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      Late Night Takes Stock of Trump’s Effect on the Markets

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      “In the first Trump term, it took a disease to destroy the economy,” Stephen Colbert said. “This time, he’s the disease.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.‘Stocks Down, Measles Up’Wall Street had its worst day of 2025 on Monday, after President Trump declined to rule out the possibility that his tariffs might lead to a recession.Stephen Colbert said the clocks might have sprung forward on Sunday for daylight saving time, “but today, the stock market fall down go boom.”“The Dow Jones dropped 890 points. Now, I don’t know a lot of financial jargon, but let’s just say your 401 is not ’k,” — STEPHEN COLBERT“In the first Trump term, it took a disease to destroy the economy. This time, he’s the disease.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“During a Fox News interview, President Trump declined to rule out the possibility that his economic policies could cause a recession. Trump was, like, ‘Depends if we use my economic policies from this morning or this afternoon.’” — JIMMY FALLON“It’s not great when the summary of your first two months in office is ‘Stocks down, measles up.’” — JIMMY FALLON“When asked by reporters yesterday aboard Air Force One about the possibility of a recession, President Trump said that his tariffs will make the U.S. ‘so rich, you’re not going to know where to spend all that money’ — unless, you know, you’re feeling like an omelet.” — SETH MEYERS“What do you want us to watch instead? [imitating Trump] ‘Maria, it’s a mistake to watch the stock market when you should be watching ‘Severance.’ What a show; it’s a great show.’” — SETH MEYERS, in response to Trump telling the Fox News host Maria Bartiromo that Americans shouldn’t watch the stock marketThe Punchiest Punchlines (Spring Forward Edition)“Well, guys, yesterday was daylight saving time, and we lost an hour of sleep. Democrats were, like, ‘An hour? We haven’t slept since November.’” — JIMMY FALLON“I tried something a little different this year. I set my clocks ahead four years. It didn’t work.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“We sprung forward. I might have pulled something. But considering the way things are going, I’ve never been more grateful to be one hour closer to the end of whatever this is.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“We go forward, we go backward. It’s like living in a Christopher Nolan movie, and Matt Damon is in those — I want no part of it.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Bits Worth WatchingFormer Gov. Andrew Cuomo of New York was the subject of Saturday’s “Lie-Curious” segment on “Have I Got News For You.”What We’re Excited About on Tuesday NightThe drag performer Trixie Mattel will appear on “After Midnight.”Also, Check This OutLady Gaga’s “Mayhem” is a bright, shiny and thoroughly sleek pop record.Arturo Holmes/Getty ImagesFor her new album, “Mayhem,” Lady Gaga mines her past for self-mythologizing nostalgia. More

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      All Signs Point to Democrats Being Hopeless, Michael Kosta Says

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      During President Trump’s speech, Democrats held “little paddles as if they were ready to give Mike Johnson a naughty little spanking,” the “Daily Show” host said.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Audience ParticipationPresident Trump’s 99-minute address to Congress was still providing fodder for late-night hosts on Wednesday. Michael Kosta was unimpressed with how Democratic lawmakers chose to express their opposition.On “The Daily Show,” Kosta said the speech was “a theatrical production where everybody has a role, and they slip right into it.”“Democrats showed up in full wardrobe, dressed in pink as a symbolic protest against people who wanted them to do something meaningful.” — MICHAEL KOSTA“They came with props, too, holding up little paddles like they were ready to give Mike Johnson a naughty little spanking, huh? Either that or a pickleball match.” — MICHAEL KOSTA“Trump was confused by the paddles. He was, like, ‘We’re not auctioning off Greenland until later.” — JIMMY FALLON“What turned out to be an amazing night for America coincided with the worst night for Democrats since Republicans canceled slavery.” — GREG GUTFELD“Luckily, Democrats stood up to him the only way they know how: by writing about it later in their diaries.” — TAYLOR TOMLINSON”I really love that while Trump was saying the wildest [expletive] on earth, Democrats just sat there with their little paddles. Like, you really shouldn’t stand up to fascism the same way that we play ‘Is It Cake?’” — TAYLOR TOMLINSON“It was the longest presidential address in more than 60 years. Why is it that the orchestra can play off an Oscar winner but not the president?” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Trump’s speech went on so long — his speech was 10 minutes longer than ‘The Lion King.’” And had twice as much lyin’ in it. — JIMMY KIMMEL“Stayed up late last night for a live show following Donald Trump’s address to Congress, which set the record for the longest address to a joint session of Congress ever. Felt longer.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“I mean, so long you couldn’t bring in DOGE to make any cuts?” — SETH MEYERS“His speech was so long, Adrien Brody played him off.” — SETH MEYERSWe are having trouble retrieving the article content.Please enable JavaScript in your browser settings.Thank you for your patience while we verify access. If you are in Reader mode please exit and log into your Times account, or subscribe for all of The Times.Thank you for your patience while we verify access.Already a subscriber? Log in.Want all of The Times? Subscribe. More

