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    Stephen Colbert Bans Kanye West From ‘The Late Show’

    Colbert said his jurisdiction extended into the northern half of Times Square, and that he was “banning Kanye from coming north of Bubba Gump Shrimp.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Ye Takes Another ‘L’Stephen Colbert made a big announcement on Thursday night.“After much thought and soul-searching, I, Stephen Colbert, am banning Kanye West from the Ed Sullivan Theater,” Colbert said. “In fact, as host of ‘The Late Show’ my jurisdiction extends into the northern half of Times Square, and I am banning Kanye from coming north of Bubba Gump Shrimp.”“And I just want to take a moment here and just point out that this — this next part is the courageous part — I’m ending all of our high-profile collabs, including, but not restricted to, our collection of spreadable jams, Strawbeezy Jelleezy. And I have decided not to release our duets album, ‘Ye and Phen Sing ‘Fiddler on the Roof.’’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“I know this has been too long in coming. I have no excuses for why I didn’t do this before, except that he has never been on the show, had no plans to be on the show, we have never asked him to be on the show, and I’m not sure he’s aware that I have a show.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“But I had to do it now, because I was afraid he would just show up at any moment, because that’s what he did yesterday. The shoe company Skechers says it had to escort Kanye West from its offices after an unannounced visit. In five years, the idea of an unannounced visit from Kanye has gone from amazing to ‘Sir, you need to leave this Skechers.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Unlike with Adidas, Kanye never had a deal with Skechers. Apparently, Kanye is so desperate, he’s just driving around and searching Google Maps for ‘shoes near me.’” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Punchiest Punchlines (Sinking In Edition)“Speaking of ‘Stranger Things,’ Elon Musk is in the news. Elon Musk is close to buying Twitter, and, yesterday, he walked into their headquarters carrying a sink just so that he could tweet — this is real— ‘Entering Twitter HQ. Let that sink in.’ That pun cost him $44 billion.” — JIMMY FALLON“I know a lot of people think that was corny, but I think once you have 87 children, you are allowed to make dad jokes.” — TREVOR NOAH“Just when you thought Kanye made the most bizarre entrance, Elon was like, ‘Hold my sink.’” — JIMMY FALLON“Where did he get the sink? Is it just the one he ripped out of the wall when the judge told him that he had to buy Twitter?” — TREVOR NOAH“If anything, Elon is the right billionaire to make this joke, you know? Because if Jeff Bezos walked into Amazon with a sink, his employees would be like, ‘Oh wow, we’re finally getting a restroom?’” — TREVOR NOAH“I’m looking forward to Twitter on his first bad day as C.E.O.: ‘Our stock is in the toilet!’” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Bits Worth WatchingRonny Chieng makes the case that Halloween is awful in a new segment of “Prove Me Wrong” on Thursday’s “Daily Show.”Also, Check This OutGijsbert Hanekroot/Redferns, via Getty ImagesMusicians who worked with Stevie Wonder on his landmark 1972 album “Talking Book,” and others who just cherish it, reminisce about its magic, half a century after its release. More

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    Stephen Colbert Ponders Dr. Oz’s Views on Abortion

