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      Late Night Calls Out Violence Against Trump

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      “Not only is it morally wrong, but you’re also just giving him more things to brag about,” Ronny Chieng said on Tuesday’s “Daily Show.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.‘In His Natural Habitat’Late night returned in full on Tuesday, with a focus on what officials believe was a second assassination attempt on former President Donald Trump.“Yes, this weekend, a crazy person tried to hunt Donald Trump in his natural habitat, his golf course,” Ronny Chieng said on Tuesday’s “Daily Show.”“Now here’s how this craziness went down: A truly deranged man went to Mar-a-Lago’s golf course and spent nearly 12 hours hiding there before a Secret Service agent spotted his rifle sticking through the shrubbery. That sounds like an evil plot straight out of Looney Tunes.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Yo, again? Will you people stop trying to assassinate Donald Trump? Not only is it morally wrong, but you’re also just giving him more things to brag about: ‘They only tried to kill Abraham Lincoln once; that makes me twice as great as him.’” — RONNY CHIENG“Given that Trump’s campaign hadn’t announced any public plans for Sunday, many wondered did the suspect know the former president would be coming to play golf or was it a guess? Yes, how could he possibly have guessed that Trump would be golfing?” — STEPHEN COLBERT“This guy managed to walk into Trump’s golf course and stay there undetected for 12 hours, OK? And I don’t know if you’ve thought about this, Trump, but maybe you should consider building, like, a wall?” — RONNY CHIENG“By the way, have you noticed that the news reports are all like ‘a harrowing near tragedy sending chills through our nation!’ and meanwhile, everyone you actually know is like, ‘Oh, yeah, yeah, I saw that, yeah.’ I mean, we have to act like it’s a big deal, but it doesn’t really have the same impact of the first one, you know? It’s kind of like ‘Black Panther 2.’ You’re like, ‘Yeah, I guess I’ll see it.’” — RONNY CHIENGThe Punchiest Punchlines (Swift Social Edition)“In a post to Truth Social over the weekend, former President Trump said, ‘I hate Taylor Swift!’ Sounds like he’s making a strong play for the 9-year-old brother vote.” — SETH MEYERS“Donald tweeting ‘I hate Taylor Swift?’ That’s dangerous. I mean, I would rather buy one of those Hezbollah pagers than tweet ‘I hate Taylor Swift.’” — RONNY CHIENG“I think Trump needs to stick to racism — it’s less divisive.” — RONNY CHIENG“But the assassin this weekend was probably not a Swiftie, OK? He doesn’t fit the M.O. Swifties are nonviolent — they prefer to cyberbully you until you kill yourself.” — RONNY CHIENGThe Bits Worth WatchingWe are having trouble retrieving the article content.Please enable JavaScript in your browser settings.Thank you for your patience while we verify access. If you are in Reader mode please exit and log into your Times account, or subscribe for all of The Times.Thank you for your patience while we verify access.Already a subscriber? Log in.Want all of The Times? Subscribe. More

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      ‘Does This Taste Funny?’: How Stephen Colbert’s Family Cookbook Came to Be

