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      Jimmy Kimmel Critiques Donald's Trump's Financial Claims

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      “Only Donald Trump would defend himself against charges that he overvalued his assets by re-overvaluing his assets,” Kimmel said.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Poor ResponseDonald Trump responded on Tuesday to being dropped by his longtime accounting firm Mazars USA with a four-page statement, writing, among other things, that the Trump brand is worth more than he previously claimed.On Wednesday, Jimmy Kimmel joked that Trump’s response is the longest thing he’s written “since he threatened to sue Gritty for stealing his look.”“Trump wrote at length: ‘We have a great company with fantastic assets that are unique, extremely valuable and, in many cases, far more valuable than what was listed in our financial statements.’ Only Donald Trump would defend himself against charges that he overvalued his assets by re-overvaluing his assets.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“He also lashed out at the New York attorney general and D.A., who happen to be Black. He wrote, ‘After five years of constant bombardment, this political and racist attack must stop.’ Now that’s a good one: rich white guy claiming racism. You almost have to hand it to him. That’s like — that’s like Hawaii claiming tourism. That’s ridiculous.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Punchiest Punchlines (Holy Moly Edition)“Since we were young, many of us have been taught the same story, right? Be good, pray every day and you’ll get into heaven. What your grandmother probably didn’t mention is that a paperwork issue could send you to hell.” — TREVOR NOAH“Here’s what happened: For two decades, Father Andres Arango performed the sacrament with the words, ‘We baptize you in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit.’ However, the Vatican instructs priests to say ‘I baptize.’ Why can’t it be ‘we’? If anyone would understand, it’s God — he’s three persons in one god. I’m sure he gets it mixed up all the time.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“[imitating God] Hello, hi, hi. Could I get a reservation for three? No, it’s just me.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Wait, wait, I’m sorry, what? All the baptisms are invalid because of one — no, one word? This is like the worst thing a Catholic priest has ever done.” — TREVOR NOAH“Saying the wrong word during a baptism seems like a fun goof-them-up, but according to the local diocese, if you get the words wrong, ‘the baptism is deemed invalid, and if an individual was improperly baptized and later received other sacraments, they may need to repeat some or all of those sacraments.’ That’s right, you’re going to have to redo first communion, so squeeze that fat [expletive] back into that tiny suit, get back up there and stay in the suit, because you’re getting remarried.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Church leaders investigated and found that Father Arango had incorrectly performed thousands of baptisms over more than 20 years. Of course, this was just a priest at a baptism. It could be worse — it could have been a rabbi at a bris.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Like, don’t get me wrong, I’m glad to hear that the Catholic Church cares about people’s pronouns, but this seems like a minor mistake to me.” — TREVOR NOAH“You know, like I would understand if the priest accidentally cleansed their souls in White Claw, that I would get. But this doesn’t seem like a huge deal.” — TREVOR NOAH“And what’s going to happen to all the people who weren’t actually baptized — what happens to them now, huh? Are they going to go to hell for someone else’s mistake? That’s so unfair. Everyone else who gets to go to hell goes there because they got to have some fun first, you know?” — TREVOR NOAHThe Bits Worth WatchingDaniel Craig talked with Stephen Colbert about providing 2,022 New York students with free tickets to see him in “Macbeth” on Broadway.What We’re Excited About on Thursday NightThe “Zola” director Janicza Bravo will appear on Thursday’s “Daily Show.”Also, Check This OutMelanie Metz for The New York TimesTwenty-five largely unseen works said to be by Jean-Michel Basquiat are on display in Orlando, Fla., but some question their authenticity. More

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      Late Night Dunks on Trump for Getting Dumped During Tax Season

