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      Late Night Confirms Alex Jones Is a Loser

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      Stephen Colbert was grateful that “by the grace of God, sometimes bad things happen to Alex Jones” on Wednesday.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.The Biggest LoserA jury in Connecticut ordered Alex Jones to pay nearly $1 billion in damages to families of eight Sandy Hook victims and one F.B.I. agent on Wednesday.Stephen Colbert couldn’t contain his glee on Wednesday night’s “Late Show.”“And tonight I come to you with a spring in my step, a song in my heart, emotionally and spiritually refreshed. Because, you know how as humans, we have to accept the fact that sometimes bad things happen to good people? Well, by the grace of God, sometimes bad things happen to Alex Jones.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“That’s a lot of money! You heard that right — billion with a capital ‘Byeee.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“I guess the good guys just won the Infowars, is what happened there.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Punchiest Punchlines (Walker on Eggshells Edition)“The latest on Herschel is that abortion that the mother of one of his sons said he paid for, she said she had to badger him to even get the money. She said she told him, ‘Listen, both of us did this. We both know how babies are made,’ which I’m not so sure Herschel does. Because I’m not so sure Herschel knows how bread is made.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Maybe Herschel doesn’t even know what ‘pro life’ means. Maybe he was like, ‘I was a pro football player — this is my life. Pro life!” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Aah, so he’s cool with abortion as long as it doesn’t cost him. So he’s socially liberal, fiscally conservative, complete a-hole.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“The election in Georgia is now less than a month away. Walker doesn’t intend to pull out. Pulling out isn’t his thing.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Bits Worth WatchingCamila Cabello and Jimmy Fallon guessed song titles using only emojis for clues on Wednesday’s “Tonight Show.”What We’re Excited About on Thursday NightTrevor Noah will surely talk about signing off from “The Daily Show” during his Thursday appearance on “The Tonight Show.”Also, Check This Out“All I’m interested in is freedom as a performer, and I don’t get that opportunity very often,” Jamie Lee Curtis said. “But the times I’ve been able to be free, I’m on fire.”Ryan Pfluger for The New York TimesJamie Lee Curtis’s 44-year career has afforded her the freedom to choose roles she’s happy to return to and new ones she can sink her teeth into. More

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      Jimmy Kimmel Responds to Trump Lashing Out at Late Night

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      “I didn’t even see it, that’s how badly his social media platform is doing,” Kimmel said of Trump’s Truth Social rant about late night hosts.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.The Truth Is ElsewhereOn Tuesday, Jimmy Kimmel relayed that former President Donald Trump “took a break yesterday from disparaging the FBI to go after” Kimmel and his fellow late night talk show hosts on Truth Social.“I didn’t even see it, that’s how badly his social media platform is doing,” Kimmel said.“He wrote, ‘It was my great honor to have destroyed the ratings of late night comedy shows. There is nothing funny about the shows, the three hosts have very little talent, and when Jimmy Fallon apologized for having humanized Trump and his ratings soared, the radical left forced him to apologize. That was effectively the end of “The Tonight Show”’ — which I’m pretty sure is still on, right?” — JIMMY KIMMEL“If anyone knows talent, it’s Donald Trump. He has walked backstage unannounced while young women were changing at some of the biggest talent competitions in the whole world.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“And as far as ratings go, on behalf of my fellow late night talk show hosts — Jimmy, Stephen, Seth and I — we’ve been on for a total of 58 seasons and counting; your presidency got canceled after one.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Punchiest Punchlines (The Big 8-0 Edition)“Right after the midterms, there’s going to be another big day: It’s going to be Joe Biden’s birthday, when he’ll turn 80 years old, making him the first president to become an octogenarian while in office. The White House has a little bit of a problem here, because ‘oldest president ever’ is not the kind of record you want to be setting. It’s right up there with Grover Cleveland’s record for longest presidential fingernails.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“According to administration sources, you shouldn’t expect a blowout birthday bash, which is just what you’d say when you’re planning a surprise party! Oh, it’s going to be hot. There’s going to be a senior citizen throw-down! We’re talking Ensure stands, low-cut shawls, and shots, shots, shots: Covid, flu and shingles.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“White House officials are reportedly planning to downplay President Biden’s upcoming 80th birthday. Well, good luck with that, ’cause everything about Biden screams ‘birthday week.’ [imitating Biden] ‘Monday, I’m going bowling with my college buds; Tuesday, shots; Wednesday, Dave & Buster’s, then we’re all flying to Ibiza!’” — SETH MEYERSThe Bits Worth WatchingSeth Meyers sent up Fox News’s annual “Halloween fearmongering” by adding some newfound holiday threats to the list such as “Mike and Ike are trying to adopt.”What We’re Excited About on Wednesday NightJon Gray, Pierre Serrao, and Lester Walker of the Bronx-based collective Ghetto Gastro will appear on “The Daily Show” on Wednesday to talk about their new book, “Black Power Kitchen.”Also, Check This OutMelissa Etheridge, left, and Jill Sobule. In the 1990s, Etheridge made a splash with the hits “Come to My Window” and “I’m the Only One.” That same decade, Sobule released “I Kissed a Girl.”Luisa Opalesky for The New York TimesSinger-songwriters Melissa Etheridge and Jill Sobule are bringing their respective lives and musical careers to the stage in two new shows this week in New York. More

