“You guys know we can see what you’re doing, right? Kevin McCarthy, who is Trump’s Waylon Smithers, gives all the footage to Tucker, Tucker shows only the tame parts, and then Trump claims the rioters were framed. It’s like watching a magic show where the magician is wearing sheer sleeves.” — SETH MEYERSThe Bits Worth WatchingJames Corden reacted to scary new wax figures of British royalty on Tuesday’s “Late Late Show.”What We’re Excited About on Wednesday NightSt. Vincent will perform on Wednesday’s “Tonight Show.”Also, Check This OutThe writer Adam Bradley offers a “new Black canon,” listing 20 undervalued books that reflect “the infinite number of ways of being Black in America — and of being in the world.” More

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      Jimmy Fallon Recaps Trump’s ‘Off the Rails’ CPAC Speech

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      Fallon said Donald Trump “made some pretty intense promises” in his headlining speech on Saturday.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Leader of the PACDuring a speech at the Conservative Political Action Conference on Saturday, former President Donald Trump made what Jimmy Fallon referred to as “some pretty intense promises.”“In 2016, I declared, ‘I am your voice,’” Trump said. “Today I add, I am your warrior, I am your justice, and, for those who have been wronged and betrayed, I am your retribution. I am your retribution.’”“He’s like, ‘I’m the captain now. I am the one who knocks. I am the walrus. Koo-koo-ka-choo,’” Fallon joked on Monday night.“He’s either running for president or auditioning to be the next John Wick.” — JIMMY FALLON“He was such a terrible president, and now he’s auditioning to be Batman.” — SETH MEYERS“Problem is, he would never respond to the bat signal, because there’s no way he’s ever just looking pensively out the window. You’d have to text it to him or just shine it on Sean Hannity’s forehead. Oh, you know what you could do? You could project it on a solar eclipse — he looks at those.” — SETH MEYERS“It was so empty, the guy started vacuuming because he thought the event was over.” — JIMMY FALLONThe Punchiest Punchlines (The Karens and the Darrens Edition)“But let’s be real, the funniest comedy special last weekend was the CPAC, or as I like to call it, crazy white people.” — MARLON WAYANS, guest hosting “The Daily Show”“Turns out, CPAC really stands for ‘Crazy to Put Up all Those Chairs.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“If you don’t know about it, it’s an annual event where all the Karens and their husbands come together, and they complain about the rest of us. The Karens and the Darrens.” — MARLON WAYANS“And some of that [expletive] make no sense at all. Like, Nikki Haley said, ‘wokeness is more dangerous than a pandemic.’ I never had to miss two weeks of work because of wokeness.” — MARLON WAYANS“Yes, wokeness is such a dangerous virus that it apparently killed two-thirds of her audience. It’s got to be stopped.” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Bits Worth WatchingJames Corden revealed Tessa Thompson’s first acting role in a music video at the age of 6.What We’re Excited About on Tuesday NightThe author Margaret Atwood will appear on Tuesday’s “Late Night with Seth Meyers.”Also, Check This OutIn Chris Rock’s new Netflix stand-up special, “Selective Outrage,” the comedian brings up last year’s “slap heard around the world.”Kirill Bichutsky/NetflixThe comedian Chris Rock responds to being on the receiving end of Will Smith’s Oscars slap in his new comedy special “Selective Outrage.” More

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      Seth Meyers Says It’s ‘Too Late’ for Fox News to Undo Trump Damage