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      “It’s like getting divorced on Christmas Eve,” Jimmy Kimmel joked.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.‘H&R Cellblock’Last week, Donald Trump’s longtime accounting firm Mazars USA cut ties with the former president and his family, saying financial statements they prepared for him from 2011 to 2020 should “no longer be relied upon.”“In other words, ‘We are not going to prison with you, Mr. Trump,’” Jimmy Kimmel joked on Tuesday night.“So, for those nine years, no one should trust any of his financial statements, or any of his statements.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Good for them, standing up and doing the right thing 10 years too late.” — JAMES CORDEN“The New York attorney general and Manhattan district attorney have been trying to determine whether the insurers, lenders and others Trump dealt with were misled about the strength of his finances. Let me save you guys some trouble: They were.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“If there’s any karma in this world, they dropped him for a younger, hotter client.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“What new information could have come to light right now? Were they like ‘Wait a minute — Trump organization? As in Donald — does that have something to do with Donald Trump?’” — JAMES CORDEN“Now he’s going to need someone else to do his taxes. I suggest H&R Cellblock.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“I tell you, there’s nothing more depressing than getting dumped by your accountant during tax season. It’s like getting divorced on Christmas Eve.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“I like the idea of Donald Trump angrily now setting up a TurboTax account to get his taxes done.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“A lot of people believe this could be it for Donald Trump — this could be the one. I don’t know. How many ‘the ones’ have we had now. We’ve had like 400 or something?” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Punchiest Punchlines (Kamila Valieva Edition)“I also know that nobody believes her excuse, right? That she accidentally took her grandfather’s heart medication, but I do. I believe her, because I know what it was like growing up me and my family — we always had a big bowl of loose pills all mixed together. It’s an easy mistake to make.” — TREVOR NOAH, on the Russian Olympic skater Kamila Valieva testing positive for a banned substance called trimetazidine“She tested positive for three substances that can be used to treat heart problems. Imagine how devastating that must be: You train your whole life to be in the Olympics, follow all the rules, put in all the hours, eat the right things. Last minute, you accidentally take your grandfather’s heart medicine.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“No one is focusing on the fact that her grandpa took her medication, now he’s dominating bingo at the old folks home.” — TREVOR NOAH“But again, I’m not saying Russia did it on purpose; I’m not saying that. I’m just saying don’t be shocked when later this week they use 15-year-olds to invade Ukraine.” — TREVOR NOAH“Her lawyer said maybe her grandfather drank something from a glass, saliva got in and this glass was somehow later used by the athlete. Ah, the old ‘must be from Grandpa’s saliva’ defense, huh?’” — JIMMY KIMMEL“We’ve all shared a big, wet cup of water with Granddad, haven’t we?” — JIMMY KIMMEL“I think the real question is, how much of your grandfather’s saliva are you coming in contact with and why?” — JIMMY KIMMEL“And why does this keep happening to Russia? These poor people. Will you leave them alone?” — JIMMY KIMMEL“I can’t believe they caught someone cheating and they’re still letting her compete while they investigate more. Like guys, it almost feels like the investigation is not about whether she cheated or not, it’s almost like the real investigation here is ‘OK, let’s see what the drugs can do — let it rip! Come on, let’s just see. We want to know, right? Everybody wants to know.’” — TREVOR NOAHThe Bits Worth WatchingRoy Wood Jr. dived into the history of Black athletes at the Winter Olympics on his “Daily Show” segment “CP Time.”What We’re Excited About on Wednesday NightRebecca Hall, the director of “Passing,” will appear on Wednesday’s “Late Late Show.”Also, Check This OutAudra McDonald, Denée Benton and John Douglas Thompson in “The Gilded Age.”Alison Rosa/HBOHBO’s “The Gilded Age” seeks to depict an elite class of 19th-century Black New Yorkers with historical accuracy. More

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      Stephen Colbert Sets the Mood for Valentine’s Day With His Viewers

