Colbert, Stephen

Subterms

    More stories

    • 125 Shares169 Views

      in Television

      Late Night Weighs In on Pete Hegseth’s ‘Teetering’ Nomination Prospects

      by

      Hosts riff on Trump’s possible swap of his secretary of defense nominee amid excessive-drinking claims against Hegseth.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.‘Sobering News’President-elect Donald Trump is said to be reconsidering his choice of Pete Hegseth for defense secretary after allegations emerged of the former Fox News host drinking excessively while on the job.On Wednesday’s “Daily Show,” Ronny Chieng wondered who could have seen this coming — “other than Matt Gaetz, Mike Pence, Rudy Giuliani, Michael Cohen and everyone else Trump has ever come into contact with?”“Hey, anyone heard from Herman Cain lately? He’s dead — Google it.” — RONNY CHIENG“OK, before you judge — yes, his show starts at six in the morning, but he was still drinking from the night before, OK? So it’s not sad, it’s awesome.” — RONNY CHIENG“I mean, if Hegseth doesn’t get confirmed, this is really going to make people question Trump’s strategy of giving the most unemployable people on earth the hardest jobs that have ever existed.” — RONNY CHIENGThe Punchiest Punchlines (Plan D Edition)“Apparently, the reports of the drinky-drink are making Trump doing the thinky-think, because word is Trump’s support for Hegseth is teetering, much like Pete Hegseth at a staff meeting.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Instead, Trump is mulling replacing Hegseth with Florida Governor Ron DeSantis. While DeSantis actually has some defense qualifications, the replacement isn’t a done deal, because some in Trump’s orbit strongly dislike Ron DeSantis. Wow, that is a weird way to find out I am in Trump’s orbit.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“And if you’re wondering what qualifications Ron DeSantis has to run the Pentagon, you are correct to wonder that.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“But at least Ron DeSantis is the governor of a state, and he does have military experience. He served in the navy as a JAG officer — he’s a real jag officer, this guy.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Bits Worth WatchingThe actress Isabella Rossellini discussed the revival of her film “Death Becomes Her” as a Broadway musical while on Wednesday’s “Tonight Show.”What We’re Excited About on Thursday NightThe “Saturday Night Live” alumna Kate McKinnon will appear on Thursday’s “Late Show.”Also, Check This OutGetting notes from the fellow actor Jesse Eisenberg, his castmate and director, threw Kieran Culkin off at first: “Literally, my chest would pop out, and I’d clench my fist and be in a defensive stance.”Sam Hellmann for The New York TimesKieran Culkin is an awards season front-runner for his role in “A Real Pain,” but his favorite part to play is father to his two children. More

    • 100 Shares119 Views

      in Television

      Late Night Razzes Trump’s Upcoming Visit to Notre-Dame

      by

      “If all goes according to plan, he would like to buy it and turn it into a casino,” Jimmy Kimmel said of the Paris cathedral on Tuesday.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Prayers Up for ParisPresident-elect Donald Trump will fly to France this weekend to attend the reopening of the historic Notre-Dame Cathedral in Paris, five years after it was gutted by a fire.“If all goes according to plan, he would like to buy it and turn it into a casino,” Jimmy Kimmel joked on Tuesday.“When Notre-Dame was on fire five years ago, if you remember, Trump was very helpful. He tweeted, ‘So horrible to watch the massive fire at Notre-Dame Cathedral in Paris. Perhaps flying water tankers could be used to put it out?’ Because before then, nobody had thought of using water to put out a fire. That’s why he’s a genius.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Trump plans to meet with French President Macron, who is one of the first world leaders smart enough to congratulate him on his victory last month. He wrote: ‘Ready to work together as we did for four years. With your convictions and mine.’ That’s right — between the two of them, they’ve got 34 convictions.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“And it’ll be interesting to see Trump and Macron interact. Trump is said to be jealous of the French president because he’s able to button his suit jacket without adding butter to his chest.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“But it’s expected to be a nice, very pleasant trip for the president-elect to enjoy Paris before he takes office, and, of course, for his wife Melania to enjoy wherever it is she will be this weekend.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Punchiest Punchlines (On Fire Edition)“I read that President-elect Trump is going to Paris this weekend to attend the reopening of the Notre-Dame Cathedral after it was destroyed in a fire back in 2019. Yep, Trump’s going to take one step inside the church, and it’s going to burst right back into flames.” — JIMMY FALLON“The opening ceremonies are this Sunday, and the restored cathedral will be honored with massive pyrotechnics, a fire-eater and an exhibit of Europe’s most oily rags.” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Bits Worth WatchingOn “The Tonight Show” the comedian Fortune Feimster shared the story of successfully introducing her wife to Madonna after 10 years of trying.What We’re Excited About on Wednesday NightBest buddies Anderson Cooper and Andy Cohen will stop by Wednesday’s “Late Show.”Also, Check This OutJulia Fox takes pride in being one of New York’s most out-there artists.Megan LovalloActress, writer and all-around It Girl Julia Fox shared her tips for being a freak in T Magazine’s Freak City issue. More

