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      Stephen Colbert Can’t Believe ‘Joe Manchin Is Fighting Climate Change’

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      “Wait, am I dreaming? I have all my teeth, I’m not a skeleton, you’re all wearing clothes, I’m rich and famous — no, this is real,” Colbert joked.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Don’t Wake Me if I’m DreamingIn a major surprise this week, Senator Joe Manchin III agreed to support a climate, energy and tax package after previously saying that he wouldn’t. The bill is being hailed as a major step in U.S. efforts to combat global warming. On Thursday, Stephen Colbert was relieved but confused.“Joe Manchin is fighting climate change?” Colbert said. “Wait, am I dreaming? I have all my teeth, I’m not a skeleton, you’re all wearing clothes, I’m rich and famous — no, this is real.”“I can’t believe it! Joe Manchin agreed to vote for a bill? Which means Democrats might actually get something done? Am I — am I dreaming? And if so, what a boring dream!” — TREVOR NOAH“People, I am told, are very excited about the bill, including President Biden, who said, ‘This is the action the American people have been waiting for.’ Technically, sir, technically, that was ‘Top Gun: Maverick.’ Cruise — Cruise has still got it.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Also, what a week for Joe Biden, huh? First he defeated Covid, then he defeated low expectations. Look at you, Joe, look at you!” — TREVOR NOAH“This is a huge victory for Biden. In fact, right after the announcement, his approval rating skyrocketed to 11 percent.” — JIMMY FALLONThe Punchiest Punchlines (JetBlue Has Spirit Edition)“In business news. JetBlue has officially announced that it will buy Spirit Airlines for $3.8 billion. Yeah, 3.8 billion. Yeah. What’s crazy is that Spirit still charged them $30 for a carry-on bag.” — TREVOR NOAH“Yes. JetBlue and Spirit, it’s the perfect marriage between broken TVs and broken planes.” — JIMMY FALLON“That’s right, Spirit agreed to a deal with JetBlue and canceled their merger with Frontier Airlines. Today, Frontier was like, ‘Well, it’s Spirit, how did we not see this cancellation coming?’” — JIMMY FALLON“But, I mean, this is a smart move for JetBlue. You know, a lot of people are confused. They’re like, ‘Why?’ But it makes sense. As a business you want to diversify, you know? Think about it — why just be an airline when you can be both an airline and a flying Porta-Potty?” — TREVOR NOAHThe Bits Worth WatchingBilly Porter belted the “Dreamgirls” hit “And I Am Telling You I’m Not Going” on Thursday’s “Tonight Show.”Also, Check This OutRebecca Hall in “Resurrection.”IFC MidnightRebecca Hall stars as a successful single mother haunted by a terrifying man from her past in the new horror film “Resurrection.” More

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      Stephen Colbert Thinks a New Trump Investigation Has Potential

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      Colbert said he was “potentially very excited” about the Department of Justice’s “potential” investigation into Trump.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Trump’s Full of ItThe Justice Department, as part of its Jan. 6 investigation, is looking into information about former President Donald Trump’s potential crimes in attempting to overturn the 2020 election.“‘Potential’ fraud? It’s the ‘false-electors scheme’!’” Stephen Colbert said on Wednesday. “You don’t call something a ‘scheme’ and ‘false’ if it’s on the level.”“It is about damn time. At this point, the investigators are like the last person at the office to catch on to a popular TV show: ‘So get this, guys — there are dragons, but they hardly ever show them. There’s lots of nudity. I’m really looking forward to the Red Wedding episode. I’m so happy for Robb Stark. He deserves all the love. Everyone in the family’s going to be there!’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“I am potentially very excited, because all of this is potentially huge, because no former president has ever been charged with a crime in the country’s history. So what? Before John Wayne Gacy, no one ever executed a birthday clown.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Yeah, another investigation, and I don’t know, guys, at this point, I feel like the Justice Department is just going to have to dedicate an entire division to Trump, you know? Just give him his own one. You know, like they’ll have national security division, the civil rights division and the ‘What the hell did Donald Trump do now’ division?” — TREVOR NOAHThe Punchiest Punchlines (Back in Action, Jack Edition)“Well, guys, here’s some good news today. President Biden officially ended his quarantine after testing negative for Covid. That’s right. And now that he’s got a few weeks of immunity, Biden’s about to rage, oooh. ‘[imitating Biden] Jill, we’re having dinner at seven tonight. Oh, yeah.’” — JIMMY FALLON“First of all, President Biden has officially tested negative for Covid and he got his doctor’s approval to come out of isolation. Yes, it’s great. Really is great. It is also the only positive approval he has at the moment, you know. But that’s a start.” — TREVOR NOAH“Yeah, Biden beat Covid, and luckily, Covid conceded gracefully.” — JIMMY FALLON“Even though he tested negative, not that much changes for Biden. He still works from home, avoids crowds, and takes 20 pills a day.” — JIMMY FALLONThe Bits Worth Watching“The Daily Show” correspondent Ronny Chieng investigated why some Eastern Oregon citizens want to adjust the Idaho border.What We’re Excited About on Thursday NightBilly Porter will appear on Thursday’s “Tonight Show” to talk about his directorial debut with “Anything’s Possible.”Also, Check This OutLauren Ridloff, who became the Marvel Cinematic Universe’s first deaf superhero, in “Eternals.”Marvel/DisneyA new study shows that disability representation onscreen is improving but still falls short, especially on television. More