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      Meyers wished the network luck in reining in the former president while he’s “interrupting weddings at Mar-a-Lago to give off-the-cuff toasts.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.‘I’ve Created a Monster!’According to a recent deposition, the chairman of Fox News, Rupert Murdoch, tried to make sure former President Donald Trump was given less coverage on the conservative news channel after the 2020 election.Seth Meyers chastised Murdoch for the late-in-the-game call. “Too late, you built this,” he said, spicing his remark with an expletive.“It’s easy to put a brain in Frankenstein when he’s a lifeless body strapped to a table, but good luck getting it out of his head while he’s lumbering around a golf course and interrupting weddings at Mar-a-Lago to give off-the-cuff toasts.” — SETH MEYERS“According to filings in the Dominion lawsuit, Murdoch has been trying to keep the ex-prez off Fox for a long time now. After Jan. 6, Murdoch instructed an aide to make the former president a nonperson. He wants to make the former president persona non grata, as opposed to now, when he’s persona au gratin.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“They’re banning the ex-president? That’s like Discovery Channel banning sharks. No one wants to watch ‘Salty Water Week.’” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Punchiest Punchlines (The Fascist and the Furious Edition)“In Washington, ‘the fascist and the furious’ have gathered to praise their lord and savior, Donald Trump, at the annual CPAC convention. This is a convention for all your worst aunts and uncles.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Every, like, low-rent radio host and podcast racist with a dye job and a fleece vest shows up to try to out-crazy each other. Remember the first seasons of ‘American Idol’ when the losers would just line up and be mowed down by Simon Cowell? It’s like that but without Simon Cowell.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Actually, Trump’s excited to be there. He actually spent all day in the lobby signing copies of his classified documents.” — JIMMY FALLONThe Bits Worth WatchingJimmy Fallon and Brendan Fraser turned into Goat Leg Greg and Gilvin of the Tree to deliver “Pearls of Wisdom” on Thursday’s “Tonight Show.”Also, Check This OutDaniel Kwan, second from left, with his highly nominated “Everything Everywhere All at Once” collaborators Stephanie Hsu, Ke Huy Quan and Jonathan Wang.Some of this year’s Asian and Asian American Oscar nominees reflect on a record-setting awards season ahead of next week’s ceremony. More

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      Late Night Gives the Lowdown on CPAC

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      “CPAC stands for ‘Clowns Periodically Assembling in Convention Centers,’” Jimmy Kimmel joked on Wednesday.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.‘Gathering of the MAGA-los’The annual Conservative Political Action Conference kicked off outside of Washington on Wednesday.Jimmy Kimmel called it “the annual gathering of the MAGA-los,” saying the conference is “a chance for the far right to get together and share crazy thoughts.”“CPAC stands for ‘Clowns Periodically Assembling in Convention Centers.’” — JIMMY KIMMEL“It’s basically Coachella for people who post on Facebook in all caps.” — JIMMY FALLON“They started it with the traditional 21 assault rifle salute and the pledge of allegiance to Donald Trump.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“CPAC calls itself ‘the largest and most influential gathering of conservatives in the world.’ The speeches will be serious, while the people trying to dance at the after-party will be hilarious.” — JIMMY FALLON“The conference is being held at the Gaylord Harbor National Resort and Convention Center, which is another reason Mike Pence won’t come.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“They’ve got some great panels lined up this year. These are real — we didn’t make these up. These are not jokes. People pay to go see panels like ‘No Chinese Balloons Above Tennessee,’ ‘Sacking the Woke Playbook,’ ‘Parents with Pitchforks.’ I saw Parents with Pitchforks at Coachella last year. Really good band.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“But this is nice: After each speech, there will be a QAnon — I’m sorry, Q. and A.” — JIMMY FALLONThe Punchiest Punchlines (Women’s History Month Edition)“Today is March 1, which means it is the start of Women’s History Month. Exactly right. Yeah. Just remember, behind every great woman is a man loudly repeating her ideas.” — JIMMY FALLON“Women’s History Month started as Women’s History Week back in 1982, and then somebody thought, you know, ‘Hey, women should probably get more time than sharks on the Discovery Channel.’” — JIMMY KIMMEL“It’s an opportunity to look back at the history of women’s rights, especially this year, when so many of women’s rights are history.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Bits Worth WatchingHasan Minhaj deactivated his Twitter account on air during Wednesday night’s “Daily Show.”What We’re Excited About on Thursday NightSteven Spielberg will sit down with Stephen Colbert on Thursday’s “Late Show.”Also, Check This OutVictory Gardens Theater staged “cullud wattah” until its playwright, Erika Dickerson-Despenza, forced the company to stop the run to protest the ouster of its artistic director.Liz LaurenBlack playwrights in several cities have halted production of their work based on concerns with theater administrators’ lack of follow-through on promises of diversity and inclusion. More

