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      Jimmy Kimmel Mocks Trump’s New Lawyer

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      Kimmel joked that Joe Tacopina “seems to have been born in the ashtray of Rudy Giuliani’s Lincoln Continental.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.‘He-Hulk: Attorney at Law’Former President Donald Trump’s attorney, Joe Tacopina, appeared on MSNBC on Tuesday, where he defended his client and argued that Trump was not a liar, specifically in regard to hush money paid to Stormy Daniels.Jimmy Kimmel jokingly referred to Tacopina as “He-Hulk: Attorney at Law,” saying he “seems to have been born in the ashtray of Rudy Giuliani’s Lincoln Continental.”“It looks like he holds meetings in the back office at the Bada Bing!” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Ralph Macchio had better representation in ‘My Cousin Vinny’ than Donald Trump has with this man.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Trump is either going to jail for zero years, or 1,000. There’s nothing in between.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Punchiest Punchlines (Bye Bye, TikTok Edition)“The Biden administration is ordering the Chinese parent company of TikTok to either sell the app or face a possible ban. It is a bold move by Biden. If he bans TikTok, China will only be able to spy on us with literally everything else.” — JIMMY FALLON“Don’t mess with this man — he has no use for your addictive apps. Biden’s the kind of guy who can make it through a whole two-week vacation with nothing but a deck of cards and a print edition of Sports Illustrated.” — SETH MEYERSThe Bits Worth WatchingKal Penn ended his “Daily Show” run with a look into how young voters are being suppressed.Also, Check This Out“I didn’t think I was this brave, no sirree,” Dominique Fishback said about finding what it took to play a killer. “I’m from Brooklyn, I’m an Aries and all that stuff, but I’m very, very sensitive.”Michael Tyrone Delaney for The New York TimesDominique Fishback plays an obsessive fan of a Beyoncé-like pop star in “Swarm,” Amazon’s new series cocreated by Donald Glover. More

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      Kamala Harris Stops By to Chat With Stephen Colbert

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      The vice president visited “The Late Show” on Wednesday for the first time since the 2020 election.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Executive Branch ExclusiveVice President Kamala Harris visited with Stephen Colbert on “The Late Show” on Wednesday. It was her first live appearance on the program since the 2020 election.Colbert asked Harris about recent comments made by Gov. Ron DeSantis of Florida, in which he referred to the war in Ukraine as a “territorial dispute.”“So, as vice president, I have now met with over 100 world leaders. Presidents, prime ministers, chancellors and kings. And when you’ve had the experience of meeting and understanding the significance, again, of international rules and norms, and the importance of the United States of America standing firm and clear about the significance of sovereignty and territorial integrity, the significance of standing firm against any nation that we tried to take by force another nation, if you really understand the issues, you probably would not make statements like that.” — VICE PRESIDENT KAMALA HARRIS.@VP Kamala Harris shares her thoughts on Gov. Ron DeSantis calling the war in Ukraine a “territorial dispute.” #Colbert pic.twitter.com/ig1vPFEXRI— The Late Show (@colbertlateshow) March 16, 2023
      Harris also weighed in on former Vice President Mike Pence’s assertion that he should not have to answer a federal grand jury subpoena to testify about Jan. 6. Pence has argued that the vice president’s role as president of the Senate means he is protected by the Constitution’s “speech or debate” clause, which shields members of Congress from law enforcement scrutiny over their legislative duties.She quickly answered Colbert’s question over whether the vice president is in the executive or legislative branch of government. “I am in the executive branch,” Harris said, laughing.The Punchiest Punchlines (Droning On Edition)“After Russian fighter jets forced down an unmanned Air Force surveillance drone yesterday over the Black Sea, the White House said Russia’s actions were ‘unsafe, unprofessional and reckless.’ Well, yeah, I mean, it’s Russia. Of course they’re reckless — they think the ‘Jackass’ movies are meditation videos.” — SETH MEYERS“Here’s what we’re told: that there’s nothing to worry about. Yesterday, a Russian fighter jet collided with a U.S. drone. Even worse, after the collision, the Russian plane didn’t even leave a note on the windshield. Now our insurance is going to go up. Of course, all of our drones are insured by the General.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“After a U.S. drone was forced down yesterday by a Russian fighter jet, Russia’s ambassador to the U.S. denied that the two aircraft collided, and Putin is claiming the drone just fell out a window.” — SETH MEYERS“We haven’t seen this kind of hazing on a hunk of metal since the Cuban missile wedgie.” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Bits Worth WatchingDave Letterman sat down with “Dave Jr.,” Jimmy Kimmel, on Wednesday.What We’re Excited About on Thursday NightKeanu Reeves will talk about the latest chapter of his John Wick franchise on Thursday’s “Tonight Show.”Also, Check This OutHelen Mirren as Hespera and Lucy Liu as Kalypso in “Shazam! Fury of the Gods.”Warner Bros. PicturesThe “Shazam!” stars Helen Mirren and Lucy Liu say they signed on for their first superhero movie because the roles are a leap forward for women. More

