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      Jimmy Kimmel: ‘Tonight’s Monologue Is for Republicans’

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      Kimmel made a 19-minute case against Donald Trump on Tuesday, asking viewers to “send it to a Republican you love.” (He did throw in a Biden joke.)Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Crossing the Aisle“Tonight’s monologue is for Republicans,” Jimmy Kimmel said on Tuesday. He then made a 19-minute case against Donald Trump, asking his viewers to send the clip to “a Republican you love and respect.” “Ask them to watch this whole thing as a personal favor to you,” he said. Then, after promising no “liberal virtue-signaling” and throwing in a Biden joke, he introduced himself to “those of you who don’t ever watch.”“I’m Jimmy Kimmel. Maybe you remember me from ‘The Man Show.’ We had a pretty good relationship back then — the beer, the trampolines. Good times, right? We had fun. But now times are less fun.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“We are very divided, and not just because of Donald Trump, because of people like, if I’m being honest, me. I do a lot of mocking and belittling, and it isn’t always productive.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Am I biased against Donald Trump? Yes. Do I think I have good reasons for being biased against him? Yes. And I’m probably wrong, but I think when you hear some of those reasons, you might agree with me, even just a little bit.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Maybe there’s a little voice in the back your head saying, ‘I might not want this guy driving the bus.’ And if you’re one of those people who think Democrats are controlling the weather or Beyoncé eats baby skin, forget it. This is not going to help at all.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Donald Trump is the exact meeting point between QAnon and QVC. You remember when Ronald Reagan was selling high-tops in the 1980s? No, you don’t, because he wasn’t.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Not to mention the 34 felony convictions. Will he be president from jail? I mean, how do you see that working?” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Anyway, if you made it this far, thank you for listening.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Punchiest Punchlines (What a Joke Edition)“It’s rare to tell a joke so bad that it alters the course of human history.” — STEPHEN COLBERT, on the backlash over the comedian at Trump’s Madison Square Garden rally who compared Puerto Rico to garbage“Today, following his disastrous rally at Madison Square Garden, former President Trump defended the event and called it an ‘absolute lovefest.’ Then Kamala Harris looked at the polls and said, ‘Well, I’m certainly loving it.’” — JIMMY FALLONWe are having trouble retrieving the article content.Please enable JavaScript in your browser settings.Thank you for your patience while we verify access. If you are in Reader mode please exit and log into your Times account, or subscribe for all of The Times.Thank you for your patience while we verify access.Already a subscriber? Log in.Want all of The Times? Subscribe. More

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      Jimmy Fallon Rallies for Queen Bey

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      The “Tonight Show” host was excited about Beyoncé’s plans to appear with the vice president: “What a night — the most powerful woman in the world and Kamala Harris.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Texas Hold ’emThe pop superstar Beyoncé will join Vice President Kamala Harris onstage at a campaign rally in Houston on Friday.“What a night — the most powerful woman in the world and Kamala Harris,” Jimmy Fallon said on Thursday.“Woo, baby. Talk about a get! The last time Beyoncé appeared onstage with a presidential candidate was Hillary in 2016, so things are looking good.” — MICHAEL KOSTA“Yeah, Beyoncé will sing ‘Irreplaceable,’ and Biden will be like, ‘Too soon!’” — JIMMY FALLON“Yep, Harris is rallying with Beyoncé while Trump will be onstage claiming migrants are eating Snoop Dogg and Doja Cat.” — JIMMY FALLONThe Punchiest Punchlines (Daddy Issues Edition)“At a Trump campaign rally yesterday in Georgia, former Fox News host Tucker Carlson compared former President Trump returning to office to a father who comes home to give a ‘bad little girl’ a ‘vigorous spanking’ for being disobedient. Wow. I guess for my part, I’m just glad he’s standing behind a podium.” — SETH MEYERS“OK, so this might be why you’ve never been invited to speak at a political rally before.” — MICHAEL KOSTA“You know, most people just clear their browser history, they don’t put it in their speeches.” — SETH MEYERS“Not to fact-check you there, Tuck, but we know from Stormy Daniels that Daddy’s the one who likes to get spanked.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“You see, America? These Trump people — they aren’t weird. They just know that Trump is a big strong daddy that’s coming home to spank us all. Totally normal stuff. I can’t wait to hear Tucker’s thoughts on the economy: ‘Inflation is like a babysitter, and she’s been naughty.’” — MICHAEL KOSTA“I just can’t figure out why they’re having trouble appealing to female voters.” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Bits Worth WatchingColbert and Julia Louis-Dreyfus shared their earliest memories during “The Colbert Questionert” on Thursday’s “Late Show.”Also, Check This OutBridget Everett in a scene from Season 3 of “Somebody Somewhere.”Sandy Morris/HBOBridget Everett’s small-town dramedy series “Somebody Somewhere” returns to HBO on Sunday for its third and final season. More

