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      Stephen Colbert Goes ‘Unexpectedly Live’

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      #masthead-section-label, #masthead-bar-one { display: none }The Best of 2020Best ComedyBest TV ShowsBest BooksBest MoviesBest AlbumsAdvertisementContinue reading the main storySupported byContinue reading the main storyBest of Late NightStephen Colbert Goes ‘Unexpectedly Live’“It’s a horrifying day that will go down in U.S. history, however much longer that is,” Colbert said after President Trump incited a mob of his supporters to storm the Capitol.“Who could have seen this coming? Everyone? Even dummies like me,” Stephen Colbert remarked of Wednesday’s angry pro-Trump mob.Credit…CBSJan. 7, 2021, 3:23 a.m. ETWelcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. We’re all stuck at home at the moment, so here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.No Laughing MatterLate-night hosts got serious Wednesday after an angry, violent mob of Trump supporters stormed the Capitol, where lawmakers had convened for what is normally the routine certification of the presidential election results. Stephen Colbert went “unexpectedly live,” addressing the Republican leaders he deems responsible for supporting President Trump’s desperate attempts to overturn Joe Biden’s victory as well as his inflammatory rhetoric.[embedded content]“Hey, Republicans who supported this president — especially the ones in the joint session of Congress today — have you had enough? After five years of coddling this president’s fascist rhetoric, guess whose followers want to burn down the Reichstag?” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Who could have seen this coming? Everyone? Even dummies like me. This is the most shocking, most tragic, least surprising thing I’ve ever seen.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“For years now, people have been telling you cowards that if you let the president lie about our democracy over and over and then join him in that lie and say he’s right when you know for a fact that he is not, there will be a terrible price to pay. But you just never thought you’d have to pay it, too.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“I really do hope you’re enjoying those tax cuts — and those judges, because those judges are really going to be working hard. They’re going to be busy throwing these idiots in jail — and by ‘idiots’ I include the Republicans who let this happen. Like you, Senator Josh Hawley, raising your stupid fist to the mob outside the Capitol. Look at that — it’s like ‘Black Power’ but the opposite. There really should be a name for that. And, obviously, he has to keep his fist closed, because if he opened it, you’d see all the blood on his hands.” — STEPHEN COLBERTJimmy Fallon dispensed with jokes altogether, saying he wanted to help.“Being here tonight and talking to you at home and reassuring you that we’re going to be OK and that this is not what our country is about is how I can help,” he said.Fallon spent the top of the show speaking with Dan Rather, the former CBS News anchor, about the day’s events.James Corden said there was still reason for hope during what he called “the last dance at the worst party any of us have ever been to.”“The America that so many aspire to will be back,” he said. “It’s just been hijacked by a lunatic.”The Punchiest Punchlines (Treason Finale Edition)“Remember this morning the news was all saying Democrats now control the Senate? I’m going to say that report was a little premature. ‘The Late Show’ is ready to project Senate control has passed to Majority Leader Shirtless Freak in a Viking Hat.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Thank you for joining us for the treason finale of the Donald Trump era.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“It’s a horrifying day that will go down in U.S. history, however much longer that is.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“The Capitol was besieged by MAGA-hatters in all manner of crazy costumes. It was like a psychotic ‘Price Is Right’ audience forcibly taking control of the ‘Plinko’ wheel.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“That’s a very upsetting Paul Revere remix: ‘The red hats are coming! The red hats are coming!’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“And the wildest part is these MAGA marchers think Donald Trump cares about them. He doesn’t care about you. He doesn’t care about your wife or your job or your health care or the air you breathe, the water you drink. He cares about himself. And only about himself. Unless you were pushing a lawn mower, he wouldn’t let you into his golf club. He’d roll his limo right over you to get a Chick-fil-A sandwich.