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      Jon Stewart Fears Madison Square Garden Will Never Be the Same

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      After Donald Trump’s rally, Stewart showed an image of Billy Joel and asked, “How dare they desecrate the stage that the Piano Man has consecrated?”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.‘The Clueless Klux Klan’On Monday’s “Daily Show,” Jon Stewart showed a montage of speakers from the weekend’s Trump rally at Madison Square Garden, including those who called Kamala Harris the devil and the Antichrist and said she had “pimp handlers.” Tucker Carlson called her “Samoan-Malaysian-low-I.Q.” and issued a high-pitched cackle.“Now, generally, that’s a lineup that you see outside Madison Square Garden yelling at strangers as they try to get inside Madison Square Garden,” Stewart said.“And let me just say, how dare they desecrate the stage that the Piano Man has consecrated?” — JON STEWART, showing an image of Billy Joel“Former President Trump held a rally yesterday at Madison Square Garden in front of a crowd of 20,000 people, and it was the most vitriolic, rage-filled group of white people in that building since the last Rangers game.” — SETH MEYERS“Everyone was on the edge of their seat waiting for the Menendez brothers to come out.” — JIMMY FALLON“The Clueless Klux Klan showed up in force for what I think may have been the nuttiest Trump event of all time.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Trump’s rally was described as unhinged, crude and racist — as opposed to the stable, polite and tolerant Trump rallies we’re accustomed to.” — JIMMY FALLONThe Punchiest Punchlines (Hulkster Edition)“That is just sad, to see an old man like that. We’ve all had that moment, when you have to look at your grandpa and say, ‘Peepaw, it’s just not safe anymore. We’re going to have to take away the keys to your shirt.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT, after showing a clip of Hulk Hogan struggling to tear his shirt off at the Trump rally“You know you’re getting old when you lose a wrestling match to your tank top.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“I warned him not to wear the Beefy T, but nobody listens.” — JIMMY KIMMELWe are having trouble retrieving the article content.Please enable JavaScript in your browser settings.Thank you for your patience while we verify access. If you are in Reader mode please exit and log into your Times account, or subscribe for all of The Times.Thank you for your patience while we verify access.Already a subscriber? Log in.Want all of The Times? Subscribe. More

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      Late Night Recaps Harris’s Time on Fox News and Trump’s on Univision

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      “Yes, both Kamala and Trump went into ‘the lion’s den’ this week — although they only got Trump there by telling him it was the name of a strip club,” Desi Lydic said on “The Daily Show.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Lions, Foxes and BaiersVice President Kamala Harris appeared on Fox News on Wednesday, where she was interrupted several times during an interview with Bret Baier, the network’s chief political anchor. On the same day, former President Donald Trump held a Univision town hall, where, as Desi Lydic joked on Thursday’s “Daily Show,” he “faced down his biggest fear: Hispanic people.”“Yes, both Kamala and Trump went into ‘the lion’s den’ this week — although they only got Trump there by telling him it was the name of a strip club.” — DESI LYDIC“I’d like to point out that there is no difference between his nervous swaying to Spanish and his dancing to ‘Ave Maria.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Now Kamala’s ‘lion’s den’ was Fox News, so I guess it was a Fox den, where she sat down with Bret Baier — so maybe it was a Baier’s den.” — DESI LYDIC“I want to be clear about this: I believe that journalists should always ask the toughest questions of presidential candidates, and Bret Baier certainly plays a convincing journalist on Fox News.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Come on, Bret, you invited her on to speak with you. This is an interview with the vice president, not sex with your wife — you have to let the woman finish.” — DESI LYDICThe Punchiest Punchlines (Winning? Edition)We are having trouble retrieving the article content.Please enable JavaScript in your browser settings.Thank you for your patience while we verify access. If you are in Reader mode please exit and log into your Times account, or subscribe for all of The Times.Thank you for your patience while we verify access.Already a subscriber? Log in.Want all of The Times? Subscribe. More

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      Jimmy Kimmel Slams Trump’s Women-Centered Town Hall

