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      Stephen Colbert Declares the Supreme Court Unconstitutional

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      Aggravated by the latest delay in Donald Trump’s election subversion trial, Colbert unleashed “the power vested in me as a late-night host” against the court.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.‘The Thrilling Conclusion of America’On Wednesday, the Supreme Court agreed to hear Donald Trump’s claim that he’s immune from prosecution on charges of plotting to overturn the 2020 election. One result is that the trial will be further delayed.“These proceedings have been frozen for so long they legally count as children in Alabama,” Stephen Colbert said on Thursday’s “Late Show.”“Kind of weird that SCOTUS feels the need to consider whether or not laws exist.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“This is what happens when we let an extra from ‘Home Alone 2’ pick three Supreme Court justices.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“And it gets worse — because the oral arguments are in April, but court watchers don’t expect a decision until June. And the trial judge has promised the defense 88 days after that to prepare, meaning the trial could now be delayed until late September or October, plunging the proceedings into the heart of the election. That is terrible news for democracy, but fantastic news for television. All of the plotlines will come together at once for the thrilling conclusion of America.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“The Supreme Court gains all of its legitimacy and all of its power from public approval. They don’t have an army or a police force or, apparently, an H.R. department; they have to rely on moral authority. But they have abdicated that moral authority, which is why, tonight, using the power vested in me as a late-night host, I am hereby declaring the Supreme Court unconstitutional.” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Punchiest Punchlines (Fit for Duty Edition)“Yesterday, President Biden had his annual physical exam, and good news: He’s alive! Jon Stewart, you owe me five bucks! Pay up!” — STEPHEN COLBERT“The White House physician wrote a summary of the president’s health and said Joe Biden is ‘fit for duty’ and described him as ‘healthy, active, and robust.’ In stark contrast with the former president, who is unhealthy, inactive, and ro-busted.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“When asked about his mental state, the doctor said, ‘The president is in healthy physical condition.’” — JIMMY FALLON“We also got a list of all the medications Joe Biden takes for allergies, blood pressure and heartburn. They’re all pretty common — Eliquis, Crestor, Dymista, Allegra, Pepcid, and Nexium. Thanks, Joe! I believe that’s every one of our sponsors.” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Bits Worth WatchingDulcé Sloan declared Feb. 29 to be Black Women’s History Day on “The Daily Show.”Also, Check This OutGordon has long had a way of sneaking cultural and political ideas into music without coming off as didactic or overly earnest.Molly Matalon for The New York TimesAt 70, Kim Gordon has a new album out, “The Collective,” and it’s reaching new fans on TikTok. More

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      Late Night Speculates About Mitch McConnell’s Next Career Move

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      The senator is giving up his G.O.P. leadership post. “McConnell just turned 82, so that can only mean one thing: He’s running for president,” Jimmy Fallon said.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Leaving So Soon?On Wednesday, Mitch McConnell of Kentucky said he would step down this year from his long-held position as leader of the Senate Republicans.“McConnell just turned 82, so that can only mean one thing: He’s running for president,” said Jimmy Fallon.“McConnell said that it’s time for the next generation of leadership. Then he looked around the Senate and realized the next generation is 75.” — JIMMY FALLON“Well, thanks to the woke left, another Confederate statue has been taken down.” — SETH MEYERS“He’s not stepping down till November because, at 82, that’s how long it takes him to step.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“He will be retiring to the Galápagos Islands to spend more time with the other 500-year-old turtles.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Punchiest Punchlines (Low-Rent Wonka Edition)“Last weekend in Glasgow, a Willy Wonka-inspired experience was brought to a halt following complaints it was ‘an absolute shambles of an event’ after families traveled from all over, paying $40 a ticket for an ‘exhilarating and immersive adventure’ called Willy’s Chocolate Experience. Still better than the English attraction: Spotted Dick’s Custard Explosion.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“But when people showed up, they found something very different from what they found on the website. What they found was basically a big empty warehouse with vinyl backdrops tacked to the wall. They got to see Willy Wonka’s famous portable power generator, and they got to meet what appears to be a meth lab Oompa Loompa.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Parents were very upset. They called the police on the place. I have to say, though, honestly, I feel like the kids learned an important lesson about how disappointing the rest of their lives are going to be.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Look, I don’t know why everyone is so upset that the kids were traumatized. Have you seen the movie? Traumatizing kids is the authentic Wonka experience!” — MICHAEL KOSTA, guest host of “The Daily Show”The Bits Worth WatchingOn “Late Night,” Seth Meyers recapped his highly publicized ice cream shop visit with President Biden, in a segment Meyers referred to this time as “A Closer Lick.”What We’re Excited About on Thursday NightEugene Levy, who gets a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame next week, will appear on Thursday’s “Jimmy Kimmel Live!”Also, Check This OutRichard Lewis on “Curb Your Enthusiasm” this season.HBOIn one of his last interviews, the late Richard Lewis reminisced about the early days of “Curb Your Enthusiasm,” and about meeting Larry David when they were children at summer camp. More

