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      Late Night Addresses Your Election Eve Anxiety

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      “It feels like the whole country is waiting to get the results of a biopsy,” Jimmy Kimmel said.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Performance AnxietyThe late-night hosts seem to be as anxious about the election as you are.“It feels like the whole country is waiting to get the results of a biopsy,” Jimmy Kimmel said on Monday.“These polls — they’re mood rings. That’s all they are. They bring you up, they bring you down. Poll is short for ‘bipolar.’” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Tomorrow is Election Day and ‘Late Night’ is officially endorsing Xanax 0.5 milligram, twice a day as needed.” — SETH MEYERSOn “Real Time” on Friday, Bill Maher made one last appeal to undecided voters, or as he called them, “the Christmas Eve shoppers of politics — they know the big day is coming, but they just can’t get themselves to do anything about it until the last minute.”“The phrase I hear so much that makes me just want to un-alive myself is, ‘How’s she going to help me?’ Like the president is your personal genie. It’s Kamala, not ‘Kazam.’” — BILL MAHER“And so, dear Christmas Eve voter, I say to you: Things aren’t that bad, but they might get a hell of a lot worse under the rule of a mad king. Do I love everything about Kamala? No. Who told you you get to love everything? Do I wish she came up with a better reason to be president than ‘I’m not Trump’? Yeah, it would have been very helpful. But let’s not forget, ‘I’m not Trump’ is still a really great reason.” — BILL MAHER“But things look so good for Trump, Democrats have already impeached him.” — GREG GUTFELD“The Harris campaign is cautioning against getting too excited. Too late! I have to be excited because I’ve only got two other choices: absolute terror or Absolut vodka.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“If you see someone in the fetal position drenched in sweat, they either just ran the New York City Marathon or they’re waiting for tomorrow’s election.” — JIMMY FALLON“Look, I love this country. I’m an immigrant — I chose to be here. In the words of the late Lee Greenwood, I’m proud to be an American. And I’d argue there is nothing more American than having a healthy adversarial relationship with those in power, even if you voted for them.” — JOHN OLIVERWe are having trouble retrieving the article content.Please enable JavaScript in your browser settings.Thank you for your patience while we verify access. If you are in Reader mode please exit and log into your Times account, or subscribe for all of The Times.Thank you for your patience while we verify access.Already a subscriber? Log in.Want all of The Times? Subscribe. More

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      Jimmy Kimmel Trashes Trump’s ‘Cosplay Garbage Man’

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      Kimmel said that when Trump delivered a speech while wearing an orange safety vest, it was “like a 4-year-old who wants to wear his costume to school.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Trump as Trash ManOn Wednesday, former President Donald Trump spoke to reporters from inside a garbage truck while wearing an orange safety vest.Jimmy Kimmel called Trump “a cosplay garbage man” on Thursday, joking that “the garbage is driving the truck.”“That vest will come in handy when he’s on the side of the highway picking up trash with the other inmates.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“And then this lunatic decides to stay in the garbage costume for the whole duration of his speech, like a 4-year-old who wants to wear his costume to school.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“I have to say; if there is a single image that we will look back on and say, this defines what America was going through in 2024, I think it will be the Republican nominee for president dancing to the song ‘Y.M.C.A.’ in a garbage man costume.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Donald Trump could never make it as a sanitation worker. It’s a tough job with actual stakes, genuine responsibilities, and no amount of cosplaying can make up for the fact that he’d be really bad at it. He wouldn’t last a day. If Trump was a sanitation worker in New York City, we’d have garbage piled higher than the Empire State Building, as opposed to what we currently have, which is only half as tall.” — SETH MEYERSThe Punchiest Punchlines (Last-Minute Costume Idea Edition)We are having trouble retrieving the article content.Please enable JavaScript in your browser settings.Thank you for your patience while we verify access. If you are in Reader mode please exit and log into your Times account, or subscribe for all of The Times.Thank you for your patience while we verify access.Already a subscriber? Log in.Want all of The Times? Subscribe. More

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      Kimmel and More Late Night Hosts Mock Trump’s Garbage Truck Stunt

