Late Night with Seth Meyers (TV Program)

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      Late Night Chides Trump for Using Dr. Biden Photo to Hawk Cologne

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      The president-elect used a photo of Jill Biden smiling at him to promote his fragrances. Jimmy Kimmel thinks that’s because Melania has never smiled at him on camera.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.The Smell of ExcessAfter the first lady, Jill Biden, was photographed smiling at Donald Trump during the Notre-Dame Cathedral’s reopening ceremony on Saturday, the president-elect used the image to advertise his new fragrances on social media. (“A fragrance your enemies can’t resist!”)“He had to use that picture because he doesn’t have a picture of his own wife smiling at him,” Jimmy Kimmel said on Monday.“Even after all these years, Trump still can’t tell when a woman is faking it.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“It was a rare moment of conciliation, one that would have given this country hope had it not immediately been undermined by the returning president releasing an actual cologne ad belittling and sexualizing said moment.” — JON STEWART“You won! You don’t have to push merch anymore. I find it hard to believe I’m saying this, but it’s beneath you.” — JON STEWART“Although, if you do zoom in on Jill Biden, you see she may just be holding her breath there.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“In response, Dr. Biden used the photo to sell her new line of pepper spray.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“It’s perfect if you want to smell like a Big Mac that’s been sitting in a tanning bed and then thrown into the back of a Cybertruck.” — JIMMY FALLONThe Punchiest Punchlines (Big Score Edition)“The New York Mets last night signed outfielder Juan Soto to a $765 million deal, stealing him from their hated crosstown rivals, the Yankees. And as a Mets fan, I have to say I am very excited to see how terribly this will inevitably go for us.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“The New York Mets have reportedly signed former Yankees star Juan Soto to a 15-year, $765 million contract. And if you’re wondering how they can afford that, Mr. Met started an OnlyFans.” — SETH MEYERS“$765 million — not really the announcement you want to make to friends and family right before Christmas.” — JIMMY FALLONThe Bits Worth WatchingStephen Colbert and Billy Crystal shared their favorite lines from “When Harry Met Sally” on Monday’s “Late Show.”What We’re Excited About on Tuesday NightThe singer-songwriters Julien Baker and Torres will make their television debut as a country music duo on Tuesday’s “Tonight Show.”Also, Check This OutTaylor Swift at MetLife Stadium in New Jersey in May 2023. Jutharat Pinyodoonyachet for The New York TimesTaylor Swift’s “Eras” tour brought in $2 billion in gross ticket sales, double that of any other concert tour in history. More

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      Jimmy Kimmel Doubts Trump’s Grasp of Economics

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      Kimmel called the president-elect’s plan to hit Mexico, Canada and China with sweeping tariffs “the dumbest thing he’s come up with since Don Jr.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Just Tariff-icPresident-elect Donald J. Trump said he would impose sweeping tariffs on all goods from Canada, Mexico and China on his first day in office.As Jimmy Kimmel noted, economists say that would lead to higher prices. “Almost everyone who knows anything about economics believes these tariffs to be a terrible idea,” Kimmel said.“Some say this is the dumbest thing he’s come up with since Don Jr.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Whoever would have guessed that the mail-order steak salesman who declared bankruptcy six times would be so bad with money?” — JIMMY KIMMEL“If you want to purchase a tie from the Donald J. Trump collection, you’d better get it immediately, or it’s going to cost an extra 10 percent.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Apparently, Trump’s tariffs on Mexico will cause the price of Modelo and Corona beer to go up. Every MAGA supporter heard and was like, ‘Well, guess it’s time to forgive Bud Light.’” — JIMMY FALLON“So by next year, if you want extra guacamole, it’ll be cheaper to go get it.” — SETH MEYERS“And poor Canada is like, ‘What did we do? I mean, be honest: Is this because of Drake?’” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Punchiest Punchlines (Thanksgiving Edition)“Over the next 48 hours, millions of Americans will travel back to their family homes to be reminded once again of why they left in the first place.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“I read that the most popular time to eat Thanksgiving dinner is between 2 and 3 p.m. It’s strange. It’s like for one day we all become President Biden.” — JIMMY FALLON“Serving dinner at 2 p.m. is a polite way of telling your guests, ‘We’d love to get you out of here as soon as possible.’” — JIMMY FALLON“Luckily, there’s no turkey shortage this year, though. Yeah. I remember the year Biden had to walk up to the turkeys he’d just pardoned and said, ‘Fellas, I’ve got some bad news.’” — JIMMY FALLONThe Bits Worth WatchingGwen Stefani joined Jimmy Fallon and the Roots for a spirited rendition of her hit “Hollaback Girl,” played on classroom instruments.What We’re Excited About on Wednesday NightJennifer Hudson will appear on Wednesday’s “Late Night with Seth Meyers.”Also, Check This OutMattel’s version of Glinda from “Wicked.”MattelThe “Wicked” merchandising juggernaut includes Barbies, Crocs and hair dryers. More

