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    Jimmy Kimmel Calls Trump an ‘Arsonist With a Hose’

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    The L.A.-based host said the city’s problem was the president, not the protests: “We have more so-called ‘unrest’ here when one of our teams wins a championship.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Fake NewsOn Wednesday, Jimmy Kimmel, who’s based in Los Angeles, mocked the idea that protests against immigration raids have turned the city into “some kind of totalitarian hellscape” — a notion pushed by President Trump (and some cable news outlets) as he sent in Marines and the National Guard.“He wants there to be a war going on here, and he doesn’t care who gets hurt in it. There’s no riot outside. We have more so-called ‘unrest’ here when one of our teams wins a championship.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Not only is it not an apocalypse, they’re having a Disney Pixar movie premiere right now, for ‘Elio,’ a movie about aliens. Don’t tell Trump, he’ll send the Green Berets in, too.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“You know, when we had the wildfires that devastated big chunks of our city, he did absolutely nothing. Now that we’re in the middle of a nonemergency: ‘Send in the National Guard!’” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Putting out a fire you purposely start doesn’t make you a firefighter, it makes you an arsonist with a hose.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Yes, nothing calms down a situation like a military invasion.” — DESI LYDIC“You know, I’m beginning to wonder if Trump is intentionally trying to escalate this situation because more chaos allows him to portray blue states as centers of crime, while positioning himself as the strongman that the country needs to rally around. No, that’s silly. I’m sure he’s just doing what’s best for everyone.” — DESI LYDIC“Now, as we speak, Trump has sent thousands of troops into downtown L.A. to quell what historians will remember as the Battle of That Video of a Burning Waymo Car They Kept Showing on Cable News.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“And to those of you in the National Guard who have been thrust into this: When Donald Trump orders you to do something that you know is immoral, try to get your dad’s podiatrist to write a note to say you have bone spurs.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“The president of the United States has been tougher on L.A. than on Russia. Remember that two-week deadline he gave Putin to sit down for peace talks with Ukraine? As of tomorrow, it’s two weeks. But, by all means, send the Marines to The Grove.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Trump’s terrible policy has generated a huge backlash, which he’s responded to by overreacting, which is going to generate another backlash. We don’t know how this is going to end, but at least we know it’ll be a huge waste of money.” — DESI LYDIC“I just want to say, thank God for President Trump and the heroes at ICE for protecting us from these bloodthirsty fruit stand vendors, spreading their dangerous pineapple chunks and mangos with a squirt of lime all over the city.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Punchiest Punchlines (Meanwhile on Fox News Edition)We are having trouble retrieving the article content.Please enable JavaScript in your browser settings.Thank you for your patience while we verify access. If you are in Reader mode please exit and log into your Times account, or subscribe for all of The Times.Thank you for your patience while we verify access.Already a subscriber? Log in.Want all of The Times? Subscribe. More

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      Late Night Revels in Trump and Musk’s Public Feud

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      Stephen Colbert indulged in schadenfreude as he described the back-and-forth as a “full-scale flame war” between “the world’s most famous besties.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Up in FlamesPresident Donald Trump addressed Elon Musk’s comments about his policy bill on Thursday while appearing alongside the chancellor of Germany. Trump expressed disappointment in the Tesla chief, stating that Musk was upset about the absence of a mandate for electric vehicles.Stephen Colbert described the back-and-forth as a “full-scale flame war” between “the world’s most famous besties.”“So now Donald Trump is a Tesla owner who hates Elon Musk? He’s never been more relatable.” — STEPHEN COLBERTTrump stoked the flames on social media, writing that Musk “went crazy” when he was asked to leave the White House.“Just so we’re clear, Trump thinks everything Elon did before this was not crazy?” — JIMMY FALLON“I can’t believe their relationship fell apart this fast. I mean, a week ago they were all over each other like Timothée Chalamet and Kylie Jenner at a Knicks game.” — JIMMY FALLON“But Trump didn’t stop there. He also said that the easiest way for the country to save money would be to terminate all of Elon Musk’s government contracts. Smart, now the future of space exploration rests on Katy Perry.” — JIMMY FALLON“Elon’s government contracts can’t be worth that much. Oh, it’s $6.3 billion last year? Elon, you idiot. This is why you always sign a prenup.” — MICHAEL KOSTA“Meanwhile, Elon’s, like, ‘Come on, man, don’t do this. I have 100 kids to feed.’” — JIMMY FALLON“Trump said he’s very disappointed in Elon because he has ‘helped him a lot.’ Trump was, like, ‘[imitating Trump] Just last year, I let him give me $300 million, and he didn’t even say thank you.’” — JIMMY FALLONOn X, Musk dropped what he called “the really big bomb,” alleging that the president has not released the Jeffrey Epstein files because he is named in them.“I feel bad for Donald Trump. I mean, first, he lost Jeffrey Epstein, now, Elon. He’s running out of friends.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Trump’s going to have to get one of those bumper stickers for his Tesla that says ‘I bought this before Elon told everyone I was on Epstein’s plane.’” — STEPHEN COLBERTWe are having trouble retrieving the article content.Please enable JavaScript in your browser settings.Thank you for your patience while we verify access. If you are in Reader mode please exit and log into your Times account, or subscribe for all of The Times.Thank you for your patience while we verify access.Already a subscriber? Log in.Want all of The Times? Subscribe. More