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      “Hey, don’t mind me, I’ll just be over here doing my thang — a long monologue,” Colbert joked.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Bringing Sexy BackLate night celebrated Valentine’s Day by pointing to a new study reporting that Americans are having less sex than ever.Stephen Colbert said that his viewers were surely having a great holiday, joking, “It’s almost midnight and you’re doing the sexiest thing there is: You’re watching TV.”“I hope you’re having a sensual Valentine’s Day, which, if you’re watching this, you’re probably not.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“So, how’s it going out there? Looks like you’re having a great night. Just know I’m rooting for both of you — wait a second, all three of you.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Hey, don’t mind me, I’ll just be over here doing my thang — a long monologue. And maybe later, if we’re lucky, some Toyota commercials. And I’ve got 400 people in this room with me who just like to watch.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“And I’m happy to help, because America could use a little help in the seduction department right now. Because according to new research, Americans are at a 30-year low for sex. And again, no judgment: Whatever doesn’t float your boat. I’m not going to kink-shame the jigsaw puzzle/Breathe Right Strip/lights out by 9 p.m. lifestyle.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“The study says there are a number of possible reasons for it, including fewer people getting married, an aging population. But let’s be honest: We all know what the real reason is — unlimited porn. The same reason people at the Olive Garden are eating more breadsticks — it’s unlimited.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“I think it’s weird having Valentine’s the day after the Super Bowl. I was out past midnight last night flipping SUVs and setting mattresses on fire, now I’m supposed to be romantic? I don’t know, I’m all charged up!” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Punchiest Punchlines (The Day After Edition)“Yesterday, as I hope you know, was Super Bowl Sunday, also known as — a.k.a. ‘Cryptocurrency Awareness Day.’” — JIMMY KIMMEL“It’s all crypto now. Even the halftime show, bloods versus the cryptos.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“It was crypto and Peacock all day long. There were more ads for Peacock than there are living peacocks on the planet earth.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Dr. Dre, 50 Cent, Eminem, Kendrick Lamar, Anderson .Paak, and — it was supposed to be Mary J. Blige, but Snoop Dogg smoked all the j’s, so it was just Mary Blige.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“But it really was quite a game. The big hits, the long draws, and that was just Snoop right before the halftime show.” — JAMES CORDEN“This is a headline in The New York Post today: ‘Snoop Dogg smokes weed right before star-studded Super Bowl halftime show.’ Yeah, no kidding. He smokes weed right before everything.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“For Snoop, that’s a performance-enhancing drug.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Two legends of hardcore gangsta rap, or as the kids today call them: Martha Stewart’s friend and the headphones guy.” — STEPHEN COLBERT, on Snoop Dogg and Dr. Dre“I was so excited and nervous my palms were sweaty, knees weak, arms were heavy. There was vomit on my sweater already, mom’s spaghetti.” — JAMES CORDENThe Bits Worth WatchingTrevor Noah dedicated Monday night’s “The Daily Show” to a conversation with musician India.Arie about Joe Rogan, unconscious racism and why she took her music off Spotify.What We’re Excited About on Tuesday NightJohn Oliver will sit down with Stephen Colbert on Tuesday’s “Late Show.”Also, Check This OutIvan Reitman in 2011. Matt Sayles/Associated PressFilmmaker Ivan Reitman, best known for “Ghostbusters,” “National Lampoon’s Animal House,” and “Stripes,” died on Saturday. More

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      Late Night Comments on the Washington Commanders

