Meyers, Seth

Subterms

    More stories

    • 100 Shares109 Views

      in Television

      Stephen Colbert Holds the Republican Caucus in Contempt

      by

      Colbert noted that the House voted to hold Mark Meadows in criminal contempt, “and the rest of us can just keep holding him in regular contempt.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Consequences, ConsequencesOn Tuesday night, the House voted to hold Mark Meadows, who served as chief of staff to former President Donald J. Trump, in criminal contempt for refusing to cooperate with its investigation into the Jan. 6 attack on the Capitol.“Yes, hell yes! Criminal contempt — and the rest of us can just keep holding him in regular contempt,” Stephen Colberts said on Wednesday.“The consequences are severe. Meadows could be sentenced to a year in prison, or even worse, another month working for Trump.” — JIMMY FALLON“Of course, Meadows needs a good lawyer, so the first thing he did was pull up Rudy Giuliani’s number and delete it.” — JIMMY FALLON“The Republican caucus is an accessory to this coup, and we recently got more evidence of that in the form of text messages to Mark Meadows, like this one received on Jan. 7 from a Republican lawmaker: ‘Yesterday was a terrible day.’ Well, I mean, at least we can all agree on that.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT‘We tried everything we could in our objection to the six states. I’m sorry nothing worked.’ Oh, so he regrets not being able to drown Lady Liberty in a bathtub. It’s like sending a sympathy card that says, ‘My deepest condolences that you lived. I was rooting for the tumor!’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“So, who sent these messages? Well, the identity of these lawmakers was not being disclosed, so people on Twitter are now guessing names like Paul Gosar, Jim Jordan, Devin Nunes, Matt Gaetz, Ted Cruz and Josh Hawley — and you can play the home version in the fun new game ‘Clue-less.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“These messages have the ring of unfiltered truth because they’re taken from Mark Meadows’ two personal phones — and nothing says ‘innocent’ like a second cellphone.” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Punchiest Punchlines (Holiday Parties Edition)“The White House is skipping their annual holiday parties because of Covid this year — and because Joe Biden goes to sleep at 4 p.m.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“This is in stark contrast to the previous White House’s ‘Catch the holiday fever’ themed droplet jamborees.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“The White House just announced, due to Covid concerns, instead of the traditional holiday parties, he’s inviting guests to come see the decorations on a 30-minute self-guided tour, which is just a fancy way of Biden saying, ‘Come if you want, but I ain’t gonna be there!’” — JIMMY FALLON“That’s right, a self-guided tour of a historic Washington building. That’s basically how Fox News described Jan. 6.” — JIMMY FALLON“The Democratic National Committee held its annual holiday party last night outside of the Hotel Washington, due to the spread of the Omicron variant. Meanwhile, the Republican holiday party just added more mistletoe.” — SETH MEYERS“President Biden attended the D.N.C.’s annual holiday party last night and gave a 10-minute speech in just under an hour.” — SETH MEYERSThe Bits Worth WatchingSamantha Bee modernized “’Twas the Night Before Christmas” to show support for elves and their unions.What We’re Excited About on Thursday NightThe longtime friends Anderson Cooper and Andy Cohen will appear on Thursday’s “Late Show.”Also, Check This OutThe author bell hooks in 1995. Her work, across some 30 books, encompassed literary criticism, children’s fiction, self-help, memoir and poetry. Monica Almeida/The New York TimesThe pathbreaking Black feminist writer bell hooks died on Wednesday. She was 69. More