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      “This was the first time Groper Cleveland has been around this many women since they started padlocking the doors at Miss Teen USA,” Kimmel said on Wednesday.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Father FigureOn Tuesday, former President Donald Trump held a town hall in front of what Jimmy Kimmel called “a handpicked audience of Trump-loving women in Georgia.”“This was the first time Groper Cleveland has been around this many women since they started padlocking the doors at Miss Teen USA.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“In the first part, the women asked questions, and in the second part, Trump went through and rated them physically from 1 to 10.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“One lucky lady was named Miss Fox News Town Hall ’24, so congratulations.” — JIMMY KIMMELAt one point during the town hall, Trump proclaimed himself “the father of I.V.F.”“Now he’s claiming to be the father of I.V.F. — which has been happening since 1978. This guy won’t even admit to being the father of Eric.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“He’s the father of I.V.F. Maybe that’s short for Ivanka, I don’t know.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Punchiest Punchlines (Y.M.C.A. Edition)“You should not vote for someone because they dance to ‘Y.M.C.A.’ But also, I’m not sure you’d call this dancing.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Those are some bad moves, baby. If this president thing doesn’t work out, he ought to think about being a contestant on ‘Swaying With the Stars’ or ‘So You Think You Can Tilt.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“But no matter how gay his music is, young, straight white men love Donald Trump. They see him as a ‘macho, macho’ man, if you will.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“He eats red meat, he pretends to follow U.F.C., he’s into crypto and sneakers and NFTs. He’s a dude, a bro and a boss all rolled into one.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Bits Worth WatchingOn Wednesday’s “Late Show,” Stanley Tucci fessed up to fabricating his childhood confessions.What We’re Excited About on Thursday NightThe “Grotesquerie” star Niecy Nash-Betts will appear on Thursday’s “Jimmy Kimmel Live.”Also, Check This OutElizabeth Berkley in the 1995 movie “Showgirls.”Murray Close/United ArtistsA new French stage play based on “Showgirls” speaks to the 1995 film’s enduring allure. More

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      Jimmy Kimmel Bashes Trump’s Bizarre Town Hall

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      Kimmel joked on Tuesday that Trump “just said ‘To hell with it’ and started asking his tech guys to play songs off his iPad.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Dance Hall CrashersOn Monday, former President Donald Trump took only five questions from the audience at a town hall in Pennsylvania. He spent the last 39 minutes onstage swaying to music.Jimmy Kimmel joked on Tuesday that Trump “just said ‘To hell with it’ and started asking his tech guys to play songs off his iPad.”“Why remain onstage for 39 minutes? Just pretend it was one of Don Jr.’s piano recitals and leave. Go home!” — JIMMY KIMMEL“He played music and kind of did that baby toddler jumping dance that he does for a full 39 minutes. He just stood there swaying like a manatee tangled in seaweed.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“I want you to imagine a world in which Kamala Harris stood there at a rally and said nothing, just danced around for almost 40 minutes. Fox News would have — they would have blocked out a full week to cover it.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Punchiest Punchlines (Let the Record Show Edition)“Watching an elderly man sway to Vatican elevator music for 40 minutes might make you wonder, ‘Is he OK?’ And you wouldn’t be the only one, because yesterday more than 230 doctors and health care providers called on Trump to release his medical records. Do you know how hard it is to get 230 doctors to agree on anything?” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Trump took the time to fire back at the doctors with this lie, [imitating Trump] ‘I’ve put out more medical exams than any other president in history, and aced two cognitive exams.’ First of all, no, you haven’t. Second of all, just because you were healthy in the past doesn’t mean you’re still healthy now. ‘Oh, am I prediabetic? I don’t know — why don’t you ask this urine sample from January of 1996?’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“This guy, he wasn’t healthy enough to be in the military during the draft, but 60 years later, he’s the healthiest man alive. He’s perfect.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Bits Worth Watching“Shrinking” star Jason Segal discussed working with co-star Harrison Ford on Tuesday’s “Late Show.”What We’re Excited About on Wednesday NightAustralian pop duo Royel Otis will make their American late night debut on Kimmel’s show Wednesday.Also, Check This OutMiami Beach officials wanted to highlight where Desi Arnaz launched his career, with a historical marker at the site of the nightclub where he popularized the conga.Martina Tuaty for The New York TimesA new historical marker in Miami Beach honors the nightclub where Desi Arnaz launched his musical career. More

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      Late Night Is Still Waiting for Trump’s Medical Report

