Stephen Colbert said he was surprised to learn that the former vice president had been running for the White House. “It hadn’t registered,” he said.
Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.
Prayers Answered
Former Vice President Mike Pence ended his presidential campaign on Saturday, telling a crowd of supporters in Las Vegas, “It’s become clear to me that this is not my time.”
On Monday, Stephen Colbert said that Pence’s time was 1692. “His place: Salem. His job: Man Who Shoves Woman Into River to See if She’s a Witch,” Colbert joked.
“Now, I don’t know about you, but I was very surprised … that Mike Pence was running for president. It hadn’t registered.” — STEPHEN COLBERT
“Over the weekend, Mike Pence officially suspended his 2024 presidential campaign, right? Which raises an interesting question: Can you stop something that never started?” — JIMMY FALLON
“Mike Pence dropped out to spend more time in a separate bedroom from his wife.” — CHARLAMAGNE THA GOD, guest host of “The Daily Show”
“I will say, though, is it really ending your campaign when your campaign never got off the ground to begin with? It’s like turning down sex when you have erectile dysfunction, like, the choice was made for you already, my guy.” — CHARLAMAGNE THA GOD
“Pence said he prayed over the decision, which is not surprising. After all, he titled his campaign launch memoir, ‘So Help Me God.’ God responded with his own book, ‘New Phone, Who Dis?’ Not very nice. He got ghosted. He got ghosted by the Holy Ghost.” — STEPHEN COLBERT
“Mike Pence made this announcement from the Venetian Hotel in Las Vegas. I didn’t know Mother even allowed him to go to Las Vegas.” — JIMMY KIMMEL
The Punchiest Punchlines (Sioux Close Edition)
“While speaking at a campaign event yesterday in Sioux City, Iowa, former President Trump mistakenly referred to the South Dakota city of Sioux Falls. Well, that’s it, he’s got to be done now, right? I mean, 91 felony charges is one thing, but you can’t mix up the Siouxs.” — SETH MEYERS
“Ooh, Sioux close, yet Sioux far away.” — STEPHEN COLBERT
“Biden was like, ‘Someone help that poor old man. He’s confused and disoriented.’” — JIMMY FALLON
“Even the biggest Trump supporters are thinking, ‘Maybe those gag orders are a good idea.’” — JIMMY FALLON
“It makes sense that he was confused: It was the first time in months he’s been in a room without a jury.” — JIMMY FALLON
The Bits Worth Watching
The comedian Nelson Franklin played George Santos for a segment poking fun at the disgraced House representative on Monday’s “Jimmy Kimmel Live.”
What We’re Excited About on Tuesday Night
Depeche Mode will perform on Tuesday’s “Tonight Show.’
Also, Check This Out
In her new memoir “The Woman in Me,” Britney Spears reclaims her life, her story and herself.
Source: Television - nytimes.com
