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      Stephen Colbert: QAnon Supporters Suffer From ‘March Madness’

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      #masthead-section-label, #masthead-bar-one { display: none }What to WatchBest Movies on NetflixBest of Disney PlusBest of Amazon PrimeBest Netflix DocumentariesNew on NetflixAdvertisementContinue reading the main storySupported byContinue reading the main storyBest of Late NightStephen Colbert: QAnon Supporters Suffer From ‘March Madness’Colbert poked fun at the group’s latest conspiracy theory that March 4 would be Donald Trump’s true Inauguration Day.“I see patterns where none exist,” Stephen Colbert said, imitating QAnon conspiracy theorists.Credit…CBSMarch 4, 2021, 2:04 a.m. ETWelcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. We’re all stuck at home at the moment, so here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.‘Clinically Insane’Security is being ramped up in Washington, D.C., as law enforcement officials fear more violence based on a QAnon conspiracy theory alleging that March 4 will be Inauguration Day for Donald Trump.“Now, I’m no psychologist, but you could say they’re suffering from ‘March Madness,’” Stephen Colbert said on Wednesday night. “Also, they’re clinically insane.”“You see, Q followers were heartbroken on Inauguration Day, which was supposed to be the day that the ‘storm’ came that would keep their guy actually in office. So they’ve moved the date of the storm — when all the arrests and the celebrities and the Democrats happen — to March 4, which was the date of presidential inaugurations up until 1933. [Imitating QAnon follower] ‘Yes, follow me down the rabbit hole. They ended it in 1933, but add up one, nine, three, three. Add up one plus six, you get seven. What is seven? Three plus four — three, four, March 4th, when we shall march forth! [Whispers] I see patterns where none exist.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“How many more times are these people gonna prepare for a victory that doesn’t come? I don’t know who ‘Q’ is, but he’s definitely a Clippers fan.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Still, where there’s a will, there’s a way to cash in, because the former president’s hotel in Washington, D.C., has been jacking up prices around March 4. Sounds cynical, but they are offering premium services: If you’re exhausted from travel, you can just call the front desk and ask the concierge to hang Mike Pence.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Oh, man, what a grift. Honestly, I don’t even blame Trump. If I was him, I would milk the [expletive] out of this thing. I’d be charging my guests for things that they didn’t even buy: ‘Wait a minute — I never bought the Toblerone.’ [Imitating Trump] ‘I guess the Dems stole that, too. I feel your pain.’” — TREVOR NOAH“In a way, I understand — the deeper you fall into something, the less you want to admit you were duped, you know? Which makes you even more desperate to keep the fantasy going. I mean, that’s why I’m sure that the next Kanye album is gonna be great again. It has to be great.’” — TREVOR NOAHThe Punchiest Punchlines (Big Hats, No Masks Edition)“After Texas Governor Greg Abbott announced yesterday that he was lifting coronavirus restrictions, California Governor Gavin Newsom tweeted, ‘Absolutely reckless,’ but I don’t think it helped that he tweeted it from the French Laundry.” — SETH MEYERS“Businesses are now completely open and even the mask mandate has been lifted, to which most Texans replied, ’What mask mandate?’” — JAMES CORDEN“Corona’s not over yet. I mean, Texas is still getting over 7,000 new cases a day, but their governor got vaccinated and now he’s like, ‘Get those clubs back open — I’ma get lit. Aw yeah!’” — TREVOR NOAH“You know Governor DeSantis from Florida is like: ‘Oh. Oh snap. Oh, oh! You’re gonna try to out- Florida Florida?’”— JIMMY FALLON“Texans were like, ‘Fix our electrical grid!’ And the governor’s like, ‘OK, no masks it is.’” — JIMMY FALLON“Plus, I’ve got to be honest: I’m surprised politicians that are so pro-cowboy hat find masks uncomfortable. Maybe it’s my weak neck, but I’d rather wear 100 masks than one of those big old hats.” — SETH MEYERSThe Bits Worth WatchingSamantha Bee explored whether women can “have it all” during a pandemic.What We’re Excited About on Thursday NightSacha Baron Cohen, the star of “Borat,” will appear on Thursday’s “Jimmy Kimmel Live.”Also, Check This Out“I felt I was born with an absence of some sort, and I think that I’ve spent much of my life trying to fill that void,” said Derek DelGaudio, addressing a major theme in his new book.Credit…Calla Kessler for The New York TimesFans of the magician Derek DelGaudio’s theater show “In & Of Itself” should appreciate all the magic in his memoir, “Amoralman.”AdvertisementContinue reading the main story More

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      Jimmy Kimmel Skewers Andrew Cuomo Over Sexual Harassment Allegations

