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      Seth Meyers Explains How ‘Forever Wars’ Happen

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      The Washington elite kept troops in Afghanistan “longer than it takes for George R.R. Martin to come up with a new ‘Game of Thrones’ book,” Meyers joked.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.‘A Little More Time’Seth Meyers discussed the messy U.S. withdrawal from Afghanistan in his “Closer Look” segment on Wednesday night, blaming members of the Washington elite who he said had misled the public for years about the prospects for success in America’s longest war.“And that’s how ‘forever wars’ happen: People in charge just keep asking for a little more time to turn things around and then, next thing you know, it’s been 20 years and you’ve been in Afghanistan longer than it takes for George R.R. Martin to come up with a new ‘Game of Thrones’ book,” Meyers joked.“And every time someone suggested withdrawing, the military-industrial complex and foreign policy elite kept insisting that if we only gave them just a few more months, they could finally turn things around. It’s kind of like how as a kid you tell your parents you’d return the movie you rented from Blockbuster tomorrow because you hadn’t finished it yet, and then they’d ask you the next day, and you tell them you just have to watch the last 20 minutes, and then the next thing you know, you’re 47 years old and owe Blockbuster $60,000 in late fees for a VHS copy of ‘The Prince of Tides.’” — SETH MEYERS“There was never a good time to withdraw, which is why no president before Biden was willing to do it, kind of like how there’s never a good time at a pool party to tell someone you can see their [expletive] crack. No one wants to be the guy who interrupts pool volleyball to say, ‘Hey, Dave, pull up your swimsuit.’” — SETH MEYERSThe Punchiest Punchlines (Duct Tales Edition)“Guys, I saw that United Airlines has instructed its flight crew not to use duct tape when dealing with unruly passengers. Don’t use it, yeah. Flight attendants heard and were like, ‘OK, Tasers it is.’” — JIMMY FALLON“That’s right, United isn’t allowed to use duct tape, while passengers on Frontier Airlines will now be wheeled onboard like Hannibal Lecter.” — JIMMY FALLON“Yeah, according to the memo, United is against using duct tape unless it’s holding up one of their engines. That’s where they draw the line.” — JIMMY FALLONThe Bits Worth WatchingWednesday night’s guest host, Sean Hayes, played doctor on “Jimmy Kimmel Live.”What We’re Excited About on Thursday NightThe “Saturday Night Live” star Cecily Strong will visit Seth Meyers on Thursday night.Also, Check This OutBillie Jean King in 1974.Associated PressBillie Jean King’s new memoir, “All In,” is a powerful, personal manifesto from the longtime activist and athlete, our critic writes. More

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      Late Night Anticipates the Third Shot

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      “Yep, Biden will be making the booster shot announcement as part of his Operation: Change the Subject,” Jimmy Fallon said.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Third Time’s the CharmThe White House is expected to announce coronavirus booster shots, recommending that Americans receive them eight months after their initial round of inoculation.“And to sell Americans on the idea, the White House is hiring a movie trailer narrator to be like, ‘This fall, Pfizer completes their epic trilogy,’” Jimmy Fallon joked on Tuesday night.“Yep, Biden will be making the booster shot announcement as part of his Operation: Change the Subject.” — JIMMY FALLON“The first people to get boosters will likely be nursing home residents and health care workers, who could get the jab as early as mid-September. So these are autumn shots. The options will be Moderna, Pfizer or pumpkin spice.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“So, vaccine sites are about to ramp up again. You hear that, millions of Americans who are still on the fence about the first dose? Because the rest of us are about to go back for thirds. We’re offering you that last slice of pizza before we take it, and in this case, the pepperoni doesn’t kill you.” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Punchiest Punchlines (One More Shot Edition)“We’re going to get a third shot, OK? So, somehow, they’re going to have to make the vaccination card even bigger. It fits in most midsize sedans.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Honestly, they should just send booster shots to your house like a cheese of the month club like, ‘Oh, honey, look — this month it is AstraZeneca. How exotic!’” — JIMMY FALLON“America can’t even agree on the first shots. We’re like a giant family dinner where half the table wants pizza and the other half wants to die of Covid.” — JULIE BOWEN, guest host of “Jimmy Kimmel Live”The Bits Worth WatchingOn Tuesday’s “Jimmy Kimmel Live,” guest host Julie Bowen explained how she and her family recently helped an injured hiker in a national park.What We’re Excited About on Wednesday NightMichael Keaton will catch up with Jimmy Fallon on Wednesday’s “Tonight Show.”Also, Check This OutJohn Shearer/WireImage for MTV.com (Conrad, Montag) ; Glenn Francis/PacificProDigital.com (Pratt)Memes about Delta are harmless fun except for those cast as the variant itself. More

