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      Late Night Addresses Your Election Eve Anxiety

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      “It feels like the whole country is waiting to get the results of a biopsy,” Jimmy Kimmel said.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Performance AnxietyThe late-night hosts seem to be as anxious about the election as you are.“It feels like the whole country is waiting to get the results of a biopsy,” Jimmy Kimmel said on Monday.“These polls — they’re mood rings. That’s all they are. They bring you up, they bring you down. Poll is short for ‘bipolar.’” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Tomorrow is Election Day and ‘Late Night’ is officially endorsing Xanax 0.5 milligram, twice a day as needed.” — SETH MEYERSOn “Real Time” on Friday, Bill Maher made one last appeal to undecided voters, or as he called them, “the Christmas Eve shoppers of politics — they know the big day is coming, but they just can’t get themselves to do anything about it until the last minute.”“The phrase I hear so much that makes me just want to un-alive myself is, ‘How’s she going to help me?’ Like the president is your personal genie. It’s Kamala, not ‘Kazam.’” — BILL MAHER“And so, dear Christmas Eve voter, I say to you: Things aren’t that bad, but they might get a hell of a lot worse under the rule of a mad king. Do I love everything about Kamala? No. Who told you you get to love everything? Do I wish she came up with a better reason to be president than ‘I’m not Trump’? Yeah, it would have been very helpful. But let’s not forget, ‘I’m not Trump’ is still a really great reason.” — BILL MAHER“But things look so good for Trump, Democrats have already impeached him.” — GREG GUTFELD“The Harris campaign is cautioning against getting too excited. Too late! I have to be excited because I’ve only got two other choices: absolute terror or Absolut vodka.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“If you see someone in the fetal position drenched in sweat, they either just ran the New York City Marathon or they’re waiting for tomorrow’s election.” — JIMMY FALLON“Look, I love this country. I’m an immigrant — I chose to be here. In the words of the late Lee Greenwood, I’m proud to be an American. And I’d argue there is nothing more American than having a healthy adversarial relationship with those in power, even if you voted for them.” — JOHN OLIVERWe are having trouble retrieving the article content.Please enable JavaScript in your browser settings.Thank you for your patience while we verify access. If you are in Reader mode please exit and log into your Times account, or subscribe for all of The Times.Thank you for your patience while we verify access.Already a subscriber? Log in.Want all of The Times? Subscribe. More

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      Jimmy Kimmel Debunks the Government-Hurricane-Control Theory

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      “The only person who can control the weather is Beyoncé,” Kimmel said on Thursday.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.The Eye of the StormMeteorologists in Florida and North Carolina have been facing death threats and angry messages from viewers who think they are complicit in a Democratic-led plot to direct hurricanes toward Republican voting districts.Jimmy Kimmel was flabbergasted on Thursday by this “bonkers idea.” He said, “Donald Trump has pushed us to the point where we can’t even agree on the weather. What a stupid time to be alive.”“And of course, before the storm even hit, the Trumpers were blaming the White House for all this, which is interesting because two weeks ago, 11 House Republicans from Florida voted against keeping the government and FEMA fully funded. Then, when Hurricane Helene came to visit, they all signed a letter asking President Biden for federal funding. This is how it goes now.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Has anyone thought about unplugging America and plugging it back in again? ’Cause it could use a reboot.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Donald Trump should be forced to live on an island with all these people. Listen, dummies, the government can’t control the weather. The only person who can control the weather is Beyoncé.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Punchiest Punchlines (25 Days Until the Election Edition)“You guys, Election Day is only 25 days away. Just think, in 25 days, Trump will either be saying he won or saying he didn’t lose.” — JIMMY FALLON“Yeah, 25 days. Trump just got an election Advent calendar that gives him a new conspiracy theory every day: [imitating Trump] ‘Ooh, immigrants are stealing our Hulu passwords. They’re watching “Murders in the Building” for free.’” — JIMMY FALLON“The polls say it is a tossup. It might ultimately come down to which candidate can deliver a new R.V. to Clarence Thomas first.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Bits Worth WatchingEric Idle of Monty Python discussed his new book, “The Spamalot Diaries,” with Jordan Klepper on Thursday’s “Daily Show.”Also, Check This OutLaura Dern and Liam Hemsworth in “Lonely Planet.”Anne Marie Fox/NetflixLaura Dern and Liam Hemsworth have a May/December romance in “Lonely Planet,” from the writer-director Susannah Grant. More