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      #masthead-section-label, #masthead-bar-one { display: none }What to WatchBest Movies on NetflixBest of Disney PlusBest of Amazon PrimeBest Netflix DocumentariesNew on NetflixAdvertisementContinue reading the main storySupported byContinue reading the main storyBest of Late NightJimmy Kimmel Skewers Andrew Cuomo Over Sexual Harassment Allegations“In the span of one month, Andrew Cuomo has somehow done the impossible: He made Bill de Blasio the second-most-hated politician in New York,” Kimmel said.“And the craziest part is there’s a photo of it,” Jimmy Kimmel said of a woman’s allegation that Gov. Andrew M. Cuomo of New York made an unwanted advance at a wedding. “Very rarely does a wedding photographer capture anything interesting at all, but this one did.”Credit…ABCMarch 3, 2021, 2:16 a.m. ETWelcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. We’re all stuck at home at the moment, so here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.The Opposite of ‘I Do’On Monday, a third woman accused Gov. Andrew M. Cuomo of New York of sexual harassment, saying he made an unwanted advance on her at a wedding in 2019.“And the craziest part is there’s a photo of it,” Jimmy Kimmel said. “Very rarely does a wedding photographer capture anything interesting at all, but this one did.”“In the span of one month, Andrew Cuomo has somehow done the impossible: He made Bill de Blasio the second-most-hated politician in New York.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Sweet Jesus, man, what are you doing? I mean, on the one hand, asking a woman for consent before you kiss them is what you’re supposed to do. But the other part of consent is waiting for them to answer. You don’t just grab them by the face like a bear yanking on a beehive.” — TREVOR NOAH“And it’s not like this happened in 1992, and he could be like, ‘Well, it was a different time.’ This was in 2019. If you’re a public official doing this kind of thing after the #MeToo movement, either you just can’t help yourself, or you’re so dumb you shouldn’t be in office anyway.” — TREVOR NOAH“So now I want to know, was he doing this the whole night, you know? Are the bride and groom going to be looking at their wedding photos like, ‘Aw, honey! Here’s the picture of you smearing the cake on my face. Oh, and there’s the one of Governor Cuomo licking it off.’” — TREVOR NOAH“So in light of these allegations, Cuomo is now facing even more calls to resign. Although, if these allegations prove anything, it’s that Cuomo doesn’t go away when you want him to.” — TREVOR NOAHThe Punchiest Punchlines (Horton Sees a Problem Edition)“Wow, OK, so what? We’re just going to cancel Dr. Seuss books just because they’re racist? Uh, then what are the racist kids going to read, huh? You didn’t think of that, did you?” — TREVOR NOAH, on Dr. Seuss Enterprises ceasing publication of six Dr. Seuss books because of offensive imagery“And I can understand why they’re pulling a small number of his books. ‘If I Ran the Zoo’ shows racist depictions of Asian characters, saying they’re ‘from countries no one can spell.’ So, ‘China,’ too difficult to spell, but ‘Solla Sollew’? Spelled like it sounds.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“The real problem with Dr. Seuss is that all of his made-up words sound like they could be racial slurs. I mean, ‘a Zelf on the Shelf’? ‘The Nupboards in the cupboards’? [expletive], I don’t know what that means, but if a white person called me a Nupboard, we’re throwing down.” — TREVOR NOAH“But still, there may be room for compromise here. Like maybe instead of getting rid of the books completely, they can just update the imagery. For example, take that offensive drawing of the two African men, and put it in a Tucker Carlson thought bubble. That way we all understand, ‘Ah, this is racist.’” — TREVOR NOAH“And not only are they pulling some books out of print, they’re also tweaking some of the books that are in print to make them more inclusive. For instance, we now have ‘The Cat in the Problematic Headdress,’ ‘How the Grinch Appropriated Native American Culture,’ ‘Hop on Pop, With His Consent,’ ‘Horton Hears a They,’ ‘Horton Hears a Misogynist Joke and Reports It to H.R.,’ ‘There’s a Wocket in My Ethically Sourced Sustainable Pocket,’ ‘No Eggs or Ham’ — that’s a vegan thing, I guess — and ‘Yertle the Gender-Fluid Turtle, and Other Stories.’” — JIMMY KIMMEL“There hadn’t been an earth-shattering outcry, but they recognized the impact that these images might have on readers, especially kids, and they’re trying to fix it, because Dr. Seuss books should be fun for all people: Black, white, straight, gay, Sneetches — both star-bellied and plain — Loraxes, Barbaloots, all the Whos down in Whoville, and the strange angry creature named Foo-Foo the Snoo.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“And it’s especially important to be responsive like this, because Dr. Seuss has also so many books that are lovely and teach vital lessons that resonate to this day. ‘Horton Hears a Who’ is about listening to underrepresented voices. ‘The Butter Battle Book’ teaches tolerance. ‘The Lorax’ teaches environmental ethics. And ‘Hop on Pop’ warns against the dangers of pop-hopping. The next thing that pops might be his aorta.” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Bits Worth WatchingAmber Ruffin, a writer on “Late Night With Seth Meyers,” couldn’t get over Texas’s latest troubles and the Free Britney movement in Tuesday night’s “Amber Says What.”What We’re Excited About on Wednesday NightElizabeth Olsen from the Disney+ series “WandaVision” will sit down with Jimmy Fallon on Wednesday’s “Tonight Show.”Also, Check This OutSue Lyon and James Mason in Stanley Kubrick’s 1962 movie “Lolita.”Credit…MGMThe actress and screenwriter Emily Mortimer contemplated “Lolita” and its notorious ability to escape obscenity laws.AdvertisementContinue reading the main story More

