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      Late Night Shares the Stage With Climate Change

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      Seven hosts dedicated their Wednesday shows to raising awareness about the urgent need to slow global warming.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Seven late-night hosts came together for Climate Night on Wednesday, using their respective shows to raise awareness about climate change.“You can’t escape,” Jimmy Kimmel said in his monologue. “It’s basically an intervention.”A veteran late-night producer and writer, Steve Bodow, organized the event to coincide with Climate Week NYC. Kimmel made the case that climate change trumps all other important issues.“The pandemic, systemic racism, income inequality, immigration, gun violence — but here’s the thing. If we don’t address climate change, none of those issues will matter at all. The car is going off a cliff and we’re fiddling with the radio.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“How could anyone be opposed to trying to fix this? Even if you run an oil company, you and your children and their children are going to have to live on in the world. There’s no Planet B.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Wildfires, floods, landslides — which, all amazing things to hear Stevie Nicks sing about; not something you want to experience in life.” — JIMMY KIMMELSeth Meyers and James Corden worked together on a joint intro across networks. Meyers called the occasion “one night where we put aside our intense, white-hot rivalries and come together to raise awareness for the vast effects the climate is having on our lives and the things we can do to help.”On “Late Night,” Meyers argued that climate change has made everything a lot weirder.“Now it’s just normal for friends to show up to dinner in late September looking like they just ran a marathon,” Meyers said. “Pretty soon the traditional Thanksgiving feast is going to be replaced by a clothing-optional backyard barbecue. ‘It’s too hot for turkey, so we’re just doing mashed potato smoothies.’”“This is how bad climate change is getting: wildfires in the West, floods in the East, freezing cold in Texas. Billy Joel’s going to have to write an update for 2021 and call it, ‘Actually, We Did Start the Fire.’” — SETH MEYERSOn “The Late Late Show,” Corden told viewers not to worry: “We’re not going to hammer you with scary stories, like the fact that this was the hottest summer on record here in the United States, which is true.”Instead, Corden shared inspirational stories of people doing their part to combat climate change and challenged his house-band members to share their own efforts.On “Full Frontal,” Samantha Bee shined a light on what she called “the number two issue”: sewage and the failure of America’s water infrastructure.“No one wants to think about sewage, but we all need to support the water infrastructure that supports us. Because waste disposal is vital to society and sanitation is a human right — unless you’re at an outdoor music festival, in which case, it’s a distant memory.” — SAMANTHA BEEStephen Colbert pointed to the numbers in his “Late Show” monologue, including a recent survey finding that most Americans do not believe they will be personally affected by global warming.“Americans treat climate science like soccer: We know it’s out there, and it really matters to the rest of world, but no one can make us care,” Colbert said, adding, “Maybe Ted Lasso could.”“But ordinary people are doing something about climate change: They’re worrying — especially young people. A recent study asked youths 16 to 25 from around the world how they felt about climate change, and 56 percent agreed with the viewpoint that humanity is doomed. Nice try, kids, but you’re not getting out of your student loans.” — STEPHEN COLBERTOn “The Daily Show,” Trevor Noah explored how climate change affects “unexpected little things” — slowing sea turtle reproduction, dampening the human sex drive and affecting the taste of coffee, wine and beer.“A lot of weird little effects that when you add them all together ends up being basically everything,” Noah said.“You know, my one hope is this is the news that finally gets people to take drastic action. Because if anything is going to motivate people, it is going to be the end of sex.” — TREVOR NOAHJimmy Fallon, for his part, left Climate Night jokes to the other hosts. Instead, he brought Dr. Jane Goodall to “The Tonight Show,” where she discussed her call for people around the world to plant new trees. More

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      Late Night (and BTS) Goes to the U.N. General Assembly