    • 125 Shares99 Views

      in Television

      Late Night Praises Fox News Hosts for Their Acting Skills

      by

      The news that Fox News anchors sent texts on Jan. 6 urging President Trump to speak out against the insurrection while blaming antifa on air was the talk of late night on Tuesday.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Stop the InsanityLate night was aflutter on Tuesday with the revelations that the Fox News commentators Brian Kilmeade, Sean Hannity and Laura Ingraham sent pleading texts to Mark Meadows on Jan. 6, asking President Donald J. Trump to speak out and stop the insurrection.Stephen Colbert joked that Meadows, Trump’s last chief of staff, “even got an Instagram post from Judge Jeanine’s box of wine.”“Gee, if only they had some sort of media outlet where they could have said that publicly.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“This is like finding out the flight attendant who’s been telling you that it’s just a little turbulence is going back into the cockpit, like, ‘Doesn’t anybody know how to fly this thing? We’re all gonna die!’” — TREVOR NOAH“Yeah, it came out that Fox News hosts were begging for Trump to do something. And today Fox News hosts lit their tree on fire again just to change the subject.” — JIMMY FALLON“So, the Jan. 6 attack scared Laura Ingraham — and keep in mind, her side gig is appearing in your bathroom mirror if you whisper ‘Medicare for all’ three times.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“The records show that then-White House chief of staff Mark Meadows also received a text from Fox News host Brian Kilmeade that said, ‘Please get him on TV. Destroying everything we’ve accomplished.’ That is a shocking revelation — they had to beg Trump to go on TV?” — SETH MEYERS“Trump was like, ‘If I replied to every text that said “What you’re doing is crazy,” I’d never get anything done.’” — JIMMY FALLON“Trump didn’t want to hear it. Not only did Trump ignore texts from Fox News, he also dropped them from his family cellphone plan.” — JIMMY FALLON“And I love that they were so concerned that this could ruin Trump’s legacy: ‘If he gets somebody killed today, no one will remember that time he told everyone to drink bleach.” — TREVOR NOAH“If one person at your network has no integrity, that’s a problem. If nobody has integrity, that’s a company policy.” — TREVOR NOAH“If you’re looking for some silver lining here, I don’t think we give the Fox News gang enough credit for their acting — it’s really good.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Punchiest Punchlines (What’s His Number Edition)“According to newly released records, Donald Trump Jr. texted then-White House chief of staff Mark Meadows during January’s Capitol attack, urging him to make President Trump condemn the violence. Then he texted again, saying, ‘Fine, I’ll tell him myself — just give me his number.’” — SETH MEYERS“Yeah, Trump ignored the advice of those closest to him and also Don Jr.” — JIMMY FALLON“And then this text: He said, ‘Dad, you have to stop this right now.’ He wrote back, ‘Who is this?’” — JIMMY KIMMEL“You cannot give Don that number. It’s too risky — he might give it to Eric.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Don Jr. texted Meadows, asking him to do something. Meanwhile, Eric Trump texted, ‘Does anyone know where my Paw Patrol slippers are?’” — JAMES CORDEN“Now clearly, Don Jr.’s texts didn’t work, which honestly I’m kind of glad about because the only thing worse than an insurrection would have been to thank Don Jr. for stopping the insurrection.” — TREVOR NOAH“Of course, Don Jr. has spent the last 11 months praising his father’s lack of action. And Eric — his son, Eric Trump, didn’t send any texts at all. He did not text Mark Meadows, because, well, in fairness he was stuck in a claw machine at a Dave & Buster’s in Silver Spring.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Bits Worth WatchingWill Forte joined his friend and former “Saturday Night Live” co-star Seth Meyers for some day drinking on Tuesday’s “Late Night.”What We’re Excited About on Wednesday Night“The Late Show” will celebrate the 20th anniversary of “Lord of the Rings.”Also, Check This OutJamie Mccarthy/Getty ImagesJohn Cameron Mitchell takes inspiration from New Orleans, modern fairy tales and Mavis Staples. More