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      Stephen Colbert Calls Biden’s Marijuana Pardon a ‘Green New Deal’

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      Colbert celebrated Biden’s announcement on Thursday that people convicted of marijuana possession under federal law would be pardoned.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.‘Green New Deal’President Joe Biden pardoned people convicted of marijuana possession under federal law on Thursday.“Ladies and gentlemen, that is a hell of a green New Deal,” Stephen Colbert said.“He’s pardoning federal marijuana simple-possession offenses — all of them, from the dankest nugs to the harshest ditch weed. I’m talkin’ pot, grass, Mary Jane, reefer, the sweet sticky icky, ganja, choom-choom, lime pillows, sticks n’ stems, herb, chronic, Yemen, the devil’s lettuce, wacky tobacky, Acapulco gold, jazz cigarettes and the right honorable reverend Al Green.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Can you imagine how many people are incarcerated? Even worse, can you imagine getting pardoned for this after seeing how mainstream weed has become in America? I bet witches probably feel the same way, you know? It’s like, ‘Oh, so these hipster chicks can walk around Brooklyn with their candles and crystals, but when I did it in Salem, I got burned!’” — TREVOR NOAH“This will affect more than 6,000 Americans. Their criminal records will be cleared. He also encouraged governors to do the same on the state level, promised that his administration will review whether marijuana should still be classified as a schedule 1 drug and gave the Presidential Medal of Freedom to a bag of Funyuns.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Punchiest Punchlines (High Point Edition)“The move stops short of full decriminalization, which will probably have to wait until we have a President Woodrow Harrelson or something.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“I’m pretty sure Biden’s approval rating is about to get high for the first time.” — JIMMY FALLON“It is the most cannabis-friendly decision by a U.S. president yet, and I, for one, am just glad Willie Nelson is alive to see this happen.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Yeah, the president canceled student loan debt and now he’s pardoning people for weed. I think Biden’s going to be able to get into any frat he wants right now.” — JIMMY FALLONThe Bits Worth WatchingThe rapper Jack Harlow co-hosted “The Tonight Show,” sharing in Thursday night’s edition of #Hashtags with Jimmy Fallon.Also, Check This OutOndi Timoner filmed her father’s last days. “I wanted to bottle him up,” she said. “I was terrified to not hear his voice again.”Brad Torchia for The New York Times“Last Flight Home,” by Ondi Timoner, is a documentary about her terminally ill father, who chose to end his life by medically assisted suicide. More

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      Late Night Rips Into Ron DeSantis for His ‘Go-Go’ Boots

