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      Jimmy Fallon Relays Biden’s Promise of a Peaceful Transfer of Power

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      “Democrats were like, ‘Well, I guess at this point we can let him speak again,’” the “Tonight Show” host said.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Getting Back UpPresident Biden spoke from the White House on Thursday, promising a peaceful transfer of power to President-elect Donald J. Trump in January.“Democrats were like, ‘Well, I guess at this point we can let him speak again,’” Jimmy Fallon said.“During his speech, Biden said, ‘You can’t love your country only when you win.’ Yeah. Then he said, ‘But since I didn’t win or lose, I can do whatever the hell I want.’” — JIMMY FALLON“Biden also tried to comfort Democrats by saying, ‘The America of your dreams is calling for you to get back up.’ Then Biden said, ‘Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to go take a nap.’” — JIMMY FALLON“But he said ‘The America of your dreams is calling for you to get back up’ is based on a quote from his favorite British poet, Chumbawamba.” — JIMMY FALLON“He only spoke for a few minutes — didn’t want to miss the Showcase Showdown on ‘Price is Right.’” — JIMMY KIMMEL“The president gave a gracious speech. He told the nation, ‘You can’t love your country only when you win,’ which got a huge laugh in the lunchroom at Mar-a-Lago.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“We’re going to be talking about Trump again every day for another four years, I guess. And I, for one, did not think that when I came out of the jungles of Malaysia to do comedy that I would be making jokes about Donald Trump every day for 13 years straight. Thirteen years! I don’t talk about anybody as much — I don’t talk about my mom as much as I talk about this guy. I don’t talk about my wife as much as I talk about this guy. My wife thinks I’m having an emotional affair with him. I’m going to be talking about this guy on my [expletive] deathbed, OK? Which I assume will be in three years, when he somehow brings back the bubonic plague.” — RONNY CHIENGThe Punchiest Punchlines (Expat Edition)We are having trouble retrieving the article content.Please enable JavaScript in your browser settings.Thank you for your patience while we verify access. If you are in Reader mode please exit and log into your Times account, or subscribe for all of The Times.Thank you for your patience while we verify access.Already a subscriber? Log in.Want all of The Times? Subscribe. More

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      Late Night Processes Donald Trump’s Re-Election

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      “Trump returning to the White House is a huge historic comeback for someone who literally never went away,” Jimmy Fallon said.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Infernal FlameLate-night hosts spent Wednesday processing the 2024 election results and former President Donald Trump’s sweeping win.On “The Daily Show,” Desi Lydic lamented that “instead of breaking the glass ceiling, last night America decided to get back with her dirtbag ex.”“Yep, it’s official. America elected its first criminal president before electing its first female president. What a day for proud felonists.” — DESI LYDIC“We’ve had two qualified, accomplished women nominated for president, and both times they lost to the worst man in the whole country.” — DESI LYDIC“Yup, Trump could be the first president to be under White House arrest.” — JIMMY FALLON“All day yesterday, I was walking around proudly wearing my ‘I voted’ sticker. Today, I wore my ‘I am questioning my fundamental belief in the goodness of humanity’ sticker.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Now, as a late-night host, people often say to me, ‘Come on, part of you has got to want Trump to win because he gives you so much material to work with.’ No, no. No one tells the guy who cleans the bathroom, ‘Wow, you must love it when someone has explosive diarrhea — there’s so much material for you to work with!’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“I guess this election wasn’t rigged. That’s weird, though, right? I mean, he said it would be rigged. He said it was being rigged while people were in line voting. Isn’t it remarkable that this time, the fix wasn’t in? Last time, the Democrats cheated. This time, we chose not to, I guess.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Donald Trump is like the emperor from ‘Star Wars.’ He’s old, he’s evil and he keeps coming back with no reasonable explanation whatsoever.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Punchiest Punchlines (Four More Years Edition)“Let me tell you, that was the worst Taco Tuesday of my whole life.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Trump returning to the White House is a huge historic comeback for someone who literally never went away.” — JIMMY FALLONWe are having trouble retrieving the article content.Please enable JavaScript in your browser settings.Thank you for your patience while we verify access. If you are in Reader mode please exit and log into your Times account, or subscribe for all of The Times.Thank you for your patience while we verify access.Already a subscriber? Log in.Want all of The Times? Subscribe. More

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      Late Night Addresses Your Election Eve Anxiety