    • 125 Shares179 Views

      in Television

      Jon Stewart Thinks Biden Could Have Timed That Pardon Better

      by

      “Normally, you drop a controversial pardon like the way you buy porn at a gas station: in a flurry of other distracting purchases,” the “Late Night” host said.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.‘Hypocrisy Isn’t Illegal’As Thanksgiving weekend drew to a close, President Biden issued a full and unconditional pardon for his son Hunter, despite having repeatedly pledged not to do so. It was the talk of late night on Monday.On “The Daily Show,” Jon Stewart questioned the president’s timing.“Normally, you drop a controversial pardon like the way you buy porn at a gas station: in a flurry of other distracting purchases.” — JON STEWART“Thanksgiving! I knew it! Perhaps I can explain the way this pardon went down in my new one-man show, ‘Can You Get Hunter to Stop Looking at Me Like That?’” — JON STEWART“He’s an 82-year-old man — he doesn’t want to spend the rest of his life visiting his son in prison.” — JON STEWART“Hypocrisy isn’t illegal, nor is it particularly unusual in politics. It’s not like he’s ever going to run again, so why not take care of your kid, even if you said you weren’t going to? I respect it. I don’t have a problem with it. The problem is, the rest of the Democrats made Biden’s pledge to not pardon Hunter the foundation of their defense of America.” — JON STEWARTThe Punchiest Punchlines (World’s Greatest Dad Edition)“Yeah, it was a big shopping weekend, and millions of people got great deals, but nobody got a better deal than Hunter Biden.” — JIMMY FALLON“Christmas came early for this guy.” — TYRUS, guest host of “Gutfeld!”“The Biden presidency has now entered the ‘Grandpa doesn’t give a damn about what you think’ phase.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“And, yes, Joe Biden did say he wasn’t going to pardon Hunter. But, to be fair, there’s a very good chance he doesn’t remember saying that.” — JIMMY KIMMELWe are having trouble retrieving the article content.Please enable JavaScript in your browser settings.Thank you for your patience while we verify access. If you are in Reader mode please exit and log into your Times account, or subscribe for all of The Times.Thank you for your patience while we verify access.Already a subscriber? Log in.Want all of The Times? Subscribe. More