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      Stephen Colbert Wonders if Elon Musk’s Ketamine Has Worn Off

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      It’s the only explanation the “Late Show” host can think of for the tech mogul’s apparent disenchantment with the Trump administration.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.‘I Have How Many Children?’The hosts got more monologue material on Wednesday from the presumed tensions between President Trump and Elon Musk, after the tech mogul and recently departed D.O.G.E. chief criticized Trump’s policy bill.“Apparently, the ketamine has worn off,” Stephen Colbert said.“That’s got to be a hell of a hangover. ‘[imitating Musk] Oh, my god. I spent $300 million to elect who? I have how many children? That can’t be their names.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“I’m starting to worry that two narcissistic megalomaniacs with a total inability to see value in other humans might have a hard time making friends.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Musk was reportedly ‘butthurt’ — and yes, they did use that word, it is a quote — about some of the stuff that’s in the bill. Usually when Elon’s butt hurts, it’s because of all the drugs he is trying to smuggle through White House security.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“I keep waiting to see Musk on a one-way SpaceX to El Salvador.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“‘I hear he is furious’ is the safest bet anyone could make when describing Donald Trump’s reaction to criticism. Let me know when someone says, ‘Insiders reporting that Donald Trump looking inward; reflecting on what role he may have played in turning his friend against him.’” — SETH MEYERSThe Punchiest Punchlines (The Fine Print Edition)We are having trouble retrieving the article content.Please enable JavaScript in your browser settings.Thank you for your patience while we verify access. If you are in Reader mode please exit and log into your Times account, or subscribe for all of The Times.Thank you for your patience while we verify access.Already a subscriber? Log in.Want all of The Times? Subscribe. More

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      Late Night Hopes Trump and Musk Can Patch Things Up

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      “Oh, no, not my two favorite people fighting!” said the “Daily Show” host Michael Kosta. “Don’t make me choose who I love more.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Big, Beautiful and DisgustingOn Tuesday, Elon Musk expressed his displeasure on X over President Trump’s “big, beautiful” domestic policy bill, calling it a “disgusting abomination” and shaming House members who’d voted for it. On “The Daily Show,” Michael Kosta said it was sad that “two men who previously had never had a friend” were seeing their relationship get “D.O.G.E.’d.”“Oh, no, not my two favorite people fighting! Don’t make me choose who I love more.” — MICHAEL KOSTA“I’m not sure who to root for. It’s like Diddy versus R. Kelly.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“But, yes, Elon is worried that Trump’s bill will raise the deficit too high. And when Elon is worried about something getting too high, you know it’s too high.” — MICHAEL KOSTA“Boy, when he’s off the ketamine, he is a lot less fun.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“And he may be right, but Elon has to be careful. You come out that hard against Trump’s central legislative achievement, and you’re going to be the first white person to get deported.” — MICHAEL KOSTA“Shame on those who voted for it? Who bankrolled these people that voted for it? I want the name of whoever bankrolled — oh, wait, it’s his name.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Just days after leaving his official role at the White House, Elon Musk is now blasting President Trump’s ‘big, beautiful bill’ as a ‘disgusting abomination.’ And that’s coming from the guy who made the Cybertruck.” — JIMMY FALLON“Yep, Elon called it ‘massive,’ ‘outrageous’ and ‘pork-filled.’ And Trump was, like, ‘[imitating Trump] I don’t know what you’re talking about, but I’ll take two.’” — JIMMY FALLONThe Punchiest Punchlines (New Portrait, Who Dis? Edition)We are having trouble retrieving the article content.Please enable JavaScript in your browser settings.Thank you for your patience while we verify access. If you are in Reader mode please exit and log into your Times account, or subscribe for all of The Times.Thank you for your patience while we verify access.Already a subscriber? Log in.Want all of The Times? Subscribe. More

