Fallon, Jimmy

“Santos likes Jordan because when Jim Jordan sees a crime, he keeps his mouth shut,” Kimmel joked.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Missed ConnectionsLate night shows were taped before the news broke Thursday evening about Steve Scalise withdrawing as a candidate for speaker of the House. Instead, most hosts chose to poke fun at Representative George Santos for a social media post on Wednesday refusing to support Steve Scalise in favor of Jim Jordan.“It must have been very frustrating for George Santos sitting by the phone, waiting to hear from Scalise,” Jimmy Kimmel said. “You know, they only give you one call in prison.”“Santos then tweeted his support for Jim Jordan. Santos likes Jordan because when Jim Jordan sees a crime, he keeps his mouth shut.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Wow, I haven’t seen him this upset since he lost the N.B.A. championship to Michael Jordan and the Toon Squad.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“What a mess. The House only has until Nov. 17 to pass legislation to fund the government or there will be a shutdown. But they can’t do anything until they have a speaker. In the meantime, we’re all just waiting around like we’re customers in line at the CVS pharmacy window: ‘Any chance we’ll get our insulin?’ Not looking good.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Punchiest Punchlines (Not-So-Hot Mic Edition)”Speaking of fools, Donald Trump.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Last night, he addressed the horrific terrorist attack on Israel by attacking Israel.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Capt. Bone Spurs gave a doozy of a speech where, among other things, he said Hamas would never have gone into Israel if his election hadn’t been rigged. He called Israel’s defense minister a jerk. He did some ax-grinding about Netanyahu and had some complimentary words about Israel’s enemies in Lebanon. He’s really angling for that Nobel Piece of [expletive] Prize.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“[imitating Trump] This is my worst mic since Pence!” — JIMMY FALLON, on Trump’s complaints about a microphone that he then refused to pay for“It’s always fun to see him come up with new reasons not to pay people.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Bits Worth WatchingThe comedian John Mulaney sat down with his friend Stephen Colbert to discuss his recovery and getting David Byrne to score his new comedy album, “Baby J.”Also, Check This Out“City of Ladies,” a show within a show, puts Judy Chicago’s bronze female figures and other works alongside a sisterhood of more than 80 inspirations.Judy Chicago/Artists Rights Society (ARS), New York; Photo by Clark Hodgin for The New York TimesSpanning four floors at the New Museum in New York, Judy Chicago’s “Herstory” show features the work of more than 80 artists and thinkers, including her own. More

Jimmy Kimmel said that Republicans will be successful only if they can “accept the results of an election, and that’s really not their thing.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.‘One Step Closer to the Worst Job in the World’House Republicans “took a break from fake-impeaching Joe Biden” on Wednesday, Jimmy Kimmel said, to nominate Steve Scalise of Louisiana as their next speaker.“Scalise beat out Jim Jordan in a closed-door session and will now spend a night in the fantasy suite with Matt Gaetz to see how they hit it off,” Kimmel joked.“House Republicans today nominated majority leader Steve Scalise to be the next speaker, while next week’s speaker is still anyone’s guess!” — SETH MEYERS“The House majority chose Scalise by a vote of 113-99. It’s still unclear, though, if he has enough votes to win the speakership because that would require Republicans to accept the results of an election, and that’s really not their thing.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Congratulations, Steve. You are one step closer to having the worst job in the world. It’s just one rung below emptying the Porta-Potties at a chili cook-off.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“So if you see white smoke coming from the Capitol Rotunda, it means they’ve either picked a new speaker or Lauren Boebert is vaping again.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Punchiest Punchlines (Running Mate or Cell Mate Edition)“Federal prosecutors accused Republican Congressman George Santos yesterday of stealing campaign donors’ identities. But if you donated money to George Santos, you’re probably looking for a new identity anyway.” — SETH MEYERS“The latest round of charges brings the total number of counts against him to 23. Congratulations, George, 68 more and you can run for president.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Just to give that some perspective, the BTK killer only had 10 charges against him.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Santos has been indicted on charges of conspiracy, wire fraud, falsifying records, and the most Photoshop ever used on a single headshot.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“In one instance, Santos allegedly stole a donor’s credit card number to transfer more than $11,000 to his own bank account. Zoinkers! Though people should’ve been tipped off by his slogan ‘Santos 2022: That’s my PIN number, what’s yours?’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Congressman George Santos was just hit with 10 more criminal charges that accuse him of stealing his donors’ identities and credit cards. Santos was like, ‘Wait, am I not Henrietta Ellenberg from Youngstown, Ohio?’” — JIMMY FALLON“It’s wild. Santos is either going to wind up as Trump’s running mate or Trump’s cell mate.” — JIMMY FALLONThe Bits Worth Watching“The Late Show” writer Felipe Torres Medina popped by Wednesday’s show for a quick game of “Hispanic or Latino!”What We’re Excited About on Thursday NightThe “Saturday Night Live” star Bowen Yang will appear ahead of the show’s 49th season premiere on Thursday’s “Late Night.”Also, Check This OutFrom left, J.J. Wynder, Mallori Taylor Johnson, Ngozi Anyanwu (standing) and Nicole Ari Parker in “The Refuge Plays,” at Laura Pels Theater.Jeenah Moon for The New York TimesNicole Ari Parker stars in Nathan Alan Davis’s new Off Broadway production of “The Refuge Plays.” More