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      Late Night Is Underwhelmed by Trump’s Address to Congress

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      Jimmy Kimmel noted that the president’s speech started late: “I guess they were waiting for that last coat of shellac to dry on his face.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.‘The White POTUS’President Trump addressed a joint session of Congress on Tuesday night. Jimmy Kimmel called it “a very special episode of ‘The White POTUS.’”“His speech started late. I guess they were waiting for that last coat of shellac to dry on his face.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Members of the Trump family were there: Eric was there, Lara, Don Jr., Jared, Ivanka, even Melania showed up. So Democrats weren’t the only people who hate him there.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Things got off to a big start when Trump and JD Vance held hands and sang a medley from ‘Wicked.’” — JIMMY FALLON“He laid out his MAGA-genda for the next four years. They include wildly unpopular tariffs, abandoning our allies, buddying up to Russia, tax cuts for the rich and turning Gaza into Atlantic City — all the reasons blue-collar America voted for this man.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Trump said our momentum is back, our spirit is back, our pride is back. And not the gay kind, either: the regular pride.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“What he’s talking about, I have no idea. The stock market’s down, consumer confidence is down, the dollar is down. The only things that are high are egg prices and Elon Musk.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“In the end, Trump’s first address to Congress was much like his first six weeks: filled with useful lies, and applauded by useless idiots.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“He told our farmers to have a lot of fun and said the days of unelected bureaucrats are over, with Elon standing right there clapping like an imbecile. Yay for unelected bureaucrats.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“And the days of rule by unelected billionaires have just begun. Elon! Take a bow, Elon! You paid for it.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“It was quite a night. There were about 400 people in attendance — 300 were members of Congress, and 100 were Elon’s kids.” — JIMMY FALLON“Yeah, the night was pretty much a welcome back party for Trump, Republicans and measles.” — JIMMY FALLONThe Punchiest Punchlines (Bad Neighbor Edition)We are having trouble retrieving the article content.Please enable JavaScript in your browser settings.Thank you for your patience while we verify access. If you are in Reader mode please exit and log into your Times account, or subscribe for all of The Times.Thank you for your patience while we verify access.Already a subscriber? Log in.Want all of The Times? Subscribe. More

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      Late Night Recaps Zelensky’s Casual Friday at the White House