    “No one should have to discuss health care with their local political leaders, especially if you live in one of those really small towns where the local mayor is a dog,” Colbert said.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Abort MissionOn Wednesday’s “Late Show,” Stephen Colbert joked that Mehmet Oz had already faced some obstacles as a Senate candidate in Pennsylvania: “For one thing, he lives in New Jersey.”In his monologue, Colbert said the candidate, a former talk show host also known as Dr. Oz, had “accidentally said what he meant” about abortion in his Tuesday debate with Lt. Gov. John Fetterman. Oz said the federal government should stay out of the issue, which he said should be left to women and doctors — and, he quickly added, “local political leaders.”“Oh, so close! No one — no one should have to discuss health care with their local political leaders. Especially if you live in one of those really small towns where the local mayor is a dog. ‘Making this decision was ruff. But I believe life begins at — squirrel!’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Dr. Oz said abortion rights should be decided by women and their doctors and local political leaders, which is pretty slick, right? Because he started that sentence like he was on the side of women, then he snuck in the politicians at the end like a teenager buying condoms at the gas station.” — TREVOR NOAHThe Punchiest Punchlines (Speaking of Abortion Edition)“I think we can all agree there is only one politician who should have a say in your abortion and that’s Herschel Walker, because it is his. It’s his. It’s probably his. Ladies, check, they’re all his.” — TREVOR NOAH“Wait a second — didn’t we do this story already? Am I in a rerun right now?” — STEPHEN COLBERT, on another allegation that Walker, a candidate for the Senate in Georgia, had asked a woman to have an abortion“At this point, the only athlete who would be dumb enough to sign with Donda Sports is Herschel Walker.” — JIMMY KIMMEL, referring to Kanye West’s marketing agencyThe Bits Worth WatchingThe “Black Panther: Wakanda Forever” stars Lupita Nyong’o, Danai Gurira and Letitia Wright surprised fans on Wednesday’s “Jimmy Kimmel Live.”What We’re Excited About on Thursday NightTegan and Sara will perform a track from their new album “Crybaby” on Thursday’s “Tonight Show.”Also, Check This OutLawrence Mercado, a special effects artist, with Josh Nalley, who was playing a corpse on the set of “CSI: Vegas.”Sonja Flemming/CBSJosh Nalley posted videos of himself playing dead on TikTok. It led to a role as a corpse on “CSI: Vegas.” More

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    Jimmy Kimmel Wonders Why Trump Would Talk to Bob Woodward

    “Why are you agreeing to do 20 interviews on tape with the guy who took down Richard Nixon with tapes? With tapes!” Kimmel said on Tuesday.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.A Regular ChatterboxThe journalist Bob Woodward released hours of content from his interviews with former President Donald Trump in a new audiobook, “The Trump Tapes.”“According to Woodward, Trump would call him randomly at unexpected hours to talk while he was president,” Jimmy Kimmel said. “Because there is nothing he likes doing more than talking about himself — it’s his version of phone sex.”“One of the things he talks about is explaining Covid to his son, Barron, who was 13 at the time. He told Barron he wished he’d known about Covid two months earlier, so he could have stopped it, which is also what he told Ivana about Don Jr.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Why are you agreeing to do 20 interviews on tape with the guy who took down Richard Nixon with tapes? With tapes! The emperor has no brain.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Punchiest Punchlines (Just Dropped Edition)“Kanye West had another bad day. You know how Kanye said he could say antisemitic stuff and Adidas cannot drop him? Well, today, Adidas dropped him.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Today, Adidas finally ended their massive deal with Kanye West after his antisemitism controversy. To which I say, ‘Ye!’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“No one wants to work with Kanye — even New Balance thinks he’s unbalanced.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Bits Worth WatchingZedd and Maren Morris performed their song “Make You Say” on Tuesday’s “Tonight Show.”What We’re Excited About on Wednesday NightElizabeth Banks will promote her new film “Call Jane” on Wednesday’s “Daily Show.”Also, Check This OutRyan Condal on the set of “House of the Dragon.” The first season of the “Game of Thrones” prequel ended on Sunday.Ollie Upton/HBOThe “House of the Dragon” showrunner Ryan Condal was surprised by the warm reception given to Season 1 of the first “Game of Thrones” spinoff. More

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    James Corden Addresses His Restaurant Ban