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      Stephen Colbert Has News for Fans of Fox

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      “If there are any Fox viewers watching this — first off, I assume you’re looking for remote batteries. Try the junk drawer in the kitchen,” Colbert said.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.‘Error 404: Journalism Not Found’Rupert Murdoch, the chairman of the media empire that owns Fox News, acknowledged in a deposition that several hosts on his conservative news network promoted false narratives that the 2020 election was stolen from former President Donald Trump, court documents released on Monday showed.“If there are any Fox viewers watching this — first off, I assume you’re looking for remote batteries. Try the junk drawer in the kitchen,” Stephen Colbert joked on Tuesday’s “Late Show.” “Second, you should know a few things about Fox that it isn’t telling you.”“Fox News is being sued for defamation because their hosts endorsed lies about the 2020 election, while their text messages to each other prove that they knew Joe Biden won fair and square, and that their guests talking about stealing the election were all crazy liars. Also, no one can invent a pillow — they already existed!” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Last month, Murdoch sat down for a deposition as part of Dominion Voting Systems’ $1.6 billion lawsuit against Fox News, and he admitted under oath that election lies were knowingly endorsed by Fox hosts Sean Hannity, Jeanine Pirro, Lou Dobbs and Maria Bartiromo, collectively known as dumb, dumber, dumbest and Sean Hannity.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“The Dominion lawsuit is a massive story, which is why Fox News isn’t covering it. In fact, if you go to their website and search the past two months for the words ‘Dominion Voting Systems,’ you don’t get an article — not a single article. You just get a page that says ‘Error 404: Journalism Not Found.’” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Punchiest Punchlines (Fox News Group Chat Edition)“There was no mention of any of this on Fox News today. And here’s the thing: the reason they’re keeping this quiet — I know this is going to be a shock — is because Fox News lied to us.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Conservative media mogul Rupert Murdoch today said that they knowingly endorsed election fraud falsehoods. When reached for comment, Fox News replied, ‘Whoopsy daisy!’” — JAMES CORDEN“That’s not shocking. If Brian Kilmeade ever completed a Wordle, that would be shocking.” — HASAN MINHAJ“Oh, my God! Do you realize what this means? These people are secretly sane! They also don’t respect anyone they have on their show. These guys are texting each other all day about how [expletive] Fox News is. Their group chat is basically MSNBC.” — HASAN MINHAJThe Bits Worth WatchingAmber Ruffin and Jenny Hagel, writers on “Late Night,” made some “Jokes Seth Can’t Tell” about Black History Month and a lesbian kiss on “Yellowstone.”What We’re Excited About on Wednesday NightSheryl Lee Ralph, a star on “Abbott Elementary,” will sit down with James Corden on Wednesday’s “Late Late Show.”Also, Check This OutMaking the Tokyo episode did not change Eugene Levy’s feeling about sushi.Apple TV+Eugene Levy is going worldwide hosting his new Apple+ TV show, “The Reluctant Traveler.” More

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      Jimmy Kimmel Responds to Reports He Caused a ‘Trumper Tantrum’

