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      Stephen Colbert Skewers Trump’s Covid Response

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      Colbert joked on Monday night about a forthcoming book on the former president’s pandemic plan: “The main detail: There wasn’t one.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Looking for more to watch? Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Detour to GuantánamoA forthcoming book by two Washington Post journalists is said to provide new information about the Trump administration’s response to the coronavirus pandemic.“The main detail: There wasn’t one,” Stephen Colbert joked on Monday night.According to the book, early in the pandemic former President Donald J. Trump suggested sending Covid-infected American cruise ship passengers to the Guantánamo Bay naval base in Cuba to avoid adding to U.S. case numbers.“The president wanted to send cruise ship passengers to Gitmo, so enjoy your beach day with a complimentary head sack, then hit the bar for bottomless piña colada boarding.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“And you know he said he wants to send them to ‘Geronimo Bay’ or something like that.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Of course the reality star wanted to send them to an island. He probably sent a camera crew, too, and called it ‘Survirus’ or something.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“This is another good McNugget for the book. Trump — they say he was very upset about Covid testing because he believed that positive tests would look bad and hurt his chances of re-election. He had a call with Alex Azar, who was his secretary of health and human services, and he demanded to know what ‘idiot’ decided to make the federal government do testing, and Alex Azar was like, ‘Uh, do you mean Jared?’” — JIMMY KIMMEL, referencing Jared Kushner, Trump’s son-in-law and senior adviser“Imagine being in that administration and someone calling you ‘the idiot.’ That’s like being in the N.B.A. and your nickname is ‘the tall guy.’” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Punchiest Punchlines (Half the Cheer Edition)“The Olympics are almost here, and today organizers announced that venues will be at 50 percent capacity. That’s right, 50 percent, which means only four people will be allowed to watch fencing instead of the normal eight.” — JIMMY FALLON“Tokyo residents will be allowed to go to the Games but will not be allowed to cheer and they have to go straight home after. Whoever came up with these rules should win the gold medal for buzzkill.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Can you imagine going to a live sporting event with no cheering allowed? It’s like a Detroit Lions game.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Also they said fans aren’t allowed to cheer. Although they say that at the beginning of every graduation, and parents are still like, ‘Thomas, yeah! Tommy, you did it. That’s my boy, Tommy!’” — JIMMY FALLONThe Bits Worth WatchingPaul Rudd crashed Bill Hader’s “Conan” interview on Monday night.What We’re Excited About on Tuesday NightWanda Sykes, star of the new Netflix sitcom “The Upshaws,” will appear on Tuesday’s “Late Show.”Also, Check This OutJack Robinson/Hulton Archive, via Getty ImagesJames Taylor, Brandi Carlile and other artists reflect upon Joni Mitchell’s album “Blue” on its 50th anniversary. More

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      Stephen Colbert Celebrates America’s New Holiday, Juneteenth

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      June 19 is “also known as Macklemore’s birthday, but haven’t Black Americans suffered enough?” Colbert joked on Thursday night.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Looking for more to watch? Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.156 Years LaterStephen Colbert was among those celebrating as Juneteenth became a national holiday with President Biden’s signature on Thursday.“And long overdue,” Colbert said. “Juneteenth commemorates June 19, 1865, the day the last group of enslaved people in America learned about the signing of the Emancipation Proclamation that had taken place two and a half years earlier. Then, it only took 156 more years until the idea finally reached Washington that maybe we should celebrate this.”“My understanding is that they’re giving it the full holiday treatment — a day off, community gatherings, and, one assumes, 50 percent off all Tempur-Pedic California Kings.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“June 19, known by many names. June 19, also known as Macklemore’s birthday, but haven’t Black Americans suffered enough?” — STEPHEN COLBERTColbert and Jimmy Fallon also pointed out that the 14 Republicans who voted against the bill in the House had something in common.“That looks like the white paint sample section at Home Depot: ‘What do you think, honey, should we paint the bathroom Mike Rogers or Thomas Massie?’” — JIMMY FALLON“Ah, yes, it’s the SPF 700 club.” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Punchiest Punchlines (Walled Off Edition)“There was a big announcement from Texas-governor-and-man-breathing-easier-thanks-to-Allegra Greg Abbott. Abbott says he’s going to solicit donations from the public to fund the construction of Texas’ border wall. Hear me out — it’s about time. Somebody’s got to keep those Texans out of the U.S. Do Florida next!” — STEPHEN COLBERT“That’s right, Texas is building a wall, and New Mexico’s going to pay for it.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Maybe the wall is to keep Ted Cruz from fleeing to Mexico the next time there’s an emergency.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“OK, so, one state can do its own foreign policy? It reminds me of that famous headline after Pearl Harbor: ‘Delaware Declares Dela-war.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Abbott was clear on wanting money and wanting wall, but the other details were pretty fuzzy. As one reporter put it, ‘He says Texans can donate their private land and money to the project, but he can’t say what the project will look like, how many miles will be built or where it will be built.’ So it’s less of a border policy and more of an improv show.” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Bits Worth Watching“The Daily Show” correspondent Jordan Klepper went inside a Wisconsin rally hosted by Mike Lindell (a.k.a. the My Pillow guy).Also, Check This OutRose Byrne stars in “Physical” as an ’80s woman who finds meaning in aerobics.Apple TV+Rose Byrne stars as a bitter woman who finds inspiration in aerobics on the new 1980s-based Apple TV+ series “Physical.” More