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      Late Night Makes Its Last Jokes About Biden Pardoning Turkeys

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      Although Thanksgiving was still three days away, “the turkeys looked at Biden and said, ‘We better get this done,’” Jimmy Fallon said.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Lucky BirdsPresident Biden pardoned his last two Thanksgiving turkeys on Monday.Although the holiday was still three days away, “the turkeys looked at Biden and said, ‘We better get this done,’” Jimmy Fallon said.“Today on the South Lawn of the White House, President Biden pardoned two turkeys from Minnesota named Peach and Blossom. Those aren’t turkey names. Peach and Blossom sound like the special guests at a bachelor party.” — JIMMY FALLON“President Biden today presided over the annual White House turkey pardon. Well, he didn’t exactly pardon them, he just turned the investigation over to Merrick Garland, and then it just kind of petered out.” — SETH MEYERS“It’s kind of miraculous that these turkeys were able to get pardons without Ryan Murphy even doing a show about them on Netflix.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“That’s right, President Biden presided over the annual White House turkey pardon and granted clemency to Peach, Blossom and, before anyone noticed, Hunter.” — SETH MEYERS“Yep, Biden promised that the turkeys would not get killed this November. Democrats were like, ‘Hey, that’s what you said to us.’” — JIMMY FALLON“I hope everyone enjoyed the pardoning, because next year, under Trump, those turkeys will be Matt Gaetz and Rudy Giuliani.” — JIMMY FALLONBah, HumbugOn his last episode of “Real Time” for the year, Bill Maher argued that Americans should forget politics and enjoy Christmas.“Enough! It’s [expletive] Christmas, and you will act like it,” Maher said. “’Tis the season, and all that.”We are having trouble retrieving the article content.Please enable JavaScript in your browser settings.Thank you for your patience while we verify access. If you are in Reader mode please exit and log into your Times account, or subscribe for all of The Times.Thank you for your patience while we verify access.Already a subscriber? Log in.Want all of The Times? Subscribe. More

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      Late Night Can’t Believe Matt Gaetz Won’t Be Attorney General