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      A report said Donald Trump tried to get Disney to reprimand Kimmel for making fun of him. “In other words, President Karen demanded to speak to my manager,” Kimmel said.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.‘Trumper Tantrum’On Monday night, Jimmy Kimmel addressed a Rolling Stone report that said in 2018, then-President Trump asked White House officials to call Disney and demand that Kimmel stop making jokes about him. Disney owns ABC, which broadcasts Kimmel’s show.“The report says at least two calls were made from the Trump White House to ‘convey the president’s anger regarding Kimmel’s monologues and jabs,’” Kimmel said. “In other words, President Karen demanded to speak to my manager.”“You’d think the guy who fathered Eric and Don Jr. would know how to handle jokes, but I guess not.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“You know what, maybe this is why Donald and Melania sleep in separate bedrooms — she was laughing too hard at my monologue at night.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“But really, joking aside, this is a blatant abuse of power. I wonder if Fox News — you know they’re always screaming about censoring comedians — will they defend me on this? I doubt it.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“I wonder what it was specifically that sparked this, his Trumper tantrum.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Punchiest Punchlines (Low Confidence Edition)“The U.S. Energy Department just released a new report that said the Covid pandemic might have been started by a Chinese lab leak. Americans heard and were like, ‘Hey, thanks for that three years too late information. Any “Game of Thrones” spoilers?’” — JIMMY FALLON“Yep, they think Covid started in a lab, but said, ‘They only have low confidence in the report.’ ‘Low confidence,’ which is just one notch above, ‘We have no freaking idea.’” — JIMMY FALLON“How can you conclude something with low confidence? That’s not a conclusion. I think the word you’re looking for is ‘guess.’” — HASAN MINHAJ, guest host of “The Daily Show”“I mean, low confidence — that’s like me saying, ‘I think I can bench 3,000 pounds, but I have low confidence.’” — JIMMY FALLON“Yeah, you could tell by the way they delivered the news: ‘Um, maybe it was a lab leak? That’s stupid. Forget I said anything.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“The conclusion had low confidence. But honestly, once the ‘Queer Eye’ guys get ahold of it, give it a new haircut, teach it how to make guacamole, it’ll be a whole new conclusion, you just wait.” — JAMES CORDENThe Bits Worth Watching“Neil Young” performed the new viral hit “Angela Bassett Did the Thing” on Monday’s “Tonight Show.”What We’re Excited About on Tuesday NightThe actress Rebel Wilson will appear on Tuesday’s “Daily Show.”Also, Check This OutRachel Brosnahan and Oscar Isaac in Anne Kauffman’s revival of “The Sign in Sidney Brustein’s Window” at the Brooklyn Academy of Music.Sara Krulwich/The New York TimesOscar Isaac and Rachel Brosnahan star in a rare revival of Lorraine Hansberry’s “The Sign in Sidney Brustein’s Window.” More

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      Late Night Weighs in on President Biden’s Annual Physical

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      Jimmy Fallon joked that Vice President Kamala Harris “seemed a little too eager to hear the results.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.So Far, So GoodPresident Joe Biden received a clean bill of health after his annual physical at Walter Reed on Thursday.Late night hosts used the opportunity to poke fun at Biden’s age. Jimmy Fallon joked that Vice President Kamala Harris “seemed a little too eager to hear the results.”“Yeah, it’s never good when the doctor examining you is like, ‘I don’t know if they even make these parts anymore.’” — JIMMY FALLON“Yep, the exam was going great until Biden confused the eye chart for a teleprompter.” — JIMMY FALLON“The White House said Biden’s exam took three hours. It’s never good when your physical has an intermission, you know what I’m saying? Nothing says ‘peak physical condition’ like a doctor’s visit with the same running time as ‘Avatar 2.’” — JIMMY FALLONThe Punchiest Punchlines (Fit as a Fiddle Edition)“So today, Joe Biden had his annual physical. It was a clean bill of health, although his X-ray did reveal several classified documents. Gotta look everywhere.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“The presidential physical is pretty thorough. They do a colonoscopy, blood tests, and, as part of the dental exam, Biden pulls Air Force One with his teeth.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“The physician reported that the president remains healthy and vigorous. That’s right, you tuned in to this show to be entertained, and you are hearing about an 80-year-old man’s doctor visit.” — JAMES CORDEN“Between the F.B.I. search and undergoing a physical, this is a huge week for Biden getting probed.” — JAMES CORDEN“This seems like one of the worst parts of being the president of the United States, just having the entire country know your height, weight and that you’ve got some kind of weird rash.” — JAMES CORDENThe Bits Worth WatchingThe “Daily Show” correspondent Jordan Klepper found out where Republican voters stood on Donald Trump at a recent rally for Nikki Haley, Trump’s first declared rival for the presidential nomination.Also, Check This OutIn the revival, all of the original main characters (except for Casey, played by Lizzy Caplan, not pictured) are either pulled back into cater waiting or never stopped.StarzThe all-star sleeper hit comedy series “Party Down” returns for a new season 14 years after the comedy first premiered on Starz. More