Kimmel, Jimmy

Subterms

    More stories

    • 150 Shares189 Views

      in Television

      Stephen Colbert Is Tickled by Trump’s Vow to Make Women Great Again

      by

      “I‘m not sure if he’s running for president or marketing a new brand of tampon,” Colbert said on Monday.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Make Women Great AgainFormer President Donald Trump made several comments about women over the weekend, vowing that under his presidency, he would “protect women at a level never seen before,” saying they would be “healthy, hopeful, safe and secure.”“I‘m not sure if he’s running for president or marketing a new brand of tampon,” Stephen Colbert joked on Monday.“[imitating Trump] Women will be safe, secure — they’ll be safe, secure and unscented. I will install all my judges with a comfort glide applicator. Vote for me, or there will be heavy days. I’m talking about, your friends will be riding bikes and laughing in the pool, and you’re going to be sitting by yourself, dealing with that cup of blue juice.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“During a rally on Saturday in North Carolina, former President Trump spoke about his agenda for women and said, ‘Let’s talk about our great women, all right? Because women have gone through a lot.’ And I assume he’s speaking from experience.” — SETH MEYERS“In a post over the weekend on Truth Social, former President Trump said that if he is elected, ‘Women will be happy, healthy, confident and free.’ So now JD Vance is undecided.” — SETH MEYERS“‘Women are poorer than they were four years ago, are less healthy than they were four years ago, are less safe on the streets than they were four years ago, are more depressed and unhappy than they were four years ago, and are less optimistic and confident in the future than they were four years ago! I will fix all of that, and fast, and at long last this national nightmare will be over.’ This reads like a suicide pact.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“[imitating Trump] Their lives will be happy, beautiful, and great again — and if you don’t believe it, ask my wife Melania, who every night prays I drive my golf cart into a lagoon.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Punchiest Punchlines (The Oprah Treatment Edition)We are having trouble retrieving the article content.Please enable JavaScript in your browser settings.Thank you for your patience while we verify access. If you are in Reader mode please exit and log into your Times account, or subscribe for all of The Times.Thank you for your patience while we verify access.Already a subscriber? Log in.Want all of The Times? Subscribe. More

    • 125 Shares99 Views

      in Television

      Late Night Thinks It’s Unlikely That Neighbors Ate Your Cat

      by

      Before starting rumors about Haitians, please make sure your cat is actually missing, Ronnie Chieng implored on “The Daily Show.” Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.‘My Bad!’Erika Lee, a resident of Springfield, Ohio, who spread a rumor on Facebook that a Haitian neighbor had eaten a missing cat, deleted her post and expressed regret (but not before Donald Trump and his running mate, JD Vance, made “cat-eating Haitians in Ohio” a campaign issue).“Oopsie doopsie! Sorry, I set off a race war in the middle of a presidential election,” Ronny Chieng mimicked on Thursday’s “Daily Show.” “That’s totally my bad!”Another Springfield resident, Anna Kilgore, who told the police that Haitians might have taken her cat Miss Sassy, later apologized to her Haitian neighbors after the animal turned up safe and sound.“Turned out, Miss Sassy — which is also my nickname for JD Vance — was in her basement.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Well if that isn’t the most Miss Sassy move I could possibly — [imitating Miss Sassy] ‘I’m gonna go hide in the basement to start some rumors. You know why? ‘Cause I’m sassy.’” — SETH MEYERS“By the way, if your cat goes missing, why would your first guess be someone ate it?” — SETH MEYERS“Here’s a little tip for anyone out there with a missing pet, OK? Before you accuse your Haitian neighbors of stealing them, maybe you could first try looking around your house.” — RONNY CHIENGThe Punchiest Punchlines (Rudy Rudy Rudy Edition)“At the rally, Trump did his usual rant about how New York has turned into a third-world hellhole. And to prove his point, he brought out a New York icon that has decayed beyond all recognition, Rudy Giuliani.” — RONNY CHIENG“Yeah, Rudy wasn’t actually invited — someone just said his name three times and he appeared.” — JIMMY FALLON“Rudy is so feral, I’m worried R.F.K. Jr. will put him in his trunk.” — RONNY CHIENG“He’s going to get you, and good luck trying to outrun Rudy Giuliani on three whiskeys.” — RONNY CHIENG, on Giuliani’s threat to anyone “behind” attacks on Trump: “I’m going to get you.”“That’s right, the guy who can’t differentiate a Four Seasons from a dildo store is gonna find you. You’ve been warned.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Bits Worth WatchingSting performed his new song “I Wrote Your Name (Upon My Heart)” on Thursday’s “Late Show.”Also, Check This OutDemi Moore in “The Substance.”MubiIn “The Substance,” Demi Moore stars as an aging actress who discovers a deadly cure for obscurity. More

