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      Jimmy Kimmel: Superman Doesn’t Fit Trump

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      Kimmel joked that aides couldn’t find the right size of Superman ‘Underoos’ for the former president, who wanted to pull a Clark Kent after leaving Walter Reed in 2020.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.‘Just Like Superman Would Never Do’Maggie Haberman’s new book, “Confidence Man,” reveals that in 2020, President Donald Trump wanted to unbutton his shirt to reveal a Superman T-shirt upon his emergence from Walter Reed Hospital after being treated for Covid.“Unfortunately, they couldn’t find Underoos in a size triple-XL,” Jimmy Kimmel joked.“According to Haberman, the plan was Trump would be wheeled out of Walter Reed hospital in a chair, and, once outdoors, he would dramatically stand up, open his button-down dress shirt to reveal a Superman logo. Listen, the only thing Trump does faster than a speeding bullet is have sex. We know that from Stormy Daniels.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“When he was preparing to leave Walter Reed Medical Center in 2020 after being treated for the coronavirus, then-President Trump reportedly told aides he wanted to exit the hospital in a wheelchair and then stand up to reveal a Superman shirt. You know, just like Superman would never do.” — SETH MEYERSThe Punchiest Punch Lines (Go Fish Edition)“At a fishing tournament in Cleveland on Friday, a duo that had been declared winners were caught cheating. Of course, this was fishing, so after they were caught, they were released.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Now, it’s a lakeside fishing scandal so explosive, many are calling it ‘Watergate.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“I haven’t seen white dudes this mad about fish since Disney announced the ‘Little Mermaid’ thing.” — TREVOR NOAH“You 100 percent could’ve told me that was footage from Jan. 6, and I would have believed you.” — JAMES CORDEN“Honestly, in a million years, I would never be able to guess that professional fishermen’s trash talk would include the phrase, ‘Where’s your crown now?’” — JAMES CORDENThe Bits Worth WatchingTrevor Noah looked into a new dating app for conservatives called The Right Stuff on Monday’s “Daily Show.”What We’re Excited About on Tuesday NightThe national touring company of “Oklahoma!” will perform on Tuesday’s “Late Late Show.”Also, Check This OutJack Webb in “Dragnet” and Amanda Warren in “East New York.”From left: NBC, via Getty Images; Scott McDermott/CBSPolice procedurals date back to the dawn of television, but the genre has evolved over the years. More

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      After 7 Years on ‘The Daily Show,’ Trevor Noah Says ‘It’s Time’ to Depart

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      “It’s not instant. I’m not disappearing. Don’t worry. If I owe you money, I’ll still pay you,” Noah joked.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Happy Anniversary, I’m Out of HereTrevor Noah announced his departure from “The Daily Show” on Thursday, almost seven years to the day since he took over from Jon Stewart.Noah expressed his gratitude to everyone who’d supported Comedy Central’s “crazy choice” to hire “this random African” whom “nobody knew on this side of the world.”“It’s been absolutely amazing. It’s something that I never expected. And I found myself thinking throughout the time, you know, everything we’ve gone through. The Trump presidency, the pandemic, just the journey of, you know, the more pandemic.” — TREVOR NOAH“And then I realized that after the seven years, my time is up. Yeah, but in — in the most beautiful way, honestly. I’ve loved hosting this show. It’s been one of my greatest challenges. It’s been one of my greatest joys. I’ve loved trying to figure out how to make people laugh even when the stories were particularly [expletive] on the worst days, you know? We’ve laughed together, we’ve cried together. But after seven years, I feel like it’s — it’s time.” — TREVOR NOAH“I’ve never been good at goodbyes. It’s not instant. I’m not disappearing. Don’t worry. If I owe you money, I’ll still pay you.” — TREVOR NOAHThe Punchiest Punchlines (Frankie Lasagna Edition)“Frankie Lasagna sounds like a name you get from the Olive Garden witness protection program.” — JIMMY FALLON, on the name of the fan who missed the 61st home run ball from Aaron Judge on Wednesday night“[imitating Frankie] ‘Hey, I’m Frankie Lasagna. It’s Francis — it’s Francis Lasagna but my friends call me Frankie.’” Which is either the best name I’ve ever heard, or the worst alias in the history of the mob. ‘[imitating mobster] Hey, I’m Frankie Lasagna. These are my associates, Mikey Pizza, Sal Calzone, and his cousin, Bobby Unlimited Breadsticks.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Frankie Lasagna sounds like the name Robert De Niro checks into hotels to avoid paparazzi.” — JIMMY FALLON“Frankie Lasagna sounds like the name of Trump’s next lawyer.” — JIMMY FALLONThe Bits Worth WatchingOn the “Tonight Show,” Robert De Niro played a game of hot hands with Jimmy Fallon on Thursday’s cold open.Also, Check This OutLea Michele (with Ramin Karimloo) lights up like a light as the new Fanny Brice on Broadway. Matthew MurphyLea Michele is stupendous as Fanny Brice in “Funny Girl.” More