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      Trevor Noah Is a Fan of Pope Francis

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      “He’s reached out to other faiths, he said gay people can get into heaven, and don’t forget he added a pop and lock to the sign of the cross,” Noah joked on Tuesday.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Catholic Guilt Takes CanadaPope Francis issued an apology to Indigenous Canadians on Monday, saying he was “deeply sorry” for the ways in which “many Christians supported the colonizing mentality of the powers that oppressed the Indigenous peoples.”“I’m glad he is doing that,” Trevor Noah said on Tuesday. “It also must have been a shock to Canadians, you know? Someone coming and apologizing to them?”“You know, say what you want, I love this pope. I really do. Yeah, because ever since he has come into office, or into power, or ever since he has gotten the gig, what do they even say? Whatever it is, he has done a really good job of trying to right the Catholic Church’s wrongs, you know? He’s reached out to other faiths, he said gay people can get into heaven, and don’t forget he added a pop and lock to the sign of the cross.” — TREVOR NOAH“And you know beyond the pope, the pope is great in all of this but you know who the heroes of the story are? The Indigenous people, yeah. For not just speaking to the pope but for forgiving him, even letting him wear their traditional headdress. That was amazing. It was gracious, you know? Unless they were just setting him up for a trap, you know? Like, ‘We let bygones be bygones, please accept this headdress,’ snap photo, ‘And you’re canceled, mother [bleep]! We got you — cultural appropriation.’” — TREVOR NOAH“Now, apparently in addition to the apology the church has also agreed to pay a settlement for what they did, which I think is fantastic, especially on the tribe for actually insisting on it. Yeah, because so many people’s lives have been destroyed and a generation was thrust into poverty. So sorry is nice, but money goes a long way, yeah. In fact, you know what, they should put ‘I’m sorry’ in the caption of the Venmo payments, that is what they should do.” — TREVOR NOAHThe Punchiest Punchlines (R.I.P. Choco Taco Edition)“I’m going to shoot you straight: Things are looking a little rough right now. The climate is on fire, democracy is hanging on by a pube, and just when we thought we couldn’t take another punch to the national gut, we’ve learned that Klondike’s Choco Taco has been discontinued after almost 40 years. No, not the Choco Taco! It was the only dessert with as much real beef as Taco Bell!” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Well, I guess the answer to ‘What would you do for a Klondike bar?’ is ‘ruin childhood.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“The Choco Taco is the perfect American fusion of cultures. right? It’s Mexican and sugar.” — TREVOR NOAH“[Singing in the vein of Elton John] ’Cause it seems to me you lived your life like a taco in the fridge. You’re an ice cream waffle taco covered in chocolate, and I sure did love to eat you when I was just a kid. Your choco melted long before your taco ever did.” — JIMMY FALLON“And may I point out, we learned this shocking news on a Taco Tuesday. That’s just salted caramel in the wound.” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Bits Worth WatchingMaggie Rogers performed her song “Want Want” on Tuesday’s “Tonight Show.”Also, Check This OutPaul Sorvino as the mob underboss who gave orders with just a nod of his head in “Goodfellas.”Warner Bros.The late Paul Sorvino is perhaps known for playing the underboss Paulie Cicero in “Goodfellas,” but he almost walked away from the role. More

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      Seth Meyers Mocks Trump for His Imaginary Friends