    • 163 Shares99 Views

      in Television

      Jimmy Fallon: With Trump in Town, New York Is ‘a Lot More Florida’

      by

      The “Tonight Show” host quipped about the former president’s rally in Long Island on Wednesday.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Hard to Be HumbleFormer President Donald Trump held a campaign rally on Long Island on Wednesday.“Yeah, tonight the rest of the country found out New York is a lot more Florida than you think,” Jimmy Fallon said.“Organizers said that there were 60,000 online ticket requests. It turns out Rudy Giuliani just passed out with his head on the keyboard.” — JIMMY FALLON“But the rally at Nassau Coliseum was historic. The last time a president appeared at the Coliseum was when President Biden fought the lions in Rome.” — JIMMY FALLON“At a Trump campaign rally last night, Arkansas Governor Sarah Huckabee Sanders said that her kids keep her humble and added, ‘Unfortunately, Kamala Harris doesn’t have anything to keep her humble.’ Though I’m not sure the math checks out there, because doesn’t Trump have, like, five?” — SETH MEYERS“Everyone knows if you don’t have biological kids, you can’t be humble. It’s like that famous Ernest Hemingway story, ‘For Sale: Baby Shoes. Didn’t Need ’Em Cuz I’m a Playa!’” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Punchiest Punchlines (Poll Position Edition)“According to a new poll, Vice President Kamala Harris has a 6-point lead over former President Trump following last week’s debate. And if you think that’s a big lead, then you just don’t follow New York football.” — SETH MEYERS“That same poll found that 61 percent of likely voters believe Harris won the debate, which seems low to me, but it seemed very high to Trump, who posted last night, ‘Finally everyone is agreeing that I won the debate with Kamala. It was like a delayed reaction, but as one political pundit said, Trump is still the GOAT.’ He thinks his caddy at Mar-a-Lago counts as a political pundit.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“According to a new poll, young people are nervous about the 2024 election. Oh, my God, am I young?” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Bits Worth WatchingJimmy Kimmel dug out footage of Jon Hamm rapping in his high school production of “Godspell” for the actor’s appearance on Wednesday’s “Jimmy Kimmel Live.”What We’re Excited About on Thursday NightDemi Lovato will discuss her new documentary, “Child Star,” on Thursday’s “Tonight Show.”Also, Check This OutAaron Hernandez has been the subject of multiple books, true crime podcasts and documentaries.Pool photo by Steven Senne“American Sports Story: Aaron Hernandez” delves into the saga of the pro football player who murdered his friend less than a year after playing in the Super Bowl. More