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      Late Night Sums Up the Biden and Putin Summit

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      “I had a feeling those two weren’t going to make it to the hometown date,” Jimmy Kimmel joked after the leaders cut their meeting short.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Looking for more to watch? Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Ending Things EarlyPresident Biden’s short, tense meeting in Geneva with President Vladimir V. Putin of Russia was the talk of late night on Wednesday.“I had a feeling those two weren’t going to make it to the hometown date,” Jimmy Kimmel said in a reference to the dating show, “The Bachelor.”“The ‘Boniva in Geneva’ didn’t have to clear a very high bar. It just had to be less embarrassing than the ‘Stinky in Helsinki.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“That’s right, President Biden and Russian President Vladimir Putin met in Geneva today for about four hours with a few breaks, but no meals because nobody would volunteer to be the food taster.” — SETH MEYERS“Biden went into the day hoping to promote ‘predictability and stability,’ also the name of the most boring Jane Austen novel.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“The meeting was expected to be five hours, but lasted only half that time. Not a great sign when your summit is barely longer than ‘Peter Rabbit 2.’” — JIMMY FALLON“It was pretty much the opposite of the ‘Friends’ reunion.” — JIMMY FALLONThe Punchiest Punchlines (‘Chicken Soup for the Russian Soul’ Edition)“‘In life there is no happiness.’ That’s basically how Russian soccer moms say ‘Live, laugh, love.’” — TREVOR NOAH, on Putin’s quoting Leo Tolstoy in a news conference.“That’s actually an excerpt from Putin’s new book, ‘Chicken Soup for the Russian Soul.’” — JIMMY FALLON“‘There’s no happiness in life’ sounds like the slogan for Russian Applebee’s.” — JIMMY FALLON“You do not want this guy giving a toast at your wedding. [imitating Putin] ‘Congratulations to Jeffrey and Diane. May the specter of happiness haunt you. Now, please have some cake. It is made of vanilla and children’s tears, for what is life but a difficult birth astride a grave? The light gleams for an instant, then it is night once more. Mazel tov!’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“I’m guessing this is probably why Putin isn’t asked to speak at a lot of graduations.” — JAMES CORDEN“There’s another expression that goes ‘If Vladimir Putin gives you pudding, don’t eat it — because it’s probably filled with plutonium.’” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Bits Worth WatchingJames Corden took the cast of “Friends” for a ride around the Warner Bros. studios, ending on their iconic set.What We’re Excited About on Thursday NightSaweetie will perform on Thursday’s “Jimmy Kimmel Live.”Also, Check This OutHBO“Curb Your Enthusiasm,” “Pen15,” and “Atlanta” are among the 21 best comedies of the 21st century (so far). More

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      Trevor Noah: Marjorie Taylor Greene Has a Lot to Learn

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      Late-night hosts were unimpressed with the Georgia congresswoman’s apology for comparing pandemic restrictions to the Holocaust.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Looking for more to watch? Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now. More

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      Seth Meyers Sums Up Biden’s Time at G7

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      “Biden’s message at these meetings has been simple: America is back. You know, like the McRib, America’s back for a limited time only, offer not valid in Florida,” Meyers joked.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Looking for more to watch? Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now. More

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      Trevor Noah Thanks Anti-Vaxxers on Behalf of Other Countries

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      “Seems generous until you remember that Biden can’t get anyone else in America to take them, right?” Noah said of the president’s plan to donate 500 million Covid-19 vaccine doses to 100 countries.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Looking for more to watch? Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now. More

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      Stephen Colbert Thinks President Biden Can Win Europe Back