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“He does not give a damn about you. He went home to watch it on TV. You’re just entertainment for him — and, of course, a steady stream of merchandise sales.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Anyway, this isn’t how any of this works. We don’t decide elections on who’s most upset; we decide them by who gets the most votes, portioned by state through a weird Electoral College that was instituted to maintain the political power of slave states. It’s a long story.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Come on, Republicans. Don’t go up to Capitol Hill for a government handout. Pull yourselves up by your own bootstraps and just work a little harder.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Remind me: Are we great again yet?” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Bits Worth WatchingDon Cheadle managed to talk a little bit about the return of his Showtime series “Black Monday” on Wednesday’s “Tonight Show.”What We’re Excited About on Thursday NightThe author Fran Lebowitz will tell Seth Meyers about her new Netflix series with Martin Scorsese on Thursday’s “Late Night.”Also, Check This OutTed Danson, left, and Bobby Moynihan in “Mr. Mayor,” a new NBC sitcom created by Robert Carlock and Tina Fey.Credit…Mitchell Haddad/NBCTed Danson plays the titular role in “Mr. Mayor,” NBC’s new political satire from Tina Fey and Robert Carlock.AdvertisementContinue reading the main story More

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      Late Night Wonders if Mike Pence Will Stand by His Man

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      #masthead-section-label, #masthead-bar-one { display: none }The Best of 2020Best ComedyBest TV ShowsBest BooksBest MoviesBest AlbumsAdvertisementContinue reading the main storySupported byContinue reading the main storyBest of Late NightLate Night Wonders if Mike Pence Will Stand by His ManSeth Meyers joked that the vice president had to “choose between the Constitution and a sleazy mafia don cold-calling election officials illegally, begging for votes like a telemarketer.”Late-night hosts noted that Vice President Mike Pence’s role in certifying the election was purely ceremonial. “Pence can’t change the results any more than Vanna White can change the phrase on the board,” Seth Meyers joked.Credit…NBCJan. 6, 2021, 3:08 a.m. ETWelcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. We’re all stuck at home at the moment, so here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Mike Pence, Glorified ‘Bingo Caller’Congress is convening on Wednesday to certify Joe Biden’s victory in the presidential election, and President Trump’s wish for Vice President Mike Pence, who will preside over the proceedings in a largely ceremonial role, to declare him the winner instead was a late-night talking point on Tuesday. Trump has been pressuring other officials as well, asking Georgia’s secretary of state over the weekend to “find” him enough votes to overturn the results.Seth Meyers said Pence would ultimately have to “choose between the Constitution and a sleazy mafia don cold-calling election officials illegally, begging for votes like a telemarketer.”“[Imitating Trump] ‘Hello, is this the secretary of state of Arizona? Are you happy with your internet service? What if I told you you could combine Wi-Fi and cable for the price of only 11,000 votes?” — SETH MEYERS“The vice president’s role is ceremonial. It’s like the Oscars. He basically opens the envelope and announces the name. But Trump wants him to pull a ‘La La Land.’” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Pence can’t change the results any more than Vanna White can change the phrase on the board.” — SETH MEYERS“Pence’s only role is to preside over the ballot count. He’s basically one step above a bingo caller.” — JIMMY FALLON“Poor Mike Pence. He hasn’t been this stressed out since the time he saw a woman in short sleeves.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“If this were an after-school special, this is the part where we would tell Mike Pence that if the president says he won’t like you unless you give him what he wants, then he doesn’t really care about you. He should like you for who you are — although we understand why he wouldn’t, because who you are is Mike Pence.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“The vice president can’t arbitrarily decide who’s the next president. Otherwise, in 2001, I’m going to guess Al Gore would have picked Al Gore.