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      Meyers noted that Trump’s speeches frequently have him “whining incessantly about how he’s being treated or repeating some weird lie an imaginary friend supposedly told him.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Trump and His Imaginary FriendsFormer President Donald Trump over the weekend attended a conservative conference in Tampa, Fla., where he repeated a story to the crowd about a friend who once referred to him as “the most persecuted person in American history.”Seth Meyers pointed out on Monday that Trump’s speeches often have him “whining incessantly about how he’s being treated or repeating some weird lie an imaginary friend supposedly told him.”“I like the idea that this never occurred to Trump until a friend suggested it. Is this where he gets all his ideas? ‘[imitating Trump friend] You know, Donald, I was thinking, your situation kind of reminds me of — well, the Salem witch trials. It’s almost like it’s a hunt — for witches, Donald. You know, like a witch hunt.’” — SETH MEYERS“He just sat back and he thought about it and he came to the conclusion that, yes, his friend was right. I’m sure he was just sitting in his study with a pipe and smoking jacket surrounded by walls of books, comparing himself to other historical examples famous persecuted Americans. ‘[imitating Trump] Let’s see. There’s me, there’s Rosa Parks, there’s Rubin ‘Hurricane’ Carter. I guess out of those three, it’s got to be me — if it’s those three.” — SETH MEYERS“I also love the idea that Trump sat back and thought about it, you know, after he finished conjugating ‘persecuted’: ‘[imitating Trump] Persecuted, persecution. They persecute and I’m the persecutee.’” — SETH MEYERSThe Punchiest Punchlines (Monkeypox Takes New York Edition)“On Saturday, the W.H.O. declared monkeypox a global health emergency. No, no, W.H.O.! No new health emergencies until you finish your Covid, little mister!” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Why? Why! Another global health emergency? No! We just got done with ignoring this pandemic, I don’t know if I can handle another one.” — TREVOR NOAH“The C.D.C. has provided some information on how monkeypox spreads, mainly through direct contact with an infectious rash and bodily fluids, which is why they say, when at all possible, people with monkeypox should handle their own soiled laundry. That C.D.C. report was written by Dr. Mom-who-is-sick-of-this: ‘You’re 23, Jordan! Go to a laundromat!’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“The reason monkeypox has been upped to emergency status is because it’s spreading faster than the scientists had expected. As of today, New York City alone has logged over 1,000 cases. That is unacceptable. The only disease you should contract in New York is herpes from a subway pole. Welcome to our beautiful city! Touch nothing.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“And also, why is New York the epicenter again, huh? Haven’t we been through enough? Hurricane Sandy, coronavirus, the Knicks. No, I’m joking, I’m joking — Sandy wasn’t a complete disaster.” — TREVOR NOAH“Seriously, people, what is it about New York? Why do diseases love it, you know? What is it about this place, outside of the rats and cockroaches and the subways full of feces and pounds of garbage on the sidewalk?’” — TREVOR NOAHThe Bits Worth WatchingToro y Moi performed “Millennium” from his new album “Mahal” on Monday’s “Tonight Show.”What We’re Excited About on Tuesday NightSt. Vincent will perform the second night of her weeklong residency on Tuesday’s “Late Show.”Also, Check This OutJoni Mitchell, who has rarely appeared in public in recent years, performed some of her most iconic songs, including an extended guitar solo on “Just Like This Train” from her “Court and Spark” album.Nina WesterveltJoni Mitchell made a surprise appearance at the Newport Folk Festival on Sunday and performed live for the first time in two decades. More

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      Stephen Colbert Goes Live After Thursday’s Jan. 6 Hearing

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      “Yes, he is a stain on our history, and thanks to these hearings, we know that stain is ketchup,” Stephen Colbert said of Donald Trump.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.The Insurrection Will Be TelevisedThe lengthy Jan. 6 hearing on Thursday night highlighted former President Donald Trump’s lack of attempts to stop the insurrection on the Capitol, instead choosing to watch Fox News in the White House dining room.“He chose not to act. Same review he got for ‘Home Alone 2,’” Stephen Colbert said on Thursday’s live edition of “Late Night.”“He did not call them from a box. He did not call while watching Fox. He did not help out Uncle Sam. His brain is made of eggs and ham. But, in his defense, it is possible he forgot the number for 9-1-1.” — STEPHEN COLBERT, on news that Trump didn’t reach out to any security officials on Jan. 6“Yes, he is a stain on our history — and thanks to these hearings, we know that stain is ketchup.” — STEPHEN COLBERT, referring to Representative Adam Kinzinger’s referring to Trump’s inaction as “a stain” on our history“So, all in all, it was a long night — almost three hours — but it wasn’t nearly as long as the 187 minutes where the former president did nothing to stop an ongoing insurrection that he created and then watched it all in glee as it played out on TV. Let’s just hope some of his followers were watching this tonight.” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Punchiest Punchlines (‘Positive’ News for Biden Edition)“The White House announced that President Biden has a mild case of Covid. On the bright side, it’s the first positive news Biden’s gotten in months.” — JIMMY FALLON“Now of course, the big story today is that President Biden tested positive for Covid, but according to the White House, Biden is feeling pretty good for a 300-year-old man.” — RUPAUL, guest host of “Jimmy Kimmel Live”“President Biden tested positive today for the coronavirus. Luckily, we’ve all been keeping our distance.” — SETH MEYERS“Joe said his symptoms are mild, and he’ll be back to falling off his bike in no time.” — RUPAUL“Get well soon, sir. You made it through the Spanish flu; you can make it through this.” — TREVOR NOAH“Biden hasn’t been this sick since the time he got scurvy on Noah’s Ark.” — RUPAUL“That’s right, Covid isn’t going to slow Joe Biden down because he can’t get any slower.” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Bits Worth WatchingJimmy Fallon announced his book club’s latest selection on Thursday’s “Tonight Show”: “Tomorrow, and Tomorrow, and Tomorrow,” by Gabrielle Zevin.Also, Check This OutFrom left, Daniel Kaluuya, Keke Palmer and Brandon Perea in “Nope,” the latest feature from the director Jordan Peele.Universal PicturesJordan Peele’s “Nope” stars Daniel Kaluuya and Keke Palmer as brother-and-sister horse wranglers defending the family ranch from an extraterrestrial threat. More