    • 88 Shares129 Views

      in Television

      Late Night Calls Out Violence Against Trump

      by

      “Not only is it morally wrong, but you’re also just giving him more things to brag about,” Ronny Chieng said on Tuesday’s “Daily Show.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.‘In His Natural Habitat’Late night returned in full on Tuesday, with a focus on what officials believe was a second assassination attempt on former President Donald Trump.“Yes, this weekend, a crazy person tried to hunt Donald Trump in his natural habitat, his golf course,” Ronny Chieng said on Tuesday’s “Daily Show.”“Now here’s how this craziness went down: A truly deranged man went to Mar-a-Lago’s golf course and spent nearly 12 hours hiding there before a Secret Service agent spotted his rifle sticking through the shrubbery. That sounds like an evil plot straight out of Looney Tunes.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Yo, again? Will you people stop trying to assassinate Donald Trump? Not only is it morally wrong, but you’re also just giving him more things to brag about: ‘They only tried to kill Abraham Lincoln once; that makes me twice as great as him.’” — RONNY CHIENG“Given that Trump’s campaign hadn’t announced any public plans for Sunday, many wondered did the suspect know the former president would be coming to play golf or was it a guess? Yes, how could he possibly have guessed that Trump would be golfing?” — STEPHEN COLBERT“This guy managed to walk into Trump’s golf course and stay there undetected for 12 hours, OK? And I don’t know if you’ve thought about this, Trump, but maybe you should consider building, like, a wall?” — RONNY CHIENG“By the way, have you noticed that the news reports are all like ‘a harrowing near tragedy sending chills through our nation!’ and meanwhile, everyone you actually know is like, ‘Oh, yeah, yeah, I saw that, yeah.’ I mean, we have to act like it’s a big deal, but it doesn’t really have the same impact of the first one, you know? It’s kind of like ‘Black Panther 2.’ You’re like, ‘Yeah, I guess I’ll see it.’” — RONNY CHIENGThe Punchiest Punchlines (Swift Social Edition)“In a post to Truth Social over the weekend, former President Trump said, ‘I hate Taylor Swift!’ Sounds like he’s making a strong play for the 9-year-old brother vote.” — SETH MEYERS“Donald tweeting ‘I hate Taylor Swift?’ That’s dangerous. I mean, I would rather buy one of those Hezbollah pagers than tweet ‘I hate Taylor Swift.’” — RONNY CHIENG“I think Trump needs to stick to racism — it’s less divisive.” — RONNY CHIENG“But the assassin this weekend was probably not a Swiftie, OK? He doesn’t fit the M.O. Swifties are nonviolent — they prefer to cyberbully you until you kill yourself.” — RONNY CHIENGThe Bits Worth WatchingWe are having trouble retrieving the article content.Please enable JavaScript in your browser settings.Thank you for your patience while we verify access. If you are in Reader mode please exit and log into your Times account, or subscribe for all of The Times.Thank you for your patience while we verify access.Already a subscriber? Log in.Want all of The Times? Subscribe. More

    • 113 Shares139 Views

      in Television

      Kimmel Takes Stock of Trump’s Rhetoric After Suspect’s Arrest

      by

      Jimmy Kimmel said the former president, who blamed Democrats for “highly inflammatory language,” was himself “not a calming influence.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Passing BlameA 58-year-old man was arrested on Sunday after he made his way with a rifle to one of Donald Trump’s golf courses in Florida, in what officials said was an apparent assassination attempt on the former president. The suspect faces two federal weapons charges.On Monday, Jimmy Kimmel said the gunman appeared to be a “troubled individual” with political views that were “all over the place.”“He tweeted earlier this year that his dream ticket would be Nikki Haley and Vivek Ramaswamy, which is how you know he’s nuts.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Trump, of course, is blaming Kamala Harris and President Biden for this. He said, ‘Their rhetoric is causing me to be shot at when I am the one who is going to save the country, and they are the ones that are destroying the country. They use highly inflammatory language. I can use it too, far better than they can, but I don’t.’ Right, you are nothing if not a calming influence.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“This is a man who, for the past week, has been spreading a complete lie that he knows is a lie, saying Haitian immigrants are eating pets in Springfield, Ohio. This is a man who, just last week, joked about Nancy Pelosi’s 84-year-old husband being brutally attacked with a hammer by one of his deranged fans. This is a man who, literally hours before this happened, posted on Truth Social the words ‘I hate Taylor Swift.’” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Punchiest Punchlines (Real Fake News Edition)“During a new interview, JD Vance admitted that he created the false claim about immigrants eating pets to create media attention. Yeah, Trump was like, ‘Everyone knows the first rule of fake news is not admitting to fake news.’” — JIMMY FALLON“Oh, I see. Do you get it yet? The only way to expose the truth is to spread a lie. It’s the power of storytelling.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Yep, Vance admitted that he made the whole thing up, but besides being overtly racist and making Trump look like a total fool at the debate, no harm done, right?” — JIMMY FALLONThe Bits Worth WatchingGuillermo Rodriguez brought his “Back to Back” segment to the Emmys for Monday’s “Jimmy Kimmel Live.”What We’re Excited About on Tuesday NightThe comedian Ms. Pat will sit down with Seth Meyers on Tuesday’s “Late Night.”Also, Check This OutDave Navarro, left, and Perry Farrell performing with Jane’s Addiction in 2021.Amy Harris/Invision, via Associated PressJane’s Addiction canceled its reunion tour after the band’s singer, Perry Farrell, struck the guitarist Dave Navarro while onstage at a show in Boston. More