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      “It feels like the whole country is waiting to get the results of a biopsy,” Jimmy Kimmel said.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Performance AnxietyThe late-night hosts seem to be as anxious about the election as you are.“It feels like the whole country is waiting to get the results of a biopsy,” Jimmy Kimmel said on Monday.“These polls — they’re mood rings. That’s all they are. They bring you up, they bring you down. Poll is short for ‘bipolar.’” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Tomorrow is Election Day and ‘Late Night’ is officially endorsing Xanax 0.5 milligram, twice a day as needed.” — SETH MEYERSOn “Real Time” on Friday, Bill Maher made one last appeal to undecided voters, or as he called them, “the Christmas Eve shoppers of politics — they know the big day is coming, but they just can’t get themselves to do anything about it until the last minute.”“The phrase I hear so much that makes me just want to un-alive myself is, ‘How’s she going to help me?’ Like the president is your personal genie. It’s Kamala, not ‘Kazam.’” — BILL MAHER“And so, dear Christmas Eve voter, I say to you: Things aren’t that bad, but they might get a hell of a lot worse under the rule of a mad king. Do I love everything about Kamala? No. Who told you you get to love everything? Do I wish she came up with a better reason to be president than ‘I’m not Trump’? Yeah, it would have been very helpful. But let’s not forget, ‘I’m not Trump’ is still a really great reason.” — BILL MAHER“But things look so good for Trump, Democrats have already impeached him.” — GREG GUTFELD“The Harris campaign is cautioning against getting too excited. Too late! I have to be excited because I’ve only got two other choices: absolute terror or Absolut vodka.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“If you see someone in the fetal position drenched in sweat, they either just ran the New York City Marathon or they’re waiting for tomorrow’s election.” — JIMMY FALLON“Look, I love this country. I’m an immigrant — I chose to be here. In the words of the late Lee Greenwood, I’m proud to be an American. And I’d argue there is nothing more American than having a healthy adversarial relationship with those in power, even if you voted for them.” — JOHN OLIVERWe are having trouble retrieving the article content.Please enable JavaScript in your browser settings.Thank you for your patience while we verify access. If you are in Reader mode please exit and log into your Times account, or subscribe for all of The Times.Thank you for your patience while we verify access.Already a subscriber? Log in.Want all of The Times? Subscribe. More

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      Jimmy Kimmel Trashes Trump’s ‘Cosplay Garbage Man’

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      Kimmel said that when Trump delivered a speech while wearing an orange safety vest, it was “like a 4-year-old who wants to wear his costume to school.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Trump as Trash ManOn Wednesday, former President Donald Trump spoke to reporters from inside a garbage truck while wearing an orange safety vest.Jimmy Kimmel called Trump “a cosplay garbage man” on Thursday, joking that “the garbage is driving the truck.”“That vest will come in handy when he’s on the side of the highway picking up trash with the other inmates.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“And then this lunatic decides to stay in the garbage costume for the whole duration of his speech, like a 4-year-old who wants to wear his costume to school.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“I have to say; if there is a single image that we will look back on and say, this defines what America was going through in 2024, I think it will be the Republican nominee for president dancing to the song ‘Y.M.C.A.’ in a garbage man costume.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Donald Trump could never make it as a sanitation worker. It’s a tough job with actual stakes, genuine responsibilities, and no amount of cosplaying can make up for the fact that he’d be really bad at it. He wouldn’t last a day. If Trump was a sanitation worker in New York City, we’d have garbage piled higher than the Empire State Building, as opposed to what we currently have, which is only half as tall.” — SETH MEYERSThe Punchiest Punchlines (Last-Minute Costume Idea Edition)We are having trouble retrieving the article content.Please enable JavaScript in your browser settings.Thank you for your patience while we verify access. If you are in Reader mode please exit and log into your Times account, or subscribe for all of The Times.Thank you for your patience while we verify access.Already a subscriber? Log in.Want all of The Times? Subscribe. More

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      Kimmel and More Late Night Hosts Mock Trump’s Garbage Truck Stunt