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Something tells me tomorrow morning, some very important Space Force business is going to come up that Mike Pence has to deal with personally.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Punchiest Punchlines (Devil Down in Georgia Edition)“Last night the Devil came down to Georgia; he was lookin’ for a vote to steal.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Donald Trump was in town, supposedly to support the Republican candidates. But, really, he was just there to be truthless to the toothless. Can you guess how long it took him to mention the election was rigged against him?” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Wow, five seconds. Well, way longer than I expected.” — JIMMY FALLON“Oh, honey, move on. It’s over!” — STEPHEN COLBERT“That has to be the fastest use of ‘by the way’ in any speech ever. You weren’t even on the way yet. Give yourself some runway, buddy.” — SETH MEYERS“Trump spoke for almost 90 minutes, and then he invited everyone on a scavenger hunt to find 12,000 more votes.” — JIMMY FALLON“Trump would read ‘A Tale of Two Cities’ like [imitating Trump] ‘“It was the best of”— by the way, I am the best. Everyone says I’m the best.’” — JIMMY FALLONThe Bits Worth WatchingThe staff of “The Late Late Show” celebrated Diane Keaton’s birthday by dressing in their favorite Diane Keaton looks.What We’re Excited About on Wednesday NightSamantha Bee will check in with Stephen Colbert on Wednesday night.Also, Check This OutThe comedian Lilly Singh on her personal basketball court at home in Los Angeles.Credit…Tracy Nguyen for The New York TimesIn addition to preparing for next Monday’s return of her late-night show “A Little Late,” the comedian Lilly Singh spent her weekend watching “Big Mouth” and reading The Skimm.AdvertisementContinue reading the main story More

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      Late Night Returns in Time for Another Perfect Trump Call

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      #masthead-section-label, #masthead-bar-one { display: none }The Best of 2020Best ComedyBest TV ShowsBest BooksBest MoviesBest AlbumsAdvertisementContinue reading the main storySupported byContinue reading the main storyBest of Late NightLate Night Returns in Time for Another Perfect Trump CallJust as the hosts’ holiday break was ending, President Trump asked Georgia’s secretary of state to “find” some more votes for him.“Now, now, buckle up everybody, because this call is like if Watergate and the Ukraine scandal had a baby that they made on the ‘Access Hollywood’ bus,” Stephen Colbert said. Credit…CBSJan. 5, 2021Updated 3:10 a.m. ETWelcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. We’re all stuck at home at the moment, so here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Another Perfect CallThe late-night hosts returned from holiday break on Monday, and the leading topic was the recording of President Trump’s call with Georgia’s secretary of state, Brad Raffensperger, in which the president pressed the official to “find” enough votes to overturn his loss in the state. The fallout put the hosts in mind of another phone call that landed Mr. Trump in hot water in 2019.“Now, now, buckle up everybody, because this call is like if Watergate and the Ukraine scandal had a baby that they made on the ‘Access Hollywood’ bus,” Stephen Colbert said. “When you’re a star, they let you do it.”“He had another perfect call over the weekend.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“He brought up all kind of crazy things — conspiracy theories he says he’s been hearing on what he calls ‘Trump media.’ It was the kind of call that makes you wonder, is he stupid or drunk? And then you remember he doesn’t drink.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Trump claimed, among many other things, that there is no way he could have lost Georgia because he had bigger crowds than Joe Biden. As if it was some kind of dueling monster truck shows.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“One problem: Rally size does not decide an election. That’s why on the 20th, we won’t be swearing in President BTS.” — STEPHEN COLBERT, referring to the K-pop supergroup“The president of the United States sounded like an inveterate gambler begging his bookie to float him for one more race. [Imitating Trump] ‘I just need 11,000 bucks. I got a great horse. He’s a sure thing.’” — SETH MEYERS“Trump asked him to somehow find enough votes to flip Georgia, so that he would win the state by one vote. One vote. Trump was like, ‘Because if we’re going to do this, we can’t make it obvious.’” — JIMMY FALLON“That’s all he wants. He just wants them to ‘find’ exactly how many votes he needs to win by one. Nothing fishy about that.