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      Seth Meyers Is Starting to Wonder About Trump and Putin

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      A book says Donald Trump sent Covid testing equipment to the Russian leader. Meyers suspects he threw in “some snacks, a bath bomb and a CD.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Testing, TestingFormer President Donald Trump has denied a report in a new book that he sent Covid testing machines to Vladimir Putin for his personal use during the pandemic, but Seth Meyers wasn’t buying it on Wednesday’s “Late Night.”“How did Trump send them? Was it part of a care package with some snacks, a bath bomb and a CD that said ‘Mixtape for Vlad from Don: My heart is loyal only to you’?”— SETH MEYERS“People were quarantining, contact tracing, seeking medical care. I know you weren’t doing that since you were basically a Typhoid Gary who would hold superspreader events at the White House, and then when you yourself got Covid, took a joyride in an S.U.V. like you were an off-brand pope.” — SETH MEYERS, addressing Trump“Trump was telling Americans that Covid testing was overrated on the exact same day he was telling Vladimir Putin he was sending him his best Covid tests — his [expletive] Glengarry Covid tests.” — SETH MEYERS“To be fair, lots of people in Putin’s circle were suddenly dying: [imitating Putin] ‘Falling from balcony is very common Covid symptom.’” — SETH MEYERSThe Punchiest Punchlines (Kamala’s Media Blitz Edition)“So with less than a month to go, both campaigns are going all out — starting with Democratic nominee Kamala Harris, who has been everywhere recently: news shows, daytime talk shows, satellite radio, podcasts, your kid’s piano recital — she applauded, but seriously, ‘Chopsticks’? I mean, you can do better, Arlo.” — JORDAN KLEPPER“Meanwhile, today, Trump complained that CBS edited Kamala Harris’s interview on ‘60 Minutes’ to make her look better. Trump said, ‘It was clearly edited. She didn’t say one thing about people eating pets in Ohio. Not one. Didn’t even mention it.’” — JIMMY FALLON“In a new interview with radio host Howard Stern, Vice President Kamala Harris said that she doesn’t really take naps, setting up a clear contrast with President Biden, who took one mid-debate.” — SETH MEYERS“During the same interview with Howard Stern, Vice President Kamala Harris said that she usually eats a bowl of Raisin Bran or Special K for breakfast, whereas her opponent, as we all know, is cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs.” — SETH MEYERSThe Bits Worth WatchingQuinta Brunson, the “Abbott Elementary” creator and star, dished on her series’ crossover episode with “It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia” on Wednesday’s “Jimmy Kimmel Live.”What We’re Excited About on Thursday NightJordan Peele will promote his revival of the horror-themed hidden-camera reality series “Scare Tactics” on Thursday’s “Tonight Show.”Also, Check This Out“Unknown American” is a portrait from the 1940s to 1950s.The Metropolitan Museum of Art, Twentieth-Century Photography FundThe Met Gala’s 2025 theme, “Superfine: Tailoring Black Style,” is the museum’s first fashion exhibition to focus solely on the work of designers of color. More

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      Jimmy Kimmel: Putin Is Trump’s ‘KGBFF’