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      Trevor Noah referred to the U.N. event as “the annual gathering that honestly could just be a Zoom.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.International Relations IRLOn Tuesday, late night weighed in on the beginning of this week’s U.N. General Assembly — or, as Trevor Noah called it, “the annual gathering that honestly could just be a Zoom.”“Guys, it’s a very busy time in New York City because the U.N. General Assembly is officially underway. Yeah, more than 100 foreign leaders are in town to address the assembly, while some are just here to pick up a fiancé for 90 days.” — JIMMY FALLON“But all the big names have shown up. President Biden gave a speech, Brazil’s Bolsonaro gave a speech, and BTS gave a speech and filmed a music video from inside U.N. headquarters. Completely real. Yeah. Old people were probably watching this, like, ‘What the hell is a BTS?’ And young people were watching it, like, ‘What the hell is the U.N.?’” — TREVOR NOAH“But it makes sense for BTS to show up at the U.N. I mean, out of all the countries there, they probably have the most powerful army.” — TREVOR NOAH“I love when the U.N. General Assembly is in session. There’s no greater joy than watching the president of Romania walk into the M&M store.” — JIMMY FALLON“Seriously, when else are you going to spot the president of Latvia holding one of those restaurant buzzers outside Bubba Gump Shrimp? It’s like, [imitating Latvia accent] ‘Our table is ready; let’s go.’” — JIMMY FALLON“This was Biden’s first speech to the General Assembly since taking office. He told the assembly that U.S. military power should not be the answer to every problem. For that, we have alcohol and weed.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“I feel sorry for the U.N. translators who are working during Biden’s speech. Imagine having to think of the Portuguese word for ‘buckaroo,’ right there on the fly.” — JAMES CORDEN“And all his leader friends from other countries were there — the fella from down under, big guy, too tall, Padre, Bucko, Slick.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“After Bolsonaro spoke, President Biden then made his address to the U.N. General Assembly. It was the first time he spoke to a room full of world leaders confidently knowing that they didn’t have him on mute.” — JIMMY FALLONThe Punchiest Punchlines (U.N. vaccinated Edition)“In order to be allowed on the General Assembly floor, all leaders had to either be vaccinated or test negative for Covid, but they didn’t have to show proof. They did it on the honor system. And if you can’t trust China and Russia, really, who can you trust?” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Next, the U.N. is gonna be, like, ‘We believe further conflict with the Taliban will be avoided thanks to our latest pinkie promise.’” — JIMMY FALLON“Brazilian President Jair Bolsonaro this morning entered the U.N. General Assembly hall unvaccinated, violating both U.N. rules and New York law, but he got a hero’s welcome on Staten Island.” — SETH MEYERS“President Bolsonaro believes the vaccine turns people into crocodiles — and bearded ladies, too. Crocodiles? This AstraZeneca has a lot of range, I have to say.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Of course, the main focus of this year’s General Assembly is fighting Covid. Yep, nothing like holding a superspreader event to tackle a pandemic.” — JIMMY FALLONThe Bits Worth WatchingSeth Meyers’s brother, Josh Meyers, parodied the California governor, Gavin Newsom, addressing his supporters on “Late Night.”What We’re Excited About on Wednesday NightNicole Kidman and Melissa McCarthy, stars of “Nine Perfect Strangers,” will join James Corden on “The Late Late Show.”Also, Check This OutKacey Musgraves’s “Star-Crossed” is her divorce album, a song cycle about how a relationship deteriorates that’s full of small memories, good and bad, rendered largely without judgment.Theo Wargo/Getty Images For MTVKacey Musgraves opens up about her career as a country crossover artist on this week’s Popcast. More

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      Seth Meyers Does His Best Tucker Carlson Impersonation

