Late Night with Seth Meyers (TV Program)

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      Late Night Sums Up the Biden and Putin Summit

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      “I had a feeling those two weren’t going to make it to the hometown date,” Jimmy Kimmel joked after the leaders cut their meeting short.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Looking for more to watch? Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Ending Things EarlyPresident Biden’s short, tense meeting in Geneva with President Vladimir V. Putin of Russia was the talk of late night on Wednesday.“I had a feeling those two weren’t going to make it to the hometown date,” Jimmy Kimmel said in a reference to the dating show, “The Bachelor.”“The ‘Boniva in Geneva’ didn’t have to clear a very high bar. It just had to be less embarrassing than the ‘Stinky in Helsinki.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“That’s right, President Biden and Russian President Vladimir Putin met in Geneva today for about four hours with a few breaks, but no meals because nobody would volunteer to be the food taster.” — SETH MEYERS“Biden went into the day hoping to promote ‘predictability and stability,’ also the name of the most boring Jane Austen novel.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“The meeting was expected to be five hours, but lasted only half that time. Not a great sign when your summit is barely longer than ‘Peter Rabbit 2.’” — JIMMY FALLON“It was pretty much the opposite of the ‘Friends’ reunion.” — JIMMY FALLONThe Punchiest Punchlines (‘Chicken Soup for the Russian Soul’ Edition)“‘In life there is no happiness.’ That’s basically how Russian soccer moms say ‘Live, laugh, love.’” — TREVOR NOAH, on Putin’s quoting Leo Tolstoy in a news conference.“That’s actually an excerpt from Putin’s new book, ‘Chicken Soup for the Russian Soul.’” — JIMMY FALLON“‘There’s no happiness in life’ sounds like the slogan for Russian Applebee’s.” — JIMMY FALLON“You do not want this guy giving a toast at your wedding. [imitating Putin] ‘Congratulations to Jeffrey and Diane. May the specter of happiness haunt you. Now, please have some cake. It is made of vanilla and children’s tears, for what is life but a difficult birth astride a grave? The light gleams for an instant, then it is night once more. Mazel tov!’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“I’m guessing this is probably why Putin isn’t asked to speak at a lot of graduations.” — JAMES CORDEN“There’s another expression that goes ‘If Vladimir Putin gives you pudding, don’t eat it — because it’s probably filled with plutonium.’” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Bits Worth WatchingJames Corden took the cast of “Friends” for a ride around the Warner Bros. studios, ending on their iconic set.What We’re Excited About on Thursday NightSaweetie will perform on Thursday’s “Jimmy Kimmel Live.”Also, Check This OutHBO“Curb Your Enthusiasm,” “Pen15,” and “Atlanta” are among the 21 best comedies of the 21st century (so far). More

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      Jimmy Fallon Throws Jabs at Trump’s New Tour With Bill O’Reilly

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      “Backstage passes automatically come with a hush money payment of $130,000. Isn’t that nice?” Jimmy Fallon joked.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Looking for more to watch? Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Tour de DistortsDonald Trump and Bill O’Reilly announced a new speaking tour on Tuesday, with dates lined up in Texas and Florida for December.“It should be a fun tour. Backstage passes automatically come with a hush money payment of $130,000. Isn’t that nice?” Jimmy Fallon joked.“When he heard, Sean Hannity was like, ‘Well, I met someone new and totally awesome, too, so.’” — JIMMY FALLON“He’s teaming up with Bill O’Reilly for a series of live events they’re calling ‘The History Tour,’ which was also the name of Michael Jackson’s tour 25 years ago. And wait until you hear those two duet on ‘The Girl Is Mine.’” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Better lock up your daughters. Seriously, though, it’s probably best if you do. You know, just till they’re out of town.” — SETH MEYERS“They’re planning to do four shows, and tickets go on sale next week. So if you enjoyed Charlie Sheen’s ‘Violent Torpedo of Truth’ tour, but weren’t so excited about the ‘truth’ part, this might be your thing.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Punchiest Punchlines (Internet Outage Edition)“The internet was down for almost an hour today. Multiple major websites crashed this morning due to an outage at a company I’d never heard of before, a cloud services company called Fastly, which sounds like it was named by Donald Trump demanding a Diet Coke.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Amazon, CNN, The New York Times, Pinterest, Twitch, Google, eBay and more went offline for 50 minutes. It led to the world’s most productive hour of time in the last 30 years.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“It even affected the print edition’s front-page story: ‘Error 503: Newspaper unavailable.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Amazon’s website was temporarily down this morning due to an issue with their cloud computing services provider. But don’t worry. I’m sure that flight into outer space next month will go great.” — SETH MEYERS“But it all came back, thank goodness. Everyone in the world hit control-alt-delete at the same time and, voilà, the internet is back — whew!” — JIMMY KIMMEL“But don’t worry: Serious news sources, like this show, were untouched.” — JAMES CORDENThe Bits Worth WatchingLin-Manuel Miranda and Jimmy Fallon celebrated the Great White Way’s return with “Broadway’s Back.”What We’re Excited About on Wednesday NightLisa Kudrow will reconnect with James Corden, the “Friends” reunion host, on Wednesday’s “Late Late Show.”Also, Check This OutIn his book “Hola Papi,” John Paul Brammer is both kind and piercingly funny, often in the same sentence, as he writes about queer life.Zack Knoll
      John Paul Brammer’s new book, “Hola Papi,” was born out of a popular advice column on the gay dating app Grindr. More