    • 100 Shares119 Views

      in Television

      Stephen Colbert Comments on the ‘Slides of Sedition’

      by

      Colbert couldn’t believe Congress is currently investigating a 38-page PowerPoint document detailing plans to overturn the 2020 election.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.‘Slides of Sedition’The House committee investigating the Jan. 6 attack on the Capitol is looking into a 38-page PowerPoint document sent to President Trump’s chief of staff, Mark Meadows, that included plans to overturn the 2020 election.“PowerPoint? They weren’t just trying to overturn democracy, they were trying to bore it to death,” Stephen Colbert said on Monday night.“So what was in these slides of sedition? We’re not exactly sure yet, but there is one deck that’s been circulating, that may be the deck in question, and one of the slides on that was a list of recommendations, including a plan to ‘declare a national security emergency.’ I’m sure exactly how you do that. I assume by breaking into every broadcast using the emergency [expletive] system.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“They were also planning to declare electronic voting in all states invalid. Instead, they wanted to rely on ‘legal and genuine paper ballot counts.’ OK, so if you can’t trust computers, how are you giving your presentation, via PowerPoint pigeon? They’re staging a coup-coup!” — STEPHEN COLBERT“That’s right, they wrote down their plans for a coup in a PowerPoint. You know what that means — Congress is going to have to subpoena Clippy. That’s from our new segment, ‘Jokes from 1995.’” — SETH MEYERS“Even the Mafia knows to use code words. If the Mafia ever made a PowerPoint presentation, it would say something vague like, ‘Plan for the guys at the place to do the thing.’ ‘OK, boss, what’s the next slide?’ ‘There’s no more slides. There’s just the one slide.’” — SETH MEYERSThe Punchiest Punchlines (Elon Musk Edition)“Time magazine today unveiled their annual person of the year, and that person is Elon Musk or as I call him, Old Sheldon.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Person of the year is believed to be the highest honor ever awarded to a person who cuts his own hair.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“In response to this, Jeff Bezos just bought Time magazine.” — JAMES CORDEN“He was going to go out and buy a copy, but then he realized he’d have to pay taxes on it, so it was, you know, not worth it.” — SETH MEYERS“It’s important to note this is not necessarily a compliment. Adolf Hitler and Donald Trump were also named person of the year. Time — for real — Time is basically your dad watching a bad Super Bowl commercial, and going, ‘Hey, love him or hate him, we’re all talking about him, right?’” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Man, I’m so happy for him. Like the guy could really use an ego boost, you know?” — TREVOR NOAH“And honestly you can’t argue with this. I mean, richest man in the world, who also control space, crypto and electric cars? Who would even be second place, like maybe Pete Davidson, maybe?” — TREVOR NOAH“Yeah, Musk received the honor for his work in space exploration and after he bought 10 million subscriptions to Time magazine.” — JIMMY FALLON“I’m kidding, although it was a little strange that everyone at Time drove into work today in a brand-new Tesla.” — JIMMY FALLON“Being named person of the year is a big deal. It’s basically ‘sexiest man alive,’ but you’re competing against the Dalai Lama and the pope.” — JIMMY FALLONThe Bits Worth WatchingTom Holland, Regina King and Ted Danson are just a few of the celebrities reading mean tweets about themselves in a new edition of the popular recurring segment of “Jimmy Kimmel Live.”What We’re Excited About on Tuesday NightChelsea Handler will stop by Tuesday’s “Daily Show.”Also, Check This OutJim Henson with Big Bird, as seen in “Street Gang: How We Got Sesame Street.” The HBO documentary uses file footage and new interviews to detail the early years of the influential show.Sesame Workshop/HBOA new documentary about “Sesame Street” details how social purpose has always been a part of the long-running children’s show. More

