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    Stephen Colbert Says Trump’s ‘April Trials Bring Me Smiles’

    “The Late Show” host changed up the adage about spring after Donald Trump had a bad day in court.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.‘April Trials Bring Me Smiles’Former President Donald Trump has suffered setbacks in court the last few days, including a ruling against him on Thursday in his classified documents case.Stephen Colbert said he’s changing up the “April showers” adage: “Because from now on, it’s April trials bring me smiles.”Late night hosts were also thrilled that, on Wednesday, the judge in Trump’s Manhattan criminal trial refused his proposed delay until after the Supreme Court rules on whether he is immune from prosecution in another case.“Starting April 15, we get to see Donald Trump having to see Stormy Daniels testify about having to see Donald Trump naked.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“[imitating lawyer] Your honor, for reasons that will be all too apparent during her testimony, I’d like to submit into evidence this baby Bella mushroom.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Don Provolone has a long list of charges against him, but I feel like we all want to see him taken down by the porn star one, right? I mean, that’s the fun one. Grab him by the mushroom, Stormy!” — JIMMY KIMMEL“April 15’s going to be a big day for Donald Trump. It’s the first time in history a former president will be held accountable for cheating on his taxes and his wife the same day.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Punchiest Punchlines (Eclipse Edition)“Next Monday, a solar eclipse will totally block out the sun over parts of America, and we’re all looking forward to having one brief moment when you can look up into the sky and see something besides the door of a Boeing airplane plummeting to the ground.” — DESI LYDIC, guest host of “The Daily Show”“But it’s not just a moment for humans. An eclipse offers a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity for Rudy Giuliani to come out and feed during the day.” — DESI LYDIC“It’s really exciting because we haven’t had total darkness outside since November through March.” — JIMMY FALLONThe Bits Worth WatchingThe stand-up comedian Alex Edelman discussed his new HBO special, “Just for Us,” on Thursday’s “Tonight Show.”Also, Check This OutA scene from the documentary “Kim’s Video,” directed by David Redmon and Ashley Sabin.Drafthouse FilmsA new documentary about Kim’s Video tracks a beloved movie collection from downtown New York City to small-town Italy. More

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    Late Night Rebuts Trump’s Call for ‘Christian Visibility Day’

    “This is America, buddy. Every day is ‘Christian Visibility Day,’” Desi Lydic said on Wednesday’s “Daily Show.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.‘Finally, a Christian Holiday We Can Celebrate’During a rally in Wisconsin on Tuesday, former President Donald Trump criticized President Biden for acknowledging Transgender Day of Visibility, which is observed every March 31. This year, that also happened to be Easter Sunday. Trump said he wanted Election Day, on Nov. 5, to be “Christian Visibility Day.”“This is America, buddy. Every day is ‘Christian Visibility Day,’” Desi Lydic said on “The Daily Show.”“Yes, finally, a Christian holiday we can celebrate.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Former President Trump yesterday criticized President Biden for proclaiming Easter Sunday as Transgender Day of Visibility and said, ‘Such total disrespect to Christians.’ And if you’re going to disrespect Christians, you might as well make some money off it.” — SETH MEYERS“I love that he’s somehow the Christian candidate. Trump — not only does he not go to church, he didn’t even go to church on Easter Sunday.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Yes, by total coincidence, Trans Visibility Day happened to fall on Easter this year. Which seemed like, I don’t know, a good fit to me. I mean, Jesus did identify as the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit. So, live your truth, queen!” — DESI LYDIC“Trump aside, I have a question for the actual religious conservatives: Why are you so upset about this? Trans Visibility Day had no effect on your Easter. Nobody was at church like, ‘Well, we were going to celebrate the Resurrection, but instead, everyone line up for your gender reassignment surgery. Please, leave your penis in the collection basket.’” — DESI LYDIC“And, for what it’s worth, there’s a false premise at the heart of this entire controversy, which is that there’s even a conflict between trans people and Christianity to begin with. There isn’t. In fact, the Bible doesn’t say anything about trans people. It does, however, say to love thy neighbor and to not judge other people, and perhaps the most famous of Bible verses, ‘Please do not sell me for $59.99 to pay off your rape fines. Amen.’” — DESI LYDICThe Punchiest Punchlines (It’s Moon O’Clock Somewhere Edition)“We have just learned that the White House has directed NASA to create a time standard for the moon. Though, obviously, they’re going to need two: Moon Standard and Moonlight Savings Time.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“The moon is getting its own time zone because scientists need a time-keeping benchmark for lunar spacecraft and satellites that require extreme precision for their missions. But it’s also going to be great for anyone who needs an excuse to day drink. Hey, it’s Moon O’Clock somewhere.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“This sounds like a fake project Trump would have given Mike Pence to keep him busy.” — JIMMY KIMMELWe are having trouble retrieving the article content.Please enable JavaScript in your browser settings.Thank you for your patience while we verify access. If you are in Reader mode please exit and log into your Times account, or subscribe for all of The Times.Thank you for your patience while we verify access.Already a subscriber? Log in.Want all of The Times? Subscribe. More

