“Gas prices are so high, the Indy 500 was just changed to the Indy 5,” Fallon joked.
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President Biden announced a ban of imported Russian oil, gas and coal on Tuesday. The move prompted fears of higher prices at the pump.
“Yeah, this is devastating for Russia,” Jimmy Fallon said. “Now their biggest export is bad guys in ‘John Wick’ movies.”
“Of course, we’ve got to get oil from somewhere else, which is why today, Biden looked at Rudy Giuliani and was like, ‘Let’s get you in the sauna, buddy.’” — JIMMY FALLON
“And luckily America produces a lot of its own oil. There’s Texas, there’s Alaska, there’s Rudy Giuliani, but it’s still not enough.” — TREVOR NOAH
“Like, if this keeps up, the next ‘Fast and Furious’ movie will take place on public transportation.” — TREVOR NOAH
“That’s right, gas prices were already on the rise, and with the decision to ban Russian oil, they’re higher than ever before. Gas prices are so high, the Indy 500 was just changed to the Indy 5.” — JIMMY FALLON
“Gas prices are so high, this morning, parents were like: ‘All right, kids, we’re Amish now. Let’s get in the buggy — we’re taking the horse to school.’” — JIMMY FALLON
“Gas prices are so high, Americans are just filling their cars with Red Bull and hoping for the best.” — JIMMY FALLON
“But on the bright side, this is the perfect excuse to pretend you’re going to get back on the bike you bought mid-pandemic and rode twice.” — JAMES CORDEN
The Punchiest Punchlines (Unhappy Meals Edition)
“Meanwhile, in the battle, McDonald’s and Starbucks are cutting ties with Russia, both announcing they would temporarily close all locations in the country. No Starbucks, no McDonald’s — that’s a sad life to live. And no pick-me-up in the morning, no Happy Meals — or, as they call them in Russia, meals.” — TREVOR NOAH
“Yeah, we don’t want their oil and they can’t have our grease.” — JIMMY FALLON
“McDonald’s in Russia is a little strange. It’s the only country that sells unhappy meals.” — JIMMY FALLON
“Not to be outdone, Arby’s announced that they are punishing Russia by staying open.” — JIMMY FALLON
“Yes. Russia just became a ‘no fry zone.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT
“Some people go for the jugular. America? They go for the McRib.” — JAMES CORDEN
The Bits Worth Watching
Dina Gusovsky, a writer for “Late Night With Seth Meyers,” delivered a monologue about reconciling her Russian heritage during the Vladimir Putin era.
What We’re Excited About on Wednesday Night
Dolly Parton will pop by Wednesday’s “Daily Show.”
Also, Check This Out
The final season of the crime drama “Peaky Blinders” is currently airing in Britain, where some superfans are staging re-enactments in public.
Source: Television - nytimes.com