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      Comedy defangs the taboo, so Stephen Colbert and Evie McGee Colbert have decided, at last, to tell the dreaded spoon story. The two have celebrated milestone anniversaries, welcomed three children and one dog, and now released the cookbook “Does This Taste Funny? Recipes Our Family Loves.” Secure in that solid foundation, Mr. Colbert and Ms. McGee Colbert conceded the time had come to revisit what has come to be one of the defining moments of their union.It goes like this: The Colberts were just married and living in Chicago, where Mr. Colbert launched his career performing with Second City, when Ms. McGee Colbert took a metal spoon out a drawer and scraped it across the surface of their pristine set of Calphalon nonstick pans.Off in the distance, but almost visible from the porch of their home on Sullivan’s Island in South Carolina where this interview took place, Fort Sumter marks the ground where the Civil War broke out in 1861. The stakes of this inciting incident were only somewhat less consequential.“We move into this apartment,” Ms. McGee Colbert recalled, “and I think we’re going to be chopping basil and cooking together and drinking wine and listening to Chet Baker.” Her new husband wasted no time disabusing her of those notions. “He’s like, ‘You shouldn’t do that,’” she said.“I believe I said, ‘How about a wooden spoon?’” Mr. Colbert countered, head in hands.Ms. McGee Colbert dropped her weapon and withdrew. She took one look at the man to whom she had pledged her troth and declared that there would be no more “having a fabulous time” in the kitchen. Mr. Colbert could have his mise en place and sparkling cookware. In the parlance of “Top Chef,” she packed her knives and went.“I was like, ‘I’m out,’” Ms. McGee Colbert said. Next to her on a rattan couch in the humid Charelstonian summer, Mr. Colbert wiped his brow and groaned.We are having trouble retrieving the article content.Please enable JavaScript in your browser settings.Thank you for your patience while we verify access. If you are in Reader mode please exit and log into your Times account, or subscribe for all of The Times.Thank you for your patience while we verify access.Already a subscriber? Log in.Want all of The Times? Subscribe. More

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      How Stephen Colbert’s Family Cookbook Came to Be

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      Comedy defangs the taboo, so Stephen Colbert and Evie McGee Colbert have decided, at last, to tell the dreaded spoon story. The two have celebrated milestone anniversaries, welcomed three children and one dog, and now released the cookbook “Does This Taste Funny? Recipes Our Family Loves.” Secure in that solid foundation, Mr. Colbert and Ms. McGee Colbert conceded the time had come to revisit what has come to be one of the defining moments of their union.It goes like this: The Colberts were just married and living in Chicago, where Mr. Colbert launched his career performing with Second City, when Ms. McGee Colbert took a metal spoon out a drawer and scraped it across the surface of their pristine set of Calphalon nonstick pans.Off in the distance, but almost visible from the porch of their home on Sullivan’s Island in South Carolina where this interview took place, Fort Sumter marks the ground where the Civil War broke out in 1861. The stakes of this inciting incident were only somewhat less consequential.“We move into this apartment,” Ms. McGee Colbert recalled, “and I think we’re going to be chopping basil and cooking together and drinking wine and listening to Chet Baker.” Her new husband wasted no time disabusing her of those notions. “He’s like, ‘You shouldn’t do that,’” she said.“I believe I said, ‘How about a wooden spoon?’” Mr. Colbert countered, head in hands.Ms. McGee Colbert dropped her weapon and withdrew. She took one look at the man to whom she had pledged her troth and declared that there would be no more “having a fabulous time” in the kitchen. Mr. Colbert could have his mise en place and sparkling cookware. In the parlance of “Top Chef,” she packed her knives and went.“I was like, ‘I’m out,’” Ms. McGee Colbert said. Next to her on a rattan couch in the humid Charelstonian summer, Mr. Colbert wiped his brow and groaned.We are having trouble retrieving the article content.Please enable JavaScript in your browser settings.Thank you for your patience while we verify access. If you are in Reader mode please exit and log into your Times account, or subscribe for all of The Times.Thank you for your patience while we verify access.Already a subscriber? Log in.Want all of The Times? Subscribe. More

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      Late Night Enjoys Biden’s Encounter With a Trump Fan

