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      Charlamagne Tha God’s ‘Unpopular’ Opinion About George Santos

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      The “Daily Show” guest host argued that Santos shouldn’t have been expelled from Congress because, “we were all safer when we knew where this dude was.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Get Out, and Stay OutGeorge Santos was expelled from Congress on Friday, and officials wasted no time in changing the locks.On Monday’s “The Daily Show,” Charlamagne Tha God, a guest host, shared his “unpopular” opinion that Santos, a New York Republican, shouldn’t have been expelled, saying, “we were all safer when we knew where this dude was.”“Now, he could be anywhere. He could be at Nordstrom using your credit card right now.” — CHARLAMAGNE THA GOD“They changed the locks immediately, though I’m not sure that will do anything. This guy stole money from a sick service dog — you think he wouldn’t crawl through an air vent?” — CHARLAMAGNE THA GOD“And while it’s confusing as to why they would have to change the locks on an office he can’t go into anymore, apparently, even though he’s been expelled — this is crazy — legally, he still has access to the House floor, the dining room, the cloakroom and the gym. Which, that won’t be awkward at all — you vote him out, and you’re still showering with him. George Santos is basically an ex who still has the key to our apartment.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“But, more importantly, I don’t think Congress should come before the court. You shouldn’t be able to kick out someone for crimes they have not been actually convicted of yet. And I’ll tell you why: To get convicted in a court, it takes 12 ordinary citizens to judge you, and I trust 12 randos off the street way more than 435 congresspeople.” — CHARLAMAGNE THA GOD“Because when you really think about it, he just got fired by his co-workers. I don’t know if we want to set that precedent. Imagine if all our co-workers could vote on whether we should have a job — we’d all be unemployed.” — CHARLAMAGNE THA GODThe Punchiest Punchlines (George Santos’s Only Fans Edition)“On Friday, George Santos was expelled from the House of Representatives. And I, for one, feel better that Congress is now only filled with completely honest people. Finally.” — JIMMY FALLON“He put on his coat before the vote was even over. Well, let me correct myself: He put on a coat. For all we know, there is another congressman, like, ‘Somebody stole my coat.’” — CHARLAMAGNE THA GOD“Santos even tried pulling on heartstrings to remain in Congress. In a final speech, he asked to keep his job for the sake of his young son, Tiny Tim.” — JIMMY FALLON“Yep, only 114 members of Congress voted to keep George Santos, or as Santos calls them, ‘My Only Fans.’” — JIMMY FALLON“Santos has already joined Cameo and is charging $200 a video — ’cause that’s what you want to do, give your credit card information to George Santos.” — JIMMY FALLONThe Bits Worth WatchingJimmy Fallon and Dua Lipa performed Christmas classics as the lounge singers Hal and Val on Monday’s “Tonight Show.”What We’re Excited About on Tuesday NightThe “Killers of the Flower Moon” star Lily Gladstone will appear on Tuesday’s “Jimmy Kimmel Live.”Also, Check This OutBeyoncé onstage during the Toronto stop of her “Renaissance” tour. She directed a film based on the tour.The New York TimesIn “Renaissance: A Film by Beyoncé,” the multifaceted performer-auteur established the creative control and professional precision she had for her 2023 tour. More

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      Stephen Colbert Mocks the Fox News Tradition of Blaming Biden