    • 138 Shares119 Views

      in Television

      Late Night Is Tired of Tucker Carlson’s ‘Foaming’ at the News

      by

      The Fox News host joined his network in insisting the company’s burned-down Christmas tree is proof of the war on Christmas.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Fired UpOn Thursday, Fox News hosts continued their insistence that the Christmas tree outside its headquarters had been burned down as part of the war on Christmas.Jimmy Kimmel said the network must not have had anything else to talk about this week, “because they really went to town on this ‘We have been victimized’ jag, and no one did more phony foaming at the mouth than the little dumber boy,” referring to Tucker Carlson.“According to Tucker Carlson, this is not an isolated incident of some disturbed rando lighting their tree on fire,” Stephen Colbert said, even though the police have said the suspect was a homeless man, and that drugs or mental illness could have been a factor in the torching.Seth Meyers imitated Carlson during one of his monologues.“[imitating Carlson] When will it end? Will every new variant mean new powers for our political class? Will they be able to test you, trace you, come to your house and inject you with a microchip hidden in a vaccine that tracks your movements? And will that tracking microchip allow them to see that you went to the anime convention, in secret, of course, because you didn’t want your friends at Fox News to know you’re into that kind of thing. And will they find out about the time you asked Sean Hannity what he thought of ‘Dragon Ball Z,’ and he looked at you like you were crazy, and that hurt your feelings so much that you ran into the bathroom to cry, only to realize you had run into the women’s bathroom and you were so worried that someone would see you run out that you instead removed a ceiling panel and climbed into a heating duct for the purposes of shimmying back to your office, not knowing that the duct wouldn’t be strong enough to support your weight, causing you to, mid-shimmy, collapse through the ceiling, where you landed on top of Rupert Murdoch’s desk while he was sitting at it, causing him to look up from his soup and yell ‘Crikey!’ Will that happen to you? Well, I can tell you it will because it happened to me.” — SETH MEYERSThe Punchiest Punchlines (Hillary’s MasterClass Edition)“Oof, that is brutal! And the way she’s sitting like that, and she’s reading it to us, it’s like the world’s most depressing fairy tale: ‘Once upon a time, an ogre crushed the dreams of a princess, and nobody lived happily ever after. The end.’” — TREVOR NOAH“But, yes, Hillary Clinton is giving a master class on resiliency that’s now available everywhere —except in Wisconsin, for some reason.” — TREVOR NOAH“And in it, she reads the victory speech she never got to deliver. And I really love how she’s like, ‘I’ve never shared this speech with anybody before. it was too painful. You’re paying me how much? Oh, well, I guess I could read a few pages.’” — TREVOR NOAH“Wait, why? We don’t want to hear that. You know when we wanted to hear that? After the election in 2016.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“What is this? What is she doing? Is this a Christmas present for Donald Trump?” — JIMMY KIMMEL“It’s like she made him a cameo video for his birthday.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Bits Worth WatchingOn their Thursday night episode, Desus and Mero tried to convince the actress Sandra Bullock to reboot “Miss Congeniality.”Also, Check This OutClockwise from top left: Norah Jones, Bryson Tiller, Kelly Clarkson and She & Him are entering (and in some cases, returning to) the holiday music scene this year.Kelly Clarkson and Bryson Tiller are just two artists with holiday albums redefining the genre. More