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      Late Night Is Tickled by Trump’s Pants

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      “You know, usually if you got this close to Trump’s crotch, he’d pay you $130,000,” Jimmy Kimmel joked of rumors that the former president had worn his pants backward.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. We’re all stuck at home at the moment, so here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now. More

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      Seth Meyers Calls Trump the ‘David Blaine of Crime’

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      “If he ever goes to trial, he’ll just regurgitate a frog that has ‘not guilty’ written on its back,” Meyers joked on Wednesday night.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. We’re all stuck at home at the moment, so here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now. More

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      Jimmy Kimmel and Ted Cruz Rekindle an Old Feud

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      Kimmel wouldn’t let Senator Cruz call the military “woke” and “emasculated,” so the Texas Republican reminded the comedian of his loss in their 2018 basketball game.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. We’re all stuck at home at the moment, so here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Kimmel vs. Cruz, the RematchJimmy Kimmel on Tuesday rehashed the details of a new feud with Senator Ted Cruz. It began, Kimmel explained, when the Texas Republican posted a tweet in which he referred to the U.S. military as “woke” and “emasculated.”“Which I pointed out fairly, I thought, is funny coming from a guy who let Donald Trump use his testicles on the driving range,” Kimmel said. “I mean, look, he was Trump’s Theon Greyjoy,” he said in reference to the character from “Game of Thrones,” who was castrated.Cruz responded by tweeting about his winning a one-on-one basketball game with the comedian in 2018.“He’s right. It’s true. I do have to live with that forever. You have to live with being Ted Cruz forever, which is so much worse.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“After you won the game, do you remember what I did? I said, ‘Good game, thanks’ and I shook your disgusting hand. I didn’t complain that it was rigged. I didn’t ask for a recount on the referee. I didn’t start a conspiracy theory about the basketball having a microchip in it. I accepted it. I brought shame on my family and I embraced it, as I always do. And, I mean, listen, it was a terrible day. I lost a basketball game to a man who ate one of his own boogers during a presidential debate.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Punchiest Punchlines (Biden and Putin, Together Again Edition)“Well guys, today, the White House announced that President Biden will have his first one-on-one meeting with Vladimir Putin on June 16. Yeah, it’s a nice reminder that after a year in quarantine, you’re going to have to see some people you don’t like.” — JIMMY FALLON“I can’t wait to see how these two guys try to out-macho each other during the summit. It’s like, [imitating Biden] ‘I don’t need a bathroom break, do you?’ [imitating Putin] ‘No, in fact let’s take off our shirts and have a pec-flexing contest.’” — JIMMY FALLON“Yep, this will be their first in-person meeting since Biden told Putin, ‘I don’t think you have a soul.’ It’s going to be fun when Putin tells Biden, ‘Say once more so I can use for outgoing voice mail.’” — JIMMY FALLON“They just hope it does not come down to a staring contest, because both of those guys have had a lot of Botox. Could be a long one.” — SETH MEYERS“According to the White House, Biden and Putin will discuss a full range of pressing issues from Ukraine to government hacking to whether or not they’ve guessed the killer on ‘Mare of Easttown.’” — JAMES CORDENThe Bits Worth WatchingThe singer Richard Marx surprised Stephen Colbert by stopping by “The Late Show” to confront rumors that he’s inciting violence against Senator Rand Paul.What We’re Excited About on Wednesday NightAndrew Rannells, the star of “Girls5Eva,” will appear on “A Little Late With Lilly Singh.”Also, Check This OutJon Kopaloff/Getty ImagesThe newly minted action star Tig Notaro is a fan of classic rock and vintage motorcycles. More