    • 125 Shares139 Views

      in Television

      Late Night Can’t Believe Matt Gaetz Won’t Be Attorney General

      by

      Jimmy Kimmel said the scandal-ridden ex-congressman’s withdrawal was “exciting news for Judge Jeanine Pirro, who will be our next attorney general.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.A Distraction From the DistractionsMatt Gaetz, who was President-elect Donald J. Trump’s choice for attorney general despite allegations that he’d used drugs and had sex with a 17-year-old, withdrew his name from consideration on Thursday.Jimmy Kimmel said the ex-congressman from Florida had “crawled back under the rock of cocaine he scurried out from under.”“He said he decided to take his MAGA hat out of the ring because his nomination was becoming a distraction to the critical work of the Trump/Vance transition. Which is true: President-elect Trump should not be distracted from his critical work of creating other distractions.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Gaetz said he was honored that Trump nominated him, and he looks forward to spending more time posing as a high school senior on the Roblox Reddit page.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“See, the thing is, Trump did this wrong. He did it in the wrong order. First, you nominate Diddy for attorney general, then Matt Gaetz.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“This Gaetz situation is a setback for Trump, but it’ll all be forgotten as soon as he nominates new surgeon general Dr. Heathcliff Huxtable.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“All of this attention on this sex criminal was unfairly distracting from the critical work of all the other sex criminals who have been nominated.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“And while this is sad news for Gaetz and his fans, it is potentially very exciting news for Judge Jeanine Pirro, who will be our next attorney general.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Poor Rudy Giuliani. He has to be on the twin bed in the office his son converted into a guest room right now, going, ‘What about me?’” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Punchiest Punchlines (Withdrawal Edition)“Former Florida congressman Matt Gaetz withdrew today as President-elect Trump’s nominee for attorney general. This puts a lot of pressure on Trump, because now there’s not much time to find somebody worse.” — SETH MEYERS“Matt Gaetz is out? But his nomination was only eight days old! Once again, he can’t even make it to 18.” — SETH MEYERS“If you’ve ever dreamed of being an attorney general, update your résumé, because they have an opening.” — DESI LYDICThe Bits Worth WatchingGwyneth Paltrow and DJ Khaled played a game of “True Confessions” on Thursday’s “Tonight Show.”Also, Check This OutRachel Elizabeth Seed’s mother, Sheila Turner Seed, in “A Photographic Memory.”Capariva FilmsRachel Elizabeth Seed’s new documentary, “A Photographic Memory,” weaves meditations on memory and the nature of photography with a personal narrative about her mother, a photographer who died when she was 18 months old. More

    • 125 Shares99 Views

      in Television

      Desi Lydic Digs Into the Sordid Claims Against Matt Gaetz

      by

      “Your future attorney general, everyone,” Desi Lydic said on “The Daily Show.” “It’s always the people you most expect.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.‘That Alone Should Be Disqualifying’The lawyer representing two women who testified that former Representative Matt Gaetz paid them for sex described his clients’ testimony with multiple news outlets on Monday. The lawyer, Joel Leppard, said the women said that Gaetz paid money for their services via Venmo and that they traveled with him numerous times, including to New York, where he took them to see “Pretty Woman” on Broadway.“Your future attorney general, everyone,” Desi Lydic said Tuesday on “The Daily Show.” “It’s always the people you most expect.”“And they said he paid for sex with Venmo? Has this guy ever heard of cash? Come on. At the bare minimum, an attorney general should know how to cover up his own crimes.” — DESI LYDIC“The fact that Matt Gaetz was stupid enough to pay for sex with Venmo — that alone should be disqualifying.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“That is crazy. Taking a woman you pay for sex to see ‘Pretty Woman’ is like taking a giraffe to the zoo.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“It’s a little on the nose, wasn’t it? I guess ‘High School Musical’ was sold out?” — DESI LYDIC“The worst part is that he apparently took them to watch him on Fox News. God, I hope they charged him extra for that.” — DESI LYDIC“If Trump can’t get his nominees confirmed through the Senate, his team is considering recess appointments. Recess is where Congress temporarily suspends its proceedings — also where Matt Gaetz finds his girlfriends.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Punchiest Punchlines (King of the Road Edition)“Trump also just nominated Fox News contributor Sean Duffy to serve as secretary of transportation. Yep. If you’re Irish Catholic like me, you know at least 20 guys named Sean Duffy.” — JIMMY FALLON“Up till now, I have been critical of Trump’s appointees, but I fully support Duffy. First of all, he has real-world experience — in that he was in the cast of MTV’s ‘The Real World: Boston’ in 1997.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Now, the Debbie Downers out there claim Duffy’s not qualified for this job just because he has little to no experience in the transportation field. Oh, really? Have you forgotten that Mr. Duffy also served a full term on ‘Road Rules: All Stars’?” — STEPHEN COLBERT“He hired the guy from ‘Road Rules’ to be secretary of transportation, because of course he did — the word ‘road’ is right in there.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“That is one of his least embarrassing picks. Maybe he’ll pick one of the ‘Teen Moms’ to be secretary of labor.” — JIMMY KIMMELWe are having trouble retrieving the article content.Please enable JavaScript in your browser settings.Thank you for your patience while we verify access. If you are in Reader mode please exit and log into your Times account, or subscribe for all of The Times.Thank you for your patience while we verify access.Already a subscriber? Log in.Want all of The Times? Subscribe. More