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      Late Night Chides Biden for Talking About Gaza While Eating Ice Cream

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      “Not the most dignified way to deliver world-changing news,” Michael Kosta said on Tuesday’s “Daily Show.’Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Biden’s Big ScoopOn Monday, President Biden was asked about a timeline for a potential cease-fire in Gaza while visiting an ice cream shop for a “Late Night with Seth Meyers” segment.On Tuesday, the “Daily Show” host Michael Kosta said Biden had delivered his response “in the most Joe Biden way possible” — that is, while eating an ice cream cone.“Not the most dignified way to deliver world-changing news. It does remind me of the photo of Obama’s team watching the bin Laden raid while making balloon animals.” — MICHAEL KOSTA“This was like when Obama announced ‘We got bin Laden’ just as someone put out the pie.” — SETH MEYERS“That’s a very statesmanlike response, and a reason to kindle hope, if he hadn’t said it directly into a scoop of mint chip.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“I’ll tell you what, if I was a politician, I would always have an ice cream with me, just to cram in my mouth in case I got asked about Israel-Palestine.” — MICHAEL KOSTA“Now, despite Biden’s prediction, both Hamas and Israel say they’re not actually close to a cease-fire. But I’m not surprised that Biden was so optimistic: When you’re holding a freshly scooped ice cream cone, everything feels like it’s going to be OK. That’s why it’s the official food of telling your kid you’re getting a divorce.” — MICHAEL KOSTAThe Punchiest Punchlines (Biden and Trump Take Mexico Edition)“Biden and Trump are scheduled to visit the border in Texas on Thursday. Both of them. They will both be at the border. And if they can get two more senior citizens to go with them, they’ve got themselves a pickleball match.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Former President Trump is set on Thursday to visit the U.S.-Mexico border. I’m guessing to make a break for it?” — SETH MEYERS“If you think these two guys are confused now, wait till they spend a few hours in 100-degree heat.” — JIMMY FALLON“The president is going to see what can be done to solve the border crisis. Trump is going to make sure he doesn’t solve what’s happening at the border. Biden is planning to meet with U.S. border agents, while Trump is planning to sell golden high-tops on the streets of Juárez.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Bits Worth WatchingJosh Brolin took over Stephen Colbert’s desk on Tuesday’s “Late Show.”What We’re Excited About on Wednesday NightSheryl Crow will perform on Wednesday’s “Jimmy Kimmel Live.”Also, Check This OutOlivia Rodrigo onstage in California on Friday night.OK McCausland for The New York TimesFor her Guts World Tour, Olivia Rodrigo’s opening acts will range from the rising star Chappell Roan to the Gen-X rockers the Breeders. More

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      Jon Stewart Takes on ‘Something Light’: Israel and Gaza