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Trump’s call lasted for an hour, by the way. An hour. It was like one of his calls to ‘Fox & Friends’ except he actually cared what the other person had to say on this one.” — JIMMY FALLON“What a waste. Trump could have spent that hour not helping roll out the vaccine.” — JIMMY FALLONThe Punchiest Punchlines (Worse Than Watergate Edition)“Carl Bernstein, the reporter who broke the Watergate scandal back in the ’70s, said what Trump said on this tape was, quote, ‘far worse than Watergate.’ But I guess Trump figures, ‘I’ve only got two weeks left — what the hell?’” — JIMMY KIMMEL“It doesn’t mean much to Trump. He thinks Watergate is about toilets not flushing hard enough.” — JIMMY FALLON“That’s right, The Washington Post published an audio recording of President Trump asking the Georgia secretary of state to find enough votes to overturn his loss in the state. Wow, things have gotten a lot easier for The Post since they broke Watergate — now Deep Throat is just Trump himself.” — SETH MEYERS“Apparently every January, Trump’s New Year’s resolution is to find a new way to get impeached.” — JIMMY FALLON“He tried everything. He bragged, he challenged, he threatened. He told the secretary of state he would come to Georgia and eat all their peaches — nothing.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“He’s like a guy without a silver bullet brainstorming other ways to kill a werewolf. [As Trump] ‘What about two regular bullets? Is that something that might work?’” — SETH MEYERS“What you heard is definitely the voice of a man who’s been in debt before. He sounds like he’s begging the waiter at a steakhouse to let him skate on the bill.” — SETH MEYERS“It sounds like he’s trying to get someone to hook him up with a free refill of Dr Pepper, not a presidential election.” — JAMES CORDENThe Bits Worth WatchingJimmy Fallon spoofed Harry Styles’s latest music video, with Chloe Fineman of “Saturday Night Live” impersonating Phoebe Waller-Bridge, the creator and star of “Fleabag.”What We’re Excited About on Tuesday NightElizabeth Olsen will promote her new Disney+ series, “WandaVision,” on “Jimmy Kimmel Live.”Also, Check This OutTanya Roberts as Stacey Sutton, an earth scientist, in the 1985 James Bond film “A View to a Kill.” She had earlier starred in the last season of “Charlie’s Angels.”Credit…Keith Hamshere/Getty ImagesA miscommunication led to erroneous reports that the actress Tanya Roberts had died, her publicist said.AdvertisementContinue reading the main story More

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      Watch Jimmy Kimmel Target Trump's 'Perfect' Georgia Call

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      #masthead-section-label, #masthead-bar-one { display: none }The Best of 2020Best ComedyBest TV ShowsBest BooksBest MoviesBest AlbumsAdvertisementContinue reading the main storySupported byContinue reading the main storyBest of Late NightLate Night Returns in Time for Another Perfect Trump CallJust as the hosts’ holiday break was ending, President Trump asked Georgia’s secretary of state to “find” some more votes for him.“Now, now, buckle up everybody, because this call is like if Watergate and the Ukraine scandal had a baby that they made on the ‘Access Hollywood’ bus,” Stephen Colbert said.Credit…CBSJan. 5, 2021Updated 3:10 a.m. ETWelcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. We’re all stuck at home at the moment, so here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Another Perfect CallThe late-night hosts returned from holiday break on Monday, and the leading topic was the recording of President Trump’s call with Georgia’s secretary of state, Brad Raffensperger, in which the president pressed the official to “find” enough votes to overturn his loss in the state. The fallout put the hosts in mind of another phone call that landed Mr. Trump in hot water in 2019.“Now, now, buckle up everybody, because this call is like if Watergate and the Ukraine scandal had a baby that they made on the ‘Access Hollywood’ bus,” Stephen Colbert said. “When you’re a star, they let you do it.”“He had another perfect call over the weekend.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“He brought up all kind of crazy things — conspiracy theories he says he’s been hearing on what he calls ‘Trump media.’ It was the kind of call that makes you wonder, is he stupid or drunk? And then you remember he doesn’t drink.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Trump claimed, among many other things, that there is no way he could have lost Georgia because he had bigger crowds than Joe Biden. As if it was some kind of dueling monster truck shows.