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      Kimmel shared tidbits from Bob Woodward’s new book, including that Donald Trump had spoken with Vladimir Putin seven times since leaving office — “which is less than Ivanka, but more than Tiffany.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.KGBFF 4-EverIn his new book, “War,” the journalist Bob Woodward reported that former President Donald Trump had spoken to Vladimir Putin as many as seven times since leaving office. Woodward also wrote that Trump sent the Russian president Covid-19 testing equipment in 2020, at a time it was hard to find, for personal use.“You wouldn’t want one of the most villainous murderers on the planet to get a cough, would you?” Jimmy Kimmel joked of Trump’s “KGBFF” on Tuesday.“I mean, nurses, doctors, American hospitals couldn’t get these machines — he’s sending them to the devil himself.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“The book says Trump has spoken to Vladimir Putin seven times since he left office, which is less than Ivanka, but more than Tiffany. It’s right in that daughter sweet spot.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“That’s how you know they’re tight. Adult men never call each other. I haven’t called my best friend seven times total.” — SETH MEYERS“Trump once made a senior aide leave the room so he could have a ‘private’ call with Putin, which: [imitating Putin] ‘Hello, Donald, what are you wearing? I’m shirtless on my horse again.’” — JIMMY KIMMEL“So, Trump was secretly giving sound medical advice to a foreign adversary while publicly convincing Americans to poison themselves with bleach. I’ve got to say, most presidents would do that the other way around, but hey, you do you, Trump.” — JORDAN KLEPPERThe Punchiest Punchlines (Category 5 Edition)“Wow, Donald, you’ve never heard of a Category 5 hurricane hitting land? That’s weird, because I remember one happening while you were president.” — JORDAN KLEPPER, on Trump’s spotty recollection“He was probably busy with Kanye during that one.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“He did get his meteorologist degree from Trump University.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“For all you people who think he is in mental decline, it turns out he’s been the same level of stupidity for years.” — JORDAN KLEPPERThe Bits Worth WatchingVice President Kamala Harris cracked open a beer during her sit-down with Stephen Colbert on Tuesday’s “Late Show.”What We’re Excited About on Wednesday NightRiley Keough will promote the new posthumous memoir by her mother, Lisa Marie Presley, on Wednesday’s “Late Night.”Also, Check This OutLyle Menendez in a scene from the documentary “The Menendez Brothers.”NetflixDespite promising exclusive new interviews, Netflix’s new documentary “The Menendez Brothers” relies on the tabloid appeal surrounding renewed interest in the 1989 murder. More

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      Late Night Enjoys Biden’s Encounter With a Trump Fan

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      When President Biden briefly donned a Trump hat, he “gave everyone in QAnon a brain aneurysm at once,” Jimmy Kimmel said.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Hats OffDuring a Wednesday event honoring emergency medical workers from Sept. 11, President Biden shared a lighthearted encounter with a Donald Trump supporter, playfully placing the man’s Trump hat on his own head.“And a new comedy team was born,” Jimmy Kimmel joked on Thursday.“When he put that hat — that Trump hat on his head, he gave everyone in QAnon a brain aneurysm at once.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“That’s sort of a nice moment: two old men from opposite sides, coming together to share a laugh while neither of them run for president.” — JORDAN KLEPPER“I will tell you what, if you ask me, this is what you want from the president of the United States when he meets a voter on the other side. He doesn’t get mad at him, he doesn’t try to hard-sell him, he just shows warmth and a bit of empathy. And they did a remarkable thing you don’t see among two people on opposite sides these days: They had a laugh. And with a simple exchange of hats, they are able to share something much more meaningful: lice. Itchy, disgusting, impossible-to-get-rid-of lice. And that warms my dead heart.” — JORDAN KLEPPER“[imitating Biden] Hey, you take that, Jack. I might not be the best debater, but I can still zing you with the old hat chat.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“But isn’t it nice to see Biden fooling around? Every time I see him now, it’s like when you go on vacation, and the doggy day care texts you a picture of your golden retriever playing fetch. You’re like, ‘Oh, look at that, he’s having fun.’” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Punchiest Punchlines (Bad Blood Edition)We are having trouble retrieving the article content.Please enable JavaScript in your browser settings.Thank you for your patience while we verify access. If you are in Reader mode please exit and log into your Times account, or subscribe for all of The Times.Thank you for your patience while we verify access.Already a subscriber? Log in.Want all of The Times? Subscribe. More

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      Jimmy Kimmel Chides Trump for His Debate Performance