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      Late Night Recaps CPAC and the Golden Globes

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      #masthead-section-label, #masthead-bar-one { display: none }What to WatchBest Movies on NetflixBest of Disney PlusBest of Amazon PrimeBest Netflix DocumentariesNew on NetflixAdvertisementContinue reading the main storySupported byContinue reading the main storyBest of Late NightLate Night Recaps CPAC and the Golden GlobesThe conference was billed as the largest and most influential gathering of conservatives in the world, Stephen Colbert said on Monday. “That’s if you don’t count their last gathering” at the Capitol. “It was a Murderers’ Row of people who were OK with Mike Pence being murdered,” Stephen Colbert said of the CPAC lineup.Credit…CBSMarch 2, 2021Updated 3:00 a.m. ETWelcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. We’re all stuck at home at the moment, so here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.PAC of LiesThe hosts shared some of their favorite bits from the weekend’s Conservative Political Action Conference, the annual assembly of the American right. Among the featured speakers was former President Donald Trump, who attacked his successor and insisted that he won the 2020 election. “This weekend was the annual Conservative Political Action Conference, billed as ‘the largest and most influential gathering of conservatives in the world.’ That’s if you don’t count their last gathering.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“I watched CPAC and ‘WandaVision’ this weekend, and I’m not sure which characters are living in a more warped reality.” — TREVOR NOAH“South Dakota Governor Kristi Noem attacked Anthony Fauci, Representative Matt Gaetz attacked Mr. Potato Head, and the C.E.O. of Goya Beans said Donald Trump is still the ‘real, legitimate and actual president of the United States.’ Now he can get away with saying that because what are you going to do — buy generic black beans?” — TREVOR NOAH“It was a Murderers’ Row of people who were OK with Mike Pence being murdered.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“The headliner of the weekend was the former president. His speech was pretty light on substance and energy, but there was one major revelation: He told the audience that he would not start a third party. Of course he isn’t going to start a new political party — he already owns one.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Yep, it was 90 minutes of rambling followed by Trump supporters storming Epcot.” — JIMMY FALLON“Trump said ‘Did you miss me?’ which is literally what every movie villain says when they come back.” — JAMES CORDEN“As you would expect, the crowd to see Trump was very white. They basically made the Hollywood Foreign Press look like the cast of ‘One Night in Miami.’” — JIMMY FALLONThe Punchiest Punchlines (Golden Globes At Home Edition)“The Golden Globes are the opposite of CPAC in every way, except for they don’t have any Black people on the board. That’s what they have in common — otherwise they are very different.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“You know you’ve got representation problems when the Proud Boys have more Black members than you.” — TREVOR NOAH“Explains why in past years they’ve given Golden Globes to ‘Green Book’ and Hellman’s.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“It was kind of fun to see where celebrities set up their zoom. Some were in their living room, others were in their study — Jeff Daniels was in the door section of Home Depot, apparently.” — JIMMY FALLON“You know, some celebrities spend their money on fancy cars and jewelry; Jeff Daniels spends his money on doors. I respect the hell out of that.” — TREVOR NOAH“This year’s looks ran the gamut from Cynthia Erivo in Valentino and Nicole Kidman in Louis Vuitton all the way to Jason Sudeikis in tie-dye hoodie. You can shop Jason Sudeikis’s look by digging into the bottom of your hamper and then taking that edible you’ve been saving for an emergency.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“The 78th Golden Globe Awards were held last night after being delayed for nearly two months by the coronavirus pandemic, though you didn’t have to wait the whole two months in front of your computer, Al Pacino.” — SETH MEYERSThe Bits Worth WatchingJimmy Fallon and John Legend performed their timely new tune “March Again” on “The Tonight Show.”What We’re Excited About on Tuesday NightThe comedian and actor Fortune Feimster will appear on Tuesday’s “A Little Late With Lilly Singh.”Also, Check This Out“Biggie: I Got a Story to Tell” is mainly a prehistory of the Notorious B.I.G.Credit…NetflixA new Netflix documentary chronicles Christopher Wallace’s rise from the streets to becoming the rapper Biggie Smalls, otherwise known as the Notorious B.I.G.AdvertisementContinue reading the main story More