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      Meyers mimicked the Fox News host on Monday night, saying Carlson could have a career in improv.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Breaking Conspiracy TheoriesSeth Meyers pointed to some of Fox News’ latest contradictions on Monday night, citing a recent poll finding a majority of viewers are in support of Covid precautions that differ greatly from the network’s Covid-19 talking points.“One way you can tell that the Republican Party is intellectually bankrupt is that they spend very little time talking about policy and a lot more time talking about bat [expletive] conspiracy theories they concocted out of nowhere,” Meyers said on Monday.“It’s so hard to keep up with the right-wing rumor mill that sometimes I’ll only find out about one after it’s been debunked. Yesterday I was scrolling through Twitter and saw a Snopes headline that said, ‘No, Joe Biden is not a Westworld Robot Created by George Soros to Steal Your Hamburgers,’ and I thought, ‘Oh, right, I forgot to tape “Judge Jeanine” last night.’” — SETH MEYERS“So, the left is focused on trying to pass a far-reaching bill that would transform child care, expand the social safety net and tackle climate change, among other things, and what’s the MAGA crowd doing? Are they offering any alternative solutions? Or are they asking Eric Trump about Nicki Minaj’s cousin’s friend’s swollen balls?” — SETH MEYERSThe “Late Night” host pointed to Tucker Carlson’s alarmist delivery and did an inspired impersonation.“I will say this, though: If cable news ever gets boring for Tucker, he’d make a hell of an improviser because my man knows how to heighten. [Imitating Carlson] If they can force you take a vaccine, what can’t they force you to do? Can they force you to take psychotropic meds? Make you wear a seatbelt? Make you put your shoes on at Olive Garden even though they tell you, ‘When you’re here, you’re family?’ And then when you try to fill a briefcase with unlimited breadsticks, can they call security?” — SETH MEYERSThe Punchiest Punchlines (Half a Shot Edition)“Big news today, as Pfizer announced that a low dose of its vaccine is safe and effective for kids ages 5 to 11. It’s great news until you hear a 6-year-old say, ‘I want to do my own research first.’” — JIMMY FALLON“Meanwhile, 4-year-olds are like, ‘Yeah, don’t mind us; we’ll just keep Clorox-wiping our Legos, OK?’” — JIMMY FALLON“According to a Pfizer board member, a vaccine for children could be available by the end of October. Well, I know what I’ll be handing out for Halloween — a fun-sized Pfizer.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Yeah, it’s a version of the Pfizer vaccine that’s much, much weaker, so they’re calling it Johnson & Johnson.” — JIMMY FALLON“Of course, a lot of kids will get the vaccine while a small minority will insist on taking pony dewormer, because they’re children.” — JIMMY FALLONThe Bits Worth WatchingTrevor Noah announced the nominations for this year’s Pandemmy Awards on “The Daily Show.”What We’re Excited About on Tuesday NightBob Woodward and Robert Costa will pop by Tuesday’s “Late Show” to talk about their new book, “Peril.”Also, Check This OutJosh O’Connor won an Emmy for his turn as Prince Charles in “The Crown.” The Netflix series won several awards Sunday night.CBS“The Crown” swept this year’s Emmys, winning several awards, including Best Drama. More

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      Jimmy Kimmel Makes an Intriguing Offer to Logan Paul

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      The YouTube personality called Kimmel out for referring to him as one of the worst people in the world — alongside Donald Trump.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.‘I’ll Introduce You to Nicki Minaj’s Cousin’s Friend’The YouTube personality Logan Paul called out Jimmy Kimmel this week for referring to him and Donald Trump as “the very worst people in the world” during a recent broadcast. Kimmel apologized on Thursday night to Paul, who affectionately referred to him as “J.K.” during his complaint and said he’d opened up to Kimmel about missing a testicle.“Oh, come on now. Had I known you fondly called me ‘J.K.’ I never would have said any of that stuff,” Kimmel said.“I’m sorry, L.P. I hope we can be bros again, dude. I really do, and I’m sorry about your testicle. I forgot about that. You know what? To make up for it, I’m gonna give you one of my testicles. Or, wait a minute — I just thought of something. Maybe I’ll introduce you to Nicki Minaj’s cousin’s friend. This guy, he’s got more testicle than he knows what to do with.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Punchiest Punchlines (SpaceX Edition)“Last night, SpaceX made history when it launched the first all-tourist crew into orbit. Sadly, one of them forgot to tell Verizon he’s traveling, so now he’s up there like, ‘Damn it, I’ve been roaming this whole time.’” — JIMMY FALLON“This is the first orbital mission in the history of spaceflight staffed entirely by nonprofessionals. No one on board is an astronaut; none of them have any training. One of them is a geologist. So if there’s an emergency, they’ll at least know what kind of rock they’re gonna crash into.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“These are the four winners of the golden ticket. They include a billionaire, a cancer survivor, a geologist and a raffle winner. All they’re missing is the professor and Mary Ann.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“[Imitating SpaceX passenger] Houston, we have a problem, but I have no idea what the problem is, since I own a chain of laundromats. I have already cleaned the lint trap. I’m gonna try putting in more quarters.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Imagine that — going on a rocket, no one on board is qualified to fly? It’s like if Spirit Airlines went to space.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“By the way, if you’re not real astronauts, I feel like you shouldn’t get to pose like the crew from Apollo 13.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“But you have to love humans — we just launched four civilians into orbit on a recreational spaceflight. We’re still more interested in uncovering the mystery of Nicki Minaj’s cousin’s friend’s balls.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Bits Worth WatchingLeVar Burton talked with Trevor Noah about two of his favorite things: reading and “Jeopardy.”Also, Check This OutA scene from “My Name Is Pauli Murray.” The documentarian Betsy West, who made the film with Julie Cohen, said, “We just thought, why didn’t anybody teach us about this person?”  Amazon StudiosA new documentary highlights the unsung influence of the activist, lawyer and minister Pauli Murray. More