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      “More than 67 million Americans watched the debate on television last night, and of that 67 million, the only one who seems to think Trump did a good job is Donald Trump,” Kimmel said.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.67 Million to 1Despite public sentiment suggesting otherwise, Donald Trump said he came out on top after Tuesday’s debate, while also asserting it was rigged against him.On Wednesday, Jimmy Kimmel said that more than 67 million Americans watched the debate on television last night — “and of that 67 million, the only one who seems to think Trump did a good job is Donald Trump.”“I had a liberal elite day today. I woke up, I ate a big cat for breakfast, then I had a baby, then I had an abortion right after that, and then I went to pick up my kids from their mandatory transgender surgery operations after school. And now, I’m back here spreading Marxist propaganda on TV. That’s how we do it.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“This morning, Trump said the debate was rigged and that ABC should be shut down for fact-checking him, but that he still thought he did great. Then ABC fact-checked him again and said, ‘You did not.’” — JIMMY FALLON“Yeah, everyone thought Harris seemed really prepared while Trump was like, ‘My homework was eaten by a dog that was eaten by people in Ohio.’” — JIMMY FALLON“This pet-eating brain worm got into Trump’s skull through JD Vance, who’s been spreading a racist rumor that Haitian immigrants are abducting people’s pets and eating them in Ohio. This is a good time to remind you: please remember to spay or neuter your JD Vance. We don’t want more of that.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“It looks like Operation ‘I’m Not Weird’ isn’t going well.” — JIMMY FALLONThe Punchiest Punchlines (Childless Cat Lady Edition)“Last night, Kamala Harris and Donald Trump took to the debate stage to make their cases to Taylor Alison Swift and whoever else happened to be watching.” — JORDAN KLEPPER“Trump was like, ‘See? She’s eating her cat.’” — JIMMY FALLON“Trump this morning responded to the Taylor Swift endorsement and said, ‘Not a fan.’ But I have some bad news: his granddaughter, Arabella, Ivanka’s daughter, two months ago had a Taylor Swift cake for her birthday. So eat that, Grandpa.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Really, Donald? You prefer Brittany Mahomes? What’s your top five Brittany Mahomes songs? Is this really his angle? ‘Well, I don’t care, Taylor, because I like your boyfriend’s co-worker’s wife better.” — JORDAN KLEPPERThe Bits Worth WatchingThe “Late Night” writers Amber Ruffin and Jenny Hagel returned for another “Jokes Seth Can’t Tell” segment on Wednesday.What We’re Excited About on Thursday NightThe “Agatha All Along” star Sasheer Zamata will appear on Thursday’s “Daily Show.”Also, Check This OutThe documentary “Brandy Hellville & The Cult of Fast Fashion,” streaming on Max, turns a sharp eye to the Gen Z fashion brand Brandy Melville.Courtesy of HBOTrue crime stories about brands like Brandy Melville and Lululemon explore the dark side of trendy clothing. More

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      Late Night Observes ‘Debate Night Eve’