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      After two “very controversial” appearances behind the “Daily Show” desk, Stewart decided to dial it down a bit for his third.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Something LightFor his third time back behind the desk of “The Daily Show,” Jon Stewart said things would be different from the first two, which he said had been “very controversial.”“A lot of discourse around it. A lot of carping back and forth. A lot of anger. A lot of commentary,” Stewart said. “Tonight, I’m done with it. Tonight is perhaps an amuse-bouche. A trifle. Something light!” That turned out to be the war in Gaza.After a “Middle East Conflict Disclaimer Cam” advised viewers that the following discussion was “not meant to endorse or justify either side,” Stewart dove in — calling out Israel for killing civilians, Hamas for calling for Israel’s annihilation, and the United States and the rest of the world for not stopping the suffering. He also floated a few peace proposals of his own.“Look, the United States is Israel’s closest ally. Israel’s big brother in the fraternity of nations. Israel’s work emergency contact. Maybe it’s time for the U.S. to give Israel some tough moral love.” — JON STEWART“‘Hey, Israel, take it down a notch. Could you please be more careful with your bombing?’ is good advice. But really, couldn’t the United States have told Israel that when we gave them all the bombs? They’re our bombs! This is like your coke dealer coming over with an eight ball and going, ‘Don’t stay up all night.’” — JON STEWART“Let’s just ask God. It’s his house! He’s the one who started all this! Just ask God. He can tell us who is right! Is it the Jews? Is it the Muslims? Is it the Zoroastrians? If it’s the Scientologists, a lot of us are going to have egg on our faces.” — JON STEWART“I actually think this last one could work. Starting now: no preconditions, no earned trust, no partners for peace. Israel stops bombing. Hamas releases the hostages. The Arab countries who claim Palestine is their top priority come in and form a Demilitarized Zone between Israel and a free Palestinian state. The Saudis, Egypt, U.A.E., Qatar, Jordan — they all form like a NATO arrangement guaranteeing security for both sides. Obviously, they won’t call it NATO — it’s the Middle East Treaty Organization. It’s METO.” — JON STEWARTThe Punchiest Punchlines (In It to Win It Edition)“This weekend, former President Trump won the Republican primary by 20 points in Nikki Haley’s home state of South Carolina. But Haley is still refusing to drop out of the race. Say what you want about her, but she’s really earning that participation trophy.” — JIMMY FALLON“Yeah, Trump won South Carolina by 20 points. They like him down there. He looks like a guy who fell asleep on Myrtle Beach, doesn’t he?” — JIMMY FALLON“Trump actually had two versions of his speech — a victory speech in case he won, and a victory speech in case he lost.” — JIMMY FALLONWe are having trouble retrieving the article content.Please enable JavaScript in your browser settings.Thank you for your patience while we verify access. If you are in Reader mode please exit and log into your Times account, or subscribe for all of The Times.Thank you for your patience while we verify access.Already a subscriber? Log in.Want all of The Times? Subscribe. More

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      Biden Tries to Turn the Tables on Trump: ‘He’s About as Old as I Am’

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      In his first election-year appearance on a late-night television show, the president joshed with Seth Meyers and poked at former President Donald J. Trump’s own memory lapses.President Biden has come up with a new defense against claims that he is too old to run for another term: At least he knows who his wife is — as opposed to “the other guy.”As he expands his efforts to reassure voters that he is fit for another four years, Mr. Biden took a turn on the talk show circuit, using an appearance on “Late Night With Seth Meyers” on NBC to poke his challenger, former President Donald J. Trump, on his own struggles with memory.In a playful but pointed interview aired early Tuesday morning, Mr. Meyers sought to help the president address the age issue, which polls show is an important drawback in the minds of most voters. Mr. Meyers jokingly told the president that he had obtained classified information indicating that “you are currently 81 years old.”Mr. Biden went along with the joke. “Who the hell told you that?” he asked. “That’s classified!”He then went on to jab Mr. Trump, who is 77, over a video in which he seems to call his wife, Melania Trump, by another name. “You got to take a look at the other guy,” Mr. Biden said. “He’s about as old as I am, but he can’t remember his wife’s name.”Turning more serious, Mr. Biden added that the contest is not about how old the candidates are. “It’s about how old your ideas are,” he said. “Look, this is a guy who wants to take us back. He wants to take us back on Roe v. Wade. He wants to take us back on a whole range of issues that are — 50, 60 years, they’ve been solid American positions.”The president has been on the defensive about his memory in recent weeks, particularly since a special counsel, in a report on Mr. Biden’s handling of classified documents, explained that one reason he would not charge Mr. Biden is because he would come across to a jury as a “well-meaning, elderly man with a poor memory.” During his interview with the special counsel, the report said, Mr. Biden could not remember key dates of his vice presidency or the year his son Beau died. Mr. Biden’s defenders assailed the special counsel for mentioning that.We are having trouble retrieving the article content.Please enable JavaScript in your browser settings.Thank you for your patience while we verify access. If you are in Reader mode please exit and log into your Times account, or subscribe for all of The Times.Thank you for your patience while we verify access.Already a subscriber? Log in.Want all of The Times? Subscribe. More