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      When President Biden briefly donned a Trump hat, he “gave everyone in QAnon a brain aneurysm at once,” Jimmy Kimmel said.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Hats OffDuring a Wednesday event honoring emergency medical workers from Sept. 11, President Biden shared a lighthearted encounter with a Donald Trump supporter, playfully placing the man’s Trump hat on his own head.“And a new comedy team was born,” Jimmy Kimmel joked on Thursday.“When he put that hat — that Trump hat on his head, he gave everyone in QAnon a brain aneurysm at once.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“That’s sort of a nice moment: two old men from opposite sides, coming together to share a laugh while neither of them run for president.” — JORDAN KLEPPER“I will tell you what, if you ask me, this is what you want from the president of the United States when he meets a voter on the other side. He doesn’t get mad at him, he doesn’t try to hard-sell him, he just shows warmth and a bit of empathy. And they did a remarkable thing you don’t see among two people on opposite sides these days: They had a laugh. And with a simple exchange of hats, they are able to share something much more meaningful: lice. Itchy, disgusting, impossible-to-get-rid-of lice. And that warms my dead heart.” — JORDAN KLEPPER“[imitating Biden] Hey, you take that, Jack. I might not be the best debater, but I can still zing you with the old hat chat.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“But isn’t it nice to see Biden fooling around? Every time I see him now, it’s like when you go on vacation, and the doggy day care texts you a picture of your golden retriever playing fetch. You’re like, ‘Oh, look at that, he’s having fun.’” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Punchiest Punchlines (Bad Blood Edition)We are having trouble retrieving the article content.Please enable JavaScript in your browser settings.Thank you for your patience while we verify access. If you are in Reader mode please exit and log into your Times account, or subscribe for all of The Times.Thank you for your patience while we verify access.Already a subscriber? Log in.Want all of The Times? Subscribe. More

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      Jimmy Kimmel Chides Trump for His Debate Performance

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      “More than 67 million Americans watched the debate on television last night, and of that 67 million, the only one who seems to think Trump did a good job is Donald Trump,” Kimmel said.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.67 Million to 1Despite public sentiment suggesting otherwise, Donald Trump said he came out on top after Tuesday’s debate, while also asserting it was rigged against him.On Wednesday, Jimmy Kimmel said that more than 67 million Americans watched the debate on television last night — “and of that 67 million, the only one who seems to think Trump did a good job is Donald Trump.”“I had a liberal elite day today. I woke up, I ate a big cat for breakfast, then I had a baby, then I had an abortion right after that, and then I went to pick up my kids from their mandatory transgender surgery operations after school. And now, I’m back here spreading Marxist propaganda on TV. That’s how we do it.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“This morning, Trump said the debate was rigged and that ABC should be shut down for fact-checking him, but that he still thought he did great. Then ABC fact-checked him again and said, ‘You did not.’” — JIMMY FALLON“Yeah, everyone thought Harris seemed really prepared while Trump was like, ‘My homework was eaten by a dog that was eaten by people in Ohio.’” — JIMMY FALLON“This pet-eating brain worm got into Trump’s skull through JD Vance, who’s been spreading a racist rumor that Haitian immigrants are abducting people’s pets and eating them in Ohio. This is a good time to remind you: please remember to spay or neuter your JD Vance. We don’t want more of that.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“It looks like Operation ‘I’m Not Weird’ isn’t going well.” — JIMMY FALLONThe Punchiest Punchlines (Childless Cat Lady Edition)“Last night, Kamala Harris and Donald Trump took to the debate stage to make their cases to Taylor Alison Swift and whoever else happened to be watching.” — JORDAN KLEPPER“Trump was like, ‘See? She’s eating her cat.’” — JIMMY FALLON“Trump this morning responded to the Taylor Swift endorsement and said, ‘Not a fan.’ But I have some bad news: his granddaughter, Arabella, Ivanka’s daughter, two months ago had a Taylor Swift cake for her birthday. So eat that, Grandpa.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Really, Donald? You prefer Brittany Mahomes? What’s your top five Brittany Mahomes songs? Is this really his angle? ‘Well, I don’t care, Taylor, because I like your boyfriend’s co-worker’s wife better.” — JORDAN KLEPPERThe Bits Worth WatchingThe “Late Night” writers Amber Ruffin and Jenny Hagel returned for another “Jokes Seth Can’t Tell” segment on Wednesday.What We’re Excited About on Thursday NightThe “Agatha All Along” star Sasheer Zamata will appear on Thursday’s “Daily Show.”Also, Check This OutThe documentary “Brandy Hellville & The Cult of Fast Fashion,” streaming on Max, turns a sharp eye to the Gen Z fashion brand Brandy Melville.Courtesy of HBOTrue crime stories about brands like Brandy Melville and Lululemon explore the dark side of trendy clothing. More