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      Seth Meyers Is Excited to See Trump’s Tax Returns

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      #masthead-section-label, #masthead-bar-one { display: none }What to WatchBest Movies on NetflixBest of Disney PlusBest of Amazon PrimeBest Netflix DocumentariesNew on NetflixAdvertisementContinue reading the main storySupported byContinue reading the main storyBest of Late NightSeth Meyers Is Excited to See Trump’s Tax ReturnsMeyers said it shouldn’t be hard for the Manhattan D.A. to find a crime in “the tax records of a guy who claims to be a billionaire, yet paid only $750 in federal income taxes when he was president.”“That’s right, the Manhattan district attorney’s office confirmed that it’s in possession of Trump’s tax records, as evidenced by the white smoke coming from the Statue of Liberty’s torch,” Meyers joked.Credit…NBCFeb. 26, 2021, 1:43 a.m. ETWelcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. We’re all stuck at home at the moment, so here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.The Return of Trump’s TaxesFormer President Donald Trump’s financial records were turned over to the Manhattan district attorney this week as part of a tax and bank-fraud investigation.“That’s right, the Manhattan district attorney’s office confirmed that it’s in possession of Trump’s tax records, as evidenced by the white smoke coming from the Statue of Liberty’s torch,” Seth Meyers joked on Thursday.“The Manhattan district attorney’s office today confirmed it is now in possession of former President Trump’s tax records and, yes, both of them.” — SETH MEYERS“I wonder how many pages of the Cheesecake Factory menu he snuck in there.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“And look, I’m no prosecutor, but it can’t be that hard to find a crime in the tax records of a guy who claims to be a billionaire, yet paid only $750 in federal income taxes when he was president.” — SETH MEYERS“You can tell that they’re Trump’s real tax returns because under total loss, he still didn’t declare the election.” — JIMMY FALLON“And yes, there are plenty of technically legal ways that the wealthy and corporations avoid taxes, which is a scandal in itself, but something tells me Trump doesn’t just limit himself to the legal stuff. I’m guessing he commits crimes the way the rest of us order apps for the tables: ‘Let’s just get — should we just get one of everything?’” — SETH MEYERS“This whole thing started with Stormy Daniels. Donald Trump is the only guy who can cheat on his wife and his taxes in the same bed.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“The crazy thing is that the part about paying no taxes on millions of dollars — that isn’t what he might get busted for. That was probably legal. He could claim huge losses, pay no taxes, and still live like a billionaire. It’s what they call ‘Orange Privilege.’ It’s specific to him. And hopefully he’ll be in an orange jumpsuit very soon, too.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“But this really is big news, because after they thoroughly go through each document, Trump could be charged around the year 3000.” — JIMMY FALLONThe Punchiest Punchlines (Dropping the Mr. Edition)“There was a major announcement from Mr. Potato Headquarters today: Hasbro is dropping the ‘bro.’” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Mr. Potato Head is no longer a ‘mister. ’ And not, as I originally assumed, because he finally finished his Ph.D — his potato head doctorate.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“No, it’s because Hasbro is giving the spud a gender-neutral new name: ‘Potato Head.’ But if it’s not assigned a gender, what bathroom will it use?” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Naturally, when this news hit Twitter, the world’s top idiots weighed in. Piers Morgan tweeted, ‘Who was actually offended by Mr. Potato Head being male? I want names. These woke imbeciles are destroying the world.’ Yes, they’re destroying the world. How will children grow up without a strong male potato role model? Won’t someone think of the tots?” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Even in death, they found a way to cancel Don Rickles.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Why are we still putting eyes and lips on potatoes anyway? Isn’t this what children did during the Depression?” — JIMMY KIMMEL“And by the way, Hasbro isn’t the only one dumping the ‘mister.’ From now on these popular American products will be known as ‘Salty, ‘Peanut,’ ‘Rogers,’ ‘T’ and ‘Clean.’ No word yet from ‘Magoo,’ but we’ll see.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Bits Worth WatchingJames Corden took Prince Harry on a socially distanced tour of Los Angeles on Thursday’s “Late Late Show.”Also, Check This OutJulien Baker’s “Little Oblivions” is an unrelentingly reflective album.Credit…Alysse GafkjenThe queer, sober, Christian singer-songwriter Julien Baker plays every instrument on her third studio album, “Little Oblivions.”AdvertisementContinue reading the main story More