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      Late Night Condemns Trump for Stanning Hitler

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      On Wednesday, Seth Meyers said he was “starting to think Trump doesn’t watch the ends of documentaries.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.‘Mein Bad’Donald Trump’s longest-serving chief of staff, John Kelly, said the former president had said more than once while in office that Adolf Hitler “did some good things.”On Wednesday, Seth Meyers said he was “starting to think Trump doesn’t watch the ends of documentaries.”“Once you have to explain to someone that Hitler is bad, there’s not much else to talk about. You don’t see many first dates survive that.” — SETH MEYERS“Seriously, Trump, Hitler never did anything good. He even sucked at waving. Like, dude, God gave you elbows — use them.” — MICHAEL KOSTA“I don’t even think you have to know history. You can probably get all the info you need from Mel Brooks movies and Bugs Bunny cartoons.” — SETH MEYERS“This is the first election where reporters have to ask, ‘Who’d you root for when you watched ‘Saving Private Ryan’?” — JIMMY FALLON“Trump made it worse today when he said, ‘Oops, mein bad.’” — JIMMY FALLONThe Punchiest Punchlines (Lose Yourself Edition)“At a campaign event in Detroit, Eminem introduced Barack Obama. Which makes sense, they both made a career out of pretending to be Black.” — GREG GUTFELD“You know, somewhere, Trump is yelling at his aides: [imitating Trump] ‘How could M&Ms betray me? I don’t understand. Is there no loyalty?’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“But it’s nice to see Obama pay homage to Eminem because it means that Black people have finally accepted that Eminem is the greatest rapper of all time. And look — no, stop — I know how it feels. I went through it every time Tiger Woods won a golf tournament, OK?” — MICHAEL KOSTA“Was that song Osama bin Laden? Because Obama killed it.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“I will say, maybe Obama should skip that line about ‘dropping bombs,’ you know? Are you still rapping, or are you doing a drone strike?” — MICHAEL KOSTAThe Bits Worth WatchingMembers of the New York Liberty joined Jimmy Fallon for a team selfie celebrating their WNBA championship on Wednesday’s “Tonight Show.”What We’re Excited About on Thursday NightJulia Louis-Dreyfus will take “The Colbert Questionert” on Thursday’s “Late Show.”Also, Check This OutThe gang’s all here for the sixth and final season of “What We Do in the Shadows.”Russ Martin/FXThe vampire comedy series “What We Do in the Shadows” returned for its sixth and final season on FX and Hulu this week. More

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      Michael Kosta Thinks He’s Found Elon Musk’s Next Failed Purchase

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      The “Daily Show” host said Musk “bought Twitter just to drive it into the ground” and is now considering doing the same for America.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.How Low Can You Go?Elon Musk, who’s so excited to support Donald Trump that he jumped up and down to show it, said on Saturday that he’d give $1 million per day to a randomly chosen registered Pennsylvania voter who signs an online petition.On Tuesday’s “Daily Show,” Michael Kosta called Musk “a man of gravitas, a man of dignity, a man with roughly a four-inch vertical leap” and wondered, “How exactly does this bribe — sorry, gift — work?”“Wow, Elon’s giving a million dollars to his fans. Now they can afford the best anime girlfriend pillow money can buy.” — MICHAEL KOSTA“He’s so rich, he bought Twitter just to drive it into the ground for his own personal pleasure, and now he’s thinking, ‘Well, what if I did the same with America?’” — MICHAEL KOSTA“I know what you’re thinking right now: How could Republicans sink so low? And also, can I sink low enough to register for this?’” — MICHAEL KOSTA“During his first solo campaign event in support of former President Trump last week, Elon Musk urged the crowd to ‘pester’ their friends and family who are not yet registered to vote, adding, ‘I would if I had either of those.’” — SETH MEYERSA Tale of Two Town HallsOn his Fox News show on Tuesday, Greg Gutfeld had harsh words for Kamala Harris, saying her Monday night town hall in Michigan “had all the spontaneity of synchronized swimming.”“So right off the bat, we got the lay of the land — another manicured platform for Kamala to blurt out her now legendary word salads. I mean, this broad ought to come to every event with a side of ranch and a bag of croutons.” — GREG GUTFELDOn “The Tonight Show,” Jimmy Fallon noted that Trump had canceled a Tuesday event that would have been titled “Make America Healthy Again.”“Tough to make America healthy again when you were just making them French fries a day ago,” Fallon joked, referring to the ex-president’s campaign appearance behind a McDonald’s counter.We are having trouble retrieving the article content.Please enable JavaScript in your browser settings.Thank you for your patience while we verify access. If you are in Reader mode please exit and log into your Times account, or subscribe for all of The Times.Thank you for your patience while we verify access.Already a subscriber? Log in.Want all of The Times? Subscribe. More