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“One problem: Rally size does not decide an election. That’s why on the 20th, we won’t be swearing in President BTS.” — STEPHEN COLBERT, referring to the K-pop supergroup“The president of the United States sounded like an inveterate gambler begging his bookie to float him for one more race. [Imitating Trump] ‘I just need 11,000 bucks. I got a great horse. He’s a sure thing.’” — SETH MEYERS“Trump asked him to somehow find enough votes to flip Georgia, so that he would win the state by one vote. One vote. Trump was like, ‘Because if we’re going to do this, we can’t make it obvious.’” — JIMMY FALLON“That’s all he wants. He just wants them to ‘find’ exactly how many votes he needs to win by one. Nothing fishy about that.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Trump’s call lasted for an hour, by the way. An hour. It was like one of his calls to ‘Fox & Friends’ except he actually cared what the other person had to say on this one.” — JIMMY FALLON“What a waste. Trump could have spent that hour not helping roll out the vaccine.” — JIMMY FALLONThe Punchiest Punchlines (Worse Than Watergate Edition)“Carl Bernstein, the reporter who broke the Watergate scandal back in the ’70s, said what Trump said on this tape was, quote, ‘far worse than Watergate.’ But I guess Trump figures, ‘I’ve only got two weeks left — what the hell?’” — JIMMY KIMMEL“It doesn’t mean much to Trump. He thinks Watergate is about toilets not flushing hard enough.” — JIMMY FALLON“That’s right, The Washington Post published an audio recording of President Trump asking the Georgia secretary of state to find enough votes to overturn his loss in the state. Wow, things have gotten a lot easier for The Post since they broke Watergate — now Deep Throat is just Trump himself.” — SETH MEYERS“Apparently every January, Trump’s New Year’s resolution is to find a new way to get impeached.” — JIMMY FALLON“He tried everything. He bragged, he challenged, he threatened. He told the secretary of state he would come to Georgia and eat all their peaches — nothing.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“He’s like a guy without a silver bullet brainstorming other ways to kill a werewolf. [As Trump] ‘What about two regular bullets? Is that something that might work?’” — SETH MEYERS“What you heard is definitely the voice of a man who’s been in debt before. He sounds like he’s begging the waiter at a steakhouse to let him skate on the bill.” — SETH MEYERS“It sounds like he’s trying to get someone to hook him up with a free refill of Dr Pepper, not a presidential election.” — JAMES CORDENThe Bits Worth WatchingJimmy Fallon spoofed Harry Styles’s latest music video, with Chloe Fineman of “Saturday Night Live” impersonating Phoebe Waller-Bridge, the creator and star of “Fleabag.”What We’re Excited About on Tuesday NightElizabeth Olsen will promote her new Disney+ series, “WandaVision,” on “Jimmy Kimmel Live.”Also, Check This OutTanya Roberts as Stacey Sutton, an earth scientist, in the 1985 James Bond film “A View to a Kill.” She had earlier starred in the last season of “Charlie’s Angels.”Credit…Keith Hamshere/Getty ImagesA miscommunication led to erroneous reports that the actress Tanya Roberts had died, her publicist said.AdvertisementContinue reading the main story More

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      Late Night Compares Trump Health Adviser, Paul Alexander, to a Comic Book Villain

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      #masthead-section-label, #masthead-bar-one { display: none }The Best of 2020Best ComedyBest TV ShowsBest BooksBest MoviesBest AlbumsAdvertisementContinue reading the main storySupported byContinue reading the main storyBest of Late NightLate Night Compares Trump Health Adviser, Paul Alexander, to a Comic Book VillainThe former Health and Human Services adviser’s leaked emails encouraged herd immunity to deal with the pandemic, writing of Americans, “We want them infected.”Stephen Colbert said on Thursday night that the Department of Health and Human Services should be changed to “the Department of Hell and Human Sacrifice.”Credit…CBSDec. 18, 2020, 1:48 a.m. ETWelcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. We’re all stuck at home at the moment, so here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.‘Department of Hell and Human Sacrifice’Stephen Colbert left his remote studio to interview President-elect Joe Biden and his wife, Dr. Jill Biden, together in Wilmington, Del., on Thursday night. But before their conversation, he weighed in on former Health and Human Services science adviser Paul Alexander’s leaked emails urging health officials to adopt a “herd immunity” approach to Covid-19.