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      The hosts didn’t think much of the N.F.L. team’s long-awaited new name. Jimmy Kimmel pointed out that it’s also the name of the president’s dog.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Command PerformanceThe Washington Football Team, formerly known as the Redskins, announced its new name and logo on Wednesday, rebranding as the Washington Commanders.“And just like that, she made racism disappear!” Jimmy Kimmel joked of the team’s co-owner Tanya Snyder, who handled the unveiling of the new uniforms.“The ‘W’ stands for ‘Why did it take you two years to come up with this?’” — JIMMY KIMMEL on the team’s new logo“‘The Commanders’ kind of sounds like an action movie where Dolph Lungren and Sylvester Stallone join forces to defend their assisted living facility.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“It’s the Washington Commanders. That really feels like a waste of a drumroll.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“‘Commanders’ might be the only name more generic than ‘Football Team.’ I was hoping for something fun and new, like ‘The Washington Balloons’ or ‘The Fightin’ Dolly Partons.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Interestingly, the franchise now shares a name with President Biden’s dog, who is also named Commander. Good thing they didn’t name it after Trump’s dog. ‘The Washington Pences’ — it doesn’t have the same ring to it.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“The Washington Football Team announced today that it officially changed its name to the Washington Commanders, as in ‘Rams 37, Commanders 3.’” — SETH MEYERS“I mean, call them whatever you want, they haven’t been able to command a winning season since Obama was in office.” — JAMES CORDEN“To give you an idea of how fans reacted, shortly after the announcement, this is true, the word ‘terrible’ trended on Twitter, which is surprising, considering how Twitter is normally so welcoming and so positive.” — JAMES CORDENThe Punchiest Punchlines (Six More Years of Winter Edition)“This morning, all eyes were on Gobbler’s Knob, which I can’t believe I can say on CBS.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Today was Groundhog Day, and Punxsutawney Phil says we’ve got about six or seven winters left.” — SETH MEYERS“That is so unfair, because if Africans were doing [expletive] like this and you heard that we pulled animals out of the ground? Like, there are villages in Africa where people wear animal skins, and if I tried to explain that Americans use groundhogs to predict the weather, they would be like, ‘But why not just use the satellite data?’” — TREVOR NOAH“Yeah, that’s right, we spend all year telling people to trust science, then ask a large rodent to predict the weather.” — JIMMY FALLON“You know, they could just flip a coin, but coins aren’t known carriers of rabies and hepatitis, so it’s more fun to go with the groundhog.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“I was thinking, actually, about Feb. 2, 2020 — two years ago exactly. We still hadn’t had a single Covid death in the United States. Exactly six weeks later, the whole country was in lockdown, six weeks to the day. But how could we have known this was coming? Who, on Feb. 2, could possibly have predicted what would happen in exactly six weeks?” — JIMMY KIMMEL“And by the way, we looked into it — the Farmers’ Almanac calls the few animals who hibernate in winter ‘the seven sleepers.’ You want to know who two of the seven sleepers are? Groundhogs and bats.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Bits Worth WatchingThe “Daily Show” correspondent Roy Wood Jr. profiled the creator of Proud Puffs — the “Jackie Robinson of breakfast cereal” — for this week’s Black in Business.What We’re Excited About on Thursday NightNicki Minaj will appear on Thursday’s “Late Late Show.”Also, Check This OutA depiction of the Anderson-Lee wedding (featuring Lily James and Sebastian Stan) in “Pam & Tommy.” In real life, the couple met, fell in love and were married in the course of four days.Erin Simkin/HuluHulu’s “Pam & Tommy” is a picaresque romp through the history of the stolen sex tape that changed pop culture. More

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      Late Night Talks Tom Brady’s Retirement