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      Seth Meyers Thinks Trump Shouldn’t Be So Set on That Jet

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      “We are, as of this taping, still a democracy with a rule of law,” Meyers said. “The president shouldn’t have a flying gold-plated party palace.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Size QueenPresident Donald Trump defended his choice to accept a jet from Qatar, saying that America should have the biggest, most impressive plane out of all the countries.“No, we shouldn’t,” Seth Meyers argued on Wednesday. “We are, as of this taping, still a democracy with a rule of law. The president shouldn’t have a flying gold-plated party palace.”“Stuff like that is a sign of corruption. That’s why Las Vegas looks like that — it was built by criminals.” — SETH MEYERS“The point is, they have nicer planes because they’re not democracies; they’re royal kingdoms, where they oppress people and use the public’s money to build opulent palaces for their rulers. We don’t do that here. If you ask me, the president should be forced to fly the same way the rest of us do. He should have to sit at Newark for six hours nursing a $30 Bloody Mary, and chewing on a pretzel while he waits for the one on-duty air traffic controller’s hands to stop shaking.” — SETH MEYERS“Trump should have a big plane because Trump definitely does not have a little plane. It’s definitely at least an average American male plane.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Plus, I will tell you what, a lot of countries say that a smaller plane is actually more comfortable for longer rides.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“We still talking about planes? Look where we are on the tarmac next to each other. I know you’re not supposed to just look straight ahead, but I took a little peek over there, a little peek over there. Cockpit was huge, man!” — JORDAN KLEPPER“I’m sorry, why does the president need any of this? Air Force One is supposed to be technologically advanced, not luxurious. It’s designed so the president can get national security briefings anywhere in the world, not so he can chill on leather couches and use nine different bathrooms — which, by the way, he might need to do on the way home based on the fact that the Saudis set up a custom-built mobile McDonald’s in anticipation of Trump’s visit.” — SETH MEYERSThe Punchiest Punchlines (Humps for Trump Edition)“When Trump landed in Qatar, he was escorted by a fleet of Cybertrucks, Arabian horses and camels. And even the horses and camels were laughing at the Cybertruck.” — JIMMY FALLON“Yeah, Trump was welcomed by horses and camels. He was like, ‘I love the horses and the sexier horses.’” — JIMMY FALLONWe are having trouble retrieving the article content.Please enable JavaScript in your browser settings.Thank you for your patience while we verify access. If you are in Reader mode please exit and log into your Times account, or subscribe for all of The Times.Thank you for your patience while we verify access.Already a subscriber? Log in.Want all of The Times? Subscribe. More

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      Late Night is Happy President Trump Has Left the Country