“If your plan to save humanity involves killing millions of people, you’re not a health adviser; you’re a Marvel villain.” — STEPHEN COLBERT[embedded content]Seth Meyers agreed with Colbert’s villainous assessment, taking issue with Alexander’s writing of Americans, “We want them infected.”“‘We want them infected.’ That is some real super villain [expletive] right there. I mean, Bane might say that, but even he wouldn’t put it down in an email.” — SETH MEYERS“Just think about how monstrous and sociopathic that is — they wanted people to get sick. I know in the Trump era, every news story lasts five minutes and our brains have all been turned to mush by the constant crush of insanity, but this story should never be forgotten. Anyone who enabled this should be held accountable for it. You can’t just let something like this go. You go through your spouse’s things and find a bunch of love letters to an ex saying, ‘I want my husband to die,’ you don’t just toss it in the trash and say, ‘Oh, well. Water under the bridge.’” — SETH MEYERSThe Punchiest Punchlines (Pushing Trump’s Buttons Edition)“In January, Atlantic City is blowing up a former Trump casino, and the highest bidder in a live auction will be the one to press the button. I say we hold Biden’s inauguration in Atlantic City, and then let him push the button.” — JIMMY FALLON“We should chip in and get this for Hillary Clinton, right?” — JIMMY KIMMEL“You know two seconds before they do it, Eric Trump is going to wander out of the front door like, ‘Is the event not inside?’” — JIMMY FALLON“Of course, the easiest way to make a Trump casino implode is to just put Trump back in charge of running it again.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Bits Worth WatchingDua Lipa and Jimmy Fallon performed “Christmas Is All Around,” better known as the song from the movie “Love Actually,” on Thursday’s “Tonight Show.”Also, Check This OutSome of television’s best moments of 2020 came in, clockwise from left, “Sherman’s Showcase,” “What We Do in the Shadows,” “Saturday Night Live” and “The Midnight Gospel.”Credit…Clockwise from top left, Michael Moriatis/IFC; Russ Martin/FX; Will Heath/NBC; NetflixThe best television episodes of 2020 include a dream dinner party on “Bojack Horseman,” election week’s celebratory “Saturday Night Live” and the beginning of the docuseries “The History of the Seattle Mariners, a Dorktown Special,” on SB Nation.AdvertisementContinue reading the main story More

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      Some Republicans Finally Face ‘Their Biggest Fear: Reality,’ Colbert Says

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      #masthead-section-label, #masthead-bar-one { display: none }The Best of 2020Best ComedyBest TV ShowsBest BooksBest MoviesBest AlbumsAdvertisementContinue reading the main storySupported byContinue reading the main storyBest of Late NightSome Republicans Finally Face ‘Their Biggest Fear: Reality,’ Colbert SaysMitch McConnell’s congratulating Joe Biden on his victory in the election was big news among late-night hosts like Stephen Colbert.Stephen Colbert and others were pleased to see Senator Mitch McConnell and other Republicans acknowledge what they’ve known for weeks: Joe Biden won the election.Credit…CBSDec. 16, 2020Updated 2:44 a.m. ETWelcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. We’re all stuck at home at the moment, so here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.‘Wow, No Hurry, Mitch’Late-night hosts took great pleasure in Republicans like the Senate majority leader, Mitch McConnell, finally acknowledging Joe Biden’s election win on Tuesday.“The Trump train has a lot of empty seats,” Jimmy Kimmel joked.Stephen Colbert echoed his sentiments, saying that with the Electoral College result, “some Republicans have been forced to face their biggest fear: reality.”“McConnell said, ‘As of this morning, our country officially has a president-elect,’ as if we hadn’t had one for the 40 more days before that.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“And you know Trump’s luck has run out now that Mitch McConnell has conceded the election, because forget Putin — if Mitch can’t find a way to subvert American democracy, then it just can’t be done.” — TREVOR NOAH“Wow, no hurry, Mitch. What else did you formally recognize, Alaskan statehood?” — SETH MEYERS“Yeah, McConnell told Biden and Harris congrats, and then said, ‘I’m looking forward to making your next four years a living nightmare.’” — JIMMY FALLONBarr Beats the TrafficBill Barr’s resignation as attorney general was also big news on the late-night shows, and Seth Meyers was a tad verklempt.