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      “You know you’ve been around a long time when you debuted the same year as ‘The Thong Song,’” Jimmy Fallon joked on Tuesday.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Bye-Bye, BradyQuarterback Tom Brady officially announced his retirement from the N.F.L. on Tuesday, writing on Instagram that other things require his attention.“Man, when they said everyone is quitting their jobs during the pandemic, they meant everybody,” Jimmy Fallon joked.“Other things that require my attention? That’s a weird reason to retire. It sounds like he’s got, like, household chores: ‘I’ve loved playing in the N.F.L. but I’ve got 20 years of laundry piling up, so, it’s time to call it quits.’” — TREVOR NOAH“What he’s accomplished is amazing: 22 years in the league, seven Super Bowl victories, five M.V.P. trophies, and all while eating just one almond a day.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“A quarterback retiring at 44 is like the rest of us retiring from our jobs at 95.”— JIMMY KIMMEL“Brady’s now in his mid-40s, jobless and has no real traditional work experience, so he’s going to fit right in in Florida.” — JAMES CORDEN“So Tom Brady did a lot for the Patriots and for Tampa and the sport of football, but he’s also done a lot for goats. You know, people don’t mention, before they were associated with him, they were like the twelfth-most popular farm animal.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Now, if we’re being honest, this retirement isn’t a surprise to anyone, right? What is surprising is that at 44 years old, this dude was still dominating the N.F.L. Think about it: the N.F.L., where people car accident each other for a living, and this guy was doing that in his 40s. Most people I know in their 40s are, like, ‘Ah! Ah! My back hurts — I think I slept too long.’” — TREVOR NOAH“But this is amazing. Brady is walking away with the most Super Bowl appearances, wins and M.V.P.s. It’s strange to say, but he’s basically the N.F.L.’s Meryl Streep.” — JIMMY FALLON“And now that he’s put up his cleats, the question is, was Tom Brady the best football player of all time? Some people say yes because he holds all the records and won the most Super Bowls. Other people say, ‘No, because he didn’t do that for my team!’ So it will be a big debate for a while.’”— TREVOR NOAHThe Punchiest Punchlines (Shredded Edition)“So you know how Trump had to hand over all his records related to Jan. 6? Well, when the documents, when they finally handed them over — they were forced to — many of them had been torn into pieces and had to be taped back together. They’d been personally ripped up by Trump. The National Archive didn’t explain how they know they were ripped up by Trump. My guess is tiny little barbecue sauce fingerprints.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Sounds like during the pandemic, the people at the National Archives also got into puzzles.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Now, it violates the Presidential Records Act to tear up official documents, but the former president had a very good reason: He was afraid of going to jail.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Trump had such a habit of ripping up important documents, they had to hire people whose job was to tape them back together. I love that Robert Mueller couldn’t get him, but Trump might finally get brought down by a roll of Scotch tape.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“According to White House advisers, he once ate a sensitive document. He would have eaten more sensitive documents, but he ran out of ranch.” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Bits Worth WatchingTrevor Noah and the “Daily Show” correspondent Ronny Chieng dug into the hot trend of green burials.What We’re Excited About on Wednesday NightMartha Stewart will appear on Wednesday’s “Late Show.”Also, Check This OutA scene from “Marry Me,” featuring Jennifer Lopez and Owen Wilson as her love interest.Universal PicturesJennifer Lopez is back on the big screen with the romantic comedy “Marry Me.” More

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      Trevor Noah: Trump Is America’s Relentless Ex