“If being locked in a room with those people for two hours feels like therapy, you need to find a new therapist,” Meyers said.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Family TherapyDivided House Republicans have been holding closed-door meetings to discuss electing a new speaker. One lawmaker referred to an intense two-hour discussion on Monday as a “therapy session.”“If being locked in a room with those people for two hours feels like therapy, you need to find a new therapist,” Seth Meyers said on Tuesday’s “Late Night.”“I would hate to be a therapist for the House Republicans: [imitating a therapist] ‘Um, OK. Normally I don’t say this to a patient, but you are all responsible for your parents’ divorce.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Now, they may have some competition for Kevin McCarthy’s old job, and it’s Kevin McCarthy.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Republicans will try to elect a new speaker of the House, and apparently Kevin McCarthy said that he would be willing to return as speaker. That’s right, Kevin McCarthy might run to replace Kevin McCarthy.” — JIMMY FALLONThe Punchiest Punchlines (Prime Time Edition)“It’s October Prime Day on Amazon. It’s exclusively for Prime members, which is everyone in the world.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“It’s that special day that only comes 12 times a year.” — JIMMY FALLON“They’ve got some great deals on some must-have items, like a pickle that yodels, a cat scratcher shaped like a tongue, a banana goose, a piece of plastic pork and a delicious can of Spam, maple flavored.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Joe Biden spent his October Prime Day trying to figure out where the hell this woman Alexa who keeps yelling at him is hiding.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Bits Worth WatchingThe Roots free-styled songs from audience-supplied topics, like Taylor Swift fans and Halloween candy, on Tuesday’s “Tonight Show.”What We’re Excited About on Wednesday NightThe country music star Reba McEntire will appear on Wednesday’s “Late Night with Seth Meyers.”Also, Check This Out“I try to only do multicamera sitcoms,” James Burrows said. “If there’s two people talking, I want you laughing at what they’re saying, not admiring the beautiful cinematic camera moves.”Alex Welsh for The New York TimesJames Burrows, one of the creators of “Cheers,” is bringing Frasier Crane back to Boston with the new Paramount+ reboot of “Frasier.” More

“We’ve been gone so long, ‘The Bachelor’ is now a grandfather,” Jimmy Kimmel joked on Monday.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.They’re BaaackLate night shows returned on Monday night for their first broadcasts since May, after a five-month writers’ strike ended last week. In their monologues, hosts expressed gratitude to be working again and caught up on some of the news that happened while they were sidelined.“We’ve been gone so long, ‘The Bachelor’ is now a grandfather,” Jimmy Kimmel joked.“The stalemate finally ended when the studios realized, ‘We’ve got to end this now, or it’s another three months of watching ‘Suits.’” — JIMMY FALLON“It was kind of weird coming back after being gone for five months. The studio was empty for so long, NBC converted it to a Spirit Halloween.” — JIMMY FALLON“I missed my writers so much. I was so happy — so happy to see them this morning. I will admit, by lunch, I was a little over it.” — SETH MEYERSWhile off the air, Kimmel, Jimmy Fallon, Stephen Colbert, Seth Meyers and John Oliver collaborated on a podcast called “Strike Force Five,” with proceeds donated to their out-of-work staff members.“We still, by the way, have two episodes and thousands of T-shirts left to sell,” Kimmel said on Monday. “The strike ended exactly on the day we ordered the shirts and hats, so if you want one, go to StrikeForceFive.com, or I’ll be giving them out until Christmas 2045, OK?”Neither on the podcast nor on “The Tonight Show” did Jimmy Fallon mention an apology he issued in September after current and former employees reported experiencing a “toxic workplace” under his leadership. Instead, he focused on gratitude for viewers who choose “to have me in your bedrooms at nighttime.”“I’m more excited than the guy seeing ‘Beetlejuice’ with Lauren Boebert.” — JIMMY FALLON“Yeah, everyone is excited. Today, my dad called me up and said, ‘Finally, I can watch Kimmel again.’” — JIMMY FALLONThe Punchiest Punchlines (Bad Business as Usual Edition)“We looked at the calendar today and — check my math on this — I believe we have been off the air for 154 indictments.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Donald Trump got arrested four times while we were on strike — once for the classified documents, once for interfering with the election, once for Jan. 6, and once for shooting Tupac, allegedly.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Trump is now facing 91 felony counts. Ninety-one felony counts. It’s like all of Melania’s birthday wishes came true at once.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Donald Trump arrived in New York last night to stay at his possibly soon-to-be-renamed residence, Trump Tower, ahead of his appearance today in a Manhattan courthouse for a fraud trial, and I just want to say it’s really nice of him to come back to New York for our first show.” — SETH MEYERS“Trump might not even have the money to pay the penalty in his fraud trial, which means there’s a remote but realistic possibility that Trump Tower gets taken away, he has to sell Mar-a-Lago and he ends up crashing with Rudy Giuliani.” — SETH MEYERSThe Bits Worth WatchingThe actor Matthew McConaughey turned rhymes from his new children’s book “Just Because” into a spirited duet with Jimmy Fallon on Monday’s “Tonight Show.”What We’re Excited About on Tuesday NightFresh off a sold-out date at Madison Square Garden, the musical supergroup boygenius will perform on Tuesday’s “Late Show.”Also, Check This OutBeyoncé on tour last summer. Her “Renaissance: A Film by Beyoncé” will be released on Dec. 1.The New York TimesThe highly anticipated film version of Beyoncé’s Renaissance tour will debut in movie theaters on Dec. 1. More