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      “I don’t see you asking Elon Musk if he owns a suit,” Seth Meyers said of the reporter who questioned Ukraine’s president about his attire.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Bad Fashion PoliceOn Friday, President Trump and Vice President JD Vance berated President Volodymyr Zelensky of Ukraine during a tense televised meeting at the White House. Things went bad after a conservative reporter asked why Zelensky hadn’t worn a suit to the Oval Office and whether he owned one.On Monday’s “Late Night,” Seth Meyers noted that Zelensky hadn’t been the only casually dressed visitor to the White House lately: “I don’t see you asking Elon Musk if he owns a suit, even though he shows up to cabinet meetings.”“People care about the cost of groceries and health care, not whether the president of Ukraine has ever been to a Men’s Wearhouse.” — SETH MEYERS“The guy’s the leader of a country that was invaded by Russia, and you’re grilling him like a fop at a garden party: ‘I have a question — is your stylist legally blind or just farsighted?’” — SETH MEYERS“Oh, Zelensky, you’re so poor and war-torn, you’re down to one Brooks Brother.” — JON STEWART“You’re so war-torn, you’ve given up the meaningless protocols of business attire.” — JON STEWART“His nation was invaded, he’s — against all odds — held off a much bigger army for three years, and we’re like, ‘And would it kill you to smile more, dress a little nicer? You’re a beautiful country, nobody would know! Show off what you got, know what I’m talking about? Maybe some of those rare metals I’ve been hearing something about.’” — JON STEWART“This poor man. They’re bombing every hospital in his country, he’s sitting there with the half-wit fashion police talking about what he is wearing.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Everyone knows Donald Trump prefers his leaders shirtless and on a horse.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Ukrainian President Zelensky was criticized for what he wore to the White House meeting on Friday, but, in his defense, most suits his size come with a sailor hat and a giant lollipop.” — GREG GUTFELD“So Friday, Zelensky entered the White House in his military fatigues and left with a boot up his [expletive].” — GREG GUTFELDThe Punchiest Punchlines (Real Housewives Edition)We are having trouble retrieving the article content.Please enable JavaScript in your browser settings.Thank you for your patience while we verify access. If you are in Reader mode please exit and log into your Times account, or subscribe for all of The Times.Thank you for your patience while we verify access.Already a subscriber? Log in.Want all of The Times? Subscribe. More

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      Desi Lydic: Trump Just ‘Put a Cover Charge on America’

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      “It’s $5 million to get in, but he’ll waive it if you bring in three hot girls with you,” Lydic said of President Trump’s “gold card” visa idea on the “Daily Show.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Putting a Cover Charge on AmericaPresident Donald Trump announced his new “gold card” program on Tuesday, which would price American citizenship at $5 million.“Oh, green card privileges plus. See, I was still getting America with ads,” Desi Lydic said on Wednesday’s “Daily Show.”“Quick question: If I’m unhappy with America, can I cancel my subscription after seven days?” — DESI LYDIC“Did this guy just put a cover charge on America? It’s $5 million to get in, but he’ll waive it if you bring in three hot girls with you.” — DESI LYDIC“I mean, I guess it beats the old way of becoming a citizen, which was to marry Donald Trump, but still.” — DESI LYDIC“I feel like immigrant stories are going to be a lot less inspiring in the future: ‘My grandfather came to this country with nothing but $5 million and the clothes in his custom Louis Vuitton five-piece trunk set.’” — DESI LYDICThe Punchiest Punchlines (Land of $5 Million Citizenship Edition)“One group that Trump embraced in the last 24 hours is immigrants. Well, rich ones, because yesterday, Trump announced he’s going to offer gold card visas for $5 million to rich foreigners, echoing the eternal words on the Statue of Liberty: ‘Give me your tired, your poor — psych! Gimme 5 million bucks, [expletive]! We buyin’ bottles in the clurb.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“What a good idea. I’ve always said our immigration system should run more like the customer rewards program at a casino in Atlantic City.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“This is basically what he does at Mar-a-Lago. He’s selling memberships to a country club, but this club is actually our country.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“The land of the free, and by ‘free,’ I mean, five million bucks.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Bits Worth WatchingStephen Colbert asked Wednesday night’s “Late Show” guest Guy Fieri how he thought he’d fare as a contestant on his own reality cooking competition, “Tournament of Champions.”What We’re Excited About on Thursday NightBob the Drag Queen will appear on Thursday’s “After Midnight.”Also, Check This OutBob Dylan’s earliest demo tape, a reel-to-reel recording of a performance in Greenwich Village in 1961, is up for auction.via RR AuctionA reel-to-reel recording of a 20-year-old Bob Dylan performing a six-song set at a Manhattan coffeehouse in 1961 is now up for auction. More