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      Kamala Harris’s health is said to be “excellent,” but the nation has yet to hear about Donald Trump’s. “Do you really want to see his X-rays?” said Stephen Colbert.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.‘Can Walk Up Stairs’Kamala Harris released a medical report on Saturday, wherein the vice president’s doctor stated that she was in “excellent health.”“It’s great that just the words ‘excellent health’ kind of feel like a dig at Donald Trump,” Stephen Colbert said on Monday.“They should follow that up with ‘can walk up stairs’ and ‘is potty trained.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“According to a letter from Harris’s physician, ‘She possesses the physical and mental resiliency required to successfully execute the duties of the presidency, to include those as chief executive, head of state and commander in chief.’ Yeah! That’s impressive. That’s a hell of a doctor’s note. After my last physical, Dr. Shaker just wrote, ‘can continue to host “The Late Show,” maybe sit down for monologue?’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“According to the doctor, Harris works out daily and eats healthy. OK, but politicians are supposed to be relatable to Americans. We do not eat healthy. Has she forgotten the immortal words of Thomas Jefferson in the Declaration of Independence: ‘Love that chicken from Popeyes’?” — STEPHEN COLBERT“You know who hasn’t released his medical records? Donald Trump, which Harris pointed out. [audience boos] Do you really want to see his X-rays?” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Punchiest Punchlines (Pay-Per-View Edition)“Trump has not released his medical report. He has not released his medical report, he has not released his tax returns, his health care plan. He hasn’t released his sports bra for months. But he was up at 1:12 a.m. posting, ‘I believe it is very important that Kamala Harris pass a test on cognitive stamina and agility.’ The guy who’s up in the middle of the night reading tweets about himself wants to give someone else a cognitive test.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“If you’re too scared to debate again, I dare you to take a cognitive test against the vice president. Let’s see how you do. You could charge people for it if you want. Make it a pay-per-view. I will pay you $49.99 to watch that.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“He won’t even release his blood pressure.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Bits Worth WatchingThe “Smile 2” star Naomi Scott taught Kimmel and Guillermo Rodriguez how to nail a creepy grin on “Jimmy Kimmel Live.”What We’re Excited About on Tuesday NightThe “Shrinking” star Jason Segel will visit “The Late Show.”Also, Check This OutChad Unger for The New York TimesIn Los Angeles, Deaf West’s revival of Green Day’s “American Idiot” musical finds ways to communicate its rage and angst through sign language. More

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      Jimmy Kimmel Debunks the Government-Hurricane-Control Theory

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      “The only person who can control the weather is Beyoncé,” Kimmel said on Thursday.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.The Eye of the StormMeteorologists in Florida and North Carolina have been facing death threats and angry messages from viewers who think they are complicit in a Democratic-led plot to direct hurricanes toward Republican voting districts.Jimmy Kimmel was flabbergasted on Thursday by this “bonkers idea.” He said, “Donald Trump has pushed us to the point where we can’t even agree on the weather. What a stupid time to be alive.”“And of course, before the storm even hit, the Trumpers were blaming the White House for all this, which is interesting because two weeks ago, 11 House Republicans from Florida voted against keeping the government and FEMA fully funded. Then, when Hurricane Helene came to visit, they all signed a letter asking President Biden for federal funding. This is how it goes now.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Has anyone thought about unplugging America and plugging it back in again? ’Cause it could use a reboot.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Donald Trump should be forced to live on an island with all these people. Listen, dummies, the government can’t control the weather. The only person who can control the weather is Beyoncé.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Punchiest Punchlines (25 Days Until the Election Edition)“You guys, Election Day is only 25 days away. Just think, in 25 days, Trump will either be saying he won or saying he didn’t lose.” — JIMMY FALLON“Yeah, 25 days. Trump just got an election Advent calendar that gives him a new conspiracy theory every day: [imitating Trump] ‘Ooh, immigrants are stealing our Hulu passwords. They’re watching “Murders in the Building” for free.’” — JIMMY FALLON“The polls say it is a tossup. It might ultimately come down to which candidate can deliver a new R.V. to Clarence Thomas first.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Bits Worth WatchingEric Idle of Monty Python discussed his new book, “The Spamalot Diaries,” with Jordan Klepper on Thursday’s “Daily Show.”Also, Check This OutLaura Dern and Liam Hemsworth in “Lonely Planet.”Anne Marie Fox/NetflixLaura Dern and Liam Hemsworth have a May/December romance in “Lonely Planet,” from the writer-director Susannah Grant. More

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      Seth Meyers Is Starting to Wonder About Trump and Putin