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      The comment shocked “everyone who couldn’t believe Joe successfully logged onto Zoom,” the guest host of “Gutfeld” said.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.‘We Are Garbage!’President Biden came under fire this week after seemingly referring to Trump supporters as “garbage” during a Zoom call. (In a posting on social media, Mr. Biden said he was talking about racist language, not Trump supporters.)On Wednesday, Jimmy Kimmel said that he didn’t blame the Trump campaign for jumping “all over this garbage thing.”“It’s not a smart thing to say,” Kimmel said. “Joe Biden should drop out of this race immediately.”“Today Kamala Harris was like, ‘Can someone drop Joe in a corn maze and leave him there till Wednesday, just have him wander?’”— JIMMY FALLON“Now, obviously, what he meant to say was nothing. Why are you saying anything? Did you forget that you’re so bad at saying things we had to go get somebody else?” — SETH MEYERS“Shocking everyone who couldn’t believe Joe successfully logged onto Zoom.” — TOM SHILLUE, guest host of “Gutfeld”“This happened during Trump’s rally, and fortunately, someone was there to help boost Marco Rubio up onto the stage so he could frantically share this important news.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“He’s like an excited little Minion bringing big news to Gru: It’s like ‘Mr. President! Stop the proceedings! I’ve got a bulletin!’” — JIMMY KIMMEL“And if you thought that was insulting, wait until those people hear what you said about Donald Trump.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Look how excited Rubio is: ‘Everybody, everybody, everybody! I have great news: We are garbage!’” — RONNY CHIENG“Celebrate good times, come on! I mean, Rubio delivered that news like he was announcing the war is over.” — RONNY CHIENG“And you can tell how excited Trump is because his face is at full orange alert.” — RONNY CHIENGThe Punchiest Punchlines (Mookie Edition)“At the World Series last night, two Yankees fans tried to pry a foul ball out of the glove of Dodgers right fielder Mookie Betts. I’ve got to be honest, it’s nice to see New York fans try to steal something besides a wallet.” — TOM SHILLUE“On the bright side, they were offered season tickets by the Phillies.” — SETH MEYERS“It’s Mookie versus the mooks.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“They call that the Staten Island handshake.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Bits Worth WatchingSalma Hayek showed Jimmy Fallon how to dance with a snake circling his neck on Wednesday’s “Tonight Show.”What We’re Excited About on Thursday NightConnie Chung, a veteran journalist, will discuss her new memoir on Thursday’s “Daily Show.”Also, Check This OutLili Taylor, left, with Annabella Sciorra in “The Addiction.”Fast Films, Inc.The subscription streaming service Arrow has several spooky film options for a horror-filled Halloween. More

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      Jon Stewart Fears Madison Square Garden Will Never Be the Same

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      After Donald Trump’s rally, Stewart showed an image of Billy Joel and asked, “How dare they desecrate the stage that the Piano Man has consecrated?”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.‘The Clueless Klux Klan’On Monday’s “Daily Show,” Jon Stewart showed a montage of speakers from the weekend’s Trump rally at Madison Square Garden, including those who called Kamala Harris the devil and the Antichrist and said she had “pimp handlers.” Tucker Carlson called her “Samoan-Malaysian-low-I.Q.” and issued a high-pitched cackle.“Now, generally, that’s a lineup that you see outside Madison Square Garden yelling at strangers as they try to get inside Madison Square Garden,” Stewart said.“And let me just say, how dare they desecrate the stage that the Piano Man has consecrated?” — JON STEWART, showing an image of Billy Joel“Former President Trump held a rally yesterday at Madison Square Garden in front of a crowd of 20,000 people, and it was the most vitriolic, rage-filled group of white people in that building since the last Rangers game.” — SETH MEYERS“Everyone was on the edge of their seat waiting for the Menendez brothers to come out.” — JIMMY FALLON“The Clueless Klux Klan showed up in force for what I think may have been the nuttiest Trump event of all time.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Trump’s rally was described as unhinged, crude and racist — as opposed to the stable, polite and tolerant Trump rallies we’re accustomed to.” — JIMMY FALLONThe Punchiest Punchlines (Hulkster Edition)“That is just sad, to see an old man like that. We’ve all had that moment, when you have to look at your grandpa and say, ‘Peepaw, it’s just not safe anymore. We’re going to have to take away the keys to your shirt.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT, after showing a clip of Hulk Hogan struggling to tear his shirt off at the Trump rally“You know you’re getting old when you lose a wrestling match to your tank top.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“I warned him not to wear the Beefy T, but nobody listens.” — JIMMY KIMMELWe are having trouble retrieving the article content.Please enable JavaScript in your browser settings.Thank you for your patience while we verify access. If you are in Reader mode please exit and log into your Times account, or subscribe for all of The Times.Thank you for your patience while we verify access.Already a subscriber? Log in.Want all of The Times? Subscribe. More

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      Jimmy Fallon Rallies for Queen Bey