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      Stephen Colbert Details Tidbits From a Forthcoming Trump Book

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      “The real presidency is the rich friends we made along the way,” Colbert said in response to Trump’s remark that he has “so many rich friends, and nobody knows who they are.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Ask No Questions, Hear No LiesIn her new book, “Confidence Man: The Making of Donald Trump and the Breaking of America,” Maggie Haberman, a reporter for The New York Times, writes about the end of Trump’s presidency.On Monday night, Stephen Colbert detailed some tidbits from the forthcoming tell-all, including the former president’s denial that he was watching television on Jan. 6 as rioters stormed the Capitol.“Really? Really? You’re accused of inciting an angry mob to storm the Capitol to prevent the peaceful transfer of power for the first in our nation’s history, and that’s the part of the testimony you’re taking issue with?” — STEPHEN COLBERT“The former president also said other things to Haberman, including this anecdote about running for president: ‘The question I get asked more than any other question: If you had it to do again, would you have done it?’ OK, that’s clearly a lie. The question he gets asked more than any other is ‘Do you want fries with that?’ The answer is yes.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“He continued: ‘The answer is, yeah, I think so. Because here’s the way I look at it — I have so many rich friends, and nobody knows who they are.’ Yep, the real presidency is the rich friends we made along the way.” — STEPHEN COLBERT[Imitating Trump] “A lot of times I’m asked what’s the main question I get asked is. That’s a good question. Well, I tend to ask myself the thing people are asking the most, which is ‘What question which gets questioned of me gets asked of me by me.’ Any questions?” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Punchiest Punchlines (Father Figure Edition)“Hold on — I’ve felt a great disturbance in the force, because we just learned that James Earl Jones is retiring from the role of Darth Vader in ‘Star Wars.’ He will now be playing Baby Yoda.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“You see? The Little Mermaid becomes Black and they take away James Earl Jones! I told you there would be backlash! I told you!” — TREVOR NOAH“Instead of trying to find someone else to voice the part, Disney has said they are gonna use artificial intelligence to replicate Darth Vader’s voice. Yeah, I don’t know, people, this makes me a little nervous. Yeah, we think A.I. is going to take over the world, and now we’re going to teach it to use the dark side of the force? No one thinks this is a bad idea?” — TREVOR NOAH“That voice is iconic. It belongs in Darth Vader’s body — or announcing CNN promos — but that’s it.” — TREVOR NOAHThe Bits Worth WatchingJimmy Fallon announced his new bilingual children’s book, “Con Pollo,” co-written with Jennifer Lopez, on Monday’s “Tonight Show.”What We’re Excited About on Tuesday NightDavid Letterman will pop by Tuesday’s “Jimmy Kimmel Live.”Also, Check This OutAndres sketching a piece.Elliott Jerome Brown Jr. for The New York TimesPaintings by Andres Valencia, a 10-year-old fifth grader, have sold for more than $125,000. More

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      Jimmy Kimmel Jeers at Trump for Claiming to Declassify Documents With His Mind