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      “You’re not allowed to pass a ‘Don’t say gay’ bill then show up in public dressed like Nancy Sinatra,” Jimmy Kimmel said.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Getting the BootPresident Joe Biden met with Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis on Wednesday, setting aside political conversations to focus on the damage from Hurricane Ian.“Last time Joe Biden saw a storm this big, he had to help Noah collect all the pets and get them on the boat,” Jimmy Kimmel joked.“It’s like the special episode of a Disney sitcom where the school bully realizes he needs help with his math homework.” — JIMMY FALLON“Governor DeSantis has been touring damaged areas to let residents know they’re not forgotten — and one thing that few will ever forget is the white knee-high boots he was sporting.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Looks a little less ‘governor on the go’ and more ‘governor of the Go-Gos.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“You’re not allowed to pass a ‘Don’t say gay’ bill then show up in public dressed like Nancy Sinatra.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“But DeSantis was actually nice to Biden — he actually even offered him a free flight to Martha’s Vineyard.” — JIMMY FALLONThe Punchiest Punchlines (Return on Investment Edition)“The home run ball itself is thought to be worth at least $2 million, and it was caught by an investment banker. Huge moment for the Yankees and an investment banker. What a night for the underdogs, you know?” — JIMMY FALLON“Well, there is a feel-good story for you. I’m glad things are finally working out for that executive at an investment firm. That’s what the game is all about. Good for you, buddy. Good for you.” — TREVOR NOAHThe Bits Worth WatchingThe correspondent Ronny Chieng investigated the world of ultimate pillow fighting for Wednesday’s “Daily Show.”What We’re Excited About on Thursday NightCate Blanchett will talk about her new film “Tár” on Thursday’s “Late Show.”Also, Check This OutBeavis and Butt-Head in the rebooted version of the series.Paramount+As a show that was smarter than its characters, “Beavis and Butt-Head” is too often overlooked and unappreciated. More

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      Stephen Colbert Pens Get-Well Card to Herschel Walker

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      Colbert did not mince words in his greeting to the Senate candidate, who denied paying for a former girlfriend’s abortion, as was reported by The Daily Beast.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Thoughts and PrayersHerschel Walker, the Republican Senate candidate in Georgia and a noted opponent of abortion, denied reports from Monday that he paid for a woman’s abortion in 2009. Walker’s former girlfriend provided a receipt from an abortion clinic and a $700 check she received in a get-well card, The Daily Beast reported.On Tuesday, Stephen Colbert referred to the situation as “a disaster.”“So Walker went on the Fox News last night and was asked about this evidence by the most effective form of birth control known to man, Sean Hannity,” Colbert said.“Well, sure, all celebrities send cards to complete strangers. In fact, you know what? Herschel’s going through a tough time right now, so let me just get this down real quick: ‘Dear Herschel, get well — you know what? Get [expletive], Stephen.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“I mean, this woman says that she has a receipt, a check, and a get-well card that he signed. The only way there could be more of a paper trail is if he bought a souvenir T-shirt from the abortion clinic’s gift shop.” — TREVOR NOAH“Imagine being so stupid you write a check for an abortion you want to keep secret. And that card, if you’re wondering where you can even get a card like that, you can find them right next to the ‘dads and grads’ section at CVS.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“A former girlfriend of Republican Georgia Senate candidate Herschel Walker claimed in a new interview that Walker paid for her to get an abortion in 2009. And the only way that will hurt him with Republicans is if some of that money went to pay down her student loans.” — SETH MEYERSThe Punchiest Punchlines (Tainted Reputation Edition)“Former President Trump filed a defamation lawsuit yesterday against CNN and claimed that the network has made a ‘persistent association’ between Trump and Adolf Hitler. Yeah, come on, CNN. Can’t a guy hold a series of racist rallies in a country suffering skyrocketing inflation without being compared to Hitler?” — SETH MEYERS“This is true, the lawsuit takes issue with CNN’s use of the words ‘racist’ and ‘insurrectionist’ when discussing Trump. I don’t want to help Trump in this lawsuit, but CNN also called him a billionaire.” — JAMES CORDEN“Get this: Former President Trump is claiming that CNN is trying to hurt his image ahead of the 2024 election, and he announced that $475 million defamation lawsuit against the network. In response, CNN was like, ‘Hey, thanks for thinking we have that kind of money. Wow, we pay Anderson Cooper in Panera bucks, you know what I mean?” — JIMMY KIMMEL“He sued CNN for defamation, charging the channel acted with ‘real animosity’ to cause him ‘true harm.’ True harm? They reported the facts! That’s like suing your mirror for giving you cankles.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Specifically, the suit claims that CNN tried to taint the plaintiff, which is not easy — the plaintiff is mostly taint.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“But this is tricky territory for Trump. On the one hand, he thinks that CNN calling him racist hurt his chances for re-election. On the other hand, if he says he isn’t racist, that could also hurt his chances for re-election.” — JAMES CORDENThe Bits Worth WatchingThe “Tonight Show” guests Ralph Macchio, Jennifer Beals and Lea Thompson played a game of ’80s-themed charades with Jimmy Fallon on Tuesday.What We’re Excited About on Wednesday NightMaggie Haberman will sit down to dish on her new book “Confidence Man” with Trevor Noah on Wednesday’s “Daily Show.”Also, Check This OutLoretta Lynn performing in 1976 in Rochester, N.Y. Her voice was unmistakable, with its Kentucky drawl, its tensely coiled vibrato and its deep reserves of power.Waring Abbott/Getty ImagesThe country music star Loretta Lynn died on Tuesday, leaving behind a legacy of fiery expressions of female resolve. More