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    Stephen Colbert Chides Trump for Ignoring Expanded Gag Order

    Colbert said that after the order was amended, the former president “paused, listened to his critics and launched another attack on the judge’s daughter, this time with photos.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.‘The Friends and Family Ban’The judge overseeing former President Donald Trump’s criminal trial over a hush-money payment to a porn star expanded his gag order on Monday.Stephen Colbert said the expanded order made sense: “Because for me, the order goes ‘Think about Trump, then gag.’”“Specifically, the judge expanded the order to bar Trump from attacking his family members because last week, Trump went after the judge’s daughter on Truth Social, and he got a lot of heat for this despicable personal attack. So he paused, listened to his critics, and launched another attack on the judge’s daughter, this time with photos.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“The D.A. and the judge are still fair targets for Trump, but the new order does now cover their families. ‘[imitating Trump] Challenge accepted.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Donald Trump thinks a gag order is what Melania does when she sees him get out of the hot tub.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“He signed him up for the friends and family ban.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Trump has been going after the judge’s daughter, which is just nuts. So the judge ordered him to stop and he declined. This morning, he did it again — he wrote a whole diatribe on Truth Social, and guess what happened to him? Nothing, nothing happened again. Are laws real? Because I’ve been stupidly following them my whole life now, and it doesn’t seem to matter.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Punchiest Punchlines (Repo Man Edition)“Donald Trump pulled a rabbit out of his MAGA hat. He managed to post that $175 million bond he couldn’t get. He got one courtesy of the Knight Specialty Insurance Company, which I’m guessing did not Google the phrase ‘Who is Donald Trump?’” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Don Hankey, he sells loans to people with less than exceptional credit. Forbes said his company repossesses about 250 cars a day. Our former president got a loan from a repo man.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“You know their slogan: ‘Turned down by the banky? Don’t get so cranky. Call me, Don Hankey. You’ll say ‘Why, thanky!’ Don, good luck with the porn star spanky.” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Bits Worth WatchingThe guest host Desi Lydic highlighted the newfound popularity of women’s basketball on Tuesday’s “Daily Show.”What We’re Excited About on Wednesday NightJerrod Carmichael will talk about his new HBO reality show on Wednesday’s “Late Night.”Also, Check This OutThe conductor Klaus Mäkela.Vincent Tullo for The New York TimesAt 28, the Chicago Symphony’s new conductor, Klaus Mäkelä, is the youngest music director to lead a top American ensemble. More

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    Late Night Takes Stock of Donald Trump’s Tanking Media Company