    • 113 Shares149 Views

      in Television

      Late Night Is Appalled by Trump’s Mile-High McDonald’s Feast

      by

      The president-elect dined on his plane with some associates — including Robert F. Kennedy Jr., who hates fast food. Jimmy Kimmel called it a “subservience test.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Not-So-Happy MealOver the weekend, President-elect Donald Trump shared a photo from his private plane, showing him eating McDonald’s with Elon Musk, Donald Trump Jr. and Robert F. Kennedy Jr. as Speaker Mike Johnson peeked into the frame.“Only Donald Trump would force his new health czar to eat McDonald’s,” Jimmy Kimmel said, referring to Kennedy. “That’s what he does, these are subservience tests.” “This is like the Last Supper, but everyone is Judas.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“I love that they essentially hazed R.F.K. Jr., who rails against processed food and has called fast food poison, by not only making him eat McDonald’s but forcing him to take a picture while doing it.” — SETH MEYERS“You can tell it’s McDonald’s, because that is a grimace.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Look at R.F.K. Jr. He’s holding that McDonald’s the way you hold a bag of weed you found in your kid’s room.” — SETH MEYERS“That is the most powerful assemblage of junk food since the Yalta Conference party sub.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Look, I know Trump has been accused and found guilty of many crimes, but certainly none worse than ‘brings Filet-O-Fish on a plane.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT‘There’s No Monopoly on Stupid’On “Real Time,” Bill Maher chided Democrats for losing touch with the average American, saying the party had become “a ‘Portlandia’ sketch.”“Maybe take the clothespins off your noses and actually converse with the other half of the country. Stop screaming at people to get with the program and instead make a program worth getting with.” — BILL MAHER“You love to speak truth to power, and we always should, but you have completely lost the ability to speak truth to [expletive].” — BILL MAHER“You just lost a crazy contest to an actual crazy person.” — BILL MAHER“Even the one concession I’ve heard a few people on the losing side offer — that liberals should stop saying that Trump voters are stupid — comes with a kind of unspoken parentheses: ‘We know they are stupid, just don’t say it.’ Yeah, I got bad news for you: They don’t have a monopoly on stupid.” — BILL MAHERGreg Gutfeld had similar thoughts about the Democrats on Monday.We are having trouble retrieving the article content.Please enable JavaScript in your browser settings.Thank you for your patience while we verify access. If you are in Reader mode please exit and log into your Times account, or subscribe for all of The Times.Thank you for your patience while we verify access.Already a subscriber? Log in.Want all of The Times? Subscribe. More

    • 138 Shares99 Views

      in Television

      Late Night Feels Queasy About America’s Next Health Czar, R.F.K. Jr.

      by

      Stephen Colbert urged viewers to keep an open mind about the pick, “because that’s how the worm gets in.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Take Your VitaminsOn Thursday, President-elect Donald J. Trump said he would nominate Robert F. Kennedy Jr., a vaccine skeptic known for some strange encounters with animals, to be his secretary of health and human services.Stephen Colbert advised his booing audience to keep an open mind, “because that’s how the worm gets in.”“So, R.F.K. Jr. is now in charge of our health, exactly what everyone voted for. Surely, this will lower the price of eggs.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“And who better to be in charge of health and humans than a guy whose brain was partially devoured by a worm?” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Unpasteurized whale juice for everybody!” — JORDAN KLEPPER“Wow, this is exciting news. We are making things in America again, specifically, Patient Zeros.” — JORDAN KLEPPER“If you’ve been feeling under the weather since the election, don’t worry — pretty soon, everyone else will be sick, too.” — JORDAN KLEPPER“Trump originally wanted a doctor in that role. Turns out the late, great Hannibal Lecter isn’t a real person, so.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“There are many theories as to why Trump is naming a battalion of bozos to do these very important jobs. Some believe he’s testing the Republican Congress to see how far he can push them. Some say he’s doing this strategically to weaken certain sections of the government. Or, and this is the theory that I believe, he’s dumb.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Punchiest Punchlines (Yesterday’s Bad News Continued Edition)“President-elect Trump announced yesterday on Truth Social that he is picking Florida Congressman Matt Gaetz to be his attorney general. Even crazier: Gaetz’s girlfriend just got Class President.” — SETH MEYERS“When asked about President-elect Trump selecting Florida Congressman Matt Gaetz as his nominee for attorney general, Republican Senator Lisa Murkowski said it was not on her ‘bingo card.’ As for what’s on Matt Gaetz’s bingo card: B-17.” — SETH MEYERS“OK, senator, that is your first mistake right there. Now that Trump’s been re-elected, we all get new bingo cards with none of those boring numbers like B-14 and N-7. Mine has, let’s see, ‘Trump/Putin, matching tracksuits,’ ‘Chief Justice Kid Rock’ and ‘Deport Ricky Martin.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“For everyone who didn’t have that on your bingo card, maybe throw out the bingo card, ’cause it’s a whole new bingo now. Instead of numbers, it’s just going to be symbols from the Zodiac killer.” — SETH MEYERSThe Bits Worth WatchingJimmy Fallon presented Michael Bublé with his new album, “Holiday Seasoning,” as an early Christmas gift on Thursday’s “Tonight Show.”Also, Check This OutChristian Borle, left, as Jim Bakker and Katie Brayben as Tammy Faye Bakker in the musical “Tammy Faye” at the newly renovated Palace Theater in Manhattan.Sara Krulwich/The New York TimesA new Broadway musical about Tammy Faye fails to capture her campy persona. More