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      Late Night Takes Lots of Jabs at Nicki Minaj

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      The rapper’s tweets about her cousin’s friend, who she said had swollen testicles after taking the Covid vaccine, set off a flood of commentary.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.A Swell GuyOn Tuesday’s late-night shows, Nicki Minaj’s tweets about her cousin’s friend in Trinidad who she said got swollen testicles after receiving the Covid vaccine were a hot topic.On Wednesday, the rapper responded to the hosts who had poked fun, including Jimmy Kimmel, who asked to be connected with the afflicted man, saying he had questions.“And I guess Nicki saw it, because she reached out on Twitter,” Kimmel said. “She wrote: ‘He’s willing to talk for the right price. I’m his manager. Call me, Jimmy.’ Which was exciting. Don’t have Nicki’s number, and I do want to get an idea of what kind of money we’re talking about, so I wrote back, ‘Does he charge by the pound?’”Tuesday’s “Late Show” parodied Minaj’s hit “Super Bass,” which Minaj found amusing, writing that she wasn’t upset because she “rlly” likes Stephen Colbert.“Nicki, for the record, I ‘rlly’ like you, too,” Colbert said on Wednesday. “That’s why I want you to get vaccinated so you can come on the show again, because without a shot, the network ‘rlly’ won’t let you come on.”The Punchiest Punchlines (Crisis Averted Edition)“California Gov. Gavin Newsom yesterday defeated a recall attempt by a nearly 2-to-1 margin, and Newsom was so relieved, his hair unclenched.” — SETH MEYERS“Sorry, California Republicans, I know you spent 20 months and millions of dollars on this recall, but you know what they say.: You win some, but not in California.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Did he win? Can you win an election you didn’t want to happen?” — JIMMY KIMMEL“The cost to our state was about $300 million, which I think is the third-most-expensive dinner at French Laundry ever.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“The race was called for Newsom less than an hour after the polls closed. Less than an hour. Amazing how fast an election can end when Rudy Giuliani isn’t involved, isn’t it?”— JIMMY FALLON“The election was called so early, Newsom was able to get his beauty sleep, which, by the looks of him, is like 17 hours a day.” — JAMES CORDEN“In fact, there were three options on the ballot that said ‘yes,’ ‘no’ and ‘This is a bigger waste of time than driving into L.A.X.’” — SETH MEYERS“A vast majority of Californians voted no on the recall. So many people marked no, it was like the R.S.V.P.s for a destination wedding.” — JIMMY FALLONThe Bits Worth WatchingOn “Full Frontal,” Samantha Bee skewered conservatives for perpetuating vaccine misinformation and mixed messaging.What We’re Excited About on Thursday NightSeth Meyers will host the cast of “Brooklyn Nine-Nine” for the last time on Thursday’s “Late Night.”Also, Check This OutSamantha Bee and other late-night hosts will focus their Sept. 22 episodes on climate change. “We need to not be submerged underwater in order to have successful late-night shows,” she said.TBSLate-night hosts will address climate change on their respective shows as part of Climate Night on Sept. 22. More

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      Late Night Remembers Norm Macdonald

