“You know, usually if you got this close to Trump’s crotch, he’d pay you $130,000,” Jimmy Kimmel joked of rumors that the former president had worn his pants backward.
Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. We’re all stuck at home at the moment, so here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.
Backward Logic
Late-night hosts found their way back to Donald J. Trump on Monday after some thought that a grainy video showed that the former president could have worn his pants backward at a convention in North Carolina.
“Then there was a detailed online investigation. You know, usually if you got this close to Trump’s crotch, he’d pay you $130,000,” Jimmy Kimmel said, referring to a payment made to Stephanie Clifford, also known as the pornographic star Stormy Daniels.
“Poor Mike Pence didn’t know which end to kiss. It was very confusing.” — JIMMY KIMMEL
“It looks like he bumped into something and his pants deployed in an airbag.” — JIMMY FALLON
“Even Trump’s pants lie.” — JAMES CORDEN
“And, again, let’s be clear, he did not put them on backward, which is good for Trump, because it would be very embarrassing to be the first president to put your pants on backward. As opposed to what he is, the first president where everyone believed it was at least possible. Where even his own supporters had to say, ‘No, see, look, those are pleats, right?’” — SETH MEYERS
“Either he shares a tailor with a Ken doll, or he spends so much time yanking stuff out of his keister, it just helps to have the zipper back there to make it easy.” — STEPHEN COLBERT
“But it raised a lot of questions, like: How did he zip the pants? Was his belt also on backward? And how lucky are we that this man no longer has the nuclear codes?” — STEPHEN COLBERT
“On Twitter, the former president quickly drew comparisons to ’90s child hip-hop duo famous for wearing their pants backward, Kris Kross. That’s ridiculous. Their initials are ‘K.K.,’ which is one less than the ex-president prefers.” — STEPHEN COLBERT
The Punchiest Punchlines (Bezos in Space Edition)
“Jeff Bezos just announced that next month, he’ll be flying aboard his company’s first manned rocket to space. Yep, Bezos will be the first person in space to look down and say, ‘I actually can see my house from here.’” — JIMMY FALLON
“I know the real reason Jeff Bezos wants to go into space. It’s so he can see everything he owns.” — JIMMY KIMMEL
“Yeah, after the country reopened, most people bought a new bathing suit, maybe some hard seltzer. This guy buys James Bond and a ticket to space.” — JIMMY FALLON
“If he wants to see space so badly, he should just open one of his packages.” — SETH MEYERS
“I think space travel is a natural fit for the owner of Amazon. Astronauts are just workers who have to wear diapers because they don’t get bathroom breaks.” — TREVOR NOAH
“That’s right, Bezos says it’s perfectly safe because he’s being packed by the same people who ship Amazon boxes.” — JIMMY FALLON
“Now, you know who this is great news for? Elon Musk, because you realize, for a few hours, he can be like, ‘Ha ha! I’m now the richest man on earth! Yes, the richest man! Oh, he’s back. I’m going to go tweet about Bitcoin now.’” — TREVOR NOAH
“My favorite part of the story is Jeff Bezos’s ship is auctioning off another seat for this trip. Why? You’re Jeff Bezos. Just pay the extra money to not sit with a stranger on a trip to space! I mean, this is the culmination of your childhood dream. You don’t want to spend it fighting over the arm rest.” — TREVOR NOAH
“And I know $2.8 million sounds like a lot of money for a trip to space, but keep in mind, that’s basically how much it costs to change your flight on United.” — TREVOR NOAH
The Bits Worth Watching
The “Pose” star Indya Moore made her “Daily Show” debut on Monday night.
What We’re Excited About on Tuesday Night
Maya Erskine and Anna Konkle, the creators and stars of “Pen15,” will appear on Tuesday’s “Jimmy Kimmel Live.”
Also, Check This Out
Patrick Wilson is a classically trained actor but has more recently made a name for himself as a scream king.
Source: Television - nytimes.com