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      “Like Harry Whodummy,” Jimmy Kimmel quipped on Thursday night.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Magical ThinkingIn an interview with Sean Hannity on Wednesday, former President Donald Trump said he could declassify documents with his mind.“Like Harry Whodummy,” Jimmy Kimmel joked in his Thursday night monologue.“He couldn’t even read documents with his brain — how does this happen?” — TREVOR NOAH“If Trump actually had the power to change things just by thinking about them, Don Jr. would have turned into a Big Mac 30 years ago.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“I felt like he was this close to using the word ‘abracadabra.’” — JIMMY FALLON“Trump’s argument is that you can just declassify things in your mind, it’s officially declassified as long as you believe it’s declassified. That’s according to Trump’s newest legal adviser, Tinkerbell.” — SETH MEYERS“So Trump is saying that he declassified these documents just by thinking about it, which I don’t even believe, because that would be the first time in his life that Trump has thought something and not said it out loud. Think about it. This is a man who thought to himself, ‘Ooh, if I wasn’t related to my daughter, I would date her,’ and then he told everyone on TV. He said it out of his mouth!” — TREVOR NOAH“Hannity was like, ‘Oh, I get it, you’re going to plead insanity.’” — JIMMY FALLON“I really hope that ‘I can make things happen with my mind’ is going to be the actual argument at the trial. That would be great: ‘Your Honor, the defendant pleads Jedi.” — TREVOR NOAHThe Punchiest Punchlines (But Her Emails Edition)“The F.B.I. came to his house looking for Hillary Clinton’s emails that were deleted, which, how could there even be emails if they were deleted, and how would they get into his house? Did Hillary sneak in after midnight and stuff them under his pillow like the email fairy or something?” — JIMMY KIMMEL“So is Trump saying the F.B.I. raided his house to find Hillary’s emails? So they didn’t want the documents he declassified with his mind? No, they wanted the emails he couldn’t find but that he actually had the whole time at his house? Because Donald Trump is Hillary Clinton?” — TREVOR NOAH“That’s so crazy, he confused Sean Hannity — and Sean comes pre-confused.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“At that point, even QAnon people were like, ‘OK, that conspiracy seems a little nuts.’” — JIMMY FALLON“You’ve got to give Trump credit, though. He knows how to say something so crazy that it actually makes the last crazy thing he said seem normal.” — JIMMY FALLONThe Bits Worth WatchingDulcé Sloan challenges New Yorkers on their beliefs about education on Thursday’s “Daily Show.”Also, Check This OutSinead O’Connor in the documentary “Nothing Compares,” directed by Kathryn Ferguson.Andrew Catlin/SHOWTIMEA new documentary about Sinead O’Connor highlights her career highs and lows as well as her genuinely incomparable voice. More

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      Trevor Noah Feels for Trump as He Sits on the Sidelines

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      Ron DeSantis is stealing the ex-president’s thunder, Noah says — “he’s slowly becoming the Republican Party now.” Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Twice the TrumpFormer President Donald J. Trump is reported to have expressed anger over the attention Gov. Ron DeSantis of Florida is getting for sending migrants to Martha’s Vineyard — because Trump claims it was his idea.Trevor Noah said the Republican Party had “two Donald Trumps now.”“Oh man, poor Donald Trump. He is just sitting at home like, ‘You stole my idea! And by the way, stealing stuff is also my idea. Read the news!’” — TREVOR NOAH“Can you imagine being such a despicable creep, you’re mad at someone for being a despicable creep sooner than you? That’s like taking credit for being the first guy to put pineapple on pizza.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“But you know what’s really telling here is that, in a way, Trump has a point, all right? He is the guy who came up with the idea of turning all politics into a series of stunts. That is what he did — the Muslim ban, ‘build the wall.’ That [expletive] didn’t solve anything but got the people going, and now pulling stunts has become the driving force of the Republican Party, but Trump is stuck watching out on the sidelines.” — TREVOR NOAH“And I feel bad for you, Mr. Trump. But the fact is, Ron DeSantis, you see what he’s doing — he’s slowly becoming the Republican Party now, stealing your tricks, making it his own.” — TREVOR NOAHThe Punchiest Punchlines (Just a Phase Edition)“Speaking of America, land that I love, President of America Joe Biden made big news on the ‘60 Minutes’ this weekend when he maybe kind of prematurely declared that the pandemic is over, which marks the first time that Joe Biden has ever moved too fast.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“President Biden claimed in a new interview that the coronavirus pandemic is over. Easy for him to say — he just had it. Of course it’s over when you’ve got the antibodies: ‘I’m off to Burning Man, then London for the Queen’s funeral. No masks, baby!’” — SETH MEYERS“Lawmakers and public health officials are concerned his comment could undermine the rollout of new booster shots, as well as funding from Congress. The White House says their Covid-19 policy is unchanged, despite Biden’s comments. It’s never a good sign when even the White House is trying to distance itself from the president, is it?” — JAMES CORDEN“Biden’s announcement took the White House by surprise, and they’re now trying to backpedal, saying ‘Sure, the president could have been more nuanced — he was simply saying we’ve hit a different phase.’ OK, saying something is over, kind of a misleading way to declare a new phase.” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Bits Worth WatchingThe “Late Night” writers Amber Ruffin and Jenny Hagel took on Black hobbits and lesbian rom-coms for Tuesday night’s “Jokes Seth Can’t Tell.”What We’re Excited About on Wednesday NightOlivia Wilde, the director of “Don’t Worry Darling,” will appear on Wednesday’s “Late Show.”Also, Check This OutXavier Collin/Image Press Agency and Sipa USA, via AlamyColin Hanks is inspired by tacos, shaving his head and “What We Do in the Shadows.” More