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      Jimmy Kimmel: Superman Doesn’t Fit Trump

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      Kimmel joked that aides couldn’t find the right size of Superman ‘Underoos’ for the former president, who wanted to pull a Clark Kent after leaving Walter Reed in 2020.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.‘Just Like Superman Would Never Do’Maggie Haberman’s new book, “Confidence Man,” reveals that in 2020, President Donald Trump wanted to unbutton his shirt to reveal a Superman T-shirt upon his emergence from Walter Reed Hospital after being treated for Covid.“Unfortunately, they couldn’t find Underoos in a size triple-XL,” Jimmy Kimmel joked.“According to Haberman, the plan was Trump would be wheeled out of Walter Reed hospital in a chair, and, once outdoors, he would dramatically stand up, open his button-down dress shirt to reveal a Superman logo. Listen, the only thing Trump does faster than a speeding bullet is have sex. We know that from Stormy Daniels.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“When he was preparing to leave Walter Reed Medical Center in 2020 after being treated for the coronavirus, then-President Trump reportedly told aides he wanted to exit the hospital in a wheelchair and then stand up to reveal a Superman shirt. You know, just like Superman would never do.” — SETH MEYERSThe Punchiest Punch Lines (Go Fish Edition)“At a fishing tournament in Cleveland on Friday, a duo that had been declared winners were caught cheating. Of course, this was fishing, so after they were caught, they were released.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Now, it’s a lakeside fishing scandal so explosive, many are calling it ‘Watergate.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“I haven’t seen white dudes this mad about fish since Disney announced the ‘Little Mermaid’ thing.” — TREVOR NOAH“You 100 percent could’ve told me that was footage from Jan. 6, and I would have believed you.” — JAMES CORDEN“Honestly, in a million years, I would never be able to guess that professional fishermen’s trash talk would include the phrase, ‘Where’s your crown now?’” — JAMES CORDENThe Bits Worth WatchingTrevor Noah looked into a new dating app for conservatives called The Right Stuff on Monday’s “Daily Show.”What We’re Excited About on Tuesday NightThe national touring company of “Oklahoma!” will perform on Tuesday’s “Late Late Show.”Also, Check This OutJack Webb in “Dragnet” and Amanda Warren in “East New York.”From left: NBC, via Getty Images; Scott McDermott/CBSPolice procedurals date back to the dawn of television, but the genre has evolved over the years. More

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      After 7 Years on ‘The Daily Show,’ Trevor Noah Says ‘It’s Time’ to Depart

