Fallon said Donald Trump “made some pretty intense promises” in his headlining speech on Saturday.
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Leader of the PAC
During a speech at the Conservative Political Action Conference on Saturday, former President Donald Trump made what Jimmy Fallon referred to as “some pretty intense promises.”
“In 2016, I declared, ‘I am your voice,’” Trump said. “Today I add, I am your warrior, I am your justice, and, for those who have been wronged and betrayed, I am your retribution. I am your retribution.’”
“He’s like, ‘I’m the captain now. I am the one who knocks. I am the walrus. Koo-koo-ka-choo,’” Fallon joked on Monday night.
“He’s either running for president or auditioning to be the next John Wick.” — JIMMY FALLON
“He was such a terrible president, and now he’s auditioning to be Batman.” — SETH MEYERS
“Problem is, he would never respond to the bat signal, because there’s no way he’s ever just looking pensively out the window. You’d have to text it to him or just shine it on Sean Hannity’s forehead. Oh, you know what you could do? You could project it on a solar eclipse — he looks at those.” — SETH MEYERS
“It was so empty, the guy started vacuuming because he thought the event was over.” — JIMMY FALLON
The Punchiest Punchlines (The Karens and the Darrens Edition)
“But let’s be real, the funniest comedy special last weekend was the CPAC, or as I like to call it, crazy white people.” — MARLON WAYANS, guest hosting “The Daily Show”
“Turns out, CPAC really stands for ‘Crazy to Put Up all Those Chairs.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT
“If you don’t know about it, it’s an annual event where all the Karens and their husbands come together, and they complain about the rest of us. The Karens and the Darrens.” — MARLON WAYANS
“And some of that [expletive] make no sense at all. Like, Nikki Haley said, ‘wokeness is more dangerous than a pandemic.’ I never had to miss two weeks of work because of wokeness.” — MARLON WAYANS
“Yes, wokeness is such a dangerous virus that it apparently killed two-thirds of her audience. It’s got to be stopped.” — STEPHEN COLBERT
The Bits Worth Watching
James Corden revealed Tessa Thompson’s first acting role in a music video at the age of 6.
What We’re Excited About on Tuesday Night
The author Margaret Atwood will appear on Tuesday’s “Late Night with Seth Meyers.”
Also, Check This Out
The comedian Chris Rock responds to being on the receiving end of Will Smith’s Oscars slap in his new comedy special “Selective Outrage.”
Source: Television - nytimes.com