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      Late Night Hosts Declare Harris the Winner in the Debate

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      Stephen Colbert said that the vice president needed to “rattle Trump’s cage. And now that it is over, they are still looking for pieces of his cage in low orbit.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Best in ShowOn Tuesday, Vice President Kamala Harris and former President Donald Trump met for their only scheduled debate before the election. Three of the five late-night shows went live after it ended, with Stephen Colbert, Jimmy Kimmel and Jon Stewart offering their takes.Colbert said that Harris “came out swinging,” looking to “rattle Trump’s cage.”“And now that it is over, they are still looking for pieces of his cage in low orbit.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Harris got under his skin like she was stuffing in butter and rosemary. It was beautiful. By the end of the debate, the meat was falling off the bone.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Usually when Donald Trump gets a spanking like this from a woman, it’s with a Forbes magazine. Kamala was pushing his buttons like a 12-year-old playing Fortnite.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“He was so nonsensical that she looked at him the way a parent looks at a kid giving a presentation on why they should be allowed to get a pet tiger.” — STEPHEN COLBERTOn “The Daily Show,” Jon Stewart called out Trump for his answer to a question about his involvement in the Jan. 6. insurrection.“You spent two months riling up your base that our country had literally been stolen from them through fraudulent means, that you could never even get a whiff of in a court of law, and let — let yourself just abuse them. You pressed on. You abused their trust. You showed up for a speech? You [expletive] tweeted ‘Join me on Jan. 6. It will be wild.’ But suddenly now: ‘I was just a hired magician to do the bar mitzvah! I didn’t do anything. I showed up with a hat and a rabbit and then the whole party went out of control!’” — JON STEWART“And this is it, ladies and gentlemen. I don’t know if this debate is going to change anything. I really don’t. People are awfully set in the manner that they view these proceedings. What I think is a home-run answer for one candidate, someone else views as a dodge or a lie or any of those other things. In some ways, it doesn’t matter what they say anymore, but one thing will always be true, and it is the quality of the former president I respect the least: Whenever he is cornered and forced to face even the smallest of consequences for his own mendacity and scheming, he reverts to the greatest refuge of scoundrels. As Shaggy would say, ‘It wasn’t me!’” — JON STEWART“[imitating Trump] OK, but you can’t believe a thing I say. I’m crazy! Everybody knows that! I’m the Hannibal Lecter whale guy. Immigrants are taking our cats and giving them operations to turn them into dogs and then eating the dogs. Whale!” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Punchiest Punchlines (Lock Up Your Dogs Edition)We are having trouble retrieving the article content.Please enable JavaScript in your browser settings.Thank you for your patience while we verify access. If you are in Reader mode please exit and log into your Times account, or subscribe for all of The Times.Thank you for your patience while we verify access.Already a subscriber? Log in.Want all of The Times? Subscribe. More

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      Late Night Observes ‘Debate Night Eve’