    • 138 Shares99 Views

      in Television

      Late Night: Putin and Biden’s Call Could Have Been an Email

      by

      The two-hour video call was a hot topic on late night Tuesday.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.‘Two Old Men on a Zoom’President Biden and President Vladimir V. Putin spoke in a video call on Tuesday, discussing the potential Russian invasion of Ukraine.“Makes sense — the only way to resolve a delicate situation that requires crystal-clear communication is two old men on a Zoom,” Stephen Colbert joked on Tuesday night. “We do not know the results of this call yet, but Biden made it clear that if Russia invades, the U.S. and our allies would respond with strong economic and other measures. I know we’re trying to avoid a hot war here, but those are some pretty vague threats. ‘Son, if you throw a party when your mother and I are out of town, we will respond with strong reactions and emotions, t.b.d.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Today, President Biden held a big one-on-one video call with Russian President Vladimir Putin that lasted two hours. And like most two-hour meetings over Zoom, Putin was like, [imitating Putin] ‘This could have been email.’” — JIMMY FALLON“This morning, President Biden had a video call with Russian President Vladimir Putin and warned him if Russia were to invade Ukraine, Putin would feel, quote ‘economic pain.’ I like that Biden is talking like a professional wrestler from the ’80s.” — JAMES CORDENThe Punchiest Punchlines (Tuesdays With Vladimir Edition)“President Biden held a virtual meeting today with Russian President Vladimir Putin, though it was weird that they decided to do it in the metaverse.” — SETH MEYERS“Zoom meetings with Putin are interesting. Some people go without pants, Putin just goes without a shirt. Space background, too.” — JIMMY FALLON“And a video chat is a tough way for both these guys to do diplomacy. I mean, especially because even when he’s in person, Biden talks like he’s got a bad connection.” — TREVOR NOAH“On the bright side, it was the first time Putin could see Biden on camera when Biden actually knew he was on camera.” — JIMMY FALLONThe Bits Worth WatchingJ.B. Smoove, guest host of “Jimmy Kimmel Live,” demanded the two Black audience members move up to the front during his monologue.What We’re Excited About on Wednesday NightMariah Carey, queen of Christmas, will pop by Wednesday’s “Late Late Show.”Also, Check This OutBenedict Cumberbatch in “The Power of the Dog,” left, Kristen Stewart in “Spencer” and Ariana DeBose in “West Side Story.”From left: Kirsty Griffin/Netflix; Pablo Larrain/Neon; Niko Tavernise/20th Century Studios“Summer of Soul,” “The Power of the Dog” and “West Side Story” are among the best films of 2021. More

    • 113 Shares189 Views

      in Television

      Trevor Noah Suggests Sending Marjorie Taylor Greene to Beijing

      by

      “If you want to get back at China, you have Marjorie Taylor Greene in the stands,” Noah said of the U.S. diplomatic boycott of the Olympics.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Icy Diplomatic RelationsPresident Biden on Monday announced that the U.S. would not be sending diplomats to the 2022 Winter Olympics in Beijing, citing China’s human rights abuses.Trevor Noah said that American diplomats would have to watch the Winter Games like the rest of us, “by turning on the TV and then getting bored after three minutes and then turning it off.”“He’s not about to fly across 12 time zones to watch a bunch of Norwegians sweep an ice rink.” — TREVOR NOAH, on Joe Biden“And that’s a real shame that the Americans officials won’t be at the Olympics, because you realize Kamala Harris was about to become the first Black woman to ever watch a hockey game.” — TREVOR NOAH“That’s the one cool reason to be president, right? Most of us, if we don’t want to do something, we have to come up with some lame excuse, and then everyone else shows up and talks about how he didn’t come. But if you are president, you can just be like, ‘Diplomatic boycott: No one is allowed to attend Emily’s birthday brunch.’” — TREVOR NOAH“If you want to get back at China, you have Marjorie Taylor Greene in the stands.” — TREVOR NOAH“Nothing will convince China to change their ways like not sending the secretary of agriculture to the Olympics.” — JIMMY FALLON“When the news broke, everyone’s mom was like, ‘The oiled-up flag bearer from Tonga will still be there, right?’” — JIMMY FALLON“It’s different from our last Olympic diplomatic boycott, which was just Mike Pence refusing to watch men’s doubles luge.” — JIMMY FALLONTalk About Man-SpreadingJimmy Kimmel and Seth Meyers weighed in on news that Donald Trump came into contact with at least 500 people after testing positive for the coronavirus.“He’s like the Johnny Appleseed of Covid,” Meyers joked.“So, it turns out that Trump tested positive for Covid before a presidential debate with Joe Biden and kept it a secret. Although, in retrospect, I feel like maybe we should’ve known from that debate that he had something, based on his performance. It was either Covid or rabies.” — SETH MEYERS“That’s right — he could have knowingly infected hundreds of people with a deadly virus himself. You know, when you’re a star, they let you do it — you can do anything.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Trump took no precautions after testing positive. He didn’t cancel events; he was maskless inside the White House and on Air Force One. It’s almost like, you know, if you didn’t know him better, it’s almost like he doesn’t care about others.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Punchiest Punchlines (Variations on a Theme Edition)“Everybody’s talking about it, but nobody really knows what the story is really about, because it’s all Omicron — Omicron this and Omicron that. But we don’t really understand if it’s going to change anything. We don’t ‘knowmicron’ about Omicron.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“So far, Omicron appears to be milder and more infectious than Delta, and that may be happening because, according to a new study, ‘It shares genetic code with the common cold.’ This pandemic has gone on so long, we’re officially in the remix stage. The next variant’s going to be Covid, featuring shingles, the Skrillex mix.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Well, here’s some good news. Dr. Fauci said that the first data on the severity of the Omicron variant is ‘encouraging.’ Yeah, that’s what passes for good news in 2021.” — JIMMY FALLON“Dr. Fauci says that while it’s still too early to know for sure, it looks like Omicron spreads more easily than Delta but may be less severe, yeah — which means Covid might have watered itself down so it could reach more people — like the Ice Cube of corona variants.” — TREVOR NOAH“The new deadly virus variant is only worrisome. People were like, ‘This calls for a tepid uncertain celebration.’” — JIMMY FALLON“Yep, it’s encouraging, which is positive enough to continue with your holiday plans, but vague enough to make you spend the entire time freaking out.” — JIMMY FALLONThe Bits Worth WatchingTig Notaro talked about going back on the road for her “Hello Again” tour while on Monday’s “Tonight Show.”What We’re Excited About on Tuesday NightKristin Davis and Cynthia Nixon will talk about their new “Sex and the City” reboot on Tuesday’s “Late Show.”Also, Check This OutBradley Cooper, left, with Cooper Hoffman and Alana Haim in “Licorice Pizza.” Once she mastered driving the truck, she said, “I felt like a badass.” MGM, via Associated PressAlana Haim is as surprised as anyone that she’s getting rave reviews for her acting debut in “Licorice Pizza.” More