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      Late Night Laughs Off Mike Pence’s Renewed Loyalty to Trump

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      #masthead-section-label, #masthead-bar-one { display: none }What to WatchBest Movies on NetflixBest of Disney PlusBest of Amazon PrimeBest Netflix DocumentariesNew on NetflixAdvertisementContinue reading the main storySupported byContinue reading the main storyBest of Late NightLate Night Laughs Off Mike Pence’s Renewed Loyalty to Trump“I don’t know where the line is between forgiving and being a doormat, but Mike Pence crossed it a long time ago,” Trevor Noah said.“Staying loyal after he sent a mob to kill you?” marveled Trevor Noah. “Man, that shows how committed Mike Pence is to his principles: he won’t even abort a friendship.”Credit…Comedy CentralFeb. 25, 2021, 1:41 a.m. ETWelcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. We’re all stuck at home at the moment, so here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.That’s a Good Boy“Obedience school seems to be working well for Mike Pence, who has apparently patched things up with his former owner, Donald Trump,” Jimmy Kimmel said on Wednesday night, after Mike Pence was reported to have told a group of conservative lawmakers that he and Donald Trump still had a “close personal friendship.”“Staying loyal after he sent a mob to kill you? Man, that shows how committed Mike Pence is to his principles: he won’t even abort a friendship,” Trevor Noah said.“I believe Mike Pence has spent the last month doing a little something called ‘weighing his options’ and found that it would be better to be friends with Donald Trump.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“I guess at this point, there’s nothing Trump can do to Pence that would make Pence turn on him. They basically have the same relationship that we have with our Alexa: ‘Ugh, Alexa, I hate you. I wish you would die!’ [imitating Alexa] ‘I’m sorry you feel that way. Is there anything I can help you with?’” — TREVOR NOAH“And I don’t know where the line is between forgiving and being a doormat, but Mike Pence crossed it a long time ago. I mean, yeah, the Bible says to turn the other cheek, but at the same time, one of the Ten Commandments is ‘Thou shall not be a [expletive].’” — TREVOR NOAH“You know what would be fun? If I were Donald Trump, I’d announce that I need a kidney, and I’d make all of these guys — Lindsey Graham, Rudy, Mike Pence — I’d make them all give me one kidney to choose which one I like best.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Punchiest Punchlines (Keep on Truckin’ Edition)“There’s exciting news in the world of mail delivery. Yeah, brace yourself. The U.S. Postal Service just unveiled their new fleet of delivery trucks, and the future is adorable.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“They asked the designers to come up with something that looks unremarkable and yet vaguely unsettling. And I think they succeeded.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“They’ve already spent $482 million on testing and designing it. Wasn’t the post office bankrupt like four months ago? Now they’re buying new cars? It’s like a bad brother-in-law or something.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“That thing’s about to be the first mail truck to go on the TV show ‘Botched.’” — JIMMY FALLON“That thing’s just a couple eyeballs away from a Pixar movie. You really get the feeling that engine is going to be going ‘pucket-a, pucket-a, pucket-a, pucket-a.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“But of course there’s a controversy. Many of the new trucks will be electric, but not all of them, and ‘the precise mix has already elicited criticism from environmentalists.’ I understand their concern — I mean, you want the greenest vehicle possible when you’re delivering thousands of pounds of Amazon Rainforest that are now Amazon boxes.” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Bits Worth Watching“Jimmy Kimmel Live” tried to find someone — anyone — at the Farmers Market in Los Angeles who could properly identify Kamala Harris’s husband.What We’re Excited About on Thursday NightThe actress Regina King, a Golden Globe nominee, will chat with Stephen Colbert on Thursday’s “Late Night.”Also, Check This OutEddie Murphy, left, at home in the Hollywood Hills and Arsenio Hall in Los Angeles. “There’s never been a period where we haven’t been friends,” Murphy said.Credit…Photographs by Brad Ogbonna for The New York TimesThe longtime friends and co-stars Eddie Murphy and Arsenio Hall talk about their careers and the new sequel to “Coming to America.”AdvertisementContinue reading the main story More

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      Stephen Colbert Didn’t Realize America Had Been Canceled