    The “Late Late Show” host said he shouldn’t have been rude to a server at Balthazar in New York. “I hope I’m allowed in again one day,” he said.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Eating His WordsLast week, the owner of the New York restaurant Balthazar wrote on Instagram that James Corden had been banned after behaving rudely to a server. The post went viral, with many news outlets reporting on Corden’s alleged bad behavior.On Monday night’s “Late Late Show,” Corden said that he’d been off social media while the show was on hiatus for the last week.“Have I missed anything? Did I miss any news?” Corden joked.“Like whenever these sorts of moments come my way, I like to adopt quite a British attitude — sort of keep calm and carry on. Things are going to get written about me, never complain, never explain. It’s very much my motto. But as my dad pointed out to me on Saturday, he said, ‘Son, well, you did complain, so you might need to explain.’” — JAMES CORDEN“So when everybody’s meals came, my wife was given the food that she was allergic to. No, she hadn’t taken a bite, we sent it back, all was good. As her meal came wrong to the table the third time, in the heat of the moment, I made — I made a sarcastic, rude comment, right? About cooking it myself, and it is a comment I deeply regret, right. I understand the difficulties of being a server. I worked shifts at restaurants for years. I have — I have such respect and I value anyone that does such a job, and the team at that restaurant are so great. That’s why I love it there.” — JAMES CORDEN“But here is the truth of it, right, because I didn’t — because I didn’t shout or scream, like I didn’t get up out of my seat. I didn’t call anyone names or use derogatory language. I have been walking around thinking that I hadn’t done anything wrong, right? But the truth is like I have — I made a rude comment and it was wrong, and it was an unnecessary comment. It was ungracious to the server.” — JAMES CORDEN“I understand everybody getting upset and I accept — I accept everybody’s opinion. I also hate, as I said to the owner that day, that I’ve ever upset anybody ever — it was never my intention. It just wasn’t. And I love that restaurant. I love the staff there. I hope I’m allowed in again one day, so when I’m back in New York I can go there, and apologize in person, which is something I will absolutely do.” — JAMES CORDENThe Punchiest Punchlines (Big Fans Edition)“The Astros punched their ticket to the Series yesterday by sweeping the Yankees, but New Yorkers took their frustrations out on one Astros fan in particular: Senator Ted Cruz, who was in the city for the game. Man, New York does have a rat problem.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“You know, you would think Ted Cruz would be unwelcome in a place like the Bronx — and if you did think that, you would be absolutely correct!” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Yeah, there were a lot of boos, and a lot of extended middle fingers — which at this point, people, why does anyone bother? Ted Cruz sees those so often, he may not even be offended. He might just think that’s how people wave now.” — TREVOR NOAH“So, even though they lost the game, I think New York won the battle last night.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Bits Worth WatchingThe standup comic Ariel Elias made her late-night debut on “Jimmy Kimmel Live” after going viral for how she handled a heckler during a recent set.What We’re Excited About on Tuesday NightSigourney Weaver will sit down with Jimmy Fallon on Tuesday’s “Tonight Show.”Also, Check This OutBy the time he was 49, Matthew Perry writes in his new book, he had spent more than half of his life in treatment centers or sober living facilities.Michelle Groskopf for The New York TimesMatthew Perry’s new memoir “Friends, Lovers and the Big Terrible Thing” addresses his struggles with success and sobriety. More

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    Trevor Noah Is Inspired by Trump’s Camera Work