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      A book says Donald Trump sent Covid testing equipment to the Russian leader. Meyers suspects he threw in “some snacks, a bath bomb and a CD.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Testing, TestingFormer President Donald Trump has denied a report in a new book that he sent Covid testing machines to Vladimir Putin for his personal use during the pandemic, but Seth Meyers wasn’t buying it on Wednesday’s “Late Night.”“How did Trump send them? Was it part of a care package with some snacks, a bath bomb and a CD that said ‘Mixtape for Vlad from Don: My heart is loyal only to you’?”— SETH MEYERS“People were quarantining, contact tracing, seeking medical care. I know you weren’t doing that since you were basically a Typhoid Gary who would hold superspreader events at the White House, and then when you yourself got Covid, took a joyride in an S.U.V. like you were an off-brand pope.” — SETH MEYERS, addressing Trump“Trump was telling Americans that Covid testing was overrated on the exact same day he was telling Vladimir Putin he was sending him his best Covid tests — his [expletive] Glengarry Covid tests.” — SETH MEYERS“To be fair, lots of people in Putin’s circle were suddenly dying: [imitating Putin] ‘Falling from balcony is very common Covid symptom.’” — SETH MEYERSThe Punchiest Punchlines (Kamala’s Media Blitz Edition)“So with less than a month to go, both campaigns are going all out — starting with Democratic nominee Kamala Harris, who has been everywhere recently: news shows, daytime talk shows, satellite radio, podcasts, your kid’s piano recital — she applauded, but seriously, ‘Chopsticks’? I mean, you can do better, Arlo.” — JORDAN KLEPPER“Meanwhile, today, Trump complained that CBS edited Kamala Harris’s interview on ‘60 Minutes’ to make her look better. Trump said, ‘It was clearly edited. She didn’t say one thing about people eating pets in Ohio. Not one. Didn’t even mention it.’” — JIMMY FALLON“In a new interview with radio host Howard Stern, Vice President Kamala Harris said that she doesn’t really take naps, setting up a clear contrast with President Biden, who took one mid-debate.” — SETH MEYERS“During the same interview with Howard Stern, Vice President Kamala Harris said that she usually eats a bowl of Raisin Bran or Special K for breakfast, whereas her opponent, as we all know, is cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs.” — SETH MEYERSThe Bits Worth WatchingQuinta Brunson, the “Abbott Elementary” creator and star, dished on her series’ crossover episode with “It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia” on Wednesday’s “Jimmy Kimmel Live.”What We’re Excited About on Thursday NightJordan Peele will promote his revival of the horror-themed hidden-camera reality series “Scare Tactics” on Thursday’s “Tonight Show.”Also, Check This Out“Unknown American” is a portrait from the 1940s to 1950s.The Metropolitan Museum of Art, Twentieth-Century Photography FundThe Met Gala’s 2025 theme, “Superfine: Tailoring Black Style,” is the museum’s first fashion exhibition to focus solely on the work of designers of color. More

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      Jimmy Kimmel: Putin Is Trump’s ‘KGBFF’

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      Kimmel shared tidbits from Bob Woodward’s new book, including that Donald Trump had spoken with Vladimir Putin seven times since leaving office — “which is less than Ivanka, but more than Tiffany.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.KGBFF 4-EverIn his new book, “War,” the journalist Bob Woodward reported that former President Donald Trump had spoken to Vladimir Putin as many as seven times since leaving office. Woodward also wrote that Trump sent the Russian president Covid-19 testing equipment in 2020, at a time it was hard to find, for personal use.“You wouldn’t want one of the most villainous murderers on the planet to get a cough, would you?” Jimmy Kimmel joked of Trump’s “KGBFF” on Tuesday.“I mean, nurses, doctors, American hospitals couldn’t get these machines — he’s sending them to the devil himself.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“The book says Trump has spoken to Vladimir Putin seven times since he left office, which is less than Ivanka, but more than Tiffany. It’s right in that daughter sweet spot.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“That’s how you know they’re tight. Adult men never call each other. I haven’t called my best friend seven times total.” — SETH MEYERS“Trump once made a senior aide leave the room so he could have a ‘private’ call with Putin, which: [imitating Putin] ‘Hello, Donald, what are you wearing? I’m shirtless on my horse again.’” — JIMMY KIMMEL“So, Trump was secretly giving sound medical advice to a foreign adversary while publicly convincing Americans to poison themselves with bleach. I’ve got to say, most presidents would do that the other way around, but hey, you do you, Trump.” — JORDAN KLEPPERThe Punchiest Punchlines (Category 5 Edition)“Wow, Donald, you’ve never heard of a Category 5 hurricane hitting land? That’s weird, because I remember one happening while you were president.” — JORDAN KLEPPER, on Trump’s spotty recollection“He was probably busy with Kanye during that one.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“He did get his meteorologist degree from Trump University.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“For all you people who think he is in mental decline, it turns out he’s been the same level of stupidity for years.” — JORDAN KLEPPERThe Bits Worth WatchingVice President Kamala Harris cracked open a beer during her sit-down with Stephen Colbert on Tuesday’s “Late Show.”What We’re Excited About on Wednesday NightRiley Keough will promote the new posthumous memoir by her mother, Lisa Marie Presley, on Wednesday’s “Late Night.”Also, Check This OutLyle Menendez in a scene from the documentary “The Menendez Brothers.”NetflixDespite promising exclusive new interviews, Netflix’s new documentary “The Menendez Brothers” relies on the tabloid appeal surrounding renewed interest in the 1989 murder. More