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      The comment shocked “everyone who couldn’t believe Joe successfully logged onto Zoom,” the guest host of “Gutfeld” said.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.‘We Are Garbage!’President Biden came under fire this week after seemingly referring to Trump supporters as “garbage” during a Zoom call. (In a posting on social media, Mr. Biden said he was talking about racist language, not Trump supporters.)On Wednesday, Jimmy Kimmel said that he didn’t blame the Trump campaign for jumping “all over this garbage thing.”“It’s not a smart thing to say,” Kimmel said. “Joe Biden should drop out of this race immediately.”“Today Kamala Harris was like, ‘Can someone drop Joe in a corn maze and leave him there till Wednesday, just have him wander?’”— JIMMY FALLON“Now, obviously, what he meant to say was nothing. Why are you saying anything? Did you forget that you’re so bad at saying things we had to go get somebody else?” — SETH MEYERS“Shocking everyone who couldn’t believe Joe successfully logged onto Zoom.” — TOM SHILLUE, guest host of “Gutfeld”“This happened during Trump’s rally, and fortunately, someone was there to help boost Marco Rubio up onto the stage so he could frantically share this important news.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“He’s like an excited little Minion bringing big news to Gru: It’s like ‘Mr. President! Stop the proceedings! I’ve got a bulletin!’” — JIMMY KIMMEL“And if you thought that was insulting, wait until those people hear what you said about Donald Trump.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Look how excited Rubio is: ‘Everybody, everybody, everybody! I have great news: We are garbage!’” — RONNY CHIENG“Celebrate good times, come on! I mean, Rubio delivered that news like he was announcing the war is over.” — RONNY CHIENG“And you can tell how excited Trump is because his face is at full orange alert.” — RONNY CHIENGThe Punchiest Punchlines (Mookie Edition)“At the World Series last night, two Yankees fans tried to pry a foul ball out of the glove of Dodgers right fielder Mookie Betts. I’ve got to be honest, it’s nice to see New York fans try to steal something besides a wallet.” — TOM SHILLUE“On the bright side, they were offered season tickets by the Phillies.” — SETH MEYERS“It’s Mookie versus the mooks.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“They call that the Staten Island handshake.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Bits Worth WatchingSalma Hayek showed Jimmy Fallon how to dance with a snake circling his neck on Wednesday’s “Tonight Show.”What We’re Excited About on Thursday NightConnie Chung, a veteran journalist, will discuss her new memoir on Thursday’s “Daily Show.”Also, Check This OutLili Taylor, left, with Annabella Sciorra in “The Addiction.”Fast Films, Inc.The subscription streaming service Arrow has several spooky film options for a horror-filled Halloween. More

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      Jimmy Kimmel: ‘Tonight’s Monologue Is for Republicans’

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      Kimmel made a 19-minute case against Donald Trump on Tuesday, asking viewers to “send it to a Republican you love.” (He did throw in a Biden joke.)Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Crossing the Aisle“Tonight’s monologue is for Republicans,” Jimmy Kimmel said on Tuesday. He then made a 19-minute case against Donald Trump, asking his viewers to send the clip to “a Republican you love and respect.” “Ask them to watch this whole thing as a personal favor to you,” he said. Then, after promising no “liberal virtue-signaling” and throwing in a Biden joke, he introduced himself to “those of you who don’t ever watch.”“I’m Jimmy Kimmel. Maybe you remember me from ‘The Man Show.’ We had a pretty good relationship back then — the beer, the trampolines. Good times, right? We had fun. But now times are less fun.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“We are very divided, and not just because of Donald Trump, because of people like, if I’m being honest, me. I do a lot of mocking and belittling, and it isn’t always productive.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Am I biased against Donald Trump? Yes. Do I think I have good reasons for being biased against him? Yes. And I’m probably wrong, but I think when you hear some of those reasons, you might agree with me, even just a little bit.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Maybe there’s a little voice in the back your head saying, ‘I might not want this guy driving the bus.’ And if you’re one of those people who think Democrats are controlling the weather or Beyoncé eats baby skin, forget it. This is not going to help at all.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Donald Trump is the exact meeting point between QAnon and QVC. You remember when Ronald Reagan was selling high-tops in the 1980s? No, you don’t, because he wasn’t.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Not to mention the 34 felony convictions. Will he be president from jail? I mean, how do you see that working?” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Anyway, if you made it this far, thank you for listening.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Punchiest Punchlines (What a Joke Edition)“It’s rare to tell a joke so bad that it alters the course of human history.” — STEPHEN COLBERT, on the backlash over the comedian at Trump’s Madison Square Garden rally who compared Puerto Rico to garbage“Today, following his disastrous rally at Madison Square Garden, former President Trump defended the event and called it an ‘absolute lovefest.’ Then Kamala Harris looked at the polls and said, ‘Well, I’m certainly loving it.’” — JIMMY FALLONWe are having trouble retrieving the article content.Please enable JavaScript in your browser settings.Thank you for your patience while we verify access. If you are in Reader mode please exit and log into your Times account, or subscribe for all of The Times.Thank you for your patience while we verify access.Already a subscriber? Log in.Want all of The Times? Subscribe. More