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      Late Night Sums Up the Silicon Valley Bank Situation

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      “It’s pretty bad when the very first time you ever hear of a bank is when they’re going out of business,” Stephen Colbert said on Monday.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Don’t Bank on ItOn Friday, federal regulars seized control of Silicon Valley Bank, which was the 16th largest bank in the United States before its collapse.“It’s pretty bad when the very first time you ever hear of a bank is when they’re going out of business,” Stephen Colbert joked on Monday.“I don’t see how a bank could lose all their money that fast. Why don’t they just attach the money to those chains they put on the pens?” — STEPHEN COLBERT“It’s never good when people who are watching CNBC are shrieking louder than the people watching ‘Scream VI.’” — JIMMY FALLON“Silicon Valley Bank knew they were in trouble when they saw themselves in the Oscars’ ‘In Memoriam.’” — JIMMY FALLON“On the bright side, it was refreshing to hear about a crash that had nothing to do with a self-driving Tesla, don’t you think?” — JIMMY FALLONThe Punchiest Punchlines (Safe Word Edition)“President Biden spoke this morning about Friday’s collapse of Silicon Valley Bank and reassured Americans the country’s financial system is safe. But remember, this is a guy whose whole financial system is definitely a coffee can on a high shelf.” — SETH MEYERS“That’s right, President Biden reassured Americans the country’s financial system is safe. OK, I think the fact that you’re talking about a bank collapse proves it isn’t. That’s like going to a funeral and giving a eulogy about how Nana’s going to be fine.” — SETH MEYERS“Biden tried to put everyone at ease. He said, ‘Don’t worry, I got through the first Great Depression. I’ll get through this one.’” — JIMMY FALLON“Hearing from Biden actually did make me feel better, because you know if it were really bad, he would have been like, ‘Kamala, you take this one.’” — JIMMY FALLON“In response, Trump said, ‘It’s times like these where we need a president with experience of multiple bankruptcies.” — JIMMY FALLONThe Bits Worth WatchingPresident Joe Biden took this week’s “The Daily Show” host Kal Penn on a tour of the Oval Office.What We’re Excited About on Tuesday NightThe stand-up comic Mae Martin will talk about their upcoming Netflix special, “Sap,” on Tuesday’s “Late Show.”Also, Check This OutSpecial Agent Allen Grove, who helps lead the F.B.I.’s art crime unit.Jake Michaels for The New York TimesThe F.B.I.’s art crime team is seeing increased interest in its work. More

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      Stephen Colbert Is Not Paying $99 for Trump’s New Book