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      #masthead-section-label, #masthead-bar-one { display: none }What to WatchBest Movies on NetflixBest of Disney PlusBest of Amazon PrimeBest Netflix DocumentariesNew on NetflixAdvertisementContinue reading the main storySupported byContinue reading the main storyBest of Late NightStephen Colbert Didn’t Realize America Had Been Canceled“Although I’m not surprised — the last season was pretty unbelievable,” Stephen Colbert said of CPAC’s 2021 theme: “America Uncanceled.”“Still, better than last year’s CPAC theme: ‘Giving the flag the clap,’” Colbert joked on Tuesday.Credit…CBSFeb. 24, 2021, 2:31 a.m. ETWelcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. We’re all stuck at home at the moment, so here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Early CancellationThe annual Conservative Political Action Conference kicks off this week in Orlando, Fla., where Republican leaders will discuss the future of their party. Late-night hosts poked fun at this year’s conference theme: “America Uncanceled.”“I didn’t know America was canceled. Although, I’m not surprised — the last season was pretty unbelievable,” Stephen Colbert joked on Tuesday.“Of course, with all the crises facing our nation, conservatives are focusing on the most pressing issue of all: fascists being kicked off of Twitter.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“It’s like Comic-Con for neo-cons and neo-Nazis, too.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“It’s a who’s who of ‘Who needs that many guns in their rec room?’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Still, better than last year’s CPAC theme: ‘Giving the flag the clap.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“According to CPAC, ‘It’s time to stand up for Americans whose views have gotten them canceled,’ which is why they kicked things off by canceling an appearance from one of their panelists for a history of making anti-Semitic claims. Good — conservatives don’t want to be associated with anyone like that. It could sully the good name of the mob with aluminum bats trying to murder Mike Pence.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“They tweeted, ‘We have just learned that someone we invited to CPAC has expressed reprehensible views.’ Only one?” — JIMMY KIMMEL“The canceled man in question is a rapper named Young Pharaoh, who was pulled from the lineup after journalists pointed out his record of publicly rejecting the existence of Judaism outright. OK, pretty bold stance to reject the existence of the world’s oldest monotheistic religion. They’ve been around for a while, and they write it all down. It’s kind of their thing.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Young will not be appearing at CPAC after he tweeted, ‘Judaism is a big lie that was created for political gain.’ Oops. Sorry, Jared. Sorry, Ivanka.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“You know who could tell Young Pharaoh that Judaism exists? Old Pharaoh. There’s a pretty famous old book about it. There’s even a new book about it.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“CPAC apparently hadn’t known about Young Pharaoh’s history of anti-Semitism, and called his views ‘reprehensible,’ saying they have ‘no home’ with their conference. Yes, conservatives would never doubt the existence of Jewish people. Otherwise, who’s operating the space laser?” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Punchiest Punchlines (Biden and Trudeau Edition)“Well, guys, today in Washington, President Biden met virtually with Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau for the first time since taking office. Yep, Biden did the best he could to fix our relationship with Canada. He was like, ‘Hey, about the last four years — [imitating Canadian accent] sorry.” — JIMMY FALLON“In response, Trudeau was like, ‘On behalf of Canada, thank you for your friendship, for your support, and for taking Ted Cruz.’” — JIMMY FALLON“Yep, Trudeau and Biden had a typical video chat between a 49-year-old and a 78-year-old. Trudeau spent the first 20 minutes trying to tell Biden he was on mute.” — JIMMY FALLON“But it was a productive meeting, other than when Biden started talking about his second cousin who once went over Niagara Falls in a wooden barrel.” — JIMMY FALLON“The two leaders discussed the most pressing issues facing Canada, like Covid-19, climate change, and how long Drake is going to keep that heart in his hair.” — JAMES CORDEN“You just know they spent the entire time trash-talking Trump and then were like, ‘Yeah, uh, we talked about Covid and stuff.’” — JAMES CORDEN“This was the president’s first virtual bilateral meeting, which sounds sexy, but it wasn’t. Next week he’s planning a TikTok with Angela Merkel, so that’ll be fun.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Bits Worth WatchingJimmy Fallon and Tom Holland guessed movies based on spoiler clues on Tuesday’s “Tonight Show.”What We’re Excited About on Wednesday NightStanley Tucci will stop by Wednesday’s “Late Late Show” to chat with James Corden about his new CNN travel series, “Stanley Tucci: Searching for Italy.”Also, Check This OutMedusa is one of the hip-hop artists featured in Ava DuVernay’s 2008 documentary “This Is the Life.”Credit…Array“This Is the Life,” Ava DuVernay’s debut documentary about Los Angeles hip-hop in the ’90s, is available for the first time on Netflix.AdvertisementContinue reading the main story More

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      Late Night Blasts Ted Cruz’s Post-Cancún Photo Op