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      Jimmy Kimmel: ‘The Whole Country Is a Fyre Festival Right Now’

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      “I think it might be time to give the planet to the apes, because we’re finished,” Kimmel said on Tuesday.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Fired FestFederal employees have been getting mixed messages about whether to respond to a mass email from Elon Musk, threatening to fire them if they didn’t justify their employment.On Tuesday, Jimmy Kimmel said the nation’s civil servants were “as confused as Elon’s kids were when they realized their father named them after a phone number.”“Elon and his musketeers — they sent an email to all federal employees ordering them to list five things they did at work last week. Trump loved this idea — he said it was ‘genius,’ and he said anyone who didn’t respond to the email would be ‘fired or semi-fired.” Which, what if that was his catchphrase on ‘The Apprentice’? ‘Meat Loaf, you’re fired. Or semi-fired.’” — JIMMY KIMMEL“OK, now I understand. It’s somewhat voluntary, but if you don’t respond, he guesses you get fired. Thanks for clearing that up.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“At this point, how is anybody supposed to know what to do with all this confusing information? Forget running the government; these clowns couldn’t get 10 bridesmaids to a paint-and-sip.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“This email created chaos throughout our government. Some agencies, like the F.B.I., told their employees just to ignore it; others, like the V.A., demanded that employees respond. At H.H.S., employees were told they could respond if they wanted to but should assume that what they write will be read by malign foreign actors. What? Russell Brand’s going to get these?” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Kash Patel told the F.B.I., ‘Don’t respond to that email.’ Tulsi Gabbard said, ‘Don’t respond to that email.’ Pete Hegseth responded to that email at 2 a.m., saying, ‘U up?’” — DESI LYDIC“And maybe the craziest part of all of it is Elon Musk has no official authority to fire anyone. He’s not an elected official — he wasn’t appointed, he wasn’t confirmed. Who knew you could fire people at a place you don’t even work? I might try it at Chipotle sometime just to see what happens.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“It’s confusing. When you walk in the White House and say ‘Who is in charge?’ everyone just shrugs like they’re working at Lids.” — JIMMY FALLON“I think it might be time to give the planet to the apes, because we’re finished.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“The whole country is a Fyre Festival right now, and Elon Musk is soaking the mattresses.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Punchiest Punchlines (Fyre Fest: The Sequel Edition)We are having trouble retrieving the article content.Please enable JavaScript in your browser settings.Thank you for your patience while we verify access. If you are in Reader mode please exit and log into your Times account, or subscribe for all of The Times.Thank you for your patience while we verify access.Already a subscriber? Log in.Want all of The Times? Subscribe. More

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      Late Night Laughs at DOGE’s Work Force Demand