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      Stephen Colbert: Rand Paul ‘Randsplained’ His Vaccine Refusal

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      “Senator Paul has been a bit of a skeptic of how bad Covid really is, which is probably why he got Covid,” Colbert said on Monday.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. We’re all stuck at home at the moment, so here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now. More

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      Jimmy Kimmel Believes Trump Would Flip on His Own Children

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      Kimmel agreed with Michael Cohen, the former president’s longtime personal lawyer, who said in an interview that Trump would turn on anyone to save himself.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. We’re all stuck at home at the moment, so here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.‘Alleged Children’Michael D. Cohen, the longtime personal lawyer for Donald J. Trump, said in an interview this week with MSNBC that the former president would turn on anyone to save himself, including his own children.On Thursday, Jimmy Kimmel referred to Cohen as “the guy who mortgaged his own house to pay Stormy Daniels, only to be cast aside by Mr. Wonderful.”“Michael Cohen, who knows Donald Trump as well as anyone, believes that in the end, the snake will devour his own eggs,” Kimmel said.“Said Trump: ‘Alleged children.’” — SETH MEYERS“It’s almost like he’s speaking from personal experience, huh?” — JIMMY KIMMEL“The saddest part is going to be when Trump forgets to pin a crime on Tiffany.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Can’t believe I’m saying it, but I think prison was great for Michael Cohen. Came out with a new attitude and a quiver full of zingers, got rid of that baby blue jacket.” — SETH MEYERSThe Punchiest Punchlines (‘A Riot Place’ Edition)“Last night, the House voted 252 to 175 to form a commission that would investigate the Jan. 6 Capitol riots. But that’s right, that’s almost half of the House voted ‘no’. It’s like playing a game of Clue and half the players are like: ‘I think we just let this one go, right? With the pipe and the library — we’re good.’” — JIMMY FALLON“Yeah, not only did 175 Republicans vote against the commission, they also want to make Jan. 6 ‘Bring your insane rioter to work day.’” — JIMMY FALLON“The bill now heads to the Senate, where it needs support of 10 Republicans. Come on, there’s a better chance of 10 dentists supporting Mtn. Dew Cake-Smash.” — JIMMY FALLON“Republicans seem to think that if they don’t talk about Jan. 6, no one else will, either. It’s all laid out in the new movie, ‘A Riot Place.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“We were all watching it live — we saw it happen. You can’t just wave your hand in front of our faces and tell us it didn’t happen like you’re starring in some new Disney+ spinoff called ‘[expletive] Jedi.’” — SETH MEYERSThe Bits Worth WatchingStephen Colbert challenged his first in-person guest in 14 months, John Krasinski, to arm wrestling on Thursday’s “Late Show.”Also, Check This OutFrankie Beverly performing with Maze at the New Orleans Jazz and Heritage Festival in 2019.Amy Harris/Invision, via Associated PressOn the new episode of “Still Processing,” the co-hosts Jenna Wortham and Wesley Morris discuss the continued relevance of the 1981 Black anthem “Before I Let Go” by Maze featuring Frankie Beverly. More

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      Jimmy Kimmel Rakes Republicans for Downplaying the Capitol Attack

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      “You know, when a violent mob attacked our embassy in Benghazi, Republicans in Congress investigated it eight times,” Kimmel said. “A violent mob attacked the U.S. Capitol, they’re like: ‘Tourists! What are you gonna do?’”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. We’re all stuck at home at the moment, so here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now. More