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      Jon Stewart Fears Madison Square Garden Will Never Be the Same

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      After Donald Trump’s rally, Stewart showed an image of Billy Joel and asked, “How dare they desecrate the stage that the Piano Man has consecrated?”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.‘The Clueless Klux Klan’On Monday’s “Daily Show,” Jon Stewart showed a montage of speakers from the weekend’s Trump rally at Madison Square Garden, including those who called Kamala Harris the devil and the Antichrist and said she had “pimp handlers.” Tucker Carlson called her “Samoan-Malaysian-low-I.Q.” and issued a high-pitched cackle.“Now, generally, that’s a lineup that you see outside Madison Square Garden yelling at strangers as they try to get inside Madison Square Garden,” Stewart said.“And let me just say, how dare they desecrate the stage that the Piano Man has consecrated?” — JON STEWART, showing an image of Billy Joel“Former President Trump held a rally yesterday at Madison Square Garden in front of a crowd of 20,000 people, and it was the most vitriolic, rage-filled group of white people in that building since the last Rangers game.” — SETH MEYERS“Everyone was on the edge of their seat waiting for the Menendez brothers to come out.” — JIMMY FALLON“The Clueless Klux Klan showed up in force for what I think may have been the nuttiest Trump event of all time.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Trump’s rally was described as unhinged, crude and racist — as opposed to the stable, polite and tolerant Trump rallies we’re accustomed to.” — JIMMY FALLONThe Punchiest Punchlines (Hulkster Edition)“That is just sad, to see an old man like that. We’ve all had that moment, when you have to look at your grandpa and say, ‘Peepaw, it’s just not safe anymore. We’re going to have to take away the keys to your shirt.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT, after showing a clip of Hulk Hogan struggling to tear his shirt off at the Trump rally“You know you’re getting old when you lose a wrestling match to your tank top.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“I warned him not to wear the Beefy T, but nobody listens.” — JIMMY KIMMELWe are having trouble retrieving the article content.Please enable JavaScript in your browser settings.Thank you for your patience while we verify access. If you are in Reader mode please exit and log into your Times account, or subscribe for all of The Times.Thank you for your patience while we verify access.Already a subscriber? Log in.Want all of The Times? Subscribe. More

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      Late Night Recaps Harris’s Time on Fox News and Trump’s on Univision

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      “Yes, both Kamala and Trump went into ‘the lion’s den’ this week — although they only got Trump there by telling him it was the name of a strip club,” Desi Lydic said on “The Daily Show.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Lions, Foxes and BaiersVice President Kamala Harris appeared on Fox News on Wednesday, where she was interrupted several times during an interview with Bret Baier, the network’s chief political anchor. On the same day, former President Donald Trump held a Univision town hall, where, as Desi Lydic joked on Thursday’s “Daily Show,” he “faced down his biggest fear: Hispanic people.”“Yes, both Kamala and Trump went into ‘the lion’s den’ this week — although they only got Trump there by telling him it was the name of a strip club.” — DESI LYDIC“I’d like to point out that there is no difference between his nervous swaying to Spanish and his dancing to ‘Ave Maria.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Now Kamala’s ‘lion’s den’ was Fox News, so I guess it was a Fox den, where she sat down with Bret Baier — so maybe it was a Baier’s den.” — DESI LYDIC“I want to be clear about this: I believe that journalists should always ask the toughest questions of presidential candidates, and Bret Baier certainly plays a convincing journalist on Fox News.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Come on, Bret, you invited her on to speak with you. This is an interview with the vice president, not sex with your wife — you have to let the woman finish.” — DESI LYDICThe Punchiest Punchlines (Winning? Edition)We are having trouble retrieving the article content.Please enable JavaScript in your browser settings.Thank you for your patience while we verify access. If you are in Reader mode please exit and log into your Times account, or subscribe for all of The Times.Thank you for your patience while we verify access.Already a subscriber? Log in.Want all of The Times? Subscribe. More

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      Jimmy Kimmel Slams Trump’s Women-Centered Town Hall