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      Colbert on Afghanistan: ‘It’s Heartbreaking’

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      “Why should our soldiers be fighting radicals in a civil war in Afghanistan? We’ve got our own on Capitol Hill,” Stephen Colbert said.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.‘The Right Thing Feels So Wrong’Late-night hosts addressed the news out of Afghanistan this week, with the Taliban taking swift control after President Biden’s decision to pull out American troops.“We have had troops there for 20 years — they fought, they sacrificed, their families sacrificed so that we wouldn’t have a terrorist attack in America planned in a foreign country,” Stephen Colbert said on Monday. “Why should our soldiers be fighting radicals in a civil war in Afghanistan? We’ve got our own on Capitol Hill.”“The Taliban yesterday entered the city of Kabul and took control of Afghanistan’s presidential palace. Most Americans watched in horror, while some Americans watched for tips.” — SETH MEYERS“As recently as last month, an overwhelming majority of Americans, 70 percent or more, supported Biden’s withdrawal. Seventy percent. You know how few things 70 percent of Americans agree on? I think it’s this and extra cheese, which also often ends badly and faster than you planned.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“The U.S. foreign-policy apparatus should not approach Afghanistan the same way I approach trying to install a wireless router: ‘“Connect the router to a broadband gateway from your I.S.P. by inserting the Ethernet cable to the port located on the back of the TP-link extender”? I don’t have the foggiest notion of what I’m undertaking! Do you know how this works?’” — SETH MEYERS“So in the end, you can make us accept that there was no good alternative, but you can’t make us feel good about it. The only people who can feel good about this are the service members and their families who aren’t going to see soldiers sent into harm’s way for no reason that the commander in chief of either party can articulate. But there’s one more thing: For the last 20 years, four separate administrations told the American people to care about the plight of all the Afghan people, especially the women, and we did care and that’s not going to change. All that’s changed is that there’s nothing we can do about it now. So pulling out may be the right thing to do, but it’s heartbreaking; it’s humbling when the right thing feels so wrong.” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Punchiest Punchlines (Blame Game Edition)“Former President Trump released a statement on Friday amid the deteriorating situation in Afghanistan and, yeah, he’s enjoying this.” — SETH MEYERS“Pretty weird to blame Biden for withdrawing troops when this summer he was claiming credit for it.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“So you can’t put all the blame for a debacle you helped set the stage for. That’s like Andrew Lloyd Webber calling ‘Cats’ a terrible movie. You wrote a musical with no plot — how did you think this was going to end?” — STEPHEN COLBERT“You can tell things aren’t good for Biden, because today he said, ‘You know, maybe the election was stolen.’” — JIMMY FALLON“Trump made a peace deal with the Taliban to end the war, and now after Biden’s withdrawal, they’re back in power. So, on the bright side, it’s nice to have a bipartisan screw-up.” — JIMMY FALLON“I have a hard time believing Trump would have done it in a more orderly way, since nothing he ever did was orderly. He couldn’t even withdraw from an umbrella in an orderly fashion.” — SETH MEYERS“So what’s happening now is the responsibility of both parties, and the American people who voted them into office. So, children and convicts, you’re off the hook. Also, thanks for watching.” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Bits Worth WatchingThe country music star Maren Morris was the guest host on Monday’s “Jimmy Kimmel Live.”What We’re Excited About on Tuesday NightCourtney Barnett will perform on Tuesday’s “Tonight Show.”Also, Check This OutJan GrueNTB Scanpix Sipa USA
      Michael J. Fox reviews “I Live a Life Like Yours,” Jan Grue’s new memoir about living with spinal muscular atrophy. More