    Jimmy Fallon joked that “Truth Social stock tanked so fast, they’re changing the name to Twitter.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Trump’s Stock SinksShares of Trump Media & Technology Group, the owner of Truth Social, tanked on Monday. That cut the value of Donald Trump’s majority share to about $3.7 billion, down from its peak of $6 billion last week.“Yeah, Truth Social stock tanked so fast, they’re changing the name to Twitter,” Jimmy Fallon joked.“When he heard another one of his businesses was tanking, Trump was, like, ‘[imitating Trump] They blow up so fast.’” — JIMMY FALLON“As a result of the stock tanking, Trump’s net worth dropped $2 billion. Trump’s so panicked, he’s now selling copies of the Torah.” — JIMMY FALLON“How could that be? They have such a solid business model: Old rapist yells at Easter.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“What a shock that the stock price of a company with no profits or success of any kind is falling. The way things are going, Trump is going to have to start selling a deluxe Bible with a dictionary attached.” — SETH MEYERS“He posted 70 times on Easter — what’s in the baskets at the Trump family Easter egg hunt, Cadbury meth eggs?” — SETH MEYERSThe Punchiest Punchlines (Easter Egg Roll Edition)“The White House hosted the 144th annual Easter egg roll today, and about 40,000 people were expected to participate. Forty thousand! But, then again, where else can you get free eggs?” — SETH MEYERS“Forty thousand, or as the hands that laid those eggs put it, ‘An entire generation lost, and for what?’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“It’s the one day of the year where Joe Biden says, ‘You kids get on my lawn!’ And he did.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Biden came out and said, ‘Look, I know I’m mentally stable, but everyone else can see this six-foot bunny next to me, right?’” — JIMMY FALLON“Then the president handed out baskets filled with his two favorite Easter treats, rhubarb and Polident, and a good time was had by all.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Donald Trump also had a beautiful Easter message. April fools!” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Bits Worth WatchingJon Stewart explored the promise of A.I. on Monday’s “Daily Show.”What We’re Excited About on Tuesday NightJames Cordon will return to late night, this time as a guest, on Tuesday’s “Jimmy Kimmel Live.”Also, Check This Out“She wanted more from life, and, ultimately, life lost interest in her,” the director Rachel Chavkin said of the painter Tamara de Lempicka, whose artistic reputation remains mixed.Bettmann via, Getty ImagesA new biographical musical about the unsung artist Tamara de Lempicka opens on April 14. More

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    Seth Meyers Is Skeptical of Trump’s Rising Stock

    “I’m willing to bet most of the people investing in this company have never even used Truth Social,” Meyers said of Trump’s social media outlet on Thursday.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.What Is the Truth?Trump Media’s stock price surged after going public this week, boosting former President Donald Trump’s bottom line, at least on paper.“I’m willing to bet most of the people investing in this company have never even used Truth Social,” Seth Meyers said on Thursday.“You might be asking yourself, ‘Donald Trump has a media and technology company?’ And the answer is no, he doesn’t. What he has is a dumb Twitter rip-off for MAGA trolls called Truth Social, where he posts insane, typo-riddled, all-caps screeds.” — SETH MEYERS“The only way this business could be any more of a failure is if every time you opened an account, you got a free Zune, a bottle of Crystal Pepsi, a Blockbuster card, a Motorola flip phone that came preloaded with a MySpace account and a round trip next to the door on Alaska Airlines.” — SETH MEYERSThe Punchiest Punchlines (Angry New York Drivers Edition)“Guys, New York just became the first U.S. city to approve congestion pricing, which means cars that drive into Midtown Manhattan will have to pay an extra $15. A $15 toll. And that’s not all; the city announced some other new tolls, too. You’ll have to pay $15 if you make eye contact with someone on the subway for more than three seconds.” — JIMMY FALLON“Now, personally, I can see the upsides to congestion pricing. It’s better for the environment, it reduces traffic, there’s fewer cars on the road, so there’s more space for you to get hit by delivery bikes.” — JORDAN KLEPPER“But, understandably, people are upset, and the last thing I want is angry drivers in New York. I mean, can you imagine?” — JORDAN KLEPPERThe Bits Worth WatchingThe actress Zoe Saldaña spoke about starring in her husband’s directorial debut, “The Absence of Eden,” on Thursday’s “Tonight Show.”Also, Check This OutJulianne Moore as Mary Villiers and Nicholas Galitzine as George, her son, in “Mary and George.”StarzIn the new Starz drama “Mary and George,” Julianne Moore plays a mother whose son catches the eye of King James I of England. More