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      Jimmy Kimmel said the scandal-ridden ex-congressman’s withdrawal was “exciting news for Judge Jeanine Pirro, who will be our next attorney general.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.A Distraction From the DistractionsMatt Gaetz, who was President-elect Donald J. Trump’s choice for attorney general despite allegations that he’d used drugs and had sex with a 17-year-old, withdrew his name from consideration on Thursday.Jimmy Kimmel said the ex-congressman from Florida had “crawled back under the rock of cocaine he scurried out from under.”“He said he decided to take his MAGA hat out of the ring because his nomination was becoming a distraction to the critical work of the Trump/Vance transition. Which is true: President-elect Trump should not be distracted from his critical work of creating other distractions.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Gaetz said he was honored that Trump nominated him, and he looks forward to spending more time posing as a high school senior on the Roblox Reddit page.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“See, the thing is, Trump did this wrong. He did it in the wrong order. First, you nominate Diddy for attorney general, then Matt Gaetz.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“This Gaetz situation is a setback for Trump, but it’ll all be forgotten as soon as he nominates new surgeon general Dr. Heathcliff Huxtable.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“All of this attention on this sex criminal was unfairly distracting from the critical work of all the other sex criminals who have been nominated.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“And while this is sad news for Gaetz and his fans, it is potentially very exciting news for Judge Jeanine Pirro, who will be our next attorney general.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Poor Rudy Giuliani. He has to be on the twin bed in the office his son converted into a guest room right now, going, ‘What about me?’” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Punchiest Punchlines (Withdrawal Edition)“Former Florida congressman Matt Gaetz withdrew today as President-elect Trump’s nominee for attorney general. This puts a lot of pressure on Trump, because now there’s not much time to find somebody worse.” — SETH MEYERS“Matt Gaetz is out? But his nomination was only eight days old! Once again, he can’t even make it to 18.” — SETH MEYERS“If you’ve ever dreamed of being an attorney general, update your résumé, because they have an opening.” — DESI LYDICThe Bits Worth WatchingGwyneth Paltrow and DJ Khaled played a game of “True Confessions” on Thursday’s “Tonight Show.”Also, Check This OutRachel Elizabeth Seed’s mother, Sheila Turner Seed, in “A Photographic Memory.”Capariva FilmsRachel Elizabeth Seed’s new documentary, “A Photographic Memory,” weaves meditations on memory and the nature of photography with a personal narrative about her mother, a photographer who died when she was 18 months old. More

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      Desi Lydic Says Trump is ‘Picking Mascots,’ Not Leaders

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      “The Daily Show” host said Trump could do worse than an “actual doctor” like Dr. Oz to lead the Centers for Medicare and Medicaid Services: “I’m impressed he didn’t pick Dr Pepper.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Paging Dr. Oz, Medicare MascotPresident-elect Donald Trump continued to roll out his cabinet selections this week, with Dr. Mehmet Oz being tapped to lead the Centers for Medicare and Medicaid Services.On Wednesday’s “The Daily Show,” the host Desi Lydic said, “It could be worse.”“At least Dr. Oz is an actual doctor. I’m impressed he didn’t pick Dr Pepper.” — DESI LYDIC“So far, he’s made a number of cabinet picks whose main qualification seems to be being on TV. His defense secretary is a guy from ‘Fox & Friends,’ his transportation secretary is a guy from Fox Business, and his attorney general is a guy who I’m pretty sure was on ‘To Catch a Predator.’” — DESI LYDIC“Wow, another daytime television guy. It’s like his whole cabinet was selected by a kid who was home sick with the flu.” — SETH MEYERS“But is someone going to tell him that this isn’t actually a doctor’s job? This is running a vast insurance bureaucracy. If you have to pick someone from TV, at least pick the LiMu Emu.”— DESI LYDIC“And you might be saying, ‘Relax, Dr. Oz doesn’t have to know what he’s doing — he’ll have people around him who do.’ Sure, except that Dr. Oz’s boss will be R.F.K. Jr.” — DESI LYDIC“There’s not going to be a layer of competent workers at some point. It’s just celebrities all the way down. Because Donald Trump isn’t really picking leaders of agencies — he’s just picking mascots.” — DESI LYDICThe Punchiest Punchlines (Happy Birthday, President Biden Edition)“President Biden today celebrated his 82nd birthday, and he marked the occasion the way many older men do, by fighting Jake Paul.” — SETH MEYERS“Happy birthday, Joe! We got you a cake, but Nancy Pelosi insisted you sacrifice it for the good of democracy.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“You could tell Biden is getting up there because they didn’t cut him a slice of cake — they puréed it and he drank it with a straw.” — JIMMY FALLONWe are having trouble retrieving the article content.Please enable JavaScript in your browser settings.Thank you for your patience while we verify access. If you are in Reader mode please exit and log into your Times account, or subscribe for all of The Times.Thank you for your patience while we verify access.Already a subscriber? Log in.Want all of The Times? Subscribe. More

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      Desi Lydic Digs Into the Sordid Claims Against Matt Gaetz