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      Late Night Mocks Trump for His McDonald’s Photo Op

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      The ex-president’s stint at the drive-through window was “blue-collar drag,” said Stephen Colbert. “But with more makeup.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.‘Blue-Collar Drag’Former President Donald Trump appeared behind a McDonald’s counter on Sunday, trolling Vice President Kamala Harris (he claims, with no evidence, that she’s lying about having worked at one in the ’80s). “No surprise, the man who’s never had an actual job in his life did not actually work at McDonald’s,” Stephen Colbert said on Monday. Citing news reports, he said the Trump appearance “was a half-hour photo op at a closed McDonald’s, and the people he served were preselected supporters.”“He’s not the common man. This is all just blue-collar drag. But with more makeup.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Well, McDonald’s screwed up my order again!” — SETH MEYERS“That’s his whole campaign right now: ‘Ave Maria’ dance party, ‘I’m going to deport everybody,’ football tailgate, blame the Jews if I lose, McDonald’s drive-through.” — JON STEWART“Yeah, he had a great time at McDonald’s, ’cause for 20 minutes, Trump actually ran a successful business.” — JIMMY FALLON“Trump told reporters, ‘I love McDonald’s. I love jobs. I like to see good jobs.’ Wow, I just realized, if you replace ‘I’ with ‘me,’ he has the same vocabulary as Cookie Monster: ‘Me love McDonald’s. Me love jobs.’” — SETH MEYERS“I love when he said ‘I’ve always wanted to work at McDonald’s’ with a straight face and expects us to believe it. Oh, do you? Well, no one’s stopping you, bro. I noticed you didn’t pick up an application on your way out. Maybe you can get a job jumping out of the ball pit and scaring away kids who have been there for too long.” — SETH MEYERS“Give him the job. I implore you. I don’t care if his references don’t shake out. Save democracy, give him the job.” — JON STEWARTThe Punchiest Punchlines (Eggplant Emoji Edition)“While speaking over the weekend at a campaign rally in Pennsylvania, former President Trump discussed golf legend Arnold Palmer and said he was ‘all man.’ Well, technically, he was half man, half iced tea.” — SETH MEYERS“But for Trump, this was actually one of his milder genital rants. This was kind of his Kidz Bop genitals rant: classy, body-positive, he was complimenting somebody else. I don’t know why we have to parse everything that this guy says so sternly.” — JON STEWART“I think one of his staffers must have said, ‘We need to focus on the polls,’ and Trump was, like, ‘Oh, I’ll focus on the pole.’” — JIMMY FALLONWe are having trouble retrieving the article content.Please enable JavaScript in your browser settings.Thank you for your patience while we verify access. If you are in Reader mode please exit and log into your Times account, or subscribe for all of The Times.Thank you for your patience while we verify access.Already a subscriber? Log in.Want all of The Times? Subscribe. More

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      Late Night Recaps Harris’s Time on Fox News and Trump’s on Univision

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      “Yes, both Kamala and Trump went into ‘the lion’s den’ this week — although they only got Trump there by telling him it was the name of a strip club,” Desi Lydic said on “The Daily Show.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Lions, Foxes and BaiersVice President Kamala Harris appeared on Fox News on Wednesday, where she was interrupted several times during an interview with Bret Baier, the network’s chief political anchor. On the same day, former President Donald Trump held a Univision town hall, where, as Desi Lydic joked on Thursday’s “Daily Show,” he “faced down his biggest fear: Hispanic people.”“Yes, both Kamala and Trump went into ‘the lion’s den’ this week — although they only got Trump there by telling him it was the name of a strip club.” — DESI LYDIC“I’d like to point out that there is no difference between his nervous swaying to Spanish and his dancing to ‘Ave Maria.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Now Kamala’s ‘lion’s den’ was Fox News, so I guess it was a Fox den, where she sat down with Bret Baier — so maybe it was a Baier’s den.” — DESI LYDIC“I want to be clear about this: I believe that journalists should always ask the toughest questions of presidential candidates, and Bret Baier certainly plays a convincing journalist on Fox News.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Come on, Bret, you invited her on to speak with you. This is an interview with the vice president, not sex with your wife — you have to let the woman finish.” — DESI LYDICThe Punchiest Punchlines (Winning? Edition)We are having trouble retrieving the article content.Please enable JavaScript in your browser settings.Thank you for your patience while we verify access. If you are in Reader mode please exit and log into your Times account, or subscribe for all of The Times.Thank you for your patience while we verify access.Already a subscriber? Log in.Want all of The Times? Subscribe. More