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      Late Night Recaps Trump’s Double-Trouble Trial Day

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      “The only way to follow all of the action was to have multiple TVs,” Stephen Colbert said. “That’s why I watched all the proceedings today at a Buffalo Wild Wings.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.‘An Insane Day for America’Former President Donald Trump had two simultaneous criminal trials on Thursday: one in New York regarding falsified business records and another in Georgia pertaining to election interference.Stephen Colbert called it “an insane day for America, because it’s a regular day for Donald Trump.” He reminded viewers that in addition to those two cases and a civil fraud trial, the former president was “also facing the Jan. 6 trial in Washington D.C., the classified documents case in Florida, Colorado trying to throw him off the ballot for insurrection, and his appeal of the verdict of the E. Jean Carroll defamation case, in which a jury has already found that Trump committed sexual assault.”He concluded, “And yet, despite all this, people want to hire this maniac to be president.”“I know how numb we’ve become, but it’s not normal. No other candidate for the presidency has ever had to pause his campaign to defend himself in multiple courts. And I’d like to point out that in all seven of his cases, no one — no one — doubts that he did these things. We’re just sitting around patiently waiting to find out if the wheels of justice will grind fast enough for there to be any consequences.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“And the media is covering it like it’s any other political story, like it’s all horse race. But in this horse race, one of the horses is old, while one of the horses is old, has hoof-in-mouth disease, and keeps quoting horse Hitler.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“This morning, Don Trump was back in the warm embrace of the American judicial system, the only place that truly loves and appreciates him.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“This is his version of uniting the country: criminal trials in the North and the South.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Trump unsuccessfully tried to get his trial in New York dismissed today, while he is also trying to get the prosecutor in Georgia dismissed. It’s a regular Dismiss America pageant that he’s running.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“It’s never good when you’re summoned to court and you’re, like, ‘I can’t, I have court.’” — JIMMY FALLON“Trump didn’t attend the Georgia hearing, and I get it — it’s so annoying getting invited to a destination trial.” — JIMMY FALLON“The only way to follow all of the action was to have multiple TVs. That’s why I watched all the proceedings today at a Buffalo Wild Wings.” — STEPHEN COLBERTWe are having trouble retrieving the article content.Please enable JavaScript in your browser settings.Thank you for your patience while we verify access. If you are in Reader mode please exit and log into your Times account, or subscribe for all of The Times.Thank you for your patience while we verify access.Already a subscriber? Log in.Want all of The Times? Subscribe. More

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      Jimmy Kimmel: Tom Suozzi Has ‘Very Big Clown Shoes to Fill’