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      “It’s not instant. I’m not disappearing. Don’t worry. If I owe you money, I’ll still pay you,” Noah joked.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Happy Anniversary, I’m Out of HereTrevor Noah announced his departure from “The Daily Show” on Thursday, almost seven years to the day since he took over from Jon Stewart.Noah expressed his gratitude to everyone who’d supported Comedy Central’s “crazy choice” to hire “this random African” whom “nobody knew on this side of the world.”“It’s been absolutely amazing. It’s something that I never expected. And I found myself thinking throughout the time, you know, everything we’ve gone through. The Trump presidency, the pandemic, just the journey of, you know, the more pandemic.” — TREVOR NOAH“And then I realized that after the seven years, my time is up. Yeah, but in — in the most beautiful way, honestly. I’ve loved hosting this show. It’s been one of my greatest challenges. It’s been one of my greatest joys. I’ve loved trying to figure out how to make people laugh even when the stories were particularly [expletive] on the worst days, you know? We’ve laughed together, we’ve cried together. But after seven years, I feel like it’s — it’s time.” — TREVOR NOAH“I’ve never been good at goodbyes. It’s not instant. I’m not disappearing. Don’t worry. If I owe you money, I’ll still pay you.” — TREVOR NOAHThe Punchiest Punchlines (Frankie Lasagna Edition)“Frankie Lasagna sounds like a name you get from the Olive Garden witness protection program.” — JIMMY FALLON, on the name of the fan who missed the 61st home run ball from Aaron Judge on Wednesday night“[imitating Frankie] ‘Hey, I’m Frankie Lasagna. It’s Francis — it’s Francis Lasagna but my friends call me Frankie.’” Which is either the best name I’ve ever heard, or the worst alias in the history of the mob. ‘[imitating mobster] Hey, I’m Frankie Lasagna. These are my associates, Mikey Pizza, Sal Calzone, and his cousin, Bobby Unlimited Breadsticks.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Frankie Lasagna sounds like the name Robert De Niro checks into hotels to avoid paparazzi.” — JIMMY FALLON“Frankie Lasagna sounds like the name of Trump’s next lawyer.” — JIMMY FALLONThe Bits Worth WatchingOn the “Tonight Show,” Robert De Niro played a game of hot hands with Jimmy Fallon on Thursday’s cold open.Also, Check This OutLea Michele (with Ramin Karimloo) lights up like a light as the new Fanny Brice on Broadway. Matthew MurphyLea Michele is stupendous as Fanny Brice in “Funny Girl.” More

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      Stephen Colbert Details Tidbits From a Forthcoming Trump Book

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      “The real presidency is the rich friends we made along the way,” Colbert said in response to Trump’s remark that he has “so many rich friends, and nobody knows who they are.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Ask No Questions, Hear No LiesIn her new book, “Confidence Man: The Making of Donald Trump and the Breaking of America,” Maggie Haberman, a reporter for The New York Times, writes about the end of Trump’s presidency.On Monday night, Stephen Colbert detailed some tidbits from the forthcoming tell-all, including the former president’s denial that he was watching television on Jan. 6 as rioters stormed the Capitol.“Really? Really? You’re accused of inciting an angry mob to storm the Capitol to prevent the peaceful transfer of power for the first in our nation’s history, and that’s the part of the testimony you’re taking issue with?” — STEPHEN COLBERT“The former president also said other things to Haberman, including this anecdote about running for president: ‘The question I get asked more than any other question: If you had it to do again, would you have done it?’ OK, that’s clearly a lie. The question he gets asked more than any other is ‘Do you want fries with that?’ The answer is yes.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“He continued: ‘The answer is, yeah, I think so. Because here’s the way I look at it — I have so many rich friends, and nobody knows who they are.’ Yep, the real presidency is the rich friends we made along the way.” — STEPHEN COLBERT[Imitating Trump] “A lot of times I’m asked what’s the main question I get asked is. That’s a good question. Well, I tend to ask myself the thing people are asking the most, which is ‘What question which gets questioned of me gets asked of me by me.’ Any questions?” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Punchiest Punchlines (Father Figure Edition)“Hold on — I’ve felt a great disturbance in the force, because we just learned that James Earl Jones is retiring from the role of Darth Vader in ‘Star Wars.’ He will now be playing Baby Yoda.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“You see? The Little Mermaid becomes Black and they take away James Earl Jones! I told you there would be backlash! I told you!” — TREVOR NOAH“Instead of trying to find someone else to voice the part, Disney has said they are gonna use artificial intelligence to replicate Darth Vader’s voice. Yeah, I don’t know, people, this makes me a little nervous. Yeah, we think A.I. is going to take over the world, and now we’re going to teach it to use the dark side of the force? No one thinks this is a bad idea?” — TREVOR NOAH“That voice is iconic. It belongs in Darth Vader’s body — or announcing CNN promos — but that’s it.” — TREVOR NOAHThe Bits Worth WatchingJimmy Fallon announced his new bilingual children’s book, “Con Pollo,” co-written with Jennifer Lopez, on Monday’s “Tonight Show.”What We’re Excited About on Tuesday NightDavid Letterman will pop by Tuesday’s “Jimmy Kimmel Live.”Also, Check This OutAndres sketching a piece.Elliott Jerome Brown Jr. for The New York TimesPaintings by Andres Valencia, a 10-year-old fifth grader, have sold for more than $125,000. More