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      #masthead-section-label, #masthead-bar-one { display: none }What to WatchBest Movies on NetflixBest of Disney PlusBest of Amazon PrimeBest Netflix DocumentariesNew on NetflixAdvertisementContinue reading the main storySupported byContinue reading the main storyBest of Late NightLate Night Blasts Ted Cruz’s Post-Cancún Photo Op“On Saturday, he posted photos of himself handing out bottled water with the hashtag ‘Texas strong.’ Sure, dude, we totally believe you,” Seth Meyers joked on Monday.Seth Meyers likened Senator Ted Cruz of Texas to a lazy husband lounging on the couch until his wife has unpacked all but the last bag of groceries.Credit…NBCFeb. 23, 2021, 2:21 a.m. ETWelcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. We’re all stuck at home at the moment, so here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Too Little, Too LateMost late-night hosts were off last week when Senator Ted Cruz of Texas took his untimely trip to Cancún, Mexico, after a brutal winter storm that left millions of people in the state without power or water. With the photo ops the senator staged back in Texas this weekend, there was even more Cruz content to work with.“Ted Cruz is the husband who sits on his couch watching football all day, then sees his wife unloading a car full of groceries, waits until there’s one bag left in the trunk, then goes outside and says, ‘Oh, can I help?’” Seth Meyers joked on Monday.“So now Ted Cruz is doing damage control after his estúpido trip to Mexico. He lent a helping hoof to those in need this weekend, and, of course, posted about it.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Then once he was shamed into coming back, Cruz tried to pretend he was actually interested in helping out. On Saturday, he posted photos of himself handing out bottled water with the hashtag ‘Texas strong.’ Sure, dude, we totally believe you.” — SETH MEYERS“Ted Cruz is like the friend who offers to help you move, but every time you see him, he’s just carrying the same box of pillows.” — JIMMY FALLON“People are also upset that Cruz tweeted those pictures himself. Even white people who only posted black squares on Instagram were like, ‘You gotta do more than that.’” — JIMMY FALLON“But Cruz tried to be helpful in other ways. Later, he showed Texans how to make frozen margs with the snow in their living rooms.” — JIMMY FALLON“Seriously, you know Cruz is having a rough 2021 when fueling a riot at the Capitol is nowhere near his biggest problem.” — JIMMY FALLON“Things are so bad for Cruz, he spent today thinking about the good old days, when people just thought he was the Zodiac Killer.” — JIMMY FALLON“Sorry, Cruz, this is not going to cut it, my man. See this right here? This is the politician version of coming home with flowers the day after Valentine’s Day. It’s not nothing, but your [expletive] is still sleeping on the couch.” — TREVOR NOAHThe Punchiest Punchlines (Empty Gestures Edition)“Like many of Ted Cruz’s attempts to mimic human behavior, this one was Ted on arrival.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Only Ted Cruz would think he can repair his image by touching a maskless constituent two days after getting off an international flight.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Also, we’re in a pandemic. Shaking hands, handing out water, serving food? Right now a Carnival Cruise is safer than a Ted Cruz.” — JIMMY FALLON“Yeah, it seemed like an OK gesture until everyone noticed the label on the bottle said ‘Ritz Carlton Cancún.’ A little souvenir.” — JIMMY FALLON“Yup, the photo op didn’t work out too well. Most people just drove away when he tried showing them his vacation photos.” — JIMMY FALLON“Actually, Cruz wanted to do more, but he had a parasailing lesson at 3, so.” — JIMMY FALLONThe Bits Worth WatchingJimmy Fallon suggested a few podcasts worth listening to, including Shaquille O’Neal reading love poems and the highly censored “Family Friendly True Crime Podcast.”What We’re Excited About on Tuesday NightThe singer Billie Eilish will chat with Stephen Colbert on Tuesday’s “Late Show.”Also, Check This OutCredit…Photo illustration by Bráulio AmadoAmy Poehler checks in before returning to (virtually) co-host the Golden Globes with Tina Fey this Sunday.AdvertisementContinue reading the main story More

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      Stephen Colbert Gets Serious About New Insurrection Evidence