    • 125 Shares179 Views

      in Television

      Jordan Klepper Isn’t Wild About the ‘First Buddy,’ Elon Musk

      by

      “Trump’s been getting something that Elon’s 11 children will never receive: his full attention,” Klepper said on “The Daily Show.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Buddy BuddyDonald Trump keeps making news with his appointments, choosing Kristi Noem, the governor famous for shooting her dog, to run the Department of Homeland Security. Elon Musk, who’s also been promised a post, seems to have the president-elect’s ear; on Monday, Musk posted on X, “I’m happy to be first buddy!”“Since the election, Trump’s been getting something that Elon’s 11 children will never receive: his full attention,” Jordan Klepper said on Tuesday’s “Daily Show.”“Oh, good. Good! The world’s richest man is helping the president-elect run the country. I’m sure by the time Elon’s done, his businesses will be unregulated, he’ll have billions in new government contracts, and it’ll be illegal to point and laugh at a Cybertruck.” — JORDAN KLEPPER“‘First Buddy’ sounds like a sequel to ‘Air Bud’ where we elect a golden retriever to be president — which, frankly, I’d take at this point. Looks nice. It looks nice! Just keep it away from Kristi Noem, you know?” — JORDAN KLEPPERThe Punchiest Punchlines (Hide Your Dogs Edition)“Kristi Noem shouldn’t be in charge of a PetSmart, let alone homeland security.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“One of his main messages during the campaign was about killing the pets: ‘They’re eating the dogs! They’re eating the cats!’ He goes out and hires the woman who shot her puppy.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“She’s supposed to get the border under control? She couldn’t even train her dog.” — JORDAN KLEPPER“This woman has no national security experience. She’s the governor of South Dakota. That isn’t even the best Dakota. It goes North, Fanning, Johnson, then the building John Lennon was shot outside of, then South Dakota.” — JORDAN KLEPPER“Noem has an impressive résumé. She was a congresswoman, a governor, and during the campaign, she was Trump’s most trusted backup dancer.” — JIMMY FALLON, playing a video of Noem dancing next to Trump onstage“I know, I know — it’s important not to focus on that one time Kristi Noem shot a dog, because it’s just as important to remember that she also shot and killed her family’s goat.” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Bits Worth WatchingAmber Ruffin, a “Late Night” writer, struggled to get through a post-election edition of her regular segment, “Amber Says What.”What We’re Excited About on Wednesday NightThe stand-up comedian Emma Willmann will appear on Wednesday’s “Tonight Show.”Also, Check This OutWith the Gits, who became part of Seattle’s punk scene in 1989, the singer Mia Zapata was a formidable stage presence.Charles PetersonOn Nov. 13, Sub Pop will release remastered recordings by the Gits, the Seattle punk band whose frontwoman, Mia Zapata, was murdered in 1993. More