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      Seth Meyers, James Corden and Jimmy Fallon paid tribute to the stand-up comic and former “Saturday Night Live” cast member on Tuesday.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.A Late-Night LegendThe comedian Norm Macdonald died on Tuesday, and a few late-night hosts caught the news in time to honor the frequent guest and former “Saturday Night Live” cast member.Seth Meyers called the loss of Macdonald tragic, saying, “I do not think that Norm would want to hear anything sentimental.” Still, Meyers shared some of his favorite Macdonald quips and what he had learned from watching him anchor “Weekend Update.”“And also, he loved, or I should say he just didn’t care, if he was bombing. If he thought the jokes were good, he had exactly as much fun telling them to a dead audience than to one who appreciated them. And I think for so many of us, we came up watching Norm, and we thought that you were on the inside with him when you were watching him tell these jokes that you thought were great, and no one in the room thought was good and you just felt this connection to him — and that ability to just stare into an audience, unblinkingly telling the jokes that — that you believed in.” — SETH MEYERSJimmy Fallon called Macdonald one of his comedy idols — “a comic’s comic” — reciting a bit from Macdonald’s early stand-up sets he’d memorized.“He’s just one of the greatest comedians ever, and, God, we’re going to miss him. He was a friend of the show — family, really, to us.” — JIMMY FALLONJames Corden hailed Macdonald as “perhaps the single greatest guest in the history of late-night television.”“Norm Macdonald passed away today, far too soon, after a nine-year battle with cancer; a battle Norm never told anybody about, because all Norm ever wanted to do was to make us laugh, and he was absolutely brilliant at it. There was nobody quite like him.” — JAMES CORDENThe Punchiest Punchlines (Side Effects Edition)“After she announced that she has not received the coronavirus vaccine, rapper Nicki Minaj tweeted yesterday that a friend of her cousin received the shot and became impotent after, quote, ‘his testicles became swollen.’ Which is pretty shocking, because when I got the shot, it was in my arm.” — SETH MEYERS“I can’t believe I have to say this, but doctors agree that Covid vaccines do not cause swollen testicles. But to be fair to Dr. Minaj, everyone knows there’s no source more reliable than your extended family’s acquaintances in another country.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Her report comes straight from ‘The New England Journal of my cousin’s friend in Trinidad.’ Just check out this week’s study, ‘I heard his girlfriend got pregnant from a hot tub.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Can we talk a moment about this poor guy. Think about it: He’s minding his own business with his swollen testicles in Trinidad and because his best friend happens to be cousins with Nicki Minaj — now the whole world knows that he’s impotent, he got dumped and he’s got giant testicles. He must be so mad at his friend.” — TREVOR NOAH“I mean that poor guy — single, swollen and everyone is asking them if he can hook them up with Nicki Minaj tickets.” — TREVOR NOAH“And for this friend, hate to say it, if your testicles swell up, the question isn’t ‘Did you get a vaccine recently?’ it’s ‘What have you been doing to your balls?’” — JIMMY KIMMEL“By the way, if anyone can track down this friend of Nicki’s cousin, I would really like to talk to him — I have questions.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Bits Worth WatchingThe Broadway cast of “Tina — The Tina Turner Musical” performed “Private Dancer” on Tuesday’s “Tonight Show.”What We’re Excited About on Wednesday NightNew “Dancing With the Stars” cast member Jojo Siwa will be on Wednesday’s “Tonight Show.”Also, Check This OutFrom left, Alexia Landeau, Elisabeth Shue, Sarah Jones and Julie Delpy in a scene from “On the Verge.”NetflixThe French actress Julie Delpy created and stars in the new Netflix series “On the Verge,” a comedy following four middle-age friends in Los Angeles. More

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      Rudy Giuliani’s Rowdy 9/11 Speech Leaves Late-Night Hosts Reeling

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      ‘I’m not saying Rudy was drunk, but that’s usually when guys from Brooklyn start to imitate the queen of England,’ Seth Meyers said.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.‘What Is He Doing?’This weekend’s 20th anniversary of the Sept. 11 attacks would not appear to be very good fodder for lighthearted late-night humor. But that was until Rudy Giuliani got involved.On Saturday, Giuliani turned a speech commemorating the occasion into a wandering, unfunny but still-comic monologue. He impersonated Queen Elizabeth II and reminisced awkwardly about his run-ins with Prince Andrew.Trevor Noah was one of many late-night hosts who responded with baffled amusement.“You know your speech went off the rails when people watching it are like: ‘I wish this guy would talk more about 9/11. What is he doing?’” — TREVOR NOAHOn “Late Night,” Seth Meyers said there was reason to agree with the commentators who suggested that Giuliani was not in full command of his faculties.“I’m not saying Rudy was drunk, but that’s usually when guys from Brooklyn start to imitate the queen of England.” — SETH MEYERS“I guess Rudy can add this tape to his reel of impressions if he ever auditions for ‘America’s Not Talent.’” — SETH MEYERSTaco Bell EnvironmentalismTaco Bell recently started a program that aims to help customers recycle the plastic from used sauce packets by having them mail those packets back.Noah said the idea deserved points for creativity but probably wouldn’t actually do much to help the environment.“This idea has all sorts of problems with it. For one thing, people who eat at Taco Bell don’t care about the environment. I mean, they don’t even care about their own bodies.” — TREVOR NOAH“Yeah, this is a weird idea, but what did you expect? Coming up with weird ideas is Taco Bell’s whole thing. This is a place that will still wrap a soft shell around a hard shell and wrap that inside a Dorito’s chip — which is delicious, but you really think their idea to save the environment is going to make sense?” — TREVOR NOAHThe Punchiest Punchlines (M.T.A. Edition)“At the Washington Football Team’s season opener, a pipe at the stadium burst over a group of fans, and some people said it might have been sewage. I don’t know; take a look. [Shows footage] Well, that’s a good omen for the season, you know? Washington is still looking for a team name; it’s too bad the Browns are already taken.” — JIMMY FALLON“An investigation concluded last week that a recent M.T.A. subway outage that shut down 83 trains was caused by someone accidentally flipping a power switch. Said one man, ‘So thaaaat’s what it does.’” — SETH MEYERSThe Bits Worth WatchingDr. Anthony Fauci talked to Noah about combating vaccine hesitancy and what he called the need for vaccine mandates.Jimmy Kimmel’s wife, Molly McNearney, came up with a skit that allows her to declutter their house at the same time: It’s called “Win Jimmy’s Crap.”What We’re Excited About on Tuesday NightJustice Stephen Breyer, who at 83 has been fending off calls from fellow liberals to step down, will talk to Stephen Colbert on Tuesday. Will Colbert hold his feet to the fire?Also, Check This OutThe Metropolitan Opera performed Verdi’s Requiem on Saturday, the company’s first time playing inside its theater since March 2020.Richard Termine/Met OperaAnthony Tommasini, The Times’s chief classical music critic, gave an enthusiastic review to the first performance at the Metropolitan Opera since the start of the coronavirus pandemic: a staging on Saturday of Verdi’s Requiem in commemoration of 9/11. More