    Noah joked on Thursday that Trump gets away with so much criminal activity, “it just shows us we could do crime, too.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Not So Smooth CriminalAn aide for former President Donald Trump was caught on camera moving boxes out of a storage room at Mar-a-Lago both before and after the Justice Department issued a subpoena demanding the return of all classified documents he’d removed from the White House.Trevor Noah called Trump “a legend.”“Who else gets caught committing crimes with their own security cameras?” Noah said on Thursday. “Who are you? How are you real?”“There’s something inspiring about it, too, when you think about it. It’s actually inspiring. Because Trump is so bad at crime, but he gets away with so much of it, it just shows us we could do crime, too. He’s like the drunk couple at karaoke; hearing them screech through ‘Don’t Stop Believin’ gives you the confidence to try ‘Kiss From a Rose.’” — TREVOR NOAH“Man, he’s a bad criminal. You’re supposed to get rid of the evidence. Trump is the first criminal to plant the evidence on himself.” — SETH MEYERS“I have to say, all this evidence, it’s crazy the only Trump being held in prison right now is Melania.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Remember how he was ranting and raving about the agents searching Barron’s bedroom and going through Melania’s closet? That’s because he put the documents there.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“He’s such a bad criminal. If Donald Trump wasn’t born rich, he’d be one of those bank robbers who passes the teller a note with his name signed at the bottom.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Punchiest Punchlines (Another Day, Another Subpoena Edition)“The House Jan. 6 committee voted unanimously today to subpoena former President Trump. I would say this is big news, but it’s really more like putting one more parking ticket on that van that’s been on your block for a year. That ticket ain’t gettin’ paid.” — SETH MEYERS“And to make sure the former president reads the subpoena, it’s being printed on the wrapper of a Gordita Supreme.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Watching him testify before Congress would be insane. He’d go on all sorts of insane rants and attack people. It would be like casting an actual lion in ‘The Lion King.’” — SETH MEYERS“But I feel like he will be a little conflicted. Because on the one hand, yes, he thinks this is a crooked witch hunt that is out to get him, but on the other hand, the ratings.” — TREVOR NOAHThe Bits Worth WatchingAndrew Garfield, George Clooney, Salma Hayek, Halle Berry and Larry David are just a few celebrities who participated in the latest edition of Mean Tweets on “Jimmy Kimmel Live.”Also, Check This OutTár in charge: Cate Blanchett as the conductor Lydia Tár in Todd Field’s movie.Focus FeaturesCate Blanchett stars as a powerful conductor who behaves as badly as any male maestro in the new film “Tár.” More

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    Late Night Confirms Alex Jones Is a Loser

    Stephen Colbert was grateful that “by the grace of God, sometimes bad things happen to Alex Jones” on Wednesday.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.The Biggest LoserA jury in Connecticut ordered Alex Jones to pay nearly $1 billion in damages to families of eight Sandy Hook victims and one F.B.I. agent on Wednesday.Stephen Colbert couldn’t contain his glee on Wednesday night’s “Late Show.”“And tonight I come to you with a spring in my step, a song in my heart, emotionally and spiritually refreshed. Because, you know how as humans, we have to accept the fact that sometimes bad things happen to good people? Well, by the grace of God, sometimes bad things happen to Alex Jones.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“That’s a lot of money! You heard that right — billion with a capital ‘Byeee.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“I guess the good guys just won the Infowars, is what happened there.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Punchiest Punchlines (Walker on Eggshells Edition)“The latest on Herschel is that abortion that the mother of one of his sons said he paid for, she said she had to badger him to even get the money. She said she told him, ‘Listen, both of us did this. We both know how babies are made,’ which I’m not so sure Herschel does. Because I’m not so sure Herschel knows how bread is made.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Maybe Herschel doesn’t even know what ‘pro life’ means. Maybe he was like, ‘I was a pro football player — this is my life. Pro life!” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Aah, so he’s cool with abortion as long as it doesn’t cost him. So he’s socially liberal, fiscally conservative, complete a-hole.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“The election in Georgia is now less than a month away. Walker doesn’t intend to pull out. Pulling out isn’t his thing.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Bits Worth WatchingCamila Cabello and Jimmy Fallon guessed song titles using only emojis for clues on Wednesday’s “Tonight Show.”What We’re Excited About on Thursday NightTrevor Noah will surely talk about signing off from “The Daily Show” during his Thursday appearance on “The Tonight Show.”Also, Check This Out“All I’m interested in is freedom as a performer, and I don’t get that opportunity very often,” Jamie Lee Curtis said. “But the times I’ve been able to be free, I’m on fire.”Ryan Pfluger for The New York TimesJamie Lee Curtis’s 44-year career has afforded her the freedom to choose roles she’s happy to return to and new ones she can sink her teeth into. More

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    Stephen Colbert Calls Biden’s Marijuana Pardon a ‘Green New Deal’