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      “Your future attorney general, everyone,” Desi Lydic said on “The Daily Show.” “It’s always the people you most expect.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.‘That Alone Should Be Disqualifying’The lawyer representing two women who testified that former Representative Matt Gaetz paid them for sex described his clients’ testimony with multiple news outlets on Monday. The lawyer, Joel Leppard, said the women said that Gaetz paid money for their services via Venmo and that they traveled with him numerous times, including to New York, where he took them to see “Pretty Woman” on Broadway.“Your future attorney general, everyone,” Desi Lydic said Tuesday on “The Daily Show.” “It’s always the people you most expect.”“And they said he paid for sex with Venmo? Has this guy ever heard of cash? Come on. At the bare minimum, an attorney general should know how to cover up his own crimes.” — DESI LYDIC“The fact that Matt Gaetz was stupid enough to pay for sex with Venmo — that alone should be disqualifying.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“That is crazy. Taking a woman you pay for sex to see ‘Pretty Woman’ is like taking a giraffe to the zoo.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“It’s a little on the nose, wasn’t it? I guess ‘High School Musical’ was sold out?” — DESI LYDIC“The worst part is that he apparently took them to watch him on Fox News. God, I hope they charged him extra for that.” — DESI LYDIC“If Trump can’t get his nominees confirmed through the Senate, his team is considering recess appointments. Recess is where Congress temporarily suspends its proceedings — also where Matt Gaetz finds his girlfriends.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Punchiest Punchlines (King of the Road Edition)“Trump also just nominated Fox News contributor Sean Duffy to serve as secretary of transportation. Yep. If you’re Irish Catholic like me, you know at least 20 guys named Sean Duffy.” — JIMMY FALLON“Up till now, I have been critical of Trump’s appointees, but I fully support Duffy. First of all, he has real-world experience — in that he was in the cast of MTV’s ‘The Real World: Boston’ in 1997.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Now, the Debbie Downers out there claim Duffy’s not qualified for this job just because he has little to no experience in the transportation field. Oh, really? Have you forgotten that Mr. Duffy also served a full term on ‘Road Rules: All Stars’?” — STEPHEN COLBERT“He hired the guy from ‘Road Rules’ to be secretary of transportation, because of course he did — the word ‘road’ is right in there.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“That is one of his least embarrassing picks. Maybe he’ll pick one of the ‘Teen Moms’ to be secretary of labor.” — JIMMY KIMMELWe are having trouble retrieving the article content.Please enable JavaScript in your browser settings.Thank you for your patience while we verify access. If you are in Reader mode please exit and log into your Times account, or subscribe for all of The Times.Thank you for your patience while we verify access.Already a subscriber? Log in.Want all of The Times? Subscribe. More

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      Late Night Is Appalled by Trump’s Mile-High McDonald’s Feast

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      The president-elect dined on his plane with some associates — including Robert F. Kennedy Jr., who hates fast food. Jimmy Kimmel called it a “subservience test.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Not-So-Happy MealOver the weekend, President-elect Donald Trump shared a photo from his private plane, showing him eating McDonald’s with Elon Musk, Donald Trump Jr. and Robert F. Kennedy Jr. as Speaker Mike Johnson peeked into the frame.“Only Donald Trump would force his new health czar to eat McDonald’s,” Jimmy Kimmel said, referring to Kennedy. “That’s what he does, these are subservience tests.” “This is like the Last Supper, but everyone is Judas.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“I love that they essentially hazed R.F.K. Jr., who rails against processed food and has called fast food poison, by not only making him eat McDonald’s but forcing him to take a picture while doing it.” — SETH MEYERS“You can tell it’s McDonald’s, because that is a grimace.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Look at R.F.K. Jr. He’s holding that McDonald’s the way you hold a bag of weed you found in your kid’s room.” — SETH MEYERS“That is the most powerful assemblage of junk food since the Yalta Conference party sub.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Look, I know Trump has been accused and found guilty of many crimes, but certainly none worse than ‘brings Filet-O-Fish on a plane.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT‘There’s No Monopoly on Stupid’On “Real Time,” Bill Maher chided Democrats for losing touch with the average American, saying the party had become “a ‘Portlandia’ sketch.”“Maybe take the clothespins off your noses and actually converse with the other half of the country. Stop screaming at people to get with the program and instead make a program worth getting with.” — BILL MAHER“You love to speak truth to power, and we always should, but you have completely lost the ability to speak truth to [expletive].” — BILL MAHER“You just lost a crazy contest to an actual crazy person.” — BILL MAHER“Even the one concession I’ve heard a few people on the losing side offer — that liberals should stop saying that Trump voters are stupid — comes with a kind of unspoken parentheses: ‘We know they are stupid, just don’t say it.’ Yeah, I got bad news for you: They don’t have a monopoly on stupid.” — BILL MAHERGreg Gutfeld had similar thoughts about the Democrats on Monday.We are having trouble retrieving the article content.Please enable JavaScript in your browser settings.Thank you for your patience while we verify access. If you are in Reader mode please exit and log into your Times account, or subscribe for all of The Times.Thank you for your patience while we verify access.Already a subscriber? Log in.Want all of The Times? Subscribe. More