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      Jimmy Kimmel: Herd Immunity Doesn’t Mean Taking Horse Medicine

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      “Vaxxed and waxed. He wants his mailmen smooth,” Kimmel joked of President Biden’s new vaccine requirements for federal employees on Thursday.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.‘The Variants Are Coming!’On Thursday, President Biden announced new vaccine requirements for federal employees and contractors, health care workers and those working at companies with more than 100 employees.“And, of course, a lot of people are upset about this,” Jimmy Kimmel said. “They don’t want to be told what to do — not even by the doctors who they will eventually rush to to beg for help when they get sick.”“Vaxxed and waxed. He wants his mailmen smooth.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“This really does feel like when your dad stops threatening and actually does turn the car around.” — JAMES CORDEN“But you know, there’s a reason pandemic movies end when the hero finds the cure for the disease. There’s no ‘Contagion’ sequel with Matt Damon running around trying to convince everyone to take the vaccine — they just take the vaccine. And thank God, by the way — he sucks. We don’t need more movies with him.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Vaccine mandates have a proud history in this country. During a smallpox outbreak in 1777, George Washington required his troops to be immunized. And who can forget the immortal words of Paul Revere: ‘One if by J.&J., two if by Pfizer. The variants are coming! The variants are coming!’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“But, still, I don’t know, like a quarter of the country thinks herd immunity means they should be taking livestock medicine instead of the vaccination.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Biden said it’s time to stop horsing around — and then he was like, ‘No, seriously, stop taking horse medicine.’” — JAMES CORDENThe Punchiest Punchlines (She’s Back Edition)“The Biden administration yesterday removed 18 military academy board members that were appointed by Trump, including haunted Dollar Store Barbie doll Kellyanne Conway. Which, there’s a name I haven’t said in a while: Kellyanne Conway. I’m not gonna say it any more times. I’ve seen ‘Candyman.’ I know what might happen.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Why were there still any Trump holdovers anyway? That’s like moving into a rent-controlled apartment the last guy died in and keeping all the expired whitefish in the refrigerator.” — SETH MEYERS“And why was Kellyanne Conway on an Air Force advisory board? If she ever flew an F-16 or what she probably calls an F-17, I guess we would end up in a ravine, her standing on a tarmac in a parachute claiming it was a successful landing.” — SETH MEYERSThe Bits Worth WatchingStephen Colbert spoke with Steve Burns from “Blues Clues,” who went viral this week with a heartfelt video that addressed his abrupt departure from the beloved children’s show close to 20 years ago.Also, Check This OutSeth Meyers was among Kelly Clarkson’s guests during a string of New York episodes taped at Jazz at Lincoln Center.Weiss Eubanks/NBCAfter two years of her daytime show, much of that during a pandemic, Kelly Clarkson has hit her stride as a talk show host. More