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      “This was the first time Groper Cleveland has been around this many women since they started padlocking the doors at Miss Teen USA,” Kimmel said on Wednesday.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Father FigureOn Tuesday, former President Donald Trump held a town hall in front of what Jimmy Kimmel called “a handpicked audience of Trump-loving women in Georgia.”“This was the first time Groper Cleveland has been around this many women since they started padlocking the doors at Miss Teen USA.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“In the first part, the women asked questions, and in the second part, Trump went through and rated them physically from 1 to 10.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“One lucky lady was named Miss Fox News Town Hall ’24, so congratulations.” — JIMMY KIMMELAt one point during the town hall, Trump proclaimed himself “the father of I.V.F.”“Now he’s claiming to be the father of I.V.F. — which has been happening since 1978. This guy won’t even admit to being the father of Eric.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“He’s the father of I.V.F. Maybe that’s short for Ivanka, I don’t know.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Punchiest Punchlines (Y.M.C.A. Edition)“You should not vote for someone because they dance to ‘Y.M.C.A.’ But also, I’m not sure you’d call this dancing.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Those are some bad moves, baby. If this president thing doesn’t work out, he ought to think about being a contestant on ‘Swaying With the Stars’ or ‘So You Think You Can Tilt.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“But no matter how gay his music is, young, straight white men love Donald Trump. They see him as a ‘macho, macho’ man, if you will.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“He eats red meat, he pretends to follow U.F.C., he’s into crypto and sneakers and NFTs. He’s a dude, a bro and a boss all rolled into one.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Bits Worth WatchingOn Wednesday’s “Late Show,” Stanley Tucci fessed up to fabricating his childhood confessions.What We’re Excited About on Thursday NightThe “Grotesquerie” star Niecy Nash-Betts will appear on Thursday’s “Jimmy Kimmel Live.”Also, Check This OutElizabeth Berkley in the 1995 movie “Showgirls.”Murray Close/United ArtistsA new French stage play based on “Showgirls” speaks to the 1995 film’s enduring allure. More

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      Jimmy Kimmel Bashes Trump’s Bizarre Town Hall

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      Kimmel joked on Tuesday that Trump “just said ‘To hell with it’ and started asking his tech guys to play songs off his iPad.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Dance Hall CrashersOn Monday, former President Donald Trump took only five questions from the audience at a town hall in Pennsylvania. He spent the last 39 minutes onstage swaying to music.Jimmy Kimmel joked on Tuesday that Trump “just said ‘To hell with it’ and started asking his tech guys to play songs off his iPad.”“Why remain onstage for 39 minutes? Just pretend it was one of Don Jr.’s piano recitals and leave. Go home!” — JIMMY KIMMEL“He played music and kind of did that baby toddler jumping dance that he does for a full 39 minutes. He just stood there swaying like a manatee tangled in seaweed.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“I want you to imagine a world in which Kamala Harris stood there at a rally and said nothing, just danced around for almost 40 minutes. Fox News would have — they would have blocked out a full week to cover it.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Punchiest Punchlines (Let the Record Show Edition)“Watching an elderly man sway to Vatican elevator music for 40 minutes might make you wonder, ‘Is he OK?’ And you wouldn’t be the only one, because yesterday more than 230 doctors and health care providers called on Trump to release his medical records. Do you know how hard it is to get 230 doctors to agree on anything?” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Trump took the time to fire back at the doctors with this lie, [imitating Trump] ‘I’ve put out more medical exams than any other president in history, and aced two cognitive exams.’ First of all, no, you haven’t. Second of all, just because you were healthy in the past doesn’t mean you’re still healthy now. ‘Oh, am I prediabetic? I don’t know — why don’t you ask this urine sample from January of 1996?’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“This guy, he wasn’t healthy enough to be in the military during the draft, but 60 years later, he’s the healthiest man alive. He’s perfect.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Bits Worth Watching“Shrinking” star Jason Segal discussed working with co-star Harrison Ford on Tuesday’s “Late Show.”What We’re Excited About on Wednesday NightAustralian pop duo Royel Otis will make their American late night debut on Kimmel’s show Wednesday.Also, Check This OutMiami Beach officials wanted to highlight where Desi Arnaz launched his career, with a historical marker at the site of the nightclub where he popularized the conga.Martina Tuaty for The New York TimesA new historical marker in Miami Beach honors the nightclub where Desi Arnaz launched his musical career. More