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      Ron DeSantis’s Migrant Stunt Gets Poor Reviews From Late Night

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      The Florida governor claimed credit for sending migrants to Martha’s Vineyard. Trevor Noah accused him of trolling on the taxpayers’ dime.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Florida Man Owns the LibsGov. Ron DeSantis of Florida took credit for sending two planes filled with migrants to Martha’s Vineyard from Texas on Wednesday. His communications director said it was part of a state program to transport undocumented immigrants to so-called sanctuary destinations.“Ron DeSantis is the governor of Florida, so why is he grabbing refugees in Texas and shipping them to Massachusetts, huh? Why? So he can prove that America’s immigration system is broken? Yeah, everyone knows that. But instead of pushing lawmakers to actually reform the system, he’s using taxpayer money to, what, go viral?” — TREVOR NOAH“If you told DeSantis to spend the same amount of money helping these asylum seekers, he’d be like, ‘Oh, we don’t have the funding for that,’ but to troll the Democrats, suddenly he’s like, ‘Put it on my card, yeah!’” — TREVOR NOAH“And by the way, America actually has a history of doing this. In the 1960s, racist organizations in the South shipped Black people up to Northern states to make liberals uncomfortable. But Ron DeSantis obviously doesn’t know about that, because the pages in his history books were torn out in his state.” — TREVOR NOAH“I guess Ron DeSantis doesn’t know about the Statue of Liberty.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Ron DeSantis is that guy you went to high school with who desperately wanted to be prom king but didn’t have any charisma, so instead, he just pulled the fire alarm and ruined the dance for everybody.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Yesterday, DeSantis flew two planes of Hispanic immigrants to Martha’s Vineyard. Hey, Ron, if you’re trying to discourage immigration, maybe don’t send people to one of the loveliest parts of New England just in time for leaf-peeping season.” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Punchiest Punchlines (Delays and Cancellations Edition)“A possible national railroad strike was averted today after 20 hours of talks between the union’s leadership and labor negotiators from the railroads — 20 hours of talks that were very annoying to everyone else in the quiet car.” — SETH MEYERS“Yeah, the president helped broker a deal that went down to the wire all night long. Biden was like, ‘I think I can, I think I can, I think I can.’” — JIMMY FALLON“There’s no way that there could have been a rail strike under Biden. I mean, he rode a train to work every day for 40 years. That’d be like a tanning bed shortage under Trump, you know what I’m saying?” — JIMMY FALLON“A strike would have meant lots of Amtrak delays and cancellations — and now that the strike has been avoided, there will still be delays and cancellations.” — JIMMY FALLONThe Bits Worth WatchingDavid Blaine involved the entire audience in a freaky magic trick during Thursday’s “Tonight Show.”Also, Check This OutFrom left, Joyce DiDonato, Kelli O’Hara and Renée Fleming.Ana Cuba and Thea Traff for The New York TimesRenée Fleming, Joyce DiDonato and Kelli O’Hara star in an adaptation of “The Hours” at the Metropolitan Opera in November. More

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      Quinta Brunson Reclaims Her Time on ‘Jimmy Kimmel Live’