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      Kimmel joked that New York’s special House election results had to be verified “to make sure the winner wasn’t George Santos in disguise.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Anybody But SantosTom Suozzi, a Democrat, won a special election on Tuesday to fill the congressional seat previously occupied by George Santos. The victory shrank the Republicans’ thin majority in the House. Jimmy Kimmel congratulated Suozzi on his win on Wednesday, saying, “You have some very big clown shoes to fill.”“You guys remember George Santos? Congressman, alleged felon, Sephora platinum member, Nobel laureate, Olympic gold medalist, Clark Kent having allergic reaction and Super Bowl M.V.P.?” — SETH MEYERS“They actually had to wait to verify the election to make sure the winner wasn’t George Santos in disguise.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“It’s weird when you know nothing about someone but still know they’re an improvement.” — JIMMY FALLON“That’s right, Tom Suozzi is replacing George Santos, and just from looking at their resumes, the two of them are pretty different. For instance, under education, Suozzi put, ‘B.A. from Boston College.’ Santos put, ‘Ph.D. from Hogwarts.’” — JIMMY FALLONThe Punchiest Punchlines (Valentine’s Day Edition)“Today was Valentine’s Day, so I know what I’m getting tonight — eight hours of sleep.” — SETH MEYERS“As I’m sure you’re aware, it is Valentine’s Day. If you weren’t aware, probably why your wife’s been mad all day, not saying anything.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“I want to extend a special welcome to those of you who are making love right now with the TV on. We see you.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“That’s right, today is Valentine’s Day, and if you forgot, don’t worry, there’s a good chance President Biden did, too.” — JIMMY FALLON“Even Donald Trump posted a romantic message today. He wrote, ‘Biden is not too old, he’s too incompetent.’ As close as he gets to telling somebody he loves them.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Donald Trump celebrated the day by writing a valentine to his wife Melania, and then having his campaign send a mass email blast with the subject line ‘I love you, Melania!’ [imitating Melania] ‘Unsubscribe.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Even just graphically, it looks like a ransom letter, which I guess is fitting, given Melania’s current situation.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“And then there’s a little box where you can leave a message for Melania that says, ‘We want 100,000 responses now!’ And of course, a button to make a donation to St. Valen-crime’s legal defense fund. What a lovely and a romantic gesture.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Bits Worth WatchingOn Wednesday, Stephen Colbert was joined by his wife, Evie McGee Colbert, to present their new family cookbook, “Does This Taste Funny?”What We’re Excited About on Thursday NightThe campy pop singer-songwriter Chappell Roan will perform on Thursday’s “Late Show.”Also, Check This OutBeyoncé released two new songs from her upcoming country-rock album after the Super Bowl, diving deeper into a genre that has Black musicians at its roots. Kevin Mazur/Getty Images for The Recording AcademyBeyoncé’s new musical turn highlights the exclusion of Black artists in country music. More

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      Late Night Chides Donald Trump for His Pick for the R.N.C.

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      “Oh man, poor Eric,” Jimmy Kimmel said after Trump recommended that his son’s wife, Lara, be named co-chair of the Republican National Committee.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.The Best Trump for the JobIn a statement released on Monday, former President Donald Trump endorsed his daughter-in-law, Lara Trump, becoming co-chair of the Republican National Committee, saying, “Lara is an extremely talented communicator and is dedicated to all that MAGA stands for. She has told me she wants to accept this challenge and would be great.”“Oh man, poor Eric,” Jimmy Kimmel said about Trump’s son. “His wife got more compliments in one post than his father gave him in his entire life so far.”“You know what? His son-in-law totally fixed the Middle East. Why not let his daughter-in-law fix the Republican Party?” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Yep, that had to be an awkward phone call. It’s like, ‘[imitating Trump] Eric, I need a smart family member for this job — put your wife on the phone.’” — JIMMY FALLON“In the same statement, former President Trump said that his daughter-in-law Lara Trump should be the co-chair of the R.N.C. and that her husband Eric should be ‘ambassador to wherever’s farthest.’” — SETH MEYERS“They’re entrusting the party’s future to the wise judgment of someone who married Eric.” — JIMMY FALLON“When asked how he landed on Lara, Trump was like, ‘Ivanka said no.’” — JIMMY FALLON“I say, why stop with Lara? A future Trump administration could have Jared as chief of staff, Ivanka as ambassador to the U.N., and Don Jr. as the head of the D.E.A., the Drug Enjoyment Agency.” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Punchiest Punchlines (Super Numbers Edition)“According to the latest numbers, Sunday night’s Super Bowl surpassed the moon landing to become the most-watched U.S. broadcast of all time. And it can’t be a coincidence that the two biggest broadcasts of all time were faked by the C.I.A.” — SETH MEYERS“That’s right, 123.4 million people watched the Super Bowl, making it the most watched television broadcast ever. Yet another successful boycott by Trump supporters.” — SETH MEYERS“The game was watched by 123.4 million average viewers, and who knows how many really hot ones.” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Bits Worth WatchingJordan Klepper spent time with supporters of former President Trump and the presidential hopeful Nikki Haley for Tuesday’s “Daily Show.”What We’re Excited About on Wednesday NightThe comedian and actor Fortune Feimster will appear on Wednesday’s “Jimmy Kimmel Live.”Also, Check This OutJeffrey Wright, center, with Sterling K. Brown, left, and Erika Alexander.Claire Folger/Orion PicturesThe veteran actor Jeffrey Wright finally gets his due with his starring role and Oscar-nominated performance in “American Fiction.” More