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      “And like many exes, he really wants a second chance. But instead of promising to do better next time, he’s threatening to do even worse,” Noah said.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Land of Second ChancesDonald Trump held a rally on Sunday in Texas, where he said, if re-elected as president, he would consider pardoning those involved with the Capitol riot. On Monday’s “Daily Show,” Trevor Noah called Trump “the greatest con man of all time,” noting he had not pardoned those involved while he was still in office and instead let them be prosecuted.“Trump is basically the ex that America kicked out for throwing an open house party at the Capitol. And like many exes, he really wants a second chance. But instead of promising to do better next time, he’s threatening to do even worse.” — TREVOR NOAH“While the Jan. 6 select committee continues to look for the cause of the Capitol riot, the cause admitted to everything and threatened to do it again.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“If it had been him instead of O.J., the quote would have been ‘The gloves don’t fit, but you don’t need gloves to stab a guy.’” — SETH MEYERS“What a weird platform to run on for president: ‘I will pardon violent criminals.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“You’ve got to admit, Trump leans on his supporters really hard. I mean, first they had to storm the Capitol because he lost the election, then their donations went to his legal fees because he’s always getting sued. Now they have to protest if he gets charged? Like, where does it end? If Trump does go to prison, is he going to make these poor people smuggle cigarettes up their butts?” — TREVOR NOAH“Even the rioters were, like, ‘Oh no, I don’t think he can say that.’” — JIMMY FALLON“There’s no better way to announce a presidential run than to say, ‘I’ll empty the jails!’” — JIMMY FALLONThe Punchiest Punchlines (Super Bowl Surprise Edition)“The L.A. Rams are headed to the Super Bowl after a come-from-behind victory over the San Francisco 49ers. The Rams will play the Cinderella Cincinnati Bengals in the lowest-seeded matchup in Super Bowl history, meaning the teams that oddsmakers least expected to make it this far made it. To put that in non-football terms, if this was a matchup of Kardashians, it’d be like Kourtney versus Rob, OK?” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Before the season, the Bengals’ odds were 150 to 1. To give you an idea, there are better odds of finding a rapid test at CVS.” — JIMMY FALLON“This is the most exciting thing to happen to Cincinnati since they found all that spaghetti under their chili.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“But this is the Bengals’ first Super Bowl appearance since the ’80s. A lot has changed since then: Back then, inflation was high, there was tension with Russia, and our president was in his late 70s.” — JIMMY FALLON“And, this is crazy, the Super Bowl is being played in Los Angeles at the Rams’ home stadium. That’s right, even N.F.L. players are working from home.” — JIMMY FALLON“That’s right, we’re two weeks away from the game and experts are wondering, if a Super Bowl doesn’t have Tom Brady, can it still be called the Super Bowl?” — JIMMY FALLONThe Bits Worth WatchingJimmy Fallon gave two puppies the task of predicting which team will win the Super Bowl.What We’re Excited About on Tuesday NightDavid Letterman will celebrate 40 years of “Late Night” with Seth Meyers on Tuesday.Also, Check This OutThroughout “Janet Jackson,” the highs and lows of Jackson’s career are often presented as a kind of collateral asset or damage.LifetimeThe new documentary series about Janet Jackson offered more insight into the private pop star but still doesn’t dig too deep. More

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      Late Night Supports Biden’s Supreme Court Strategy

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      Trevor Noah joked that Biden will nominate a Black woman to replace Stephen Breyer “because he cares deeply about representation and winning Georgia.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.He’s Got a TypeOn Thursday, Justice Stephen Breyer officially announced his plans to retire from the Supreme Court. President Biden reaffirmed his campaign promise to nominate a Black woman to the court, “because he cares deeply about representation and winning Georgia,” Trevor Noah joked on “The Daily Show.”“After White House press secretary Jen Psaki said yesterday that President Biden will stand by his commitment to appoint a Black woman to the Supreme Court, a Fox News panel criticized the administration’s selection process. I’ll take a wild guess and say they have exactly two problems with a Black woman.” — SETH MEYERS“Joe Biden is going to pick a Black woman who is also qualified. These people act like Biden is just going to show up at the mall and be, like, ‘Yo, Shaniqua, come with me.’ ‘Uh, my name is Regina.’ ‘It doesn’t matter — just put on these robes, I need help with abortion.’” — TREVOR NOAH“No, she’s going to be qualified — and why is that a bad thing? Why not make the Supreme Court a little more representative of the country it represents? I mean, their rulings impact the lives of every person in the country, so it would be nice to have at least one justice on there who’s had to ask the Walgreens guy to unlock the shampoo shelf.” — TREVOR NOAH“At the same time, I also hear what the Fox people are saying, you know? It shouldn’t matter whether you’re Black or white, this position should only go to the most qualified judge who also thinks that guns are people.” — TREVOR NOAHThe Punchiest Punchlines (Minnie’s New Look Edition)“In honor of the park’s 30th anniversary and Women’s History Month in March, Disneyland Paris announced yesterday that Minnie Mouse will wear a dark blue and black, polka-dotted pantsuit designed by Stella McCartney. Unfortunately, that still won’t make up for the fact that you brought your wife to Paris and then took her to Disneyland.” — SETH MEYERS“Minnie’s new look will debut in March at Disneyland Paris, which is just like regular Disneyland, only more existential.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Unfortunately, Donald Duck is still running around with his cloaca out, just waving in the wind.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“It’s a fun little story, and you’d have to be a desperate, culture war troll to take issue with it, which is why Fox News took issue with it.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“No one is talking about Minnie Mouse on the other channels. If Minnie Mouse getting a new outfit upsets you, I would recommend turning 4 years old.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Honestly, genuinely, I’d wear it.” — JAMES CORDENThe Bits Worth WatchingSamantha Bee made a case for why Kyrsten Sinema has annoyed Democrats for longer than most Americans might be aware.Also, Check This Out“Playing ‘Jeopardy!’ has been the most fun I’ve ever had and I didn’t want it to end,” Amy Schneider said. “I knew it would some time, but it was tough to realize that the moment was finally there.”via Jeopardy Productions, Inc.Amy Schneider’s whirlwind “Jeopardy!” winning streak ended with a loss during her 41st game on Wednesday. More