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      Bad News for ‘Trump-Adjacent Weirdos’ Delights Seth Meyers

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      Meyers enjoyed seeing Mike Lindell get word on camera that a defamation suit against him over his claims of election fraud would proceed.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Lawsuit TV, LiveOn Wednesday, a federal judge ruled that Dominion Voting Systems could proceed with its defamation lawsuits against Mike Lindell, Rudy Giuliani and Sidney Powell. Seth Meyers called them “Trump-adjacent weirdos” and poked fun at their election fraud conspiracy theories on Thursday’s “Late Night.”“OK, so there are only two plausible explanations for what happened here: Either a federal judge appointed by Donald Trump ruled that unfounded claims of election fraud made by three Trump allies were not exempt from defamation laws, or Hugo Chavez teamed up with China and the C.I.A. to use Italian military satellites to hack the judge’s computer and alter his opinion, which was then printed out on paper smuggled in from China covered in bamboo fibers. The only way we can know for sure is if we take the judge’s ruling to a cabin in Montana, examine it under a powerful ultraviolet light, then bury it in the backyard, wait three days and see if it rains.” — SETH MEYERSMeyers and Stephen Colbert largely focused on Lindell, the MyPillow C.E.O., whose reaction to the news was caught on camera.“Watching someone get bad news, in real time, at their own symposium is my new kink.” — SETH MEYERS“This week, he held a livestreamed cybersymposium, for which he hired a cyberexpert ‘red team’ and gave them what he said was 37 terabytes of irrefutable evidence that hackers broke into election systems using intercepted ‘packet captures.’ ‘Packet captures,’ of course, is a technical term that you might know by their street name, ‘pillow cases.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Honestly, poor cyberexperts. You go to school to get a degree in computer science, spend your whole career mastering a highly specialized skill that would be actually very helpful in today’s high-tech economy, and then a psycho pillow magnate hands you what I’m guessing is a garbage bag full of dry cleaning slips and CBS receipts and said, ‘I need you to switch who the president is.’” — SETH MEYERSThe Punchiest Punchlines (Today in Rudy Edition)“Rudy has also been sued by Dominion for a billion dollars. Now he’s facing a mountain of legal fees. That mountain’s in his apartment, right next to the mountain of empty Franzia boxes.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Man, I wish I could have seen Rudy’s face when he found out. And that’s something, because I’ve wished to see Rudy’s face.” — SETH MEYERS“On top of that, Rudy’s law license in Washington was suspended, and he was suspended from practicing law in New York due to ‘demonstrably false and misleading’ statements about the election — which means he’s cut off from his previous source of income: telling lies next to a dildo shop.” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Bits Worth WatchingIn honor of Jimmy Fallon’s 1,500th “Tonight Show” episode, Kit Harington gave the host something he’s been waiting for — a “straight-up” rendition of Train’s “Drops of Jupiter.”Also, Check This OutLou Platt’s work as a therapist on productions like “I May Destroy You” often starts before filming even begins.Alex Ingram for The New York TimesFilm and television productions in Britain have started bringing therapists on-set to offer counseling for the cast and crew members. More

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      Seth Meyers Teases Rudy Giuliani for Joining Cameo