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      Brunson interrupted Kimmel’s monologue to redo her Emmy acceptance speech after Kimmel lay on the stage in an extended bit some viewers found disrespectful.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Stealing the SceneJimmy Kimmel waited until Quinta Brunson appeared on his show Wednesday night to address the controversy surrounding his lying on the stage during her Emmy win on Monday.“You’re a little bit early for your interview; it’s after the commercial,” said Kimmel, who had been pretending to be passed out in his gag at the award show.“So, you know how when you win an Emmy you only have 45 seconds to do an acceptance speech which is, like, not that much time. Yeah, and then someone does, like — you get less time because someone does a dumb comedy bit that goes on a bit too long?” Brunson said before requesting the airtime on his show for additional thank-yous.Kimmel joked that he’d heard about that happening in previous years before giving Brunson the floor to relay some extra thanks, including to the internet “for raising me.”“We’ll be right back with Emmy-winning Quinta Brunson!” she said, going to break.During their sit-down interview, Kimmel apologized to Brunson, who won for outstanding writing for a comedy series, for “Abbott Elementary.” He acknowledged that “people got upset” when he wouldn’t leave the Emmys stage for her speech.“They said I stole your moment. And maybe I did, and I’m very sorry if I did do that. I’m sorry I did do that, actually. Also, the last thing I would ever want to do is upset you because I think so much of you, and I think you know that. I hope you know that.” — JIMMY KIMMELKimmel then blamed his Emmys co-presenter, saying, “It was really Will Arnett’s thing — the whole thing. He drugged me and he dragged me out there. And I was unconscious.”The Punchiest Punchlines (Drive-Through Edition)“MyPillow C.E.O. Mike Lindell said in an interview yesterday that F.B.I. agents seized his cellphone at a Hardee’s drive-through in Minnesota. The F.B.I. says they weren’t tipped off about his location, they just assumed. [imitating F.B.I. Agents] ‘Hey, they want us to get Lindell’s cellphone.’ ‘All right — Hardee’s drive-through?’” — SETH MEYERS“That’s right, MyPillow C.E.O. Mike Lindell said that F.B.I. agents seized his cellphone at a Hardee’s drive-through. So not a great way to start his job interview.” — SETH MEYERS“Good luck to Mike Lindell. I’m not sure you want to go to jail being known as the MyPillow guy.” — JIMMY FALLON“I have so many questions about this, like was the F.B.I. following him, or did they just say, ‘You know what? Eventually, he’s going to go to Hardee’s. We’ll just wait here.’” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Lindell stood his ground at Hardee’s. The feds got his phone, but he said if they want to take his mushroom-and-swiss Angus burger, they’ll have to come back with a warrant.” — JAMES CORDENThe Bits Worth WatchingSteve Carell joined Stephen Colbert for another “Late Show” rendition of “Too Much Exposition Theatre.”What We’re Excited About on Thursday NightThe singer and “Monarch” star Beth Ditto will appear on Thursday’s “Late Night.”Also, Check This OutDiane Arbus in Tompkins Square Park in New York in 1967.Nathan FarbThe David Zwirner Gallery in New York is restaging the famed photographer Diane Arbus’s 1972 retrospective, with a few omissions. More

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      Jimmy Fallon Studies Trump’s Golfless Golf Course Gathering

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      “Yeah, Trump was smart. He was like, ‘How about nine of us meet on the green with no clubs, so it doesn’t look suspicious?’” Fallon said.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Executive CourseThere’s been speculation about why Donald Trump made an unannounced trip to the Washington area, where he was photographed on a golf course with his son Eric and several other men — none of whom had golf clubs. Jimmy Fallon called it a “very diverse group,” saying “they had polo shirts of every color. ”“Looks like backstage at a fashion show for Marshall’s.” — JIMMY FALLON“Yeah, Trump was smart. He was like, ‘How about nine of us meet on the green with no clubs, so it doesn’t look suspicious?’” — JIMMY FALLON“Trump was like, ‘So, I think I buried the documents somewhere around here. So start — start digging, boys.’” — JIMMY FALLON“Whatever it was, it must not have been too important because Eric was there, riding up front with Daddy like a big boy.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Punchiest Punchlines (Emmys Edition)“The Emmy Awards ceremony was held last night. Our show was nominated and, honey, clear some space on the mantle, ‘cause they had snow globes at the airport!” — SETH MEYERS“John Oliver beat us for like the 485th time in a row, and congratulations to John. But I’ll tell you something: Even though we didn’t win last night, it was an honor just to get Covid from those who did win last night.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“As they all are nowadays, this was the lowest-rated Emmys show ever. Only 5.92 million people watched the show on NBC. But that’s not really the whole story — it’s not fair. It was also on Peacock, so when you add in the people who streamed it there, it’s still 5.92 million people.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Bits Worth WatchingEthan Hawke answered the “Colbert Questionert” on Tuesday’s “Late Show.”What We’re Excited About on Wednesday NightThe newly minted Emmy winner Quinta Brunson will talk about her big night on Wednesday’s “Jimmy Kimmel Live.”Also, Check This OutLee Jung-jae, left, who won the Emmy for best actor in a drama series, and Hwang Dong-hyuk, who was honored for his directing, after an impressive showing for “Squid Game” in Los Angeles on Monday.Aude Guerrucci/ReutersAs “Squid Game” racked up multiple Emmys, it was hailed as the latest example of South Korea’s rise as a cultural powerhouse. More