    Colbert celebrated Biden’s announcement on Thursday that people convicted of marijuana possession under federal law would be pardoned.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.‘Green New Deal’President Joe Biden pardoned people convicted of marijuana possession under federal law on Thursday.“Ladies and gentlemen, that is a hell of a green New Deal,” Stephen Colbert said.“He’s pardoning federal marijuana simple-possession offenses — all of them, from the dankest nugs to the harshest ditch weed. I’m talkin’ pot, grass, Mary Jane, reefer, the sweet sticky icky, ganja, choom-choom, lime pillows, sticks n’ stems, herb, chronic, Yemen, the devil’s lettuce, wacky tobacky, Acapulco gold, jazz cigarettes and the right honorable reverend Al Green.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Can you imagine how many people are incarcerated? Even worse, can you imagine getting pardoned for this after seeing how mainstream weed has become in America? I bet witches probably feel the same way, you know? It’s like, ‘Oh, so these hipster chicks can walk around Brooklyn with their candles and crystals, but when I did it in Salem, I got burned!’” — TREVOR NOAH“This will affect more than 6,000 Americans. Their criminal records will be cleared. He also encouraged governors to do the same on the state level, promised that his administration will review whether marijuana should still be classified as a schedule 1 drug and gave the Presidential Medal of Freedom to a bag of Funyuns.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Punchiest Punchlines (High Point Edition)“The move stops short of full decriminalization, which will probably have to wait until we have a President Woodrow Harrelson or something.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“I’m pretty sure Biden’s approval rating is about to get high for the first time.” — JIMMY FALLON“It is the most cannabis-friendly decision by a U.S. president yet, and I, for one, am just glad Willie Nelson is alive to see this happen.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Yeah, the president canceled student loan debt and now he’s pardoning people for weed. I think Biden’s going to be able to get into any frat he wants right now.” — JIMMY FALLONThe Bits Worth WatchingThe rapper Jack Harlow co-hosted “The Tonight Show,” sharing in Thursday night’s edition of #Hashtags with Jimmy Fallon.Also, Check This OutOndi Timoner filmed her father’s last days. “I wanted to bottle him up,” she said. “I was terrified to not hear his voice again.”Brad Torchia for The New York Times“Last Flight Home,” by Ondi Timoner, is a documentary about her terminally ill father, who chose to end his life by medically assisted suicide. More

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    Late Night Rips Into Ron DeSantis for His ‘Go-Go’ Boots

    “You’re not allowed to pass a ‘Don’t say gay’ bill then show up in public dressed like Nancy Sinatra,” Jimmy Kimmel said.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Getting the BootPresident Joe Biden met with Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis on Wednesday, setting aside political conversations to focus on the damage from Hurricane Ian.“Last time Joe Biden saw a storm this big, he had to help Noah collect all the pets and get them on the boat,” Jimmy Kimmel joked.“It’s like the special episode of a Disney sitcom where the school bully realizes he needs help with his math homework.” — JIMMY FALLON“Governor DeSantis has been touring damaged areas to let residents know they’re not forgotten — and one thing that few will ever forget is the white knee-high boots he was sporting.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Looks a little less ‘governor on the go’ and more ‘governor of the Go-Gos.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“You’re not allowed to pass a ‘Don’t say gay’ bill then show up in public dressed like Nancy Sinatra.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“But DeSantis was actually nice to Biden — he actually even offered him a free flight to Martha’s Vineyard.” — JIMMY FALLONThe Punchiest Punchlines (Return on Investment Edition)“The home run ball itself is thought to be worth at least $2 million, and it was caught by an investment banker. Huge moment for the Yankees and an investment banker. What a night for the underdogs, you know?” — JIMMY FALLON“Well, there is a feel-good story for you. I’m glad things are finally working out for that executive at an investment firm. That’s what the game is all about. Good for you, buddy. Good for you.” — TREVOR NOAHThe Bits Worth WatchingThe correspondent Ronny Chieng investigated the world of ultimate pillow fighting for Wednesday’s “Daily Show.”What We’re Excited About on Thursday NightCate Blanchett will talk about her new film “Tár” on Thursday’s “Late Show.”Also, Check This OutBeavis and Butt-Head in the rebooted version of the series.Paramount+As a show that was smarter than its characters, “Beavis and Butt-Head” is too often overlooked and unappreciated. More