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      “Rudy’s charging $275 per video, but if you just wait awhile, you know he’ll eventually butt-dial you for free,” the “Late Night” host joked on Wednesday.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Rudy Makes a CameoOn Wednesday night, late-night hosts mocked Rudy Giuliani for joining Cameo, a service that allows fans to pay celebrities to send them video messages.“I guess Rudy’s last cameo went so well, he decided to give it another go,” Seth Meyers said, referring to Giuliani’s unwitting appearance last year in “Borat Subsequent Moviefilm.”“You know how like six months ago, Rudy was the personal lawyer for the leader of the free world? Well, now he’s doing this.” — SARAH SILVERMAN, guest host of “Jimmy Kimmel Live”“That’s right, he went from being America’s mayor to saying, ‘Hello, this is Rudy Giuliani. I want to wish ‘Deez Nuts’ a happy retirement.’”— JIMMY FALLON“He has no idea what he’s in for. Right now, a prosecutor in the Southern District of New York is logging on to Cameo and asking Rudy to share the story of the time he went to Ukraine to dig up dirt on a political opponent to interfere in a presidential election. [imitating Giuliani] ‘This message is for Mr. DOJ. I hear you’re feeling discouraged at work. Well, let me tell you about the time my friend Don and I cooked up a scheme to extort a foreign government and got away with it. You know, it says here you want me to read you my text messages and your emails. Oh, hold on, someone’s banging at the door. Why are you yelling “police”? There’s no police in here.’”— SETH MEYERS“I mean, this guy — this guy, who is a personal lawyer to the president of the United States, and now, he’s basically panhandling in the same place you can get a ‘Happy bat mitzvah’ message from Jamie Farr.” — SETH MEYERSThe Punchiest Punchlines (Giuliani’s New Gig Edition)“This may be the saddest part: It says he responds within 10 hours. His own prostate doesn’t respond that fast.” — SARAH SILVERMAN“Now, Rudy’s charging $275 per video, but if you just wait awhile, you know he’ll eventually butt-dial you for free.” — SETH MEYERS“That’s right, for the price of parking at Disneyland, you can get a message from the vampire who held a press conference next to a dildo store.” — SARAH SILVERMAN“Seems like a good investment, but can you really put a price on a future convicted felon accidentally farting on camera for your niece’s quinceañera? You can, it’s $275!” — SARAH SILVERMANThe Bits Worth WatchingStephen Colbert did his impersonation of a squirrel walking while pooping for his lucky guest Alan Alda.What We’re Excited About on Thursday NightThe Killers will perform on Thursday’s “Jimmy Kimmel Live.”Also, Check This OutIn her new work, Ali Wong performs some truly refined vulgarity, our critic writes.Joyce Kim for The New York TimesAli Wong is back with a raunchy new stand-up set for her “Milk and Money Tour.” More

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      Late Night Weighs In on Andrew Cuomo’s Resignation

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      “It’s gonna be tough for Cuomo. With a track record like this, his only future is either president or Supreme Court justice,” Jimmy Fallon joked.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Exiting the Governor’s MansionAndrew Cuomo’s resignation as New York’s governor was the talk of late night on Tuesday.“It’s gonna be tough for Cuomo,” Jimmy Fallon said. “With a track record like this, his only future is either president or Supreme Court justice.”“New York Governor Andrew Cuomo announced today that he will resign amid multiple allegations of sexual harassment. And this is, frankly, amazing — he made the announcement via book.” — SETH MEYERS“But during his remarks he said it was best that he step aside — and then every woman in the room took two steps aside.” — JIMMY FALLON“Don’t let the door hit you on the butt on the way out. But if it does, that door should also resign.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“That’s right, New York Gov. Andrew Cuomo announced today that he will resign amid multiple allegations of sexual harassment, so tune in to CNN tonight for, I don’t know, a rerun of ‘The History of the Sitcom.’” — SETH MEYERSThe Punchiest Punchlines (Two Weeks’ Notice Edition)“For now, Cuomo’s still governor, because, for reasons I do not understand, Cuomo’s resignation will take effect in 14 days. Evidently, he gave himself two weeks’ notice.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“I’m sorry, is this really a two-week-notice type of situation?” — JIMMY FALLON“Cuomo’s replacement will be Lt. Gov. Kathy Hochul. And this is — yeah, this is strange. Right after she was announced as New York’s next governor, CNN offered a prime-time show to her sister.” — JIMMY FALLON“Hochul will be taking the seat vacated by Cuomo — hopefully, after putting a towel down first.” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Bits Worth WatchingMarlon Wayans, a “Tonight Show” guest, said he quit doing stand-up for 20 years after Chris Rock heckled him.What We’re Excited About on Wednesday NightSarah Silverman will kick off a two-night stint as a guest host on “Jimmy Kimmel Live.”Also, Check This OutJennifer Hudson, with Marc Maron, left, and Marlon Wayans, learned to play piano for “Respect.” Quantrell D. Colbert/MGMJennifer Hudson did a deep dive into her friend Aretha Franklin’s past to portray the Queen of Soul in “Respect.” More