“Attorney General Bill Barr resigned yesterday, and I didn’t expect this, but I’m a little — I’m a little emotional about it. No, wait, nope. That was tear gas.” — SETH MEYERS“President Trump tweeted yesterday, ‘Just had a very nice meeting with Attorney General Bill Barr at the White House. Our relationship has been a very good one. He has done an outstanding job,’ which Twitter immediately flagged.” — SETH MEYERS“Bill Barr has resigned as attorney general, as opposed to before, when Barr was simply resigned to his fate of defending every stupid thing that Donald Trump has ever said.” — JAMES CORDEN“Seriously, Barr is quitting now? That’s like waiting until the last five minutes of ‘The Emoji Movie’ to walk out of the theater.” — JIMMY FALLON“Maybe now he’ll have time to finally read that Mueller Report.” — JAMES CORDEN“That’s right, Barr is leaving before Christmas to spend holidays with his family. Americans heard and were like, ‘Yeah, we all do that, but then we come back to work.’” — JIMMY FALLON“Barr and Trump — they couldn’t have been that close. They couldn’t have been close because otherwise Barr would have gotten coronavirus.” — JAMES CORDEN“Yes, Bill Barr has officially resigned, which surprised some people because for a long time, it seemed like he was ride or die with Trump. He whitewashed the Mueller Report, he protected Trump’s cronies, he even reportedly ordered peaceful protesters to be tear-gassed just so that Trump could walk over to a church and wave a Bible next to it. And when the White House chef prepared brussels sprouts, Barr would hide under the table so Trump could feed them to him.” — TREVOR NOAH“But Trump also wanted Barr to overturn the election results, and Barr wouldn’t do that. So one of two things has happened here: Either Barr quit because Trump became too bat[expletive] crazy even for him, or Trump fired Barr because he’s not bat[expletive] crazy enough to roll in this White House. Either way, this works out the best for Barr, because everyone is heading out on January 20, so this way, at least Bill Barr’s beating the traffic.” — TREVOR NOAHThe Punchiest Punchlines (Ready for Contact Edition)“This must have been a punch in the McRib. Joe Biden got a congratulatory message from Trump’s KGBFF. Sugar Vladi Putin put out a statement acknowledging Biden’s victory. He said, ‘For my part I’m ready for cooperation and contacts with you,’ which will be easy because Russia just hacked all of our contacts.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“But wait, if Putin’s offering a congratulatory handshake to Joe Biden, then what is Trump eating pellets out of?” — JIMMY KIMMEL“‘I am ready for interaction and contacts with you’? Putin doesn’t sound human; he sounds like a self-checkout at CVS: ‘Ready for interaction. Please to place item in the bag.’” — TREVOR NOAH“And, hey, even Vladimir Putin knows it’s over. And if someone who has had that much Botox can accept reality, you can, too.” — SETH MEYERS“‘I am ready for interaction and contacts with you.’ That’s actually what Mike Pence said on his honeymoon.” — JIMMY FALLON“Seriously, guys, what a weird phrase: ‘I am ready for interaction and contacts with you.’ Sounds like Mike Pence getting frisky.” — TREVOR NOAH“Putin reached out to Biden. He was, like, ‘Send me everyone’s contact info. Oops, I already have. Heh, heh, heh.’ Then he said, ‘Send me everyone’s Netflix passwords. Oops, I already have, too.’” — JIMMY FALLON“Not a great look for Senate Republicans when the guy who interfered in our election is like [imitating Putin]: ‘Come on, he won. At a certain point, you guys are poisoning democracy, and not in the right way — with poison.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Even Putin recognized Biden’s win. That’s a tough break for Trump. In just a few days, his Supreme Court and his supreme leader went against him.” — JIMMY FALLON“I think Putin is relieved Trump is out. All day long he’s been singing, ‘Since you’ve been gone, I can breathe for the first time.’” — JIMMY FALLON“As if the news wasn’t bad enough for Trump, moments later, Rudy Giuliani popped into the Oval Office like, ‘Don’t worry boss, you still got me.’” — JIMMY FALLONThe Bits Worth Watching“Wonder Woman 1984” star Kristen Wiig nailed the mimic challenge on Tuesday’s “Tonight Show.”What We’re Excited About on Wednesday NightTom Hanks will check in with Stephen Colbert on Wednesday’s “Late Show.”Also, Check This OutThe Blockbuster Video store in Bend, Ore., featured in the documentary “The Last Blockbuster.”Credit…1091 PicturesThe new documentary “The Last Blockbuster” reflects on the legacy of the home video chain and the industry as a whole.AdvertisementContinue reading the main story More