    • 75 Shares119 Views

      in Television

      Seth Meyers Skewers Subpoenaed Trump Cronies

      by

      “It’s also important to remember these people only hang out with each other because there is no one else who will hang out with them,” Meyers said.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.The Gang’s All HereSeth Meyers gave an update on Donald Trump’s cronies on Wednesday’s “Closer Look.”Meyers noted that the congressional committee investigating the Jan. 6 insurrection had subpoenaed five more Trump allies this week, “including disgraced right-wing conspiracy theorist Alex Jones, who always looks like he’s trying to Hulk out even though he wasn’t exposed to gamma rays, and Roger Stone, the guy who famously showed up to Trump’s inauguration looking like an 18th-century oil baron that makes his own meth at home.”“What does it mean to be ‘fluent in Trump?’ You only use words with one syllable, you talk like a cabdriver from Queens, or you know how to stretch a single sentence into a rambling, hourlong monologue?” — SETH MEYERS on Roger Stone“I mean, your law license was suspended, and you lost every case you brought after the election. The only thing you succeeded at doing was drumming up publicity for a landscaping company.” — SETH MEYERS on Rudy Giuliani“It’s also important to remember these people only hang out with each other because there is no one else who will hang out with them.” — SETH MEYERS“And, believe me, I’m as shocked as you are that these misshapen potato chips had a plan. It’s much easier to think of them as a bunch of easily distracted doofuses who get caught trying to steal a pen from a bank without realizing it’s chained to the desk.” — SETH MEYERSThe Punchiest Punchlines (Thanksgiving Edition)“That’s right, Thanksgiving: It’s the day that you forget about all the fighting and division in the world and just focus on all the fighting and division in your family.” — JIMMY FALLON“According to the latest numbers, the average cost for a 10-person Thanksgiving dinner is $53, not including bail money.” — SETH MEYERS“And while last year people mostly stayed home because of the pandemic, this year, families are planning to return to larger Thanksgiving celebrations. You know what that means: Lot of people in their early 20s are going back to the kids table: ‘I know you just graduated from Swarthmore, Neil, but tonight, you’ll be with Madison and Parker, talkin’ “Paw Patrol.”’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“As more people are vaccinated, the holidays are returning to normal — a.k.a. cray-cray. In fact, about 53 million people are expected to travel for Thanksgiving, and all of them will be on your flight trying to board before their group gets called.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“That’s right, since it’s the night before Thanksgiving; lots of Americans are getting their antibodies checked to see if they can fight off Aunt Rita’s mystery casserole.” — JIMMY FALLON“I’m actually hosting Thanksgiving. My favorite part is guessing which relative is going to get the one chair that’s shorter than all the others.” — JIMMY FALLON“Of course, lots of people will be making turkey, while others will be cooking a turducken. You know what a turducken — it’s a coronary inside a stroke, inside a heart attack.” — JIMMY FALLONThe Bits Worth WatchingKeke Palmer did impersonations of Cher, Angela Bassett and Shakira on “The Tonight Show.”Also, Check This OutA test flight of Funko’s Grogu balloon, which will make its debut at the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade this week.A new Baby Yoda balloon will fly above the streets of New York at the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade. More