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      Stephen Colbert Skewers Steve Bannon

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      “Finally, Bannon can tell the former president’s side of the story,” Colbert said on Tuesday.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Losing PrivilegesThe criminal trial against Steve Bannon began on Tuesday, when prosecutors presented evidence that Donald Trump’s former aide never had the executive privilege he claimed kept him from complying with the investigation into the Jan. 6 attack on the Capitol.“I mean, wow, he really hung Bannon out to dry,” Stephen Colbert said of Trump on Tuesday. “Which isn’t easy, because he excretes a thick layer of sebum.”“Finally, Bannon can tell the former president’s side of the story. [Imitating Bannon] ‘Mr. Chairman, this is all a simple misunderstanding. The president didn’t mean to grab the steering wheel from the Secret Service — he just thought it was a big black doughnut!’” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Punchiest Punchlines (How Hot Is It? Edition)“I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but it is hot. It is hot! Not just here in the U.S., but there are record-high temperatures all across the world. Seriously, it’s so hot, people on TikTok were slapping each other with tortillas just for the breeze.” — JIMMY FALLON“It’s so hot right now, the fantasy suite on ‘The Bachelorette’ is just the back of an ice cream truck.” — JIMMY FALLON“It is so hot, people are ordering Chipotle just so the E. coli can give them the chills.” — JIMMY FALLON“The heat’s hitting the Brits extra hard, because the Brits aren’t used to extreme weather, and the houses over there — especially older ones — were built to retain warmth. Now luckily, Brits can keep cool with their light and refreshing cuisine of potted organ meat, battered fish and room-temperature beer.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Remember when you wished that everybody who denied climate change would go to hell? Unfortunately, hell came to us.” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Bits Worth WatchingGregory Robinson of NASA sat down with Trevor Noah to share insights on what the James Webb telescope can tell us about the universe.What We’re Excited About on Wednesday NightKerry Washington will guest host Wednesday’s “Jimmy Kimmel Live.”Also, Check This OutDesus Nice, left, and the Kid Mero. Their late-night talk show upended many conventions of the format with a freewheeling approach that could elicit candid, personal insights from celebrities and politicians.Joel Barhamand for The New York Times“Desus & Mero” has ended its Showtime run as the hosts pursue “separate creative endeavors.” More

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      Trevor Noah Mocks Joe Biden for That Fist Bump