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      Jimmy Kimmel Slams Trump’s Women-Centered Town Hall

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      “This was the first time Groper Cleveland has been around this many women since they started padlocking the doors at Miss Teen USA,” Kimmel said on Wednesday.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Father FigureOn Tuesday, former President Donald Trump held a town hall in front of what Jimmy Kimmel called “a handpicked audience of Trump-loving women in Georgia.”“This was the first time Groper Cleveland has been around this many women since they started padlocking the doors at Miss Teen USA.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“In the first part, the women asked questions, and in the second part, Trump went through and rated them physically from 1 to 10.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“One lucky lady was named Miss Fox News Town Hall ’24, so congratulations.” — JIMMY KIMMELAt one point during the town hall, Trump proclaimed himself “the father of I.V.F.”“Now he’s claiming to be the father of I.V.F. — which has been happening since 1978. This guy won’t even admit to being the father of Eric.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“He’s the father of I.V.F. Maybe that’s short for Ivanka, I don’t know.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Punchiest Punchlines (Y.M.C.A. Edition)“You should not vote for someone because they dance to ‘Y.M.C.A.’ But also, I’m not sure you’d call this dancing.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Those are some bad moves, baby. If this president thing doesn’t work out, he ought to think about being a contestant on ‘Swaying With the Stars’ or ‘So You Think You Can Tilt.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“But no matter how gay his music is, young, straight white men love Donald Trump. They see him as a ‘macho, macho’ man, if you will.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“He eats red meat, he pretends to follow U.F.C., he’s into crypto and sneakers and NFTs. He’s a dude, a bro and a boss all rolled into one.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Bits Worth WatchingOn Wednesday’s “Late Show,” Stanley Tucci fessed up to fabricating his childhood confessions.What We’re Excited About on Thursday NightThe “Grotesquerie” star Niecy Nash-Betts will appear on Thursday’s “Jimmy Kimmel Live.”Also, Check This OutElizabeth Berkley in the 1995 movie “Showgirls.”Murray Close/United ArtistsA new French stage play based on “Showgirls” speaks to the 1995 film’s enduring allure. More

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      Jimmy Kimmel Bashes Trump’s Bizarre Town Hall

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      Kimmel joked on Tuesday that Trump “just said ‘To hell with it’ and started asking his tech guys to play songs off his iPad.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Dance Hall CrashersOn Monday, former President Donald Trump took only five questions from the audience at a town hall in Pennsylvania. He spent the last 39 minutes onstage swaying to music.Jimmy Kimmel joked on Tuesday that Trump “just said ‘To hell with it’ and started asking his tech guys to play songs off his iPad.”“Why remain onstage for 39 minutes? Just pretend it was one of Don Jr.’s piano recitals and leave. Go home!” — JIMMY KIMMEL“He played music and kind of did that baby toddler jumping dance that he does for a full 39 minutes. He just stood there swaying like a manatee tangled in seaweed.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“I want you to imagine a world in which Kamala Harris stood there at a rally and said nothing, just danced around for almost 40 minutes. Fox News would have — they would have blocked out a full week to cover it.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Punchiest Punchlines (Let the Record Show Edition)“Watching an elderly man sway to Vatican elevator music for 40 minutes might make you wonder, ‘Is he OK?’ And you wouldn’t be the only one, because yesterday more than 230 doctors and health care providers called on Trump to release his medical records. Do you know how hard it is to get 230 doctors to agree on anything?” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Trump took the time to fire back at the doctors with this lie, [imitating Trump] ‘I’ve put out more medical exams than any other president in history, and aced two cognitive exams.’ First of all, no, you haven’t. Second of all, just because you were healthy in the past doesn’t mean you’re still healthy now. ‘Oh, am I prediabetic? I don’t know — why don’t you ask this urine sample from January of 1996?’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“This guy, he wasn’t healthy enough to be in the military during the draft, but 60 years later, he’s the healthiest man alive. He’s perfect.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Bits Worth Watching“Shrinking” star Jason Segal discussed working with co-star Harrison Ford on Tuesday’s “Late Show.”What We’re Excited About on Wednesday NightAustralian pop duo Royel Otis will make their American late night debut on Kimmel’s show Wednesday.Also, Check This OutMiami Beach officials wanted to highlight where Desi Arnaz launched his career, with a historical marker at the site of the nightclub where he popularized the conga.Martina Tuaty for The New York TimesA new historical marker in Miami Beach honors the nightclub where Desi Arnaz launched his musical career. More