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    Stephen Colbert Recaps the Ronna McDaniel Drama at NBC

    “In case you’re unfamiliar with McDaniel, she is terrible,” Stephen Colbert said of the former Republican National Committee chairwoman.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.‘Representation Matters!’The former Republican National Committee chairwoman Ronna McDaniel was fired by NBC just five days after being hired as an on-air contributor.“In case you’re unfamiliar with McDaniel, she is terrible,” Stephen Colbert said, recalling McDaniel’s involvement with former President Donald Trump and his denial of the 2020 election results.“Happy Women’s History Month, gals! It’s 2024 — you, too, can be morally bankrupt dictator-enabling douche-nuggets. Representation matters!” — STEPHEN COLBERT“[imitating McDaniel] Before, I was carrying water for a fascist wannabe dictator — now I’m getting bangs!” — STEPHEN COLBERT“But, yes, Ronna McDaniel lasted just five days at NBC, which is less screen time than dead bodies on ‘Law & Order’ get” — JORDAN KLEPPER, guest host of “The Daily Show”The Punchiest Punchlines (Disciples Are Standing By Edition)“Trump is still allowed to defend himself. He’s also still allowed to hawk [expletive] products in a desperate bid for money, arguably the most American thing you can do.” — SETH MEYERS“Yes, Donald Trump is now hawking a Bible. It’s just like any other good book, except in the middle of this one, there’s a centerfold.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“It’s like if Mike Pence was selling copies of ‘50 Shades of Grey.’” — JIMMY FALLON“Yep, the guy who’s about to go on trial for paying hush money to cover up an affair with a porn star is selling Bibles. And because it’s a Trump Bible, most of the Ten Commandments are blacked out.” — SETH MEYERS“Now this has come as no surprise to anyone — making a profit is Trump’s religion. As his Jesus famously said, ‘It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle if you pay me four easy installments of $19.95. Act now; disciples are standing by.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“He has to have spare Bibles because every time he holds one, it bursts into flames.” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Bits Worth WatchingJerry Seinfeld and Jimmy Fallon asked each other random questions on Wednesday’s “Tonight Show.”What We’re Excited About on Thursday NightThe singer-songwriter Sheryl Crow will appear on Thursday’s “Late Night with Seth Meyers.”Also, Check This OutClassics abound in the horror novelist Stephen King’s literary catalog.Philip Montgomery for The New York TimesWant to read Stephen King but not sure where to start? Here’s a guide to the horror master’s most essential works. More

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    Jordan Klepper Teases Trump for Shilling Bibles