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      Late Night Reflects on Stephen Breyer’s Retirement Plan

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      “Yep, at 83, Breyer only has two options: either retire or play quarterback for the Tampa Bay Buccaneers,” Jimmy Fallon said.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Bye Bye, BreyerThe big news on Wednesday was Justice Stephen Breyer’s plan to retire from the Supreme Court.“Yep, at 83, Breyer only has two options: either retire or play quarterback for the Tampa Bay Buccaneers,” Jimmy Fallon said.“Unfortunately for Breyer, this is the only job in which you wear less robes after you retire. I hope he knows that.” — JAMES CORDEN“This is big, y’all. Justice Breyer is retiring. Yeah, probably to focus more on his ice cream brand.” — TREVOR NOAH“He says he’s ‘retiring.’ I think we know what’s really going on: He’s pregnant.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Yep, Breyer said he wants to retire so he can spend more time looking like a wise shopkeeper from a Hallmark Christmas movie.” — JIMMY FALLON“Yeah, it was clear Breyer has been thinking about this. During the last case, the only question he asked was, ‘When’s nap time?’” — JIMMY FALLON“This comes after a yearlong, high-pressure campaign to get Breyer to step down while Democrats still have control of the Senate, which included a billboard truck that drove around Washington, D.C., that said ‘Breyer, retire.’ Youchers, that has got to sting. That’s like if I walked up to the Ed Sullivan Theater and the building said, ‘Quit.’” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Punchiest Punchlines (The Replacements Edition)“Supreme Court Justice Stephen Breyer is reportedly planning to retire at the end of the current term, which would allow President Biden to appoint a successor. Said Mitch McConnell, ‘With only three years left in his term? I don’t think so.” — SETH MEYERS“So Democrats have been relentlessly pestering Breyer to step down so that they can replace him before Mitch McConnell comes back into power and makes a rule that all Supreme Court justices have to have been platinum QAnon members in the past.” — TREVOR NOAH“Don’t be shocked when Mitch still makes it happen. He’s just going to come out like, ‘It is a longstanding Senate tradition that we cannot confirm a Supreme Court justice in a year where there is a new season of ‘Ozark’ on Netflix.’” — TREVOR NOAH“Although this does pave the way for President Biden to choose his replacement, to which Merrick Garland said, ‘Hahahahaha.’” — JAMES CORDEN“Joe Biden should nominate Anita Hill to be on the Supreme Court. Now how good would that be?” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Bits Worth WatchingThe “Late Show” writer Eliana Kwartler explained hot new fashion trends like “jellyfishing” and “indie sleaze” to her boss, Stephen Colbert.What We’re Excited About on Thursday NightThe “Afterparty” star Ilana Glazer will pop by Thursday’s “Tonight Show.”Also, Check This OutBill T. Jones, far right, working on the choreography of “Black No More” with cast members.Douglas Segars for The New York TimesThe new show “Black No More” is inspired by a 1931 novel about race relations during the Harlem Renaissance. More