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      Noah called the president’s choice how to greet Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman of Saudi Arabia “the whitest decision of all time.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.KnuckleheadsPresident Biden’s fist bump with Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman of Saudi Arabia raised eyebrows over the weekend. On Monday’s “Daily Show,” Trevor Noah had a lot of opinions about that moment.“America obsesses about these things: ‘No, don’t look too friendly.’ It’s also funny how President Biden thought it would be better to fist bump Mohammed bin Salman because that seems less friendly than a handshake. That’s the whitest decision of all time.” — TREVOR NOAH“You know what Biden should have done if he didn’t want controversy in this? He should have gone in for the handshake and then given him the ‘Psych!’” — TREVOR NOAH“You know what I really think happened? I think Joe Biden’s team briefed him and they were like, ‘Mr. President, in Saudi Arabia, if you make them mad, and you have, they will chop off your hand. So hide your finger, get in, quick, in and out, in and out. Godspeed, Mr. President.’” — TREVOR NOAHThe Punchiest Punchlines (Bennifer Again-if-er Edition)“That’s right, Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez reportedly got married over the weekend. Because right now, that’s the only way a Red Sox fan can get a win in the Bronx.” — SETH MEYERS“That’s right, they got married at a drive-through chapel. You know inflation is bad when even those two are, like, ‘Let’s just do it in Vegas.’” — JIMMY FALLON“The guy who married them was, like, ‘Wow, you two are the best Ben and J. Lo impersonators I’ve ever seen — you’re really good.’” — JIMMY FALLON“Love is real! If they can make it work, there’s hope for every attractive millionaire celebrity couple with a skin-care line.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“And as I’m sure you know, the two were engaged years ago, but now they’ve made it official. It’s Bennifer again-i-fer! Or, as I prefer, ‘Jennifer 2: Jen-flecktric Boogaffleck.’” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Bits Worth WatchingDana Carvey, the guest host on “Jimmy Kimmel Live,” brought his famous “Church Lady” impression from “Saturday Night Live” to Monday’s monologue.What We’re Excited About on Tuesday NightCourtney Barnett, the Australian indie rock artist, will perform on Tuesday’s “Late Show.”Also, Check This OutJoel Kim Booster in his Netflix special “Psychosexual.”Terence Patrick/NetflixSome seasoned stand-ups — Joel Kim Booster, Nikki Glaser, Bill Burr, Fahim Anwar and Cristela Alonzo — have stellar new comedy specials available for streaming this summer. More

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      Stephen Colbert Reflects on This Year in the Supreme Court

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      Colbert referred to the court’s year of bold rulings as “a real roller-coaster ride, in that I am nauseous and scared we’re all going to die.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Environmental HazardThe Supreme Court held the last session of its term on Thursday and announced yet another controversial decision. This time, the court ruled to limit the Environmental Protection Agency’s ability to regulate carbon emissions from power plants.Stephen Colbert referred to the court’s year of bold calls as “a real roller-coaster ride, in that I am nauseous and scared we’re all going to die.”“Today was the final day of the Supreme Court’s current term and I gotta say, thank god. This must be how the Jets feel when halftime finally arrives: [imitating a Jets player] ‘Well, at least we get 15 minutes when they can’t kick our [expletive]!’” — SETH MEYERS“What are you thinking, Supreme Court? It’s the Environmental Protection Agency — if they can’t limit the emissions, then the agency can’t protect the environment. They’re going to have to change what the ‘P’ stands for — maybe ‘Environmental Punch-Dolphins-in-the-Taint Agency.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“With these maniacs in charge, our only hope is that the smokestacks put on a condom.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“The Supreme Court ruled that the Environmental Protection Agency does not have the authority to protect the environment? So what is their job now?”— TREVOR NOAH“And by the way, by the way, just so you understand, this ruling might not just be about the carbon emissions. A lot of experts believe the logic of today’s ruling makes it harder for the government to regulate anything unless Congress specifically passes a law to do it. Because you see, right now, a lot of regulations are made by agencies, like — like the F.D.A. They will handle food, you know? The C.D.C. with public health; the B.R.B., with ignoring text messages.” — TREVOR NOAH“Yeah, Justice Jackson made history as the first Black woman on the Supreme Court, and the first person to make people cheer for the Supreme Court in the past two weeks.” — JIMMY FALLON“Ketanji Brown Jackson was sworn in today as the Supreme Court’s 116th justice — and then Clarence Thomas dissented against that, too.” — SETH MEYERSThe Punchiest Punchlines (Vasectomy Edition)“With contraception in the judicial cross hairs, folks are taking their genitals into their own hands, with men rushing to get vasectomies — and then very slowly walking home from them.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“According to one urologist, before the Supreme Court’s ruling he received four or five vasectomy requests a day. But since the decision, that number has spiked to 12 to 18. Makes sense. The most effective forms of birth control for men are abstinence and vasectomies. They have a similar result, but there’s a vas deferens.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“I’ve never personally performed a vasectomy, but I’d like to try my very first one on Samuel Alito.” — CHELSEA HANDLER“Following the Supreme Court’s decision to overturn Roe v. Wade, urologists have reportedly seen an uptick in requests for vasectomies. And this is weird — from women: [imitating woman] ‘His name is Dave — I’ll bring him in.’” — SETH MEYERSThe Bits Worth WatchingJames Corden tried his hand at being the president’s assistant on Thursday’s “Late Late Show.”Also, Check This OutOur list of 12 books to read in July includes a tender coming-of-age memoir by Isaac Fitzgerald, a biography of Vladimir V. Putin and novels from Silvia Moreno-Garcia, Bolu Babalola and Daniel Nieh. More