    “How does that thing not burst into flames immediately?” Klepper joked of Donald Trump’s “latest very classy business venture” on Tuesday’s “Daily Show.’Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Trump’s Latest Mash-UpOn Tuesday, former President Donald Trump released a video on Truth Social, plugging his “God Bless the USA Bible” for $60.“The Daily Show” guest host Jordan Klepper called the move Trump’s “latest very classy business venture.”“How does that thing not burst into flames immediately?” — JORDAN KLEPPER“Yes, Trump is mashing together the Bible and the Constitution like it’s a Pizza Hut-Taco Bell.” — JORDAN KLEPPER“I know people will say that you’re not supposed to mix the Bible and the Constitution, but what you have to understand is Trump has never read either of them.” — JORDAN KLEPPER“If we step back and look at this, Trump getting into business with God can only mean one thing: God is going to end up bankrupt and serving a three-month prison sentence for lying under oath.” — JORDAN KLEPPER“I mean, what’s amazing about this is that Trump just made $5 billion on his new stock. Buddy, you’re not supposed to be doing this embarrassing grifter [expletive] when you’re that rich. Just start a private space company like a normal billionaire sociopath.” — JORDAN KLEPPERThe Punchiest Punchlines (Corinthian Leather Edition)“I like how they made the Bible the exact color of his skin. Yeah, that’s interesting. Corinthian — Corinthian leather.” — JIMMY FALLON“[imitating Trump] It’s my favorite book right after ‘Captain Underpants’ and the Cheesecake Factory menu.” — JIMMY FALLON“Trump is just like Christ. The Pharisees despised Jesus because Jesus had all of that prime Dead Sea-front property. Jesus was a brilliant capitalist. He’s buying lepers at rock-bottom prices, healing them, then flipping them for big denarii. We all know how he got an initial round of funding: selling golden sandals.” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Bits Worth WatchingKristen Stewart gave Seth Meyers a lesbian makeover while day drinking on Tuesday’s “Late Night.”What We’re Excited About on Wednesday NightJerry Seinfeld will sit down with Jimmy Fallon on Wednesday’s “Tonight Show.”Also, Check This OutJenny Slate in her new special, “Seasoned Professional.”Amazon Prime VideoSix comedy specials from seasoned comics — Tig Notaro, Jenny Slate, Dan Soder, Cara Connors, David Cross and Dave Attell — are now available on streaming. More

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    Late Night Doesn’t Think Trump’s Good News Is All That Good

    “It’s the first time someone’s ever heard, ‘Good news, you only owe $175 million,’” Jimmy Fallon said after the ex-president’s bond was reduced.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.The $175 Million LifelineOn Monday, a New York appeals court reduced Donald Trump’s bond in his civil fraud case — originally set at $454 million — to a mere $175 million. He has 10 days to come up with it.“It’s the first time someone’s ever heard, ‘Good news, you only owe $175 million,’” Jimmy Fallon said.“After his lawyers argued last week that he did not have the money for the $454 million bond in his civil fraud case, former President Trump posted in all caps on Truth Social, ‘I currently have almost $500 million in cash.’ Dude, they’re trying to help you. That’s like if O.J. tweeted, ‘The glove fits great.’” — SETH MEYERS“He’s not a real rich guy; he just plays one on TV. Donald Trump has a billion dollars the same way Patrick Stewart has a spaceship.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Having 10 days to come up with $175 million doesn’t sound like good news; it sounds like the plot to a Jason Statham movie.” — JIMMY FALLON“In addition to cutting the bond by more than half and giving him an extension, the appeals court paused restrictions on Trump running any New York company or obtaining a loan from a New York bank, as well as the restrictions on his adult sons, which means now Don Jr. and Eric can still open their hot dog and cocaine cart.” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Punchiest Punchlines (Golf Edition)“Now, with all this going on, yesterday Donald Trump kept laser-focused on what’s most important to this struggling nation: golf.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Yesterday, he posted online about winning his own golf tournament. After winning, he was honored to receive a congratulatory phone call from himself.” — JIMMY FALLON“That’s right, woke libs! You think Donald Trump’s a loser? Well, would a loser brag about winning a golf tournament at his own course? I don’t think so!” — JON STEWART“Although, obviously, Trump has an advantage playing golf: It’s difficult for his opponents to stay focused when they spend all that time staring at that ass.” — JON STEWART“He truthed, ‘It is my great honor to be at Trump International Golf Club in West Palm Beach tonight, Awards Night, to receive the club championship trophy and the senior club championship trophy. I won both!’ Wow, he won both. You know what that means: Somebody else won both.” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Bits Worth WatchingThe blues and rock musician Gary Clark Jr. performed his song “Habits” on Monday’s “Daily Show.”What We’re Excited About on Tuesday NightThe comedy legend Carol Burnett will appear on Tuesday’s “Late Show.”Also, Check This OutThe author Judith Butler ponders how gender became a scary topic in her latest book.Thirty-four years and 15 books after “Gender Trouble,” the theorist Judith Butler returns to familiar terrain with “Who’s Afraid of Gender?” More