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      “Yes, it sounds expensive, but how should he know?” the “Late Show” host said. “He’s never bought a book.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Dear DonaldDonald Trump has a new book coming out: “Letters to Trump,” a collection of missives he’s received from public figures over the last 40 years.The price? A mere $99. Stephen Colbert says it’s part of Trump’s “insatiable need for cash and external validation.”“Now, you may be thinking, ‘Hey, Steve, this book sounds like another one of our greedy ex-president’s shameless cash grabs,’ and you would think real good, because this book he didn’t write costs $99. Yes, it sounds expensive, but how should he know? He’s never bought a book.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Well, I mean, it’s good to know he’s finally learned his letters: [singing] A, B, C, D, E, F, G, person-woman-man, camera, TV.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Former President Trump is releasing a book called ‘Letters to Trump’ that’s made up of 150 private letters sent to him by big-name celebrities like Oprah, the Clintons, and Liza Minnelli. It’s kind of strange. Trump is bragging, like, ‘Look at all the friends I used to have. It’s all in the book.’” — JIMMY FALLON“Yep, the first five letters are from celebrities, the rest are just fan mail from Scott Baio.” — JIMMY FALLONThe Punchiest Punchlines (Final Notice Edition)“Former President Trump is set next month to publish a new book of private letters sent to him titled ‘Letters to Trump.’ Though, really, it’s mostly final notices from utility companies.” — SETH MEYERS“It’s actually a book of correspondence written to him, so, naturally, the cover features him writing a letter.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“I would like to see the letters that Trump wrote. Like, [imitating Trump] ‘My dearest Colonel Sanders, I can’t wait to meet you.’” — JIMMY FALLON“If the book does well, the next volume will be a collection of his favorite subpoenas.” — JIMMY FALLONThe Bits Worth WatchingOmar Epps, the actor, sat down with his longtime friend Marlon Wayans on Thursday’s “Daily Show.”Also, Check This OutJessica Chastain and Arian Moayed as Nora and Torvald Helmer in “A Doll’s House” at the Hudson Theater. Sara Krulwich/The New York TimesJessica Chastain stars as Nora Helmer in Jamie Lloyd’s modernized Broadway revival of “A Doll’s House,” now playing at the Hudson Theater. More

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      Late Night Can’t Believe Tucker Carlson’s Texts About Trump

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      “Oh, my God, it turns out the Trump hatred was coming from inside the house!” Seth Meyers said.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Fox News and FrenemiesNew documents released as part of the defamation lawsuit filed by Dominion Voting Systems against Fox News revealed that the popular host Tucker Carlson sent several denigrating texts about former President Donald Trump. In one text, Carlson wrote of Trump, “I hate him passionately.”“Oh, my God, it turns out the Trump hatred was coming from inside the house!” Seth Meyers said.“Wait, wait, are you telling me Tucker Carlson is secretly sane? I would feel so betrayed if I was a Fox viewer. This is like if you joined a cult, sold all your belongings, shaved your head, moved to the desert, and then it turns out the cult leader is just, like, a Methodist.” — SETH MEYERS“You hate him? But talking about him is the thing that pays your big salary!” — STEPHEN COLBERT“That’s right, Tucker Carlson said he couldn’t wait to ignore Trump and that he hated Trump passionately. That’s as damning as the time I got caught texting Trump, ‘Real talk, I also think windmills kill birds.’” — SETH MEYERS“The only thing I thought Tucker was capable of hating with a passion were female M&M’s who are a seven or lower.” — SETH MEYERS“That’s fighting words! White-on-white crime, let’s go!” — MARLON WAYANS, guest host of “The Daily Show”“To be fair, I feel like every friend group has a second group text for that one person they secretly hate.” — JIMMY FALLONThe Punchiest Punchlines (Banned by Biden Edition)“Well, guys, the White House just backed a bipartisan Senate bill that would give President Biden the power to ban TikTok, or as they’re calling it on TikTok, the ‘trying to lose the election’ challenge.” — JIMMY FALLON“I wouldn’t worry just yet. As of now, Biden thinks TikTok is the clock on ‘60 Minutes.’” — JIMMY FALLON“Of course, Biden could end TikTok at any time simply by making an account.” — SETH MEYERS“Don’t worry — to make it up, Biden promised us that he’d give everybody 100 free hours of AOL.” — JIMMY FALLON“Yeah, officials think China is using TikTok to spy on us, and China was like, ‘Yeah, well, we had a backup idea, but you shot it down.’” — JIMMY FALLONThe Bits Worth WatchingKerry Washington played a guessing game with Jimmy Fallon called “Mmm Hmmm Hmmm” on “The Tonight Show” on Wednesday.What We’re Excited About on Thursday NightLily Tomlin and Jane Fonda will appear on “Late Show” on Thursday.Also, Check This OutFans and new readers alike will appreciate this list of essential works by the mystery writer Patricia Highsmith. More