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      Jimmy Kimmel predicted Kamala Harris and Donald Trump will face questions “on all the big issues: the economy, immigration, electrocution, sharks.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.The Night BeforeVice President Kamala Harris and former President Donald Trump will meet for their only scheduled debate on Tuesday night.On Monday, Jimmy Kimmel predicted the candidates will field questions “on all the big issues: the economy, immigration, electrocution, sharks — everything we care about.”“It’s Debate Night Eve, so don’t forget to put out some milk and cookies for Santa and then give him two minutes for a rebuttal.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Of course, both candidates are very busy with last-minute preparations. Right now, Trump is trying to decide which shade of bronzer: jack-o’-lantern orange or burned corn on the cob?” — JIMMY FALLON“How could you possibly prepare to debate Donald Trump? This is a man who, if he doesn’t like the direction a hurricane is going, just draws a new hurricane on the map — you can’t debate that.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Trump, of course, is claiming that the debate is rigged against him, even though it hasn’t happened yet. Over the weekend, he announced that no boxes or artificial lifts will be allowed for Kamala — who is 5-foot-4 — to stand on because he says, ‘It would be a form of cheating, and the Democrats cheat enough.’ That’s right. You know, cheating is only allowed when it comes to wives, taxes and every round of golf that he’s ever played.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“There’s a lot riding on this. If Kamala doesn’t do well, you know, come January, our national bird might be the Kentucky Fried Chicken.” — JIMMY KIMMEL‘An Honor Just to be Nominated’An article in Rolling Stone said that while Trump was president, he tried to persuade Justice Department officials to use campaign finance laws and equal-time broadcast regulations to rule that anti-Trump jokes on late-night shows were illegal. Stephen Colbert and Jimmy Kimmel were among those on Trump’s list of targets.“Finally, I made an enemies list!” Colbert said. “I mean, obviously, there’s no guarantee I’ll be arrested, but it’s an honor just to be nominated.”“I’m now imagining me and all the other late-night hosts in prison together like the mobsters in ‘Goodfellas.’ I’m stirring the sauce, Colbert’s slicing the garlic with a razor blade.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“No doubt it’ll all be decided this weekend in Los Angeles — whoever wins the Emmy for best talk show will be sent to a camp: ‘And the gulag goes to …’ So, to my old colleague Jon Stewart, I just want you to know, I voted for you.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“How would this work for Jon Stewart? Would he only go to jail on Mondays?” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Punchiest Punchlines (Change of Heart Edition)We are having trouble retrieving the article content.Please enable JavaScript in your browser settings.Thank you for your patience while we verify access. If you are in Reader mode please exit and log into your Times account, or subscribe for all of The Times.Thank you for your patience while we verify access.Already a subscriber? Log in.Want all of The Times? Subscribe. More

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      Jimmy Kimmel Laughs Off a Verbal Stumble

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      Kimmel mocked Donald Trump for flubbing words before doing so himself on Wednesday, saying, “That’s why I’m not going to be president.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Consider the SourceIn an interview with Chris Cuomo on Tuesday, Robert F. Kennedy Jr. affirmed his support of former President Donald Trump and implied that Vice President Kamala Harris couldn’t put together a proper English sentence.“We need a president who can put together an English sentence like this guy,” Jimmy Kimmel said on Wednesday night before playing several clips of Trump garbling the pronunciation of words.“The only sentence Donald Trump can put together is a prison sentence.” — JIMMY KIMMELMoving on to news about Lara and Tiffany Trump’s X accounts being hacked, Kimmel himself stumbled over the phrase “officially sanctioned crypto scams.” He laughed at the ironic timing: “Now I’m like him.”“You know what? That’s — that’s karma. That’s why I’m not going to be president.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Punchiest Punchlines (Nothing But a Z Thing Edition)“Guys, Election Day is just two months away, and a new poll shows that only a third of Gen Z voters support former President Trump. That makes sense — Trump thinks Gen Z is the rapper married to Beyoncé.” — JIMMY FALLON“That’s right — only a third of Gen Z supports Trump, while the rest plan to vote Skibidi Toilet.” — JIMMY FALLON“Kamala is also trying to reach young voters. That is so important. I am also reaching out to young people, mostly to ask, how do you do that thing on Uber where you add a stop?” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Bits Worth Watching50 Cent, whose real name is Curtis Jackson, promoted his debut novel, “The Accomplice,” on Wednesday’s “Late Show.”What We’re Excited About on Thursday NightThe country singer Miranda Lambert will perform a track from her new album, “Postcards From Texas,” on Thursday’s “Tonight Show.”Also, Check This OutMassima Bell, left, and Dust Reid, the creative team behind the new charity album “Transa.”Gabriel PetraSam Smith, Sade, André 3000 and Jayne County are among several artists featured on “Transa,” a 46-track album promoting transgender awareness. More