Federal agents “made sure to show up in daylight, when Rudy was still asleep in his coffin,” Jimmy Kimmel said on Wednesday.
Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. We’re all stuck at home at the moment, so here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.
‘Sweating Grecian Formula’
Late-night hosts couldn’t resist mocking Rudy Giuliani on Wednesday after the F.BI. searched his apartment and his office in Manhattan.
“The F.B.I. showed up with search warrants at 6 o’clock this morning. They made sure to show up in daylight, when Rudy was still asleep in his coffin,” Jimmy Kimmel said.
“Come on, that’s way too early! Rudy’s not himself until he’s had his first cup of hot breakfast wine.” — STEPHEN COLBERT
“They took the former mayor’s electronic devices; they were seized. I think it’s safe to assume none of those electronic devices were toothbrushes.” — JIMMY KIMMEL
“I know Rudy Giuliani is a high-powered lawyer, mayor of New York City, adviser to the president of the United States, but I still picture his office above a repair shop right next to a palm reader’s.” — JAMES CORDEN
“But Rudy’s lawyer — very upset. He called the raid ‘legal thuggery.’ He said, ‘Why would you do this to anyone, let alone someone who was the associate attorney general, U.S. attorney, mayor of New York City and the personal lawyer to the 45th president of the United States?’ Who would dare to show up unannounced and take his beloved Jitterbug phone? It’s just not American.” — JIMMY KIMMEL
“Investigators are reportedly conducting a criminal investigation into Giuliani’s dealings in Ukraine to try to dig up dirt on the Bidens on behalf of Donald Trump. And if you think he was sweating Grecian Formula before, you should see him now.” — JIMMY KIMMEL
“When the agents walked in, Rudy got so nervous, he started sweating hair dye and tucking all the evidence down his pants.” — JIMMY FALLON
“Oh no, they took his cellphone. Now he’ll have to butt-dial reporters on a landline.” — STEPHEN COLBERT
“Yeah, Rudy panicked and called his lawyer, then when his own phone starting ringing, he panicked even more.” — JIMMY FALLON
“But lucky for Rudy, wives can’t testify against their cousins.” — SETH MEYERS
The Punchiest Punchlines (New Address Edition)
“Well, guys, earlier tonight, President Biden delivered his first joint address to Congress on the eve of his 100th day in office. Last time someone in their 70s got that much applause, they were doing ‘Da Butt.’” — JIMMY FALLON
“Biden was the first president to deliver the speech in front of a mask-wearing audience. If you don’t count Bill Clinton’s last State of the Union, whose theme was ‘Eyes Wide Shut.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT
“President Biden tonight laid out the specifics for his ‘American Families Plan.’ Trump had a family plan, too, but his was to give jobs to everyone in his family.” — JIMMY KIMMEL
“That’s right, the Capitol took center stage tonight, and I got to be honest, it was nice to see someone behind the podium who wasn’t wearing deer antlers and a pelt.” — JIMMY FALLON
“Yeah, it was a fun night for Democrats. On the other hand, Republicans didn’t seem too thrilled. They looked like they just heard their best hope in 2024 is Randy Quaid.” — JIMMY FALLON
The Bits Worth Watching
On Wednesday’s “Full Frontal,” Samantha Bee urged the Biden administration to step up improvements to the country’s border policies.
What We’re Excited About on Thursday Night
Leslie Jordan will promote his new book, “How Y’all Doing? Misadventures and Mischief From a Life Well Lived,” on Thursday’s “Late Night.”
Also, Check This Out
Florence Welch of Florence + the Machine will write the lyrics for the new “Great Gatsby” stage musical.
Source: Television - nytimes.com
