“Dubya and I had so many good times together back at the old ‘Colbert Report,’” he said. “I made so much fun of him, and he gave me so many reasons to do that.”
Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.
Back to the Future
During a speech in Dallas on Wednesday, former President George W. Bush misspoke while talking about Russia’s war in Ukraine, referring to it as “a wholly unjustified and brutal invasion of Iraq.”
On Thursday’s “Late Show,” Stephen Colbert said the slip of the tongue had him feeling “a little nostalgic,” calling Bush “a man who I spent many happy years pretending to like.” (On “The Colbert Report,” his long-running previous show, Colbert assumed the persona of an egotistical conservative TV commentator.)
“Dubya and I, for about 10 years, had so many good times together back at the old ‘Colbert Report.’ I made so much fun of him, and he gave he so many reasons to do that.” — STEPHEN COLBERT
“Jiminy Christmas! The one phrase he definitely should never utter for the rest of his life. It’s like he’s thinking about it all the time, and it just popped out.” — STEPHEN COLBERT
“Oof. That’s like your wife asking if you’re hungry and saying, ‘I could cheat. I mean eat. I could eat with my mistress.’” — SETH MEYERS
“I hate when I mix up my unprovoked invasions.” — JAMES CORDEN
“Maybe Bush is going to start admitting to everything he’s been holding back: [imitating Bush] ‘Also, I just want to say: My grandkids are the ones who paint the watercolors; Dick Cheney is a Terminator sent from the future; and there are no human-animal hybrids. I saw the Phillie Phanatic with his head off, and I freaked out.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT
The Punchiest Punchlines (Tanking Stock Edition)
“Some business news, it’s been a rough couple of months for the economy and I saw that yesterday was the stock market’s worst day in over two years. Yeah, stocks fell so fast, the oxygen masks dropped from the ceiling at CNBC.” — JIMMY FALLON
“Experts say if this keeps up, every Merrill Lynch office is going to become a Spirit Halloween.” — JIMMY FALLON
“Things are so bad, they replaced the stock exchange closing bell with the losing sound from ‘Price is Right.’” — JIMMY FALLON
“The Dow took a drubbing after investors were alarmed by disappointing earnings from Target, Walmart and Lowe’s. There’s only one solution: release the strategic reserve of dads running little errands. Go get some batteries, guys! Buy some spackle! The little bucket — the old one’s probably dried out by now. Just putter around the paint aisle and pick out swatches. She says she wants yellow, but you don’t know which one! Remember, satin shine! It should glow, but not glisten, OK? It should have sheen, but not shimmer. So just buy one can of each. Your country needs you!” — STEPHEN COLBERT
The Bits Worth Watching
Desus and Mero threw Rihanna a baby shower, with help from the celebrity party planner Karleen Roy and the CBS newscaster Maurice DuBois.
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“Downton Abbey: A New Era” is familiar territory for fans missing Lady Mary and company.
Source: Television - nytimes.com