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      Late Night Feels Queasy About America’s Next Health Czar, R.F.K. Jr.

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      Stephen Colbert urged viewers to keep an open mind about the pick, “because that’s how the worm gets in.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Take Your VitaminsOn Thursday, President-elect Donald J. Trump said he would nominate Robert F. Kennedy Jr., a vaccine skeptic known for some strange encounters with animals, to be his secretary of health and human services.Stephen Colbert advised his booing audience to keep an open mind, “because that’s how the worm gets in.”“So, R.F.K. Jr. is now in charge of our health, exactly what everyone voted for. Surely, this will lower the price of eggs.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“And who better to be in charge of health and humans than a guy whose brain was partially devoured by a worm?” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Unpasteurized whale juice for everybody!” — JORDAN KLEPPER“Wow, this is exciting news. We are making things in America again, specifically, Patient Zeros.” — JORDAN KLEPPER“If you’ve been feeling under the weather since the election, don’t worry — pretty soon, everyone else will be sick, too.” — JORDAN KLEPPER“Trump originally wanted a doctor in that role. Turns out the late, great Hannibal Lecter isn’t a real person, so.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“There are many theories as to why Trump is naming a battalion of bozos to do these very important jobs. Some believe he’s testing the Republican Congress to see how far he can push them. Some say he’s doing this strategically to weaken certain sections of the government. Or, and this is the theory that I believe, he’s dumb.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Punchiest Punchlines (Yesterday’s Bad News Continued Edition)“President-elect Trump announced yesterday on Truth Social that he is picking Florida Congressman Matt Gaetz to be his attorney general. Even crazier: Gaetz’s girlfriend just got Class President.” — SETH MEYERS“When asked about President-elect Trump selecting Florida Congressman Matt Gaetz as his nominee for attorney general, Republican Senator Lisa Murkowski said it was not on her ‘bingo card.’ As for what’s on Matt Gaetz’s bingo card: B-17.” — SETH MEYERS“OK, senator, that is your first mistake right there. Now that Trump’s been re-elected, we all get new bingo cards with none of those boring numbers like B-14 and N-7. Mine has, let’s see, ‘Trump/Putin, matching tracksuits,’ ‘Chief Justice Kid Rock’ and ‘Deport Ricky Martin.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“For everyone who didn’t have that on your bingo card, maybe throw out the bingo card, ’cause it’s a whole new bingo now. Instead of numbers, it’s just going to be symbols from the Zodiac killer.” — SETH MEYERSThe Bits Worth WatchingJimmy Fallon presented Michael Bublé with his new album, “Holiday Seasoning,” as an early Christmas gift on Thursday’s “Tonight Show.”Also, Check This OutChristian Borle, left, as Jim Bakker and Katie Brayben as Tammy Faye Bakker in the musical “Tammy Faye” at the newly renovated Palace Theater in Manhattan.Sara Krulwich/The New York TimesA new Broadway musical about Tammy Faye fails to capture her campy persona. More