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      “Thanks to Joe Biden’s greed, it’s even more expensive than ever to buy a raw turkey, cover it in stamps, and send it to a relative,” Colbert said.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Turkey InflationThursday’s holiday was the big topic on “Thanksgiving Eve.”Stephen Colbert focused on Fox News’s coverage of the rising price of raw turkey, saying the network has “a festive tradition over there, and it’s blaming everything on Joe Biden.” This year, it was the former Congressman Jason Chaffetz’s claims that inflation under the president has driven up the price of turkeys and postage stamps.“That’s right. Thanks to Joe Biden’s greed, it’s even more expensive than ever to buy a raw turkey, cover it in stamps and send it to a relative,” Colbert said. “Thanks a lot, Joe.”“I have no reason to doubt Jason Chaffetz other than the fact that I’ve met him. But according to the latest data from the Department of Agriculture, the average cost of a frozen turkey is $1.25 a pound. OK, so if Jason Chaffetz spent — if he spent $90, if he spent $90 at $1.25 a pound, that means he must have gotten … a 72-pound turkey. Jason, Jason, that wasn’t a turkey you put in the oven. For the love of God — for the love of God, where’s your niece?” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Punchiest Punchlines (Drinksgiving Edition)“Tonight is actually known as Drinksgiving, and a lot of people are going to reconnect with their high school ex. If you watch closely tomorrow, you’ll notice half the parade is just people doing the walk of shame.” — JIMMY FALLON“Of course, the difference between Drinksgiving and Thanksgiving is drinking for fun versus drinking for survival.” — JIMMY FALLON“Yeah, it’s nice to let loose on Drinksgiving, but it’s not good when your friend’s, like, ‘I also celebrate Drinksmas, Drinkakah, Drinkwanzaa, Drinko de Mayo.’” — JIMMY FALLON“That’s right, Thanksgiving is almost here. it’s one of my favorite holidays, but let’s be honest: It can be a little tense. I mean, that’s why for the turkey, I use a dry rub made of crushed Xanax.” — JIMMY FALLONThe Bits Worth WatchingWednesday night’s “Daily Show” co-hosts Jordan Klepper and Desi Lydic investigated the War on Christmas at Fox News headquarters.What We’re Excited About on Thursday Night“Late Night” will be the only show airing on Thursday, with host Seth Meyers’ family as special guests.Also, Check This OutBradley Cooper as Leonard Bernstein and Carey Mulligan as his wife, Felicia Montealegre, in “Maestro.”Jason McDonald/NetflixBradley Cooper directs and stars in “Maestro,” an intimate portrait of the composer Leonard Bernstein. More

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      Jimmy Fallon Weighs in on Trump’s Health Report

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      The “Tonight Show” host questioned the checkup results, saying that “Trump’s the only guy who gets his cardio in by storming out of courtrooms.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.The Picture of HealthOn Monday, former President Donald Trump released a statement from his doctor that declared him to be in “excellent health.” The vague report declared that Trump had lost weight through “an improved diet and daily physical activity” and that his “physical exams were well within the normal range and his cognitive exams were exceptional.”Jimmy Fallon questioned the report on Tuesday, joking that “Trump’s the only guy who gets his cardio in by storming out of courtrooms.”“[pretending to read the note] Donald is in excellent health, the most health a man can ever have, that I can tell you. Doctor.” — JIMMY FALLON“In a newly released letter, former President Trump’s physician said his overall health is excellent and his physical exams are within normal range. But take that with a grain of salt, because the letter also said his coat is shiny and he’s negative for heartworms.” — SETH MEYERS“Sure, we all know Donald Trump is the picture of health — specifically, the “before” picture.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“They also said that Trump’s cognitive exams were exceptional. All I know is when your friend is, like, ‘Guys, I took a cognitive exam, and everything’s fine,’ that usually means the opposite.’” — JIMMY FALLONThe Punchiest Punchlines (Remixed Edition)“During the White House turkey pardon yesterday, President Biden appeared to mix up Taylor Swift and Britney Spears, and, just like that, lost 30 million votes.” — SETH MEYERS“Wow, that’s almost as bad as the time former President Trump called Tim Cook ‘Tim Apple,’ thought Frederick Douglass was alive, called Second Corinthians ‘Two Corinthians,’ called Kevin McCarthy ‘Steve,’ called Paul Ryan ‘Ron,’ walked out of an executive order ceremony after forgetting to sign an executive order, and suggested injecting bleach to kill Covid.” — SETH MEYERS“Fortunately for all of us, Biden apologized immediately. Here’s what he said. He said, ‘I want to apologize to Taylor Swift and Britney Spears for my little mix-up. I obviously know who they are. Taylor, I’ve been a fan ever since you said you ‘Ain’t No Hollaback Girl.’ Seriously, not to quote your own songs back at you, but your music sets ‘Fire to the Rain.’ Britney, you touched all of our hearts in ‘Evita’ when you sang ‘Don’t Cry for Me Argentina.’ I love your work so much it hurts. I guess you could say I have a ‘Bad Romance’ with it. So I hope you accept my apology, Saylor and Tritney, two of the people I am definitely aware of.’” — JIMMY FALLONThe Bits Worth WatchingWe are having trouble retrieving the article content.Please enable JavaScript in your browser settings.We are confirming your access to this article, this will take just a moment. However, if you are using Reader mode please log in, subscribe, or exit Reader mode since we are unable to verify access in that state.Confirming article access.If you are a subscriber, please  More

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      Stephen Colbert Sums Up Biden’s Meeting with China’s President: ‘He Said, Xi Said’

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      Colbert said President Biden and China’s leader, Xi Jinping, had a lot to catch up on: “trade tensions, global flash points, who got hot over the summer.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.‘He Said, Xi Said’President Biden met with his Chinese counterpart, Xi Jinping, in San Francisco on Wednesday.Stephen Colbert pointed out that the two leaders last met a year ago, so they would “have so much to talk about: trade tensions, global flash points, who got hot over the summer. Spoiler alert: neither of them!”“Now, before the meeting, both sides tried to play it cool, and set expectations low. In fact, both countries said that whatever happened, both Biden and Xi would not put out a joint statement after the meeting. So it’s just going to be a case of ‘He said, Xi said.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Ahead of their meeting, Biden said, ‘We’re not trying to decouple from China. What we’re trying to do is change the relationship for the better.” In other words, for those of you who don’t follow international affairs, we’re Chris Martin and China is Gwyneth Paltrow and we’re just trying to raise a TikTok kid together, you know?” — JIMMY KIMMEL“China has a good reason to want to talk to America, and it’s cash. For the past few years, China’s economy has been struggling, with anemic consumer spending and high youth unemployment. It’s gotten so bad that second-graders can’t get a job at the iPhone factory.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Things are shaky right now between the U.S. and China. This is the diplomatic version of a married couple dropping the kids at the in-laws to spend the night at a hotel, see if they can get things back on track. And I think these guys have known each other for a long time. President Xi is just happy to meet a president who doesn’t call his country ‘Gyna.’” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Punchiest Punchlines (Congressional Fight Club Edition)“Former House Speaker Kevin McCarthy denied claims yesterday that he elbowed Republican Congressman Tim Burchett in the back and added ‘If I would hit somebody, they would know I hit them.’ I assume ’cause his fist would bruise.” — SETH MEYERS“[imitating Kevin McCarthy] If I hit him, he’d be on the ground. Then I’d kick him, and I’d take his bike, and his Pokemon cards, and his girlfriend would be my girlfriend, and then people would like me.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Listen, I know what it’s like to want to fight a co-worker. But don’t do that at work — you wait for them in the parking lot like a responsible adult!” — LESLIE JONES, guest host of “The Daily Show”The Bits Worth WatchingThe director Taika Waititi played a game with Jimmy Fallon inspired by his new film “Next Goal Wins” on Wednesday’s “Tonight Show.”What We’re Excited About on Thursday NightComedian Maria Bamford will discuss her new memoir, “Sure, I’ll Join Your Cult” on Thursday’s “Late Show.”Also, Check This OutIn “Scene Partners,” Eric Berryman is among the nimble supporting cast and Dianne Wiest is a pleasure to watch as she makes her character’s innocence and bloodthirstiness equally believable, equally fresh, our critic writes. Sara Krulwich/The New York TimesIn the new play “Scene Partners,” Dianne Wiest stars as a 75-year-old woman who sets out to be a star. More

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      Jimmy Kimmel Calls Tumultuous Senate Hearing ‘U.F.C.-SPAN’

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      Late night hosts couldn’t resist joking about Senator Markwayne Mullin challenging the Teamsters leader Sean M. O’Brien to a brawl.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.‘U.F.C.-SPAN’Senator Markwayne Mullin, Republican of Oklahoma, challenged Sean M. O’Brien, the president of the International Brotherhood of Teamsters, to a physical fight during a Senate committee hearing on Tuesday.Jimmy Kimmel joked that the hearing had turned into “U.F.C.-SPAN all of a sudden.” Senator Bernie Sanders, independent of Vermont and the chairman of the panel, had to step in and demand the two behave like U.S. lawmakers.“Grandpa Bernie is about to turn this car around, and then nobody is going to Six Flags.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“That isn’t the first time Bernie Sanders was forced to play the role of peacemaker. You know, when he was originally elected to the Senate, he tried to convince Aaron Burr and Alexander Hamilton to hug it out, and that didn’t work, either. That didn’t end well at all.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“[imitating Bernie Sanders] Zip it, Bunson Honeydew! Sit down, or I will come over there and redistribute the top 10 percent of my fist to 99 percent of your face! I will split your lip like pea soup! Don’t make me take off my mittens!” — STEPHEN COLBERT“I knew this dude was trouble from the moment I heard his name, Markwayne, all one word. His parents — his parents didn’t even love him enough to pick one single name for him. They just shoved two names together and called it a day.” — LESLIE JONES, guest host of “The Daily Show”“‘Calm down, Markwayne,’ isn’t some [expletive] I want to hear on C-SPAN — it’s what you hear when you watch an episode of ‘Cops.’” — LESLIE JONES“If there’s going to be a fight, I’d like to warn that senator: You look pretty big, but, historically, people who take on the Teamsters end up with season tickets to Giants Stadium … underneath the end zone.” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Punchiest Punchlines (Season’s Greetings Edition)“Ahead of Thanksgiving, the T.S.A. just announced that they’re predicting the busiest holiday travel season ever. Yeah, and this was a classy move — Southwest cut right to the chase and canceled all their flights.” — JIMMY FALLON“More than 30 million Americans are expected to travel by plane over the holiday, and every one of them is in your boarding group.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Apparently, the airport is going to be so busy that LaGuardia might even buy a second gray bin.” — JIMMY FALLON“And if the government shuts down next week — which it looks like it won’t — thousands of T.S.A. employees and air traffic controllers would be forced to work without pay. Just the people you want disgruntled, right? The ones telling you which way to point the plane you’re in.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Bits Worth WatchingViola Davis discussed her new role in “The Hunger Games: The Ballad of Songbirds & Snakes” on the “Tonight Show” on Tuesday.What We’re Excited About on Wednesday NightThe actress Julianne Moore of “May December” will appear on “Jimmy Kimmel Live.”Also, Check This Out“I just like messing with instruments, and I gravitated mostly toward wind,” André 3000 said in a statement about his new album.Kai ReganAndré 3000, the artist best known as one-half of Outkast, will release “New Blue Sun” on Friday. It is a surprise solo album of ambient woodwind compositions. More

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      Late Night on the GOP Debate

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      “Oh, yeah, there was name-calling, wild rants and personal attacks. Even Trump was watching like, ‘Game recognize game,’” Jimmy Fallon said of the event.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.‘Game Recognize Game’The third Republican presidential debate took place on Wednesday, with five G.O.P. hopefuls taking the stage in Miami.On Thursday, late-night hosts weighed in on the debate, which Jimmy Fallon said was “being described as ‘unhinged.’”“Oh, yeah, there was name-calling, wild rants and personal attacks. Even Trump was watching like, ‘Game recognize game,’” Fallon joked.“Yeah, it was vicious. At one point, Lester Holt was like, ‘We interrupt this debate with a Real Housewives reunion already in progress.’” — JIMMY FALLON“During last night’s debate, Vivek Ramaswamy criticized Nikki Haley’s foreign policy views and said she was ‘Dick Cheney in three-inch heels.’ ‘Hey, I’m right here,’ said Ron DeSantis.” — SETH MEYERS“During the two-hour debate, Nikki Haley got the most questions, Tim Scott spoke the longest, and Ron DeSantis spoke the [cough] shortest.” — JIMMY FALLONOn “The Daily Show,” the guest host Sarah Silverman pointed to Vivek Ramaswamy’s disparaging comments about Nikki Haley’s daughter’s use of TikTok, calling him “really annoying.”“I mean, Nikki Haley was America’s top diplomat at the United Nations. She literally kept her cool with the worst dictators in the world, and eight minutes onstage with Vivek, and she’s like, ‘You are scum!’” — SARAH SILVERMAN“Ramaswamy elicited a reaction from me that I thought was impossible when he said, ‘You might want to take care of your family first.’ I actually thought, ‘Donald Trump would never!’ No, I’m kidding, of course he would.” — SETH MEYERS“He is so insufferable. He should just lean into it, you know? He should say, ‘Make me president so I can annoy our enemies for America.’ Like, he’ll have one meeting with Vladimir Putin, and 20 minutes later Putin will mysteriously kill himself.” — SARAH SILVERMAN“Then, the moderator tried to calm things down. He was like, ‘Nikki, Vivek, remember, none of you are going to be president.’” — JIMMY FALLONMerry Christmas, the Strike is OverSAG-AFTRA reached a tentative deal with studios on Wednesday, allowing Hollywood actors to return to work after 118 days. Jimmy Kimmel thanked viewers for “Take Your Actor Back to Work Day.”“One member of the actors’ negotiating committee said that there were ‘tears of exhilaration and joy’ in the room after the deal was approved, and it only took them a few takes. It was very realistic.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“It is a big night: the S.A.G. strike is over. Which means Hollywood can finally get back to what they do best: turning your children gay.” — SARAH SILVERMAN“The strike is over! So, tune in tomorrow when my guests will be everyone.” — JIMMY FALLON“When the actors heard a deal had been reached, they gasped, screamed, laughed, cried, and then were like ‘I also do accents.’” — JIMMY FALLON“The Hallmark Channel immediately started shooting all 1,200 of its Christmas movies this morning.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Punchiest Punchlines (Tim Scott’s Girlfriend Edition)“Politico published an article today after last night’s debate titled, ‘Tim Scott’s Girlfriend Is, in Fact, Real.’ However, jury’s still out on Tim Scott.” — SETH MEYERS“For a while now, Tim Scott has claimed to have a girlfriend, but no one has ever seen her, and donors have been worried it’s hurting him in the race so, after the debate he brought her up onstage. Yeah, when asked how they met, she was like, ‘I was his Uber driver on the way over.’” — JIMMY FALLON“Aw, that’s so sweet! Man, you look for love your whole life, and you finally find it with a respectable-looking woman just two months before the Iowa caucus. I mean, what are the odds?” — SARAH SILVERMAN“He really should have just proposed right there, got down on one knee, like, ‘Mindy, would you make my campaign manager the happiest man alive?’” — SARAH SILVERMAN“It’s just too bad for Tim that he had to get this nonunion actor to play his girlfriend. I mean, if he had waited one more day for the strike to end, he could have gotten a professional actor fake girlfriend.” — SARAH SILVERMAN“It’s a smart move by Tim Scott. He’s never going to be president, but at least people will know that he has a fake girlfriend, so that’s good: ‘She lives in Canada, you guys don’t know her.’” — JIMMY FALLONThe Bits Worth WatchingThe drag star Trixie Mattel read to a group of unimpressed children from Sen. Ted Cruz’s new book, “Unwoke: How to Defeat Cultural Marxism in America,” on Thursday’s “Jimmy Kimmel Live.”Also, Check This OutWritten and directed by the philosopher and activist Paul B. Preciado, the movie “Orlando, My Political Biography” draws inspiration from a Virginia Woolf novel.Sideshow and Janus FilmsIn Paul B. Preciado’s film, “Orlando, My Political Biography,” the Spanish-born philosopher and activist shared the title role with 20 trans and nonbinary performers to make a point about identity. More

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      Late Night Mocks the GOP Debate

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      Kimmel called the five candidates in the latest G.O.P. face-off “a Who’s Who of who has no chance to beat Donald Trump.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Not-So-Heated DebateThe third Republican debate aired on Wednesday night without the participation of the front-runner, former President Donald Trump.Jimmy Kimmel predicted that no one would tune in, saying, “The GOP ‘dopefuls’ were just happy to be on television.”“Chris Christie, Ron DeSantis, Nikki Haley, Vivek Ramaswamy and Tim Scott — it’s a Who’s Who of who has no chance to beat Donald Trump.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“It was quite a night. There were five candidates onstage, three moderators asking questions, and two people watching at home.” — JIMMY FALLON“Putting the Republican debate on opposite the C.M.A. awards — it makes no sense. It’s like putting lasagna up against a Swedish meatball.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“But for these five Republicans, the stakes were higher than the lifts in a pair of Ron DeSantis’s boots.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Whatever you think about Trump, Republican debates are kind of meaningless without him. It’s like a football game without Taylor Swift.” — JIMMY FALLONThe Punchiest Punchlines (Surprising Election Results Edition)“Well, guys, yesterday was Election Day, and despite some recent polls that show former President Trump leading President Biden, Democrats had a surprisingly strong night. Yep, Republicans were like, ‘How is that possible?’ and Democrats were like, ‘No, seriously, how is that possible?’” — JIMMY FALLON“Yep, Democrats had a strong night in Republican-leaning states like Kentucky, Ohio and Virginia. It’s odd — it’s like hearing BTS swept every category at tonight’s Country Music Awards.” — JIMMY FALLON“You’re telling me Trump, the guy who stocked the Supreme Court with ’80s movie villains with the explicit goal of overturning Roe v. Wade, is leading the polls in Ohio, where voters just overwhelmingly approved a ballot measure to protect abortion rights? This makes so little sense, even Steve Kornacki’s big board last night said ‘I give up.’” — SETH MEYERS“Yep, yesterday Americans went to the polls, and today we’re learning a lot about the new ballot measures each state approved. They’re pretty interesting. For instance, Ohio voted to legalize marijuana. Meanwhile, Indiana voted to enjoy the contact high from Ohio.” — JIMMY FALLON“The fact is, abortion limits have become such a losing issue that some conservatives have purportedly decided the problem isn’t pro-life policies but the phrase ‘pro-life.’ They’re looking to rebrand it but, personally, I think they should be forced to carry this phrase to term.” — SARAH SILVERMAN, guest host of “The Daily Show”The Bits Worth WatchingThe Grammy-winning Americana artist Margo Price, on Wednesday’s “Daily Show,” talked about writing her album “Strays” while on mushrooms.What We’re Excited About on Thursday NightHilary Duff will chat with Seth Meyers about her new children’s book, “My Little Sweet Boy,” on Thursday’s “Late Night.”Also, Check This OutMs. Hill, center, with members of the Rollettes, at a dance rehearsal in North Hollywood.Magdalena Wosinska for The New York TimesThe champion dancer and choreographer Chelsie Hill has changed lives and shaped careers with the Rollettes, a Los Angeles-based dance team for women who use wheelchairs. More

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      Late Night Riffs on Trump Beating Biden in Early Key Polls

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      “Polling a year ahead of an election is always super-accurate — and if you don’t believe me, just ask President Hillary Clinton,” Jimmy Kimmel said.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.The Emperor’s New (Old) ClothesWith the election a year away, a new poll found President Biden trailing Donald Trump in five of six swing states.Jimmy Kimmel reminded viewers that “polling a year ahead of an election is always super-accurate — and if you don’t believe me, just ask President Hillary Clinton.”“Don’t panic — it’s still too early to say Biden will definitely lose. He could absolutely die in his sleep instead.” — SARAH SILVERMAN, guest host of “The Daily Show”“This is really scary for liberals. And I mean actually scary, not like they-took-‘Hamilton’-off-Disney-Plus scary.” — SARAH SILVERMAN“Young voters are said to be disenchanted with Biden’s positions on climate change and Palestinian rights, and so they’re leaning towards a guy who believes in neither of those things at all.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“It’s like after ‘The Return of the Jedi,’ the people in the galaxy were like, ‘You know, this Princess Leia is kind of a dud — why don’t we give the Emperor another shot?’” — JIMMY KIMMEL“You know what, I’m going to be honest: I like a scary poll number — puts a little fire under your tuchus. This is a wake-up call to Joe Biden. I mean, no, really: Joe, wake up!” — SARAH SILVERMAN“A lot of it is about age. Everyone says Biden’s old — he’s old. Which, yeah, he is old, but I want to remind you: Biden’s 80, Trump is 77. They’re basically — this isn’t a choice between some old codger and a young up-and-comer. This is a choice between Mr. Burns and Mr. Magoo.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“And what makes these poll numbers particularly shocking is that the man Biden is losing to is currently on trial in every jurisdiction in America.” — SARAH SILVERMANThe Punchiest Punchlines (Trump on Trial Edition)“Former President Trump took the witness stand today in his civil fraud trial. He swore to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, and then everyone just laughed and laughed.” — SETH MEYERS“And, by the way, if I had Donald Trump under oath, I wouldn’t be wasting time asking about financial statements. This is my chance to find out the answers to every question I’ve had about him ever. Is there a Melania clone? Is there a pee tape? If you had to do a ‘Sophie’s Choice’ with one of your adult sons, would it be both?” — SARAH SILVERMAN“It was nuts. Trump was yelling, the judge was annoyed, and the lawyers were trying to keep peace. The courtroom basically turned into everyone’s Thanksgiving.” — JIMMY FALLON“Since whatever he’s doing is working, Trump plans to commit at least 90 more felonies.” — JIMMY FALLONThe Bits Worth WatchingThe global pop star Jung Kook of BTS sat down with Jimmy Fallon on Monday’s “Tonight Show.”What We’re Excited About on Tuesday NightThe musician Jeff Tweedy, Wilco’s frontman, will promote his new book, “World Within a Song,” on Tuesday’s “Late Night.”Also, Check This OutBoy George previously starred on Broadway in the 2003 show “Taboo,” for which he wrote the music and lyrics.Simon Dawson/ReutersThe British pop star Boy George will join the cast of “Moulin Rouge!” on Broadway in 2024. More