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      Jordan Klepper suggested that someone lock the doors while President Trump is in the Middle East this week.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Lock Him Out!President Trump arrived in Saudi Arabia on Tuesday for the first stop of a four-day Middle East trip.Stephen Colbert celebrated, saying, “Yes, Donald Trump left the country today, so I got another birthday wish.” On “The Daily Show,” Jordan Klepper suggested that “someone lock the [expletive] doors.”“He landed in Riyadh this morning, where he got a lavish welcome, greeted by Saudi Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman on a sumptuous carpet, purple, made out of hand-harvested journalist nurple.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“You know Trump’s looking at the carpet, going, ‘These things fly here, right?’” — JORDAN KLEPPER“The crown prince pulled out all the stops to make Trump feel at home, even providing an actual mobile McDonald’s semi truck. This is true. Yes. Of course, one of the most rewarding things about traveling the globe is getting the chance to sample the local nugget truck.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“You got to hand it to the Saudis, though, they know the fastest way to Trump’s heart is through his stomach, out the colon, with a little bit staying behind in his arteries.” — JORDAN KLEPPER“Regardless, you know what? It was a very nice start to this trip abroad, where he’ll visit not just Saudi Arabia, but then Qatar and the U.A.E. But you might be wondering, why did Trump pick these countries for his first foreign trip? Well, there’s a strong geopolitical balance of — I’m [expletive] with you. Corruption!” — JORDAN KLEPPER“The Trump boys have projects in all three countries. I never thought I’d say this, but can’t these countries go back to doing something more constructive, like funding terrorism?” — JORDAN KLEPPERThe Punchiest Punchlines (From Shady to Sus Edition)“President Trump tonight attended a Saudi state dinner. OK, well, just so you know, it’s going to be a lot of stuff you’ve never tried, like kabsa and mandi and forks.” — SETH MEYERS“Well, guys, today, President Trump arrived in Saudi Arabia for the first leg of his trip to the Middle East. Yeah, it was a big day. Saudi Arabia’s crown prince met with America’s Burger King.” — JIMMY FALLONWe are having trouble retrieving the article content.Please enable JavaScript in your browser settings.Thank you for your patience while we verify access. If you are in Reader mode please exit and log into your Times account, or subscribe for all of The Times.Thank you for your patience while we verify access.Already a subscriber? Log in.Want all of The Times? Subscribe. More

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      Colbert Thinks the Nickname ‘Lady Giuliani’ Suits Jeanine Pirro

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      Colbert said President Trump’s latest appointment from the Fox News roster “drank a whole bottle of champagne, and then someone told her the news.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.‘Lady Giuliani’Last Thursday, President Trump said he had chosen the Fox News personality Jeanine Pirro as the interim U.S. attorney for Washington, D.C.Stephen Colbert told his viewers on Monday that they might recognize Pirro from “Judge Jeanine,” where she “promoted voter-fraud claims, compared Jan. 6 rioters to Revolutionary War soldiers, and got pulled briefly from the network after making Islamophobic comments.”“She was later reinstated after Fox realized they didn’t care.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“And I’m sure she’s excited. I heard on Friday night, she drank a whole bottle of champagne, and then someone told her the news.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“President Trump last week named Fox News host Jeanine Pirro as the interim U.S. attorney for Washington, D.C. Well, she is always up for a case.” — SETH MEYERS“Pirro has also come under fire for pleading guilty for speeding after driving 119 miles per hour in a 65 zone and was forced to deny accusations of being drunk on air. It’s not great when Washington’s top attorney can best be described as ‘Lady Giuliani.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Trump announced the news on Truth Social, saying, ‘Pirro is considered one of the top district attorneys in the history of the state of New York. She is in a class by herself.’ That class? Court-mandated traffic school.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Pirro is the 23rd current or former Fox News employee hired by the Trump White House. If you work at Fox News right now and you haven’t been offered a job by this administration, you must be thinking, ‘Does he, like, hate me?’” — SETH MEYERSThe Punchiest Punchlines (Thieving on a Jet Plane Edition)“The White House said that the royal family of Qatar is giving President Trump a $400 million luxury jet that he will use as Air Force One, and then keep once he leaves office. Everyone’s rightfully focused on the plane, but to me the big headline is that he’ll eventually leave office.” — JIMMY FALLON“Yeah, the 89-passenger luxury plane has wood finishes, custom carpets and gold walls. The only thing it doesn’t have is a way to safely land at Newark airport.” — JIMMY FALLONWe are having trouble retrieving the article content.Please enable JavaScript in your browser settings.Thank you for your patience while we verify access. If you are in Reader mode please exit and log into your Times account, or subscribe for all of The Times.Thank you for your patience while we verify access.Already a subscriber? Log in.Want all of The Times? Subscribe. More

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      Late Night Celebrates the First American Pope