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      Stephen Colbert Ponders a Trump-Kari Lake Ticket

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      Donald Trump is said to be considering the Arizona politician, who also denies having lost an election. Colbert says she’s the “governor of the state of denial.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Who’s the Lucky Lady?A report says Donald Trump is considering a female running mate for 2024, in hopes of winning over suburban white women. On Tuesday, Stephen Colbert noted that Kari Lake, who still denies that she lost Arizona’s gubernatorial race last year, was said to be a contender.“Lake lost her election and refuses to admit it, but she has got one win under her belt,” Colbert said, referring to a conservative conference in Washington where a straw poll found her to be the top choice for the vice presidency.“She must have been so honored to have MAGA voters choose her as the next vice president they try to hang.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Of course, since it’s Trump, he’ll make the decision after holding a Miss Vice President pageant.” — JIMMY FALLON“But Lake found a way to deny this election as well, saying through a spokesperson, ‘We’re flattered, but unfortunately, our legal team says the Constitution won’t allow for her to serve as governor and V.P. at the same time.’ That’s a good point — Kari Lake is currently the sitting governor of the state of denial.” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Punchiest Punchlines (Mona Lisa Edition)“Sightseeing, my Black [expletive]. If you have to punch a cop on your way in, you’re not sightseeing, you fightseeing.” — MARLON WAYANS, on the Fox host Tucker Carlson’s insistence that the Jan. 6 Capitol protesters were “sightseers”“All Tucker Carson proved is that you can make anything better by not showing the bad part.” — MARLON WAYANS“You guys know we can see what you’re doing, right? Kevin McCarthy, who is Trump’s Waylon Smithers, gives all the footage to Tucker, Tucker shows only the tame parts, and then Trump claims the rioters were framed. It’s like watching a magic show where the magician is wearing sheer sleeves.” — SETH MEYERSThe Bits Worth WatchingJames Corden reacted to scary new wax figures of British royalty on Tuesday’s “Late Late Show.”What We’re Excited About on Wednesday NightSt. Vincent will perform on Wednesday’s “Tonight Show.”Also, Check This OutThe writer Adam Bradley offers a “new Black canon,” listing 20 undervalued books that reflect “the infinite number of ways of being Black in America — and of being in the world.” More

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      Jimmy Fallon Recaps Trump’s ‘Off the Rails’ CPAC Speech

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      Fallon said Donald Trump “made some pretty intense promises” in his headlining speech on Saturday.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Leader of the PACDuring a speech at the Conservative Political Action Conference on Saturday, former President Donald Trump made what Jimmy Fallon referred to as “some pretty intense promises.”“In 2016, I declared, ‘I am your voice,’” Trump said. “Today I add, I am your warrior, I am your justice, and, for those who have been wronged and betrayed, I am your retribution. I am your retribution.’”“He’s like, ‘I’m the captain now. I am the one who knocks. I am the walrus. Koo-koo-ka-choo,’” Fallon joked on Monday night.“He’s either running for president or auditioning to be the next John Wick.” — JIMMY FALLON“He was such a terrible president, and now he’s auditioning to be Batman.” — SETH MEYERS“Problem is, he would never respond to the bat signal, because there’s no way he’s ever just looking pensively out the window. You’d have to text it to him or just shine it on Sean Hannity’s forehead. Oh, you know what you could do? You could project it on a solar eclipse — he looks at those.” — SETH MEYERS“It was so empty, the guy started vacuuming because he thought the event was over.” — JIMMY FALLONThe Punchiest Punchlines (The Karens and the Darrens Edition)“But let’s be real, the funniest comedy special last weekend was the CPAC, or as I like to call it, crazy white people.” — MARLON WAYANS, guest hosting “The Daily Show”“Turns out, CPAC really stands for ‘Crazy to Put Up all Those Chairs.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“If you don’t know about it, it’s an annual event where all the Karens and their husbands come together, and they complain about the rest of us. The Karens and the Darrens.” — MARLON WAYANS“And some of that [expletive] make no sense at all. Like, Nikki Haley said, ‘wokeness is more dangerous than a pandemic.’ I never had to miss two weeks of work because of wokeness.” — MARLON WAYANS“Yes, wokeness is such a dangerous virus that it apparently killed two-thirds of her audience. It’s got to be stopped.” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Bits Worth WatchingJames Corden revealed Tessa Thompson’s first acting role in a music video at the age of 6.What We’re Excited About on Tuesday NightThe author Margaret Atwood will appear on Tuesday’s “Late Night with Seth Meyers.”Also, Check This OutIn Chris Rock’s new Netflix stand-up special, “Selective Outrage,” the comedian brings up last year’s “slap heard around the world.”Kirill Bichutsky/NetflixThe comedian Chris Rock responds to being on the receiving end of Will Smith’s Oscars slap in his new comedy special “Selective Outrage.” More