    • 125 Shares99 Views

      in Television

      Late Night Riffs on Biden’s Order to Release Oil Reserves

      by

      “For those who don’t know, the strategic reserve is a series of caverns filled with fossil fuel and strategically located inside Rudy Giuliani’s head,” Colbert joked.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.‘Black Gold’President Biden announced that he would release 50 million barrels of oil from the strategic reserve in an effort to lower gas prices.“For those who don’t know, the strategic reserve is a series of caverns filled with fossil fuel and strategically located inside Rudy Giuliani’s head,” Stephen Colbert joked on Tuesday night.“This is great news for me. I was just thinking of getting my wife a barrel of oil for Christmas.” — JAMES CORDEN“According to the president, this is the largest release from the reserve in U.S. history. And in response, a spokesman for the American Petroleum Institute released this statement: [Imitating an oil tycoon] ‘Oil! Black gold! Sweet dinosaur jelly! West Texas dirt milk, we’re rich! We’re richer than Jesus!’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“It’s not clear if this is gonna work. Energy experts have consistently said such a release would do little to lower prices at the pump. It’s also not the best look right after you come back from a climate conference: ‘We must end our addiction to fossil fuels. What’s that? Gas is $3.50 a gallon? Let the rivers be choked with crude oil and the carcasses of pelicans!’” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Punchiest Punchlines (Man in Nantucket Edition)“President Biden traveled to Nantucket today for Thanksgiving, but only after Jill made him swear on the Bible: No limericks.” — SETH MEYERS“That’s how bad Thanksgiving traffic is — even the president has to leave two days early.” — JIMMY FALLON“Reminds me of the famous ‘There once was a man in Nantucket, whose poll numbers really did suck it.’ At least he is not that orange Pol Pot who ate all his meals from a bucket.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“I have a feeling Biden’s the only person who says, ‘I once knew a man from Nantucket,’ and then tells an actual story about that man.” — JIMMY FALLON“Yeah, once Biden left for Thanksgiving the Secret Service was like, ‘Human tryptophan is on the move.’” — JIMMY FALLON“When Biden asked Obama if Martha’s Vineyard would be nice for Thanksgiving, Obama was like, ‘Uh, you should check out Nantucket.’” — JIMMY FALLONThe Bits Worth WatchingJimmy Kimmel challenged viewers to share the weirdest thing in their mother’s house, inspired by the mom of one of his band members who collects clown figurines.What We’re Excited About on Wednesday NightAndy Samberg will catch up with his friend Seth Meyers on Wednesday’s “Late Night.”Also, Check This OutLady Gaga and Adam Driver in “House of Gucci.”Fabio Lovino/MGMRidley Scott’s “House of Gucci” mostly consists of “Guccis yelling at other Guccis.” More