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      “We have an American pope and a Russian president,” Jimmy Kimmel said, calling it “an historic era.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.‘New Pope, Who Dis?’Cardinal Robert Francis Prevost was elected pope on Thursday, becoming the first American pope.“We have an American pope and a Russian president,” Jimmy Kimmel said. “Isn’t it incredible?”“We have the first American pope. And let me just say, as an American, are you sure about this? We don’t really have the gravitas that you associate with pope-iness. We’re less ‘somber procession’ and more ‘monster truck rally.’” — DESI LYDIC“I just think it’s just a little bit weird that the holiest man in the world probably knows all the words to the Chili’s ‘Baby Back Ribs’ song.” — DESI LYDIC“The Pope Mobile is now a Ford F-250 with truck nuts.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“You can tell he’s American ’cause he stepped out on the Vatican balcony and said, ‘New pope, who dis?’” — JIMMY FALLONThe Punchiest Punchlines (Another Leo Edition)“They make him pick a name. He chose Leo XIV, which is a shame because there have been 13 other Leos. We’ve never had even one Pope Bob, which would have been pretty great.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“How have there been so many popes named Leo? Leo doesn’t even sound like a Pope name. Sounds more like the altar boy who got high and ate all the communion wafers.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Yep, he may be the new pope, but to his friends back in Chicago, he’ll always be ‘Bobby Bratwurst.’” — JIMMY FALLON“From now on, the pope is going to sound like this. [imitating Chicago accent] Hey, dere, it’s yer buddy Leo, the deep dish papa. Just talked to God, and not even he can help da White Sox. Sorry. First order of business, I will be canonizing Michael Jordan. Now let’s end by saying daaa prayers.” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Bits Worth WatchingThe Colombian superstar Shakira played “Box of Lies” with Jimmy Fallon on Thursday’s “Tonight Show.”Also, Check This OutLovie Simone in “Forever,” a new adaptation of the Judy Blume novel created by Mara Brock Akil for Netflix.Elizabeth Morris/NetflixAn all-Black cast stars in the new Netflix series “Forever,” adapted from Judy Blume’s 1970 novel of the same name. More

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      Late Night Doesn’t Mind Canada Putting Trump in the Friend Zone

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      The president was firmly told that Canada won’t join the United States, though he says it would be a “wonderful marriage.” “People were, like, ‘How would he know?’” Jimmy Fallon said.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Just FriendsPrime Minister Mark Carney of Canada visited the White House on Tuesday, where he said that Canada was not and would never be for sale, despite President Trump’s avid interest in annexing it.“Then Trump went back to browsing a world map like it’s Zillow,” Jimmy Fallon said.“Yeah, Trump said if Canada became the 51st state, it would be a ‘wonderful marriage.’ And people — and people were, like, ‘How would he know?’” — JIMMY FALLON“Aw, it’s like watching an episode of ‘Love on the Spectrum’ if the spectrum was fascism.” — DESI LYDIC“Donald Trump has been obsessed with making Canada the 51st state ever since he found out Epstein Island was not eligible.” — DESI LYDIC“I think Donald Trump just got friend-zoned. Canada’s, like, ‘You have been such an amazing ally, but I really think we just work better as sovereign neighbors.’” — DESI LYDIC“Poor Mark Carney had a hell of a job today. It was like an Ewok going to the meeting on the Death Star.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“That’s true, he doesn’t take no for an answer. In fact, he was found liable for it in a court of law.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Punchiest Punchlines (Newark Edition)“According to a new report, last week, air traffic controllers at Newark lost all communication with planes for over a minute. It’s getting to the point where we really should clap when the plane lands.” — JIMMY FALLON“That’s a terrifying thing to hear. There’s not a lot of backup systems. The pilot can’t be like, ‘OK, forget radar, let’s try something else. Marco!’” — DESI LYDIC“This blackout led to a cascade of problems throughout the week, and after a long investigation, we now know that a fried piece of copper wire sparked the blackout — unlike the other blackouts at Newark, which were caused by the Grand Coconut Margarita at Terminal A Chili’s Too.” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Bits Worth WatchingFather Guido Sarducci made a special appearance on Tuesday’s “Late Show” to discuss the upcoming papal conclave. What We’re Excited About on Wednesday NightThe “Hacks” star Robby Hoffman will appear on “Everybody’s Live with John Mulaney.”Also, Check This OutLencia Kebede says she admires that in “Wicked,” Elphaba fights “for what she knows is right, even when everyone disagrees.”Lencia Kebede is the first Black actress to play Elphaba full time in “Wicked” on Broadway. More