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      #masthead-section-label, #masthead-bar-one { display: none }What to WatchBest Movies on NetflixBest of Disney PlusBest of Amazon PrimeBest Netflix DocumentariesNew on NetflixAdvertisementContinue reading the main storySupported byContinue reading the main storyBest of Late NightStephen Colbert Gets Serious About New Insurrection Evidence“Because only by facing this truth will we have any hope of stopping it from happening again,” Colbert said. “Also, I’m pretty convinced it wasn’t antifa now.”“That’s right, there’s even more hard-to-watch video. Next up, deleted scenes from ‘Cats,’” Stephen Colbert joked on Wednesday night.Credit…CBSFeb. 11, 2021, 3:52 a.m. ETWelcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. We’re all stuck at home at the moment, so here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Guilt by DissociationStephen Colbert brought some levity to former President Donald Trump’s impeachment trial on Wednesday after House managers presented powerful new video from the Jan. 6 riot at the Capitol, which Trump is accused of inciting.“That’s right, there’s even more hard-to-watch video. Next up, deleted scenes from ‘Cats.’” — STEPHEN COLBERTBut Colbert and Jimmy Kimmel also got serious to address the severity of the violence as shown. Colbert said he empathized with House managers because not only did they have to experience the attack and then relive it while presenting the footage as evidence, but they also had to do so “in front of Republican senators desperately trying to ignore that truth and desperately trying to treat it like it was a waste of time.”“But it’s not a waste of time, because whether or not the ex-president is impeached, or whether or not they vote to do the right thing to keep him from holding office again, it is important that one time, as a nation, we look this straight in the face and as it is laid out definitively for the unprecedented and premeditated violation that it is. Because only by facing this truth will we have any hope of stopping it from happening again. Also, I’m pretty convinced it wasn’t antifa now.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“It was a very powerful presentation, much more than anything I’d seen before. I have no idea how you could watch that and vote for anything other than ‘guilty as charged.’ Trump should have been removed from office that day.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Despite the powerful evidence supplied by the House managers and objective reality, many G.O.P. senators seemed to be barely paying attention. Instead, they were seen explicitly not listening: feet up on their desks, reading books and reading briefing papers on other topics. Yes, other, more interesting topics like, ‘How does history tend to remember cowardly, fascist-enabling, worthless pieces of garbage?’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Always weird when a violent insurrection has a director’s cut.” — JAMES CORDEN“A lot of Republicans saw the new footage and were like: ‘Wow, this is really horrifying. I’m not going to change my vote, but yikes.’” — JAMES CORDENBad ReviewsThe majority of other late-night monologues were dedicated to just how poorly Trump’s lawyers performed on Tuesday, as agreed upon by several Republicans — including Trump himself.“Today was a successful day for Donald Trump’s lawyers in that they did not speak.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“The former president’s lawyers had the day off, and they needed it, because they’re still in reconstructive surgery from punching themselves in the face for two hours yesterday.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“They never addressed key issues. They went off on meandering tangents. One guy cried while reading a poem. It was going so badly for the Republicans, I thought Ted Cruz was going to start another insurrection just to change the subject.” — TREVOR NOAH“Trump’s lawyer was so bad he actually flashed the Rudy signal over Mar-a-Lago.” — JIMMY FALLON“Republicans are like: ‘Wow, that defense was terrible. He couldn’t have made a worse case. Anyway, not guilty.’” — JIMMY FALLON“It’s the first time in history a president has been impeached a second time. He incited and cheered on a violent mob that breached the Capitol for the first time in 200 years, and injured 140 police officers in an attempt to overthrow democracy. You’d think his lawyers would be a little more prepared. Instead, Castor meandered aimlessly like he was auditioning to be on one of those sleep apps.” — SETH MEYERS“I left a voice mail on Ecstasy in 1997 that made more sense than this.” — SETH MEYERSThe Punchiest Punchlines (Man Camera Lawyer TV Edition)“Trump was not happy with how it went yesterday. They say the last time he was this mad was when he found out there was a Donald Trump Jr.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“The one man who really did not enjoy Castor’s performance was his client, because reportedly during Castor’s opening statement, the used-POTUS was ‘almost screaming’ at the TV. When has he ever ‘almost’ screamed? Back in the White House, the TVs had so much spittle on them, they came with wiper blades.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“On one hand, Trump was furious. On the other hand, screaming at the TV all day made him feel like he was president again.” — JIMMY FALLON“I mean first Giuliani, now these guys. Trump is really bad at picking an effective lawyer, which I chalk up as great news for Melania.” — JAMES CORDENThe Bits Worth WatchingSamantha Bee made a case for raising the minimum wage on Wednesday’s “Full Frontal.”What We’re Excited About on Thursday NightThe rapper Cardi B will sit down with Jimmy Fallon on Thursday’s “Tonight Show.”Also, Check This OutJay-Z in concert in Virginia Beach in 2019. He’s on the list of nominees for the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame released Wednesday.Credit…Brian Ach/Getty Images North America, via (Credit Too Long, See Caption)Tina Turner, Jay-Z and the Foo Fighters are among this year’s Rock & Roll Hall of Fame nominees.AdvertisementContinue reading the main story More