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      “It’s like the government is being run by BuzzFeed,” Jimmy Kimmel said on Monday about Elon Musk’s work-tracking request to federal employees.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Return to SenderOn Saturday, Elon Musk emailed federal employees and asked them to respond with their top five accomplishments during the previous workweek or risk being fired.“It’s like the government is being run by BuzzFeed,” Jimmy Kimmel said on Monday.“It’s not just that they’re firing thousands of federal workers; it is the glee with which they’re firing. Ordinarily, you have some compassion when you lay people off — you wish them well, you thank them for their work. Not MAGA. Not the DOGE Bros.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Federal workers who got this email had no idea what to do, and their Trump administration bosses didn’t seem to know, either. New Director of National Intelligence Tulsi Gabbard told personnel at spy agencies not to respond. F.B.I. Director Kash Patel told F.B.I. staff to pause any responses, and Health and Human Services Secretary RFK Jr. sent out an email saying, ‘Free roadkill in the break room!’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Our federal work force is in the clutches of a heartless billionaire who wants to colonize Mars with vehicles shaped like his penis, by which I mean Cybertrucks. He should see a doctor.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“I mean, seriously, if that guy walked into your office and told you he was there to start making cuts, everybody would jump on him and put him in a headlock, right? You’d zip-tie him and hold him until the cops showed up.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Punchiest Punchlines (Five Things I Did Last Week Edition)“Well, guys, I’m having an odd day. This morning I got an email from NBC asking what I accomplished last week.” — JIMMY FALLON“Yep, they need to respond with five accomplishments from the last week. Federal workers wrote back: ‘I received this email, I opened this email, I read this email, I laughed at this email, and I deleted this email.’” — JIMMY FALLON“He followed up by tweeting, ‘Failure to respond will be taken as a resignation.’ Now, obviously, the only proper email response to that is: ‘What did I do last week? Your mom, your mom, your mom, your mom, and your mom.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Of course, the workers were furious, mostly about getting a work email on a Saturday.” — JIMMY FALLONThe Bits Worth WatchingJon Oliver scrutinized Facebook’s new posting policies on Sunday’s episode of “Last Week Tonight.”What We’re Excited About on Tuesday NightThe “St. Denis Medical” star Wendi McLendon-Covey will sit down with Desi Lydic on Tuesday’s “The Daily Show.”Also, Check This Out“Leigh Bowery,” by Fergus Greer (1988), from the exhibition “Leigh Bowery!” at Tate Modern in London.Fergus Greer. Courtesy of The Michael Hoppen GalleryA new Leigh Bowery exhibition at Tate Modern will introduce the artist’s work to a broader audience. More

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      Late Night Braces for the Reign of R.F.K. Jr., Health Czar

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      “Bobby Brainworm is on the job,” Jimmy Kimmel said after President Trump’s nominee for health secretary was confirmed and sworn in.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Bobby BrainwormOn Thursday, the Senate confirmed Robert Kennedy Jr., known to late night viewers for his vaccine skepticism and strange encounters with animals, as the secretary of health and human services. Jimmy Kimmel urged Americans not to worry about the rise of measles now that “Bobby Brainworm is on the job.”“Mitch McConnell was the only Republican to vote no. Mitch McConnell is 82 years old. He survived polio as a kid, and thanks to R.F.K. Jr, polio might get another run at him.” — JIMMY KIMMELAfter being confirmed, Kennedy Jr. proceeded to the Oval Office “to be sworn in and to suck up,” Kimmel said. The new head of health and human services described President Trump as a “man on a white horse” sent by God.“Next, God is going to send us diphtheria.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Melania couldn’t turn him on like that the first night they met. But happy Valentine’s Day to Don and Bob.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Punchiest Punchlines (OMG Edition)“The Senate today confirmed Robert F. Kennedy Jr. as secretary of health and human services. He was actually Trump’s second choice, but the Wuhan bat withdrew his nomination.” — SETH MEYERS“R.F.K. Jr. is now in charge of the F.D.A., N.I.H. and C.D.C., to which Americans said, ‘OMG,’ ‘WTF’ and ‘FML.’” — JIMMY FALLON“They said it couldn’t be done. Excuse me, they said it shouldn’t be done.” — JORDAN KLEPPER“But now it has happened, so you can now add ‘employment’ to the list of things he’s tested positive for.” — JORDAN KLEPPERThe Bits Worth WatchingThe filmmaker Brady Corbet discussed his Oscar-nominated move “The Brutalist” on “The Daily Show.”Also, Check This OutSly Stone’s music, especially from the 1960s, is celebrated as sui generis polymathic synthesis and as hip-hop’s bedrock in “Sly Lives!”Stephen Paley/Sony/Onyx CollectiveQuestlove details Sly Stone’s life, career and musical legacy in a new documentary, “Sly Lives! (aka the Burden of Black Genius).” More