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      Late Night Is Ready to Take Jabs

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      #masthead-section-label, #masthead-bar-one { display: none }The Best of 2020Best MoviesBest TV ShowsBest BooksBest TheaterBest AlbumsAdvertisementContinue reading the main storySupported byContinue reading the main storyBest of Late NightLate Night Is Ready to Take Jabs“That’s right, people all across America are lining up for shots,” Jimmy Fallon said on Monday. “Normally, when that happens here in December, we call it SantaCon.”“What a moment for the country,” Jimmy Fallon said on Monday. “Right now, enthusiasm for the vaccine is somewhere between the new PS5 and the McRib.”Credit…NBCDec. 15, 2020, 2:03 a.m. ETWelcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. We’re all stuck at home at the moment, so here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Shots, Shots, Shots, Shots!Late-night hosts celebrated on Monday what Trevor Noah referred to as the one thing Americans have been waiting for since March: “No, not Rihanna’s album — the vaccine.”“What a moment for the country,” Jimmy Fallon said, echoing the excitement. “Right now, enthusiasm for the vaccine is somewhere between the new PS5 and the McRib.”[embedded content]“This is the most excited I’ve been to watch someone else’s doctor appointment since Evel Knievel got a routine physical over Snake River Canyon.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“But today was really special. Usually if I want to see people on TV who’ve gotten injections, I have to watch Bravo.” — JIMMY FALLON“Plus, they unveiled the brand-new post-shot sticker: ‘Crushing Covid-19, got my vaccine.’ A much better rhyme than 1885’s ‘Immune from cholera, now back to a life of squalor-a.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“The first Covid vaccine in the U.S. has been given. It was a little less exciting when the nurse was handed a bill for 50 grand, but still.” — JIMMY FALLON“The very first dose went to a critical-care nurse in New York. Needless to say, her Tinder is blowing up.” — JAMES CORDEN“This must be what it felt like watching the moon landing. It was a historic scientific achievement that you just know a bunch of idiot jabronis are going to say was faked.” — SETH MEYERS“You know that 2020 has been weird because I’m looking at a person in a face mask getting injected and I’m thinking, ‘I cannot wait for that to be me.’” — JAMES CORDEN“I read that the vaccine needs to be stored at ultracold temperatures, around negative 100 degrees. In response, UPS workers looked at their shorts and said, ‘Yeah, it seems like more of a FedEx thing.’” — JIMMY FALLON“You realize this time next week, we’re all going to be back in the club, like, ‘Shots, shots, shots, shots — in my arm, please!’” — TREVOR NOAH“That’s right, people all across America are lining up for shots. Normally when that happens here in December, we call it SantaCon.” — JIMMY FALLONThe Punchiest Punchlines (Huge if Still True Edition)“Huge news. Just moments before tonight’s taping, the Electoral College officially certified that Joe Biden won the 2020 presidential election — again. He did it; he’s still the winner!” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Great, the guy hasn’t even taken office yet, but his election victory is already in its second term. We’re going to be seeing articles about Biden fatigue before Christmas.” — SETH MEYERS“This is a relief. I would hate to start another week of shows without talking about the same election results we’ve all known for the last month and a half.” — JAMES CORDEN“At this point, Joe Biden has won the election so many times, he’s our 46th through 51st president.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“This is also big news because this means after six agonizing weeks, the election is finally over. Stick a fork in the president; he’s done. Also, keep that fork handy because poking him in the butt might be the only way to get him out of the White House.” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Bits Worth WatchingMegan Thee Stallion performed a Santa-inspired remix of her hit song “Savage” on Monday’s “Late Late Show.”What We’re Excited About on Tuesday NightAlanis Morissette will perform on Tuesday night’s “Jimmy Kimmel Live.”Also, Check This OutNat Wolff in the coming version of the Stephen King novel “The Stand,” which includes a new ending written by King.Credit…Robert Falconer/CBSStephen King reflects on small-screen adaptations of his horror stories, from “It” to an updated take of “The Stand.”AdvertisementContinue reading the main story More