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      The “Tonight Show” host was excited about Beyoncé’s plans to appear with the vice president: “What a night — the most powerful woman in the world and Kamala Harris.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Texas Hold ’emThe pop superstar Beyoncé will join Vice President Kamala Harris onstage at a campaign rally in Houston on Friday.“What a night — the most powerful woman in the world and Kamala Harris,” Jimmy Fallon said on Thursday.“Woo, baby. Talk about a get! The last time Beyoncé appeared onstage with a presidential candidate was Hillary in 2016, so things are looking good.” — MICHAEL KOSTA“Yeah, Beyoncé will sing ‘Irreplaceable,’ and Biden will be like, ‘Too soon!’” — JIMMY FALLON“Yep, Harris is rallying with Beyoncé while Trump will be onstage claiming migrants are eating Snoop Dogg and Doja Cat.” — JIMMY FALLONThe Punchiest Punchlines (Daddy Issues Edition)“At a Trump campaign rally yesterday in Georgia, former Fox News host Tucker Carlson compared former President Trump returning to office to a father who comes home to give a ‘bad little girl’ a ‘vigorous spanking’ for being disobedient. Wow. I guess for my part, I’m just glad he’s standing behind a podium.” — SETH MEYERS“OK, so this might be why you’ve never been invited to speak at a political rally before.” — MICHAEL KOSTA“You know, most people just clear their browser history, they don’t put it in their speeches.” — SETH MEYERS“Not to fact-check you there, Tuck, but we know from Stormy Daniels that Daddy’s the one who likes to get spanked.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“You see, America? These Trump people — they aren’t weird. They just know that Trump is a big strong daddy that’s coming home to spank us all. Totally normal stuff. I can’t wait to hear Tucker’s thoughts on the economy: ‘Inflation is like a babysitter, and she’s been naughty.’” — MICHAEL KOSTA“I just can’t figure out why they’re having trouble appealing to female voters.” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Bits Worth WatchingColbert and Julia Louis-Dreyfus shared their earliest memories during “The Colbert Questionert” on Thursday’s “Late Show.”Also, Check This OutBridget Everett in a scene from Season 3 of “Somebody Somewhere.”Sandy Morris/HBOBridget Everett’s small-town dramedy series “Somebody Somewhere” returns to HBO on Sunday for its third and final season. More

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      Late Night Condemns Trump for Stanning Hitler

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      On Wednesday, Seth Meyers said he was “starting to think Trump doesn’t watch the ends of documentaries.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.‘Mein Bad’Donald Trump’s longest-serving chief of staff, John Kelly, said the former president had said more than once while in office that Adolf Hitler “did some good things.”On Wednesday, Seth Meyers said he was “starting to think Trump doesn’t watch the ends of documentaries.”“Once you have to explain to someone that Hitler is bad, there’s not much else to talk about. You don’t see many first dates survive that.” — SETH MEYERS“Seriously, Trump, Hitler never did anything good. He even sucked at waving. Like, dude, God gave you elbows — use them.” — MICHAEL KOSTA“I don’t even think you have to know history. You can probably get all the info you need from Mel Brooks movies and Bugs Bunny cartoons.” — SETH MEYERS“This is the first election where reporters have to ask, ‘Who’d you root for when you watched ‘Saving Private Ryan’?” — JIMMY FALLON“Trump made it worse today when he said, ‘Oops, mein bad.’” — JIMMY FALLONThe Punchiest Punchlines (Lose Yourself Edition)“At a campaign event in Detroit, Eminem introduced Barack Obama. Which makes sense, they both made a career out of pretending to be Black.” — GREG GUTFELD“You know, somewhere, Trump is yelling at his aides: [imitating Trump] ‘How could M&Ms betray me? I don’t understand. Is there no loyalty?’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“But it’s nice to see Obama pay homage to Eminem because it means that Black people have finally accepted that Eminem is the greatest rapper of all time. And look — no, stop — I know how it feels. I went through it every time Tiger Woods won a golf tournament, OK?” — MICHAEL KOSTA“Was that song Osama bin Laden? Because Obama killed it.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“I will say, maybe Obama should skip that line about ‘dropping bombs,’ you know? Are you still rapping, or are you doing a drone strike?” — MICHAEL KOSTAThe Bits Worth WatchingMembers of the New York Liberty joined Jimmy Fallon for a team selfie celebrating their WNBA championship on Wednesday’s “Tonight Show.”What We’re Excited About on Thursday NightJulia Louis-Dreyfus will take “The Colbert Questionert” on Thursday’s “Late Show.”Also, Check This OutThe gang’s all here for the sixth and final season of “What We Do in the Shadows.”Russ Martin/FXThe vampire comedy series “What We Do in the Shadows” returned for its sixth and final season on FX and Hulu this week. More