Subterms
“Yeah, if you are fully vaccinated, you can go back to doing the things you did before the pandemic,” Fallon said. “Well, not everything — if you’re Trump, you still can’t tweet.”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. We’re all stuck at home at the moment, so here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now. More
“I’m confused — I thought these guys hated cancel culture,” Kimmel said after the Republicans ousted Cheney from her leadership position in the House on Wednesday.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. We’re all stuck at home at the moment, so here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.The Ouster of Liz CheneyLate-night hosts were all over the vote by Republicans to boot Representative Liz Cheney on Wednesday from her House leadership post after she refused to toe the party line on Donald J. Trump.“I’m confused — I thought these guys hated cancel culture,” Jimmy Kimmel said.“I never thought I’d be pro-Cheney in any way, but it has happened.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“She said Republicans must speak the truth; the election was not stolen. So she had to go.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Living in reality should be the bare minimum for holding public office, and yet today’s G.O.P. is so [expletive] crazy, simply living in reality is considered heresy.” — SETH MEYERS“I mean, here they are, trying to move past the attempted coup and focus on looking forward to the next attempted coup, but Cheney just wouldn’t let it go.” — TREVOR NOAH“Wow, I respect Liz Cheney taking a stand against Trump, but it does feel a little less threatening when she’s doing it as she’s being removed from power, you know? It’s got the vibe of a villain falling into a volcano while saying, ‘This isn’t over!’” — TREVOR NOAH“Cheney was ousted via voice vote during a closed-door meeting. So we don’t know exactly what happened, but sources in the room say she made a defiant final speech that drew boos from her colleagues. But to be fair, Matt Gaetz boos any woman not wearing braces.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Her principal political patron is a man who was compared to Darth Vader and took it as a compliment. She learned Washington infighting from a man who lived a year with no heartbeat. If I were Kevin McCarthy, I’d grow a beard and dig a spider hole.” — STEPHEN COLBERTThe Punchiest Punchlines (Liz ‘Loose Canon’ Cheney Edition)“House Republicans voted today to remove G.O.P. conference chair Liz Cheney from her leadership position, but they’re already claiming it never happened.” — SETH MEYERS“You know, you can’t have Republicans going around saying Biden won the election — people might get the right idea.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Yeah, Republicans haven’t turned on someone this fast since they tried to murder Mike Pence.” — JIMMY FALLON“They had to! She was a loose cannon. They made her turn in her badge and her gun, and her other gun, and her other, other gun. They really like guns.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“After the vote, Liz Cheney said that she doesn’t want Trump to get near the Oval Office ever again. Yeah, it’s not that hard — all you have to do is hang a sign outside that says, ‘Just Salad.’” — JIMMY FALLONThe Bits Worth WatchingSamantha Bee dedicated Wednesday’s “Full Frontal” to confronting gun violence and asking viewers to “do one [expletive] thing about guns.”What We’re Excited About on Thursday NightChris Rock, star of “Spiral,” will be on Thursday’s “Jimmy Kimmel Live.”Also, Check This OutThe Go-Go’s in the early 1980s. From left: Kathy Valentine, Jane Wiedlin, Gina Schock, Charlotte Caffey and Belinda Carlisle.Paul Natkin/WireImageHalf of this year’s Rock & Roll Hall of Fame inductees are women, including Tina Turner, Carole King and the Go-Go’s. More
The founder of Amazon has a new superyacht that is so big, it requires a second yacht with a helipad. “I mean, who hasn’t needed a separate yacht just for his helicopter?” Colbert joked on Tuesday.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. We’re all stuck at home at the moment, so here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now. More
Jimmy Kimmel called the former president “our own Triple Clown winner” in his monologue about a drug scandal involving the Kentucky Derby winner, Medina Spirit.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. We’re all stuck at home at the moment, so here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now. More
“Now that Joe’s president, I find it much easier to sleep, too,” Colbert joked on Thursday.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. We’re all stuck at home at the moment, so here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Snoozin’ CruzSenator Ted Cruz, Republican of Texas, appeared to have fallen asleep during segments of President Biden’s congressional address on Wednesday.“I can relate to Ted Cruz,” Stephen Colbert said on Thursday night. “Now that Joe’s president, I find it much easier to sleep, too.”“Ted Cruz was so bored at that speech that he fell asleep. And I know what you are thinking right now. You think I’m going to say something like ‘Oh, that’s weird, I thought lizards slept with their eyes open.’ But I’m not going to say that, because honestly, that was the most relatable thing that Ted Cruz has ever done.” — TREVOR NOAH“Dreaming of Cancún, no doubt.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Lyin’ Ted just turned into Snoozin’ Cruz.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Now, to be fair, he had a full day of flipping off babies at the park.” — JAMES CORDEN“Because that speech was boring, and when you consider that almost none of Biden’s goals are going to get past Congress, we basically just listened to an old man talk for an hour about his dreams.” — TREVOR NOAH“President Biden called on Congress last night to create a new agency to develop breakthrