Late Night with Seth Meyers (TV Program)

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      Jimmy Kimmel Recaps Biden’s Big Day in Israel

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      Kimmel joked that President Biden and Israel “go way back”: “You know how Moses parted the Red Sea? Joe was the guy who dared him to do it.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Biden in WartimePresident Joe Biden flew to Israel on Wednesday, meeting with Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu.Jimmy Kimmel noted that White House officials say Biden prefers to meet other world leaders face to face, particularly in times of crisis — “which is a nice way of saying he still doesn’t know how to Zoom.”“It’s very rare for an American president to fly into a combat zone. They say the last time Biden was in this much danger, he was rolling with Corn Pop.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“President Biden arrived this morning in Israel, making him the first president to visit Israel during a time of war — which is pretty dangerous, but he should be OK once he makes it down the stairs.” — SETH MEYERS“The president gave a surprisingly strong speech. He told the Israeli people the United States stands with them. He condemned the disgusting attacks by Hamas and cautioned Israel to learn from the mistakes we made after 9/11. This kind of thing is where Biden really shines. He and Israel go way back. You know how Moses parted the Red Sea? Joe was the guy who dared him to do it.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Wow, wise words from President Biden. Anytime an American president admits a mistake, it’s a big deal. So, Israel, please learn from us — don’t stay in Afghanistan for more than 20 years, tops.” — MICHAEL KOSTAThe Punchiest Punchlines (Worse Than the First Edition)“Ohio Congressman Jim Jordan failed to secure enough votes today in the second round of voting to become House speaker and received only 199 votes. That’s worse than he did yesterday! If they keep doing votes, he’s eventually going to get to zero, and then he’ll fade away like Marty McFly in a family photo.” — SETH MEYERS“That’s like retaking the S.A.T. and finding out you got dumber somehow.” — JIMMY FALLON“But he’s not giving up. He’s going to keep on going until he loses unanimously.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Bits Worth WatchingTwo “Tonight Show” audience members competed in a challenge on Wednesday to paint a portrait of Jimmy Fallon on a giant pumpkin as quickly as possible.What We’re Excited About on Thursday NightBilly Porter will promote his upcoming album, “Black Mona Lisa,” on Thursday’s “Late Night.”Also, Check This OutAdèle Haenel on the grounds of PS21 in Chatham, N.Y., where she was appearing in “L’Étang.”Lauren Lancaster for The New York TimesThe French actress Adèle Haenel is in New York this week, performing with the choreographer-director Gisèle Vienne “L’Étang.” More

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      Late Night Wastes No Time Jumping on Jim Jordan’s Troubles

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      The guest host of “The Daily Show,” Michael Kosta, likened Congress to Mitch McConnell on Tuesday: “totally frozen, and no one knows how to fix it.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Only 14 More Rounds to GoJim Jordan lost a vote to be elected speaker of the House on Tuesday, with 20 Republicans withholding support from the ultraconservative representative from Ohio.With Jordan struggling in the face of unyielding opposition, a second vote was delayed. The guest host of “The Daily Show,” Michael Kosta, likened Congress to Mitch McConnell: “totally frozen, and no one knows how to fix it.”“During the first ballot in today’s House speakership vote, Ohio congressman Jim Jordan fell short of the 217 votes necessary to become speaker, but Republicans are determined to keep trying until they finally get it wrong.” — SETH MEYERS“Insiders are saying that one of Jordan’s biggest hurdles is that no one likes him.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“They did this once before with Kevin McCarthy, where it took 15 votes to get elected — so only 14 more rounds to go.” — JIMMY FALLON“You can tell after the first vote that Jordan was getting desperate, because he changed his name from Jim to ‘Michael B.,’ and it didn’t help.” — JIMMY FALLON, referring to Michael B. Jordan, the actor“They haven’t had a speaker for two weeks; there’s no end in sight. Maybe it’s time we take away their right to choose.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Punchiest Punchlines (Danger Zone Edition)“President Biden is headed to Israel tomorrow, which, wasn’t sending an 80-year-old on a dangerous mission across the globe the plot of the last Indiana Jones movie? And I’m not sure that went great.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“President Biden is facing this issue head-on and going straight into a war zone. He is flying to Israel tonight, although, he is 80 years old, so he did get to the airport two days ago.” — MICHAEL KOSTA“I am proud of Biden for putting himself in harm’s way. Although, let’s be honest, Biden doing anything pretty much puts him in harm’s way. A rocket strike is dangerous, but so’s a bicycle.” — MICHAEL KOSTA“I bet he can cool things down there because if there is one thing Biden is good at, it’s cooling things down, whether it is a war, heated rhetoric or voter enthusiasm.” — MICHAEL KOSTAThe Bits Worth WatchingSeth Meyers delivered his lost “Ya Burnt” segment, which had been scheduled to air the night after the writers’ strike kicked off in May.What We’re Excited About on Wednesday NightIssa Rae, the star of the film “American Fiction,” will appear on Wednesday’s “Tonight Show.”Also, Check This Out“I never thought I would get here,” Cher said of this stage of her career. “While I was busy being Cher, how did this happen? No one’s given me any info.”Nina Westervelt for The New York TimesCher’s new holiday album, “Christmas,” includes a re-up of “Christmas (Baby Please Come Home)” featuring Darlene Love — whose classic 1963 version of the song featured a then-17-year-old Cher on backup vocals. More

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      Jimmy Kimmel Wants to Be Included in Trump’s Gag Order

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      “I don’t know about you — I saw the whole thing happen,” Kimmel said Monday, wondering who counted as a witness in Trump’s election interference case.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Trump Gets GaggedA judge imposed a limited gag order on former President Donald Trump on Monday, barring him from publicly attacking court staff members, specific prosecutors and witnesses involved in the federal case over his efforts to overturn the 2020 election.Jimmy Kimmel wondered who exactly counted as a witness, telling viewers, “I don’t know about you — I saw the whole thing happen.”“Trump’s lawyer said he had no intention of intimidating any witnesses or court staff, including the judge, Tanya Chutkan, the one who lives at 2747 Maple View Lane, white Nissan Sentra parked outside.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“That’s right, Trump is prohibited from posting statements about the special counsel, his staff, the judge’s staff, witnesses and, here’s where it gets worse for him: windmills, windmills killing birds, windmills killing whales, windmills killing birds that come back to life and kill whales, toilets, toilets that don’t flush, toilets that do flush, and toilets that flush louder than windmills killing killer whales that come back to life to kill birds.” — SETH MEYERS“Good luck getting Donald Trump to stop talking. The guy is probably still spilling national secrets, just out on the golf course like, [imitating Trump] ‘Should I go with a 4-iron or a 5-iron? That reminds me, four and five — first two numbers in the nuclear codes. And guess what numbers come next? You’ll never guess; I’ll just tell you.’” — MICHAEL KOSTA“But even with this gag order, Trump’s still allowed to disparage the Justice Department, President Biden and other perceived enemies as long as what he says doesn’t directly reference his case, which, that should be no problem. This is a man who chooses his words very carefully.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Punchiest Punchlines (Speak For Yourself Edition)“Jim Jordan has been in Congress for 16 years. He hasn’t sponsored a single bill that passed. For real — zero bills passed in 16. Even George Santos is like, ‘You suck, man.’” — JIMMY KIMMEL“But these Republicans are in a tough spot. I mean, either they cave to the extremists in their party who want to impeach Joe Biden and hand Ukraine over to Putin, or they work with the Democrats who want to fight climate change and give sick people health care. So it’s a no-win situation, really. “ — JIMMY KIMMEL“You could not pick a worse man for speaker of the House, and keep in mind the G.O.P. just had Kevin McCarthy, so they tried.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Now, Republicans and Democrats are talking about a bipartisan solution to finding a speaker. That’s how crazy things have gotten; our government is so dysfunctional, it might become functional.” — JIMMY FALLONThe Bits Worth WatchingUma Thurman and Jimmy Fallon compared notes about parenting daughters on Monday’s “The Tonight Show.”What We’re Excited About on Tuesday NightRachel Maddow will discuss her new book, “Prequel: An American Fight Against Fascism,” on Tuesday’s “Late Show.”Also, Check This OutMadonna performing in London on Saturday, her first time on the road since 2020.Kevin Mazur/WireImage for Live NationMadonna’s career-spanning Celebration Tour is a bona fide dance party to the pop icon’s biggest hits. More

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      Jimmy Kimmel Mocks George Santos

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      “Santos likes Jordan because when Jim Jordan sees a crime, he keeps his mouth shut,” Kimmel joked.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Missed ConnectionsLate night shows were taped before the news broke Thursday evening about Steve Scalise withdrawing as a candidate for speaker of the House. Instead, most hosts chose to poke fun at Representative George Santos for a social media post on Wednesday refusing to support Steve Scalise in favor of Jim Jordan.“It must have been very frustrating for George Santos sitting by the phone, waiting to hear from Scalise,” Jimmy Kimmel said. “You know, they only give you one call in prison.”“Santos then tweeted his support for Jim Jordan. Santos likes Jordan because when Jim Jordan sees a crime, he keeps his mouth shut.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Wow, I haven’t seen him this upset since he lost the N.B.A. championship to Michael Jordan and the Toon Squad.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“What a mess. The House only has until Nov. 17 to pass legislation to fund the government or there will be a shutdown. But they can’t do anything until they have a speaker. In the meantime, we’re all just waiting around like we’re customers in line at the CVS pharmacy window: ‘Any chance we’ll get our insulin?’ Not looking good.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Punchiest Punchlines (Not-So-Hot Mic Edition)”Speaking of fools, Donald Trump.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Last night, he addressed the horrific terrorist attack on Israel by attacking Israel.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Capt. Bone Spurs gave a doozy of a speech where, among other things, he said Hamas would never have gone into Israel if his election hadn’t been rigged. He called Israel’s defense minister a jerk. He did some ax-grinding about Netanyahu and had some complimentary words about Israel’s enemies in Lebanon. He’s really angling for that Nobel Piece of [expletive] Prize.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“[imitating Trump] This is my worst mic since Pence!” — JIMMY FALLON, on Trump’s complaints about a microphone that he then refused to pay for“It’s always fun to see him come up with new reasons not to pay people.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Bits Worth WatchingThe comedian John Mulaney sat down with his friend Stephen Colbert to discuss his recovery and getting David Byrne to score his new comedy album, “Baby J.”Also, Check This Out“City of Ladies,” a show within a show, puts Judy Chicago’s bronze female figures and other works alongside a sisterhood of more than 80 inspirations.Judy Chicago/Artists Rights Society (ARS), New York; Photo by Clark Hodgin for The New York TimesSpanning four floors at the New Museum in New York, Judy Chicago’s “Herstory” show features the work of more than 80 artists and thinkers, including her own. More

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      Late Night Mocks House Dysfunction and George Santos

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      Jimmy Kimmel said that Republicans will be successful only if they can “accept the results of an election, and that’s really not their thing.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.‘One Step Closer to the Worst Job in the World’House Republicans “took a break from fake-impeaching Joe Biden” on Wednesday, Jimmy Kimmel said, to nominate Steve Scalise of Louisiana as their next speaker.“Scalise beat out Jim Jordan in a closed-door session and will now spend a night in the fantasy suite with Matt Gaetz to see how they hit it off,” Kimmel joked.“House Republicans today nominated majority leader Steve Scalise to be the next speaker, while next week’s speaker is still anyone’s guess!” — SETH MEYERS“The House majority chose Scalise by a vote of 113-99. It’s still unclear, though, if he has enough votes to win the speakership because that would require Republicans to accept the results of an election, and that’s really not their thing.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Congratulations, Steve. You are one step closer to having the worst job in the world. It’s just one rung below emptying the Porta-Potties at a chili cook-off.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“So if you see white smoke coming from the Capitol Rotunda, it means they’ve either picked a new speaker or Lauren Boebert is vaping again.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Punchiest Punchlines (Running Mate or Cell Mate Edition)“Federal prosecutors accused Republican Congressman George Santos yesterday of stealing campaign donors’ identities. But if you donated money to George Santos, you’re probably looking for a new identity anyway.” — SETH MEYERS“The latest round of charges brings the total number of counts against him to 23. Congratulations, George, 68 more and you can run for president.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Just to give that some perspective, the BTK killer only had 10 charges against him.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Santos has been indicted on charges of conspiracy, wire fraud, falsifying records, and the most Photoshop ever used on a single headshot.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“In one instance, Santos allegedly stole a donor’s credit card number to transfer more than $11,000 to his own bank account. Zoinkers! Though people should’ve been tipped off by his slogan ‘Santos 2022: That’s my PIN number, what’s yours?’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Congressman George Santos was just hit with 10 more criminal charges that accuse him of stealing his donors’ identities and credit cards. Santos was like, ‘Wait, am I not Henrietta Ellenberg from Youngstown, Ohio?’” — JIMMY FALLON“It’s wild. Santos is either going to wind up as Trump’s running mate or Trump’s cell mate.” — JIMMY FALLONThe Bits Worth Watching“The Late Show” writer Felipe Torres Medina popped by Wednesday’s show for a quick game of “Hispanic or Latino!”What We’re Excited About on Thursday NightThe “Saturday Night Live” star Bowen Yang will appear ahead of the show’s 49th season premiere on Thursday’s “Late Night.”Also, Check This OutFrom left, J.J. Wynder, Mallori Taylor Johnson, Ngozi Anyanwu (standing) and Nicole Ari Parker in “The Refuge Plays,” at Laura Pels Theater.Jeenah Moon for The New York TimesNicole Ari Parker stars in Nathan Alan Davis’s new Off Broadway production of “The Refuge Plays.” More

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      Seth Meyers Is Unsure About a House Republican ‘Therapy Session’

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      “If being locked in a room with those people for two hours feels like therapy, you need to find a new therapist,” Meyers said.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Family TherapyDivided House Republicans have been holding closed-door meetings to discuss electing a new speaker. One lawmaker referred to an intense two-hour discussion on Monday as a “therapy session.”“If being locked in a room with those people for two hours feels like therapy, you need to find a new therapist,” Seth Meyers said on Tuesday’s “Late Night.”“I would hate to be a therapist for the House Republicans: [imitating a therapist] ‘Um, OK. Normally I don’t say this to a patient, but you are all responsible for your parents’ divorce.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Now, they may have some competition for Kevin McCarthy’s old job, and it’s Kevin McCarthy.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Republicans will try to elect a new speaker of the House, and apparently Kevin McCarthy said that he would be willing to return as speaker. That’s right, Kevin McCarthy might run to replace Kevin McCarthy.” — JIMMY FALLONThe Punchiest Punchlines (Prime Time Edition)“It’s October Prime Day on Amazon. It’s exclusively for Prime members, which is everyone in the world.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“It’s that special day that only comes 12 times a year.” — JIMMY FALLON“They’ve got some great deals on some must-have items, like a pickle that yodels, a cat scratcher shaped like a tongue, a banana goose, a piece of plastic pork and a delicious can of Spam, maple flavored.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Joe Biden spent his October Prime Day trying to figure out where the hell this woman Alexa who keeps yelling at him is hiding.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Bits Worth WatchingThe Roots free-styled songs from audience-supplied topics, like Taylor Swift fans and Halloween candy, on Tuesday’s “Tonight Show.”What We’re Excited About on Wednesday NightThe country music star Reba McEntire will appear on Wednesday’s “Late Night with Seth Meyers.”Also, Check This Out“I try to only do multicamera sitcoms,” James Burrows said. “If there’s two people talking, I want you laughing at what they’re saying, not admiring the beautiful cinematic camera moves.”Alex Welsh for The New York TimesJames Burrows, one of the creators of “Cheers,” is bringing Frasier Crane back to Boston with the new Paramount+ reboot of “Frasier.” More

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      Jimmy Kimmel Calls Matt Gaetz ‘the Least Popular Guy in Congress’

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      “Ted Cruz must be glowing,” Kimmel said on Thursday about the scorn piling onto Representative Matt Gaetz.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Tough CrowdWith Kevin McCarthy ousted as speaker this week, the polarizing Representative Matt Gaetz of Florida seems to be the House’s next target.On Thursday, Jimmy Kimmel called Gaetz “the least popular guy in Congress right now.”“Ted Cruz must be glowing.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Unfortunately, you can never really fully get rid of Matt Gaetz. You can only suppress him temporarily with Valtrex.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Punchiest Punchlines (TMI Edition)“In a new interview, Republican Senator Markwayne Mullin criticized Florida Congressman Matt Gaetz and said that Gaetz had bragged that he would crush erectile dysfunction medicine and ‘chase it with energy drinks so he could go all night.’ He added that sometimes, Gaetz would even have a woman with him.” — SETH MEYERS“Wow, they’re feeding on themselves. It’s like ‘Alien Vs. Sexual Predator.’” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Not only does Matt Gaetz definitely look like the spokesman for an E.D. medicine-infused energy drink, his name even has a ‘Z’ that you know is on the can.” — SETH MEYERS“So this guy is claiming Matt Gaetz was running around on the floor of the House showing his amateur porn to anybody he could find, to everybody who works with him. That makes him sound like the over-the-top bad employee example they use in H.R. training videos.” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Bits Worth Watching“The Tonight Show” hosted a Battle of the Instant Songwriters on Thursday, with audience members creating on-the-spot ditties about a haunted Airbnb and Taylor Swift’s relationship with the N.F.L. player Travis Kelce.Also, Check This OutClockwise from top left, Nathan Lane, Josh Sharp, Aaron Jackson and Megan Mullally in “Dicks: The Musical.”Justin Lubin/A24Nathan Lane and Megan Mullally star in “Dicks: The Musical,” an outrageous new comedy from A24. More

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      Late Night Hosts Roast Kevin McCarthy on His Way Out

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      “Nine months? I’ve been to Phish concerts longer than that,” Jimmy Fallon joked of McCarthy’s tenure as speaker of the House.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.‘The McCarthy Hearings’Kevin McCarthy was ousted as speaker of the House on Tuesday after only nine months in the job. The vote happened just in time for late night hosts to discuss it during their afternoon tapings.“Nine months? I’ve been to Phish concerts longer than that,” Jimmy Fallon joked.“Even Aaron Rodgers is, like, ‘Damn, that was fast.’” — JIMMY FALLON“After Matt Gaetz announced the motion to remove Kevin McCarthy, McCarthy said Gaetz has ‘personal things in his life that he has challenges with,’ like figuring out how to set his Venmo to private.” — SETH MEYERS“This was an unlikely and historic team-up between far-right Republicans and Democrats. Do you know how much you have to suck to get A.O.C. and Matt Gaetz on the same side of something?” — JIMMY KIMMEL“And I’m sure this won’t be taken out of context when I say: I love the McCarthy Hearings.” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Punchiest Punchlines (Low-Rated Creeps of Late Night Edition)“In fairness, you can’t really argue with him — the man does know talentless, loser creeps. In fact, he fathered two of them.” — JIMMY KIMMEL, on Donald Trump’s Truth Social posts referring to late night hosts as “low-rated CREEPS of Late Night Television” and “true losers.”“This from a man who is such a loser, he buried his ex-wife on a golf course just so he could continue to cheat on her.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Thank you for watching, sir. But I’m not surprised. He’s a 77-year-old white guy — of course he’s watching CBS.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“But I do have a question: ‘Low-rated creeps of late night’? How did he find out our original podcast title?” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Bits Worth WatchingAmber Ruffin and Jenny Hagel returned on Tuesday’s “Late Night” for another “Jokes Seth Can’t Tell” segment, this time about Black Barbies and lesbian wine bars.What We’re Excited About on Wednesday NightThe stand-up comedian and actor Wanda Sykes will appear on Wednesday’s “Jimmy Kimmel Live.”Also, Check This Out“Jaja’s African Hair Braiding” at the Samuel J. Friedman Theater in Manhattan.Sara Krulwich/The New York TimesJocelyn Bioh’s Broadway debut, “Jaja’s African Hair Braiding,” is a riotously funny workplace comedy set in prepandemic, mid-Trump Harlem. More