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      Stephen Colbert Has News for Fans of Fox

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      “If there are any Fox viewers watching this — first off, I assume you’re looking for remote batteries. Try the junk drawer in the kitchen,” Colbert said.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.‘Error 404: Journalism Not Found’Rupert Murdoch, the chairman of the media empire that owns Fox News, acknowledged in a deposition that several hosts on his conservative news network promoted false narratives that the 2020 election was stolen from former President Donald Trump, court documents released on Monday showed.“If there are any Fox viewers watching this — first off, I assume you’re looking for remote batteries. Try the junk drawer in the kitchen,” Stephen Colbert joked on Tuesday’s “Late Show.” “Second, you should know a few things about Fox that it isn’t telling you.”“Fox News is being sued for defamation because their hosts endorsed lies about the 2020 election, while their text messages to each other prove that they knew Joe Biden won fair and square, and that their guests talking about stealing the election were all crazy liars. Also, no one can invent a pillow — they already existed!” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Last month, Murdoch sat down for a deposition as part of Dominion Voting Systems’ $1.6 billion lawsuit against Fox News, and he admitted under oath that election lies were knowingly endorsed by Fox hosts Sean Hannity, Jeanine Pirro, Lou Dobbs and Maria Bartiromo, collectively known as dumb, dumber, dumbest and Sean Hannity.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“The Dominion lawsuit is a massive story, which is why Fox News isn’t covering it. In fact, if you go to their website and search the past two months for the words ‘Dominion Voting Systems,’ you don’t get an article — not a single article. You just get a page that says ‘Error 404: Journalism Not Found.’” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Punchiest Punchlines (Fox News Group Chat Edition)“There was no mention of any of this on Fox News today. And here’s the thing: the reason they’re keeping this quiet — I know this is going to be a shock — is because Fox News lied to us.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Conservative media mogul Rupert Murdoch today said that they knowingly endorsed election fraud falsehoods. When reached for comment, Fox News replied, ‘Whoopsy daisy!’” — JAMES CORDEN“That’s not shocking. If Brian Kilmeade ever completed a Wordle, that would be shocking.” — HASAN MINHAJ“Oh, my God! Do you realize what this means? These people are secretly sane! They also don’t respect anyone they have on their show. These guys are texting each other all day about how [expletive] Fox News is. Their group chat is basically MSNBC.” — HASAN MINHAJThe Bits Worth WatchingAmber Ruffin and Jenny Hagel, writers on “Late Night,” made some “Jokes Seth Can’t Tell” about Black History Month and a lesbian kiss on “Yellowstone.”What We’re Excited About on Wednesday NightSheryl Lee Ralph, a star on “Abbott Elementary,” will sit down with James Corden on Wednesday’s “Late Late Show.”Also, Check This OutMaking the Tokyo episode did not change Eugene Levy’s feeling about sushi.Apple TV+Eugene Levy is going worldwide hosting his new Apple+ TV show, “The Reluctant Traveler.” More