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      Jimmy Kimmel predicted Kamala Harris and Donald Trump will face questions “on all the big issues: the economy, immigration, electrocution, sharks.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.The Night BeforeVice President Kamala Harris and former President Donald Trump will meet for their only scheduled debate on Tuesday night.On Monday, Jimmy Kimmel predicted the candidates will field questions “on all the big issues: the economy, immigration, electrocution, sharks — everything we care about.”“It’s Debate Night Eve, so don’t forget to put out some milk and cookies for Santa and then give him two minutes for a rebuttal.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Of course, both candidates are very busy with last-minute preparations. Right now, Trump is trying to decide which shade of bronzer: jack-o’-lantern orange or burned corn on the cob?” — JIMMY FALLON“How could you possibly prepare to debate Donald Trump? This is a man who, if he doesn’t like the direction a hurricane is going, just draws a new hurricane on the map — you can’t debate that.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Trump, of course, is claiming that the debate is rigged against him, even though it hasn’t happened yet. Over the weekend, he announced that no boxes or artificial lifts will be allowed for Kamala — who is 5-foot-4 — to stand on because he says, ‘It would be a form of cheating, and the Democrats cheat enough.’ That’s right. You know, cheating is only allowed when it comes to wives, taxes and every round of golf that he’s ever played.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“There’s a lot riding on this. If Kamala doesn’t do well, you know, come January, our national bird might be the Kentucky Fried Chicken.” — JIMMY KIMMEL‘An Honor Just to be Nominated’An article in Rolling Stone said that while Trump was president, he tried to persuade Justice Department officials to use campaign finance laws and equal-time broadcast regulations to rule that anti-Trump jokes on late-night shows were illegal. Stephen Colbert and Jimmy Kimmel were among those on Trump’s list of targets.“Finally, I made an enemies list!” Colbert said. “I mean, obviously, there’s no guarantee I’ll be arrested, but it’s an honor just to be nominated.”“I’m now imagining me and all the other late-night hosts in prison together like the mobsters in ‘Goodfellas.’ I’m stirring the sauce, Colbert’s slicing the garlic with a razor blade.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“No doubt it’ll all be decided this weekend in Los Angeles — whoever wins the Emmy for best talk show will be sent to a camp: ‘And the gulag goes to …’ So, to my old colleague Jon Stewart, I just want you to know, I voted for you.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“How would this work for Jon Stewart? Would he only go to jail on Mondays?” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Punchiest Punchlines (Change of Heart Edition)We are having trouble retrieving the article content.Please enable JavaScript in your browser settings.Thank you for your patience while we verify access. If you are in Reader mode please exit and log into your Times account, or subscribe for all of The Times.Thank you for your patience while we verify access.Already a subscriber? Log in.Want all of The Times? Subscribe. More

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      Late Night Riffs on Hunter Biden’s Guilty Verdict

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      “Wow, frankly, I’m shocked — we’re actually enforcing gun laws in America,” Jordan Klepper said on Tuesday’s “Daily Show.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Check Out These GunsHunter Biden was convicted on three counts tied to a 2018 handgun purchase on Tuesday.On “The Daily Show,” Jordan Klepper referred to President Joe Biden’s son as “one of the most dangerous criminal masterminds in American history.”“He’s gotten away with being Joe Biden’s son for years, but today he faced Delaware justice.” — JORDAN KLEPPER“Wow, frankly, I’m shocked — we’re actually enforcing gun laws in America.” — JORDAN KLEPPER“What has been wild is watching how eager Republicans have been to hold a gun owner accountable. Of course, it’s only because he’s Joe Biden’s son, but that’s an opportunity: All we need is for Joe Biden to adopt every single person in America, and we can finally have some responsible gun control in this country.” — JORDAN KLEPPERThe Punchiest Punchlines (Gun Show Edition)“Hunter Biden was found guilty today on all counts in his federal gun trial and now faces up to 25 years on ‘Hannity.’” — SETH MEYERS“Evidently, in America, there is a wrong way to buy a gun.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“He was found guilty on all three counts. His father did a terrible job of rigging this.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Hunter was convicted on three felony gun charges, which means he’s now only 31 felonies away from being the Republican nominee for President.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Trump heard and was, like, ‘I’ve always said our legal system is fair and just.’” — JIMMY FALLON“What was Hunter guilty of — lying about being on drugs while buying a gun? I mean, when did that become a crime?” — JIMMY FALLONThe Bits Worth WatchingJulia Louis-Dreyfus joined Seth Meyers for another installment of day drinking on Tuesday’s “Late Night.”What We’re Excited About on Wednesday NightThe pop singer Tinashe will perform her hit single “Nasty” on Wednesday’s “Jimmy Kimmel Live.”Also, Check This OutThe Bluestockings Cooperative bookstore in New York City provides, among other free services, food to homeless people and English lessons to asylum seekers.Hiroko Masuike/The New York TimesFrom Los Angeles to Baltimore, bookstores with a social mission are finding success as collective-run community spaces after the pandemic. More