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      “Come on, Europe, you can’t judge us. You had fascists; we had fascists. You have rulers that marry their cousins; we have Rudy, who married his cousin,” Colbert joked.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Looking for more to watch? Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Euro TripPresident Biden embarked on his first presidential trip abroad on Tuesday with hopes of strengthening bonds with European leaders that had been damaged, in part, by Donald Trump.“Come on, Europe, you can’t judge us. You had fascists; we had fascists. You have rulers that marry their cousins; we have Rudy, who married his cousin. You had Nosferatu; we have — we have Rudy. Potato, pot-ah-to,” Stephen Colbert said.“He’s going to see the sites, ride the rails, come back saying words like ‘lorry’ and ‘zed,’ complaining about how bad our butter is over here. Of course, switching from double fisting ice cream to double fisting gelato.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“It’s going to be a little awkward trying to mend fences. Every speech he gives is going to begin with ‘Uh, hey, look, about the last guy — sorry about that.’” — JAMES CORDEN“Yep, Biden’s going to England, Belgium and Switzerland, and he won’t come home until he finds a new host for ‘The Bachelor.’” — JIMMY FALLON“That’s right, Biden is hoping to repair ties with our European allies. I think he’ll be well received. I mean, for starters, there won’t be a giant baby balloon following him wherever he goes.” — JIMMY FALLONThe Punchiest Punchlines (Cicada Attack Edition)“The news coverage of Biden’s trip got off to a bumpy start. The White House press plane was delayed almost seven hours because a swarm of cicadas flew into the engine of the plane. If this was a movie, the government would have to go to a cabin in the woods to convince Sully Sullenberger to do one last job.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“United was like, ‘Ooh, that’s good; can we use that?’” — JIMMY FALLON“And they’re so out of touch. They haven’t been aboveground since 2004, and it shows. I mean, look at this one — Ed Hardy shirt, Von Dutch hat, and he’s using a BlackBerry, wearing one of those Live Strong bracelets. It’s embarrassing.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Oh, [expletive], a cicada got Joe Biden? I’m no scientist but I’m pretty sure that means Joe Biden is now going to turn into a cicada.” — TREVOR NOAH, on Biden’s swatting away a cicada on camera“Tomorrow, that cicada will be on Fox News in a neck brace calling for Biden to be impeached: ‘See what he did to me! It’s on tape.’” — JIMMY FALLON“The cicada returned to his buddies like, ‘Damn, the old man’s quicker than I expected.’” — JIMMY FALLON“Forget the Secret Service; that man needs a SWAT team!” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Meanwhile, Mike Pence was like, ‘Bugs on your head — you’re supposed to save that for the big debate.’” — JIMMY FALLONThe Bits Worth WatchingKristen Bell played a game of “You Can Only Keep One” on Wednesday’s “Tonight Show.”What We’re Excited About on Thursday NightTig Notaro, star of Netflix’s “Army of the Dead,” will appear on Thursday’s “Conan.”Also, Check This OutKevin James and Leah Remini in “King of Queens.” In one episode, James’s character plots to keep his wife thin.CBSA new AMC+ show satirizes the tradition of hot wives with schlubby husbands on network sitcoms. More

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      Jimmy Fallon Throws Jabs at Trump’s New Tour With Bill O’Reilly

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      “Backstage passes automatically come with a hush money payment of $130,000. Isn’t that nice?” Jimmy Fallon joked.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Looking for more to watch? Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Tour de DistortsDonald Trump and Bill O’Reilly announced a new speaking tour on Tuesday, with dates lined up in Texas and Florida for December.“It should be a fun tour. Backstage passes automatically come with a hush money payment of $130,000. Isn’t that nice?” Jimmy Fallon joked.“When he heard, Sean Hannity was like, ‘Well, I met someone new and totally awesome, too, so.’” — JIMMY FALLON“He’s teaming up with Bill O’Reilly for a series of live events they’re calling ‘The History Tour,’ which was also the name of Michael Jackson’s tour 25 years ago. And wait until you hear those two duet on ‘The Girl Is Mine.’” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Better lock up your daughters. Seriously, though, it’s probably best if you do. You know, just till they’re out of town.” — SETH MEYERS“They’re planning to do four shows, and tickets go on sale next week. So if you enjoyed Charlie Sheen’s ‘Violent Torpedo of Truth’ tour, but weren’t so excited about the ‘truth’ part, this might be your thing.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Punchiest Punchlines (Internet Outage Edition)“The internet was down for almost an hour today. Multiple major websites crashed this morning due to an outage at a company I’d never heard of before, a cloud services company called Fastly, which sounds like it was named by Donald Trump demanding a Diet Coke.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Amazon, CNN, The New York Times, Pinterest, Twitch, Google, eBay and more went offline for 50 minutes. It led to the world’s most productive hour of time in the last 30 years.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“It even affected the print edition’s front-page story: ‘Error 503: Newspaper unavailable.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Amazon’s website was temporarily down this morning due to an issue with their cloud computing services provider. But don’t worry. I’m sure that flight into outer space next month will go great.” — SETH MEYERS“But it all came back, thank goodness. Everyone in the world hit control-alt-delete at the same time and, voilà, the internet is back — whew!” — JIMMY KIMMEL“But don’t worry: Serious news sources, like this show, were untouched.” — JAMES CORDENThe Bits Worth WatchingLin-Manuel Miranda and Jimmy Fallon celebrated the Great White Way’s return with “Broadway’s Back.”What We’re Excited About on Wednesday NightLisa Kudrow will reconnect with James Corden, the “Friends” reunion host, on Wednesday’s “Late Late Show.”Also, Check This OutIn his book “Hola Papi,” John Paul Brammer is both kind and piercingly funny, often in the same sentence, as he writes about queer life.Zack Knoll
      John Paul Brammer’s new book, “Hola Papi,” was born out of a popular advice column on the gay dating app Grindr. More