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      Stephen Colbert Was Disinvited From Obama’s Birthday Party

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      “In the massive scaling back, I got massively scaled,” Colbert said of being cut from the former president’s guest list because of coronavirus concerns.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Access RevokedStephen Colbert opened “The Late Show” on Monday with a story of “being disinvited from the cool kid’s party” that was former President Barack Obama’s 60th birthday on Martha’s Vineyard over the weekend.“Here’s the thing — a hot ticket is what it was, but given the whole pandemic thing and the Delta variant, a celebrity mosh pit was maybe not the wisest choice, so Obama decided to scale back the guest list for his party,” Colbert explained.Colbert said there were reports claiming that fellow late-night hosts Conan O’Brien and David Letterman, Colbert’s predecessor, had been axed from the guest list, but that he made the cut.“Yeah, I mean, it makes sense — I am known to fill in when Letterman drops out of something.” — STEPHEN COLBERTColbert clarified that while he had planned to attend the party, “In the massive scaling back, I got massively scaled.”“By the way, Mr. Former President, my own 60th birthday is coming up in three years, and you, sir, are not … going to want to miss it. Please come. I’d be so honored if you came. I’ll scale me back to make room for you — and Michelle, obviously.” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Punchiest Punchlines (Tokyo 2021 Edition)“The 2020 Tokyo Olympics ended yesterday, and the U.S. athletes brought home 39 gold medals, 41 silvers, 33 bronze and four new variants.” — SETH MEYERS“Well, last night was the closing ceremony for the 2020 Tokyo Olympics which, because of Covid, were actually held in 2021, which means it’s only three more years until the 2024 Olympics are postponed to 2027.” — SETH MEYERS“I hope you enjoyed them, because with global warming, even the Winter Olympics will soon be the Summer Olympics.” — DAVID SPADE, guest host of “Jimmy Kimmel Live”“But it was a magical two weeks. Night after night, Americans gathered around the TV to see the events where we already saw who won on Twitter.” — JIMMY FALLON“Now that the Games are done, the only place for an athlete to get herpes in a foreign country is on ‘Bachelor in Paradise.’” — DAVID SPADE“Now if you want to witness physical excellence, you’ll have to watch a flight attendant duct tape a drunk guy to his seat.” — JIMMY FALLONThe Bits Worth WatchingDavid Spade poked fun at Monday night’s finale of “The Bachelorette” while guest hosting “Jimmy Kimmel Live.”What We’re Excited About on Tuesday NightBarbra Streisand will pop by “The Tonight Show” on Tuesday.Also, Check This OutKelia Anne MacCluskeyOn this week’s Popcast, The New York Times’s pop music team discusses the musical and personal evolution of the Grammy-winning chart-topper Billie Eilish. More

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      Seth Meyers Demands His Own Ben & Jerry’s Flavor

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      If Stephen Colbert and Jimmy Fallon can be on ice cream containers, why not the “Late Night” host?Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now. More