    • 113 Shares99 Views

      in Television

      Late Night Enjoys Biden’s Encounter With a Trump Fan

      by

      When President Biden briefly donned a Trump hat, he “gave everyone in QAnon a brain aneurysm at once,” Jimmy Kimmel said.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Hats OffDuring a Wednesday event honoring emergency medical workers from Sept. 11, President Biden shared a lighthearted encounter with a Donald Trump supporter, playfully placing the man’s Trump hat on his own head.“And a new comedy team was born,” Jimmy Kimmel joked on Thursday.“When he put that hat — that Trump hat on his head, he gave everyone in QAnon a brain aneurysm at once.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“That’s sort of a nice moment: two old men from opposite sides, coming together to share a laugh while neither of them run for president.” — JORDAN KLEPPER“I will tell you what, if you ask me, this is what you want from the president of the United States when he meets a voter on the other side. He doesn’t get mad at him, he doesn’t try to hard-sell him, he just shows warmth and a bit of empathy. And they did a remarkable thing you don’t see among two people on opposite sides these days: They had a laugh. And with a simple exchange of hats, they are able to share something much more meaningful: lice. Itchy, disgusting, impossible-to-get-rid-of lice. And that warms my dead heart.” — JORDAN KLEPPER“[imitating Biden] Hey, you take that, Jack. I might not be the best debater, but I can still zing you with the old hat chat.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“But isn’t it nice to see Biden fooling around? Every time I see him now, it’s like when you go on vacation, and the doggy day care texts you a picture of your golden retriever playing fetch. You’re like, ‘Oh, look at that, he’s having fun.’” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Punchiest Punchlines (Bad Blood Edition)We are having trouble retrieving the article content.Please enable JavaScript in your browser settings.Thank you for your patience while we verify access. If you are in Reader mode please exit and log into your Times account, or subscribe for all of The Times.Thank you for your patience while we verify access.Already a subscriber? Log in.Want all of The Times? Subscribe. More

    • 100 Shares129 Views

      in Television

      Jimmy Kimmel Chides Trump for His Debate Performance

      by

      “More than 67 million Americans watched the debate on television last night, and of that 67 million, the only one who seems to think Trump did a good job is Donald Trump,” Kimmel said.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.67 Million to 1Despite public sentiment suggesting otherwise, Donald Trump said he came out on top after Tuesday’s debate, while also asserting it was rigged against him.On Wednesday, Jimmy Kimmel said that more than 67 million Americans watched the debate on television last night — “and of that 67 million, the only one who seems to think Trump did a good job is Donald Trump.”“I had a liberal elite day today. I woke up, I ate a big cat for breakfast, then I had a baby, then I had an abortion right after that, and then I went to pick up my kids from their mandatory transgender surgery operations after school. And now, I’m back here spreading Marxist propaganda on TV. That’s how we do it.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“This morning, Trump said the debate was rigged and that ABC should be shut down for fact-checking him, but that he still thought he did great. Then ABC fact-checked him again and said, ‘You did not.’” — JIMMY FALLON“Yeah, everyone thought Harris seemed really prepared while Trump was like, ‘My homework was eaten by a dog that was eaten by people in Ohio.’” — JIMMY FALLON“This pet-eating brain worm got into Trump’s skull through JD Vance, who’s been spreading a racist rumor that Haitian immigrants are abducting people’s pets and eating them in Ohio. This is a good time to remind you: please remember to spay or neuter your JD Vance. We don’t want more of that.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“It looks like Operation ‘I’m Not Weird’ isn’t going well.” — JIMMY FALLONThe Punchiest Punchlines (Childless Cat Lady Edition)“Last night, Kamala Harris and Donald Trump took to the debate stage to make their cases to Taylor Alison Swift and whoever else happened to be watching.” — JORDAN KLEPPER“Trump was like, ‘See? She’s eating her cat.’” — JIMMY FALLON“Trump this morning responded to the Taylor Swift endorsement and said, ‘Not a fan.’ But I have some bad news: his granddaughter, Arabella, Ivanka’s daughter, two months ago had a Taylor Swift cake for her birthday. So eat that, Grandpa.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Really, Donald? You prefer Brittany Mahomes? What’s your top five Brittany Mahomes songs? Is this really his angle? ‘Well, I don’t care, Taylor, because I like your boyfriend’s co-worker’s wife better.” — JORDAN KLEPPERThe Bits Worth WatchingThe “Late Night” writers Amber Ruffin and Jenny Hagel returned for another “Jokes Seth Can’t Tell” segment on Wednesday.What We’re Excited About on Thursday NightThe “Agatha All Along” star Sasheer Zamata will appear on Thursday’s “Daily Show.”Also, Check This OutThe documentary “Brandy Hellville & The Cult of Fast Fashion,” streaming on Max, turns a sharp eye to the Gen Z fashion brand Brandy Melville.Courtesy of HBOTrue crime stories about brands like Brandy Melville and Lululemon explore the dark side of trendy clothing. More

    • 125 Shares119 Views

      in Television

      Late Night Hosts Declare Harris the Winner in the Debate

      by

      Stephen Colbert said that the vice president needed to “rattle Trump’s cage. And now that it is over, they are still looking for pieces of his cage in low orbit.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Best in ShowOn Tuesday, Vice President Kamala Harris and former President Donald Trump met for their only scheduled debate before the election. Three of the five late-night shows went live after it ended, with Stephen Colbert, Jimmy Kimmel and Jon Stewart offering their takes.Colbert said that Harris “came out swinging,” looking to “rattle Trump’s cage.”“And now that it is over, they are still looking for pieces of his cage in low orbit.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Harris got under his skin like she was stuffing in butter and rosemary. It was beautiful. By the end of the debate, the meat was falling off the bone.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Usually when Donald Trump gets a spanking like this from a woman, it’s with a Forbes magazine. Kamala was pushing his buttons like a 12-year-old playing Fortnite.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“He was so nonsensical that she looked at him the way a parent looks at a kid giving a presentation on why they should be allowed to get a pet tiger.” — STEPHEN COLBERTOn “The Daily Show,” Jon Stewart called out Trump for his answer to a question about his involvement in the Jan. 6. insurrection.“You spent two months riling up your base that our country had literally been stolen from them through fraudulent means, that you could never even get a whiff of in a court of law, and let — let yourself just abuse them. You pressed on. You abused their trust. You showed up for a speech? You [expletive] tweeted ‘Join me on Jan. 6. It will be wild.’ But suddenly now: ‘I was just a hired magician to do the bar mitzvah! I didn’t do anything. I showed up with a hat and a rabbit and then the whole party went out of control!’” — JON STEWART“And this is it, ladies and gentlemen. I don’t know if this debate is going to change anything. I really don’t. People are awfully set in the manner that they view these proceedings. What I think is a home-run answer for one candidate, someone else views as a dodge or a lie or any of those other things. In some ways, it doesn’t matter what they say anymore, but one thing will always be true, and it is the quality of the former president I respect the least: Whenever he is cornered and forced to face even the smallest of consequences for his own mendacity and scheming, he reverts to the greatest refuge of scoundrels. As Shaggy would say, ‘It wasn’t me!’” — JON STEWART“[imitating Trump] OK, but you can’t believe a thing I say. I’m crazy! Everybody knows that! I’m the Hannibal Lecter whale guy. Immigrants are taking our cats and giving them operations to turn them into dogs and then eating the dogs. Whale!” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Punchiest Punchlines (Lock Up Your Dogs Edition)We are having trouble retrieving the article content.Please enable JavaScript in your browser settings.Thank you for your patience while we verify access. If you are in Reader mode please exit and log into your Times account, or subscribe for all of The Times.Thank you for your patience while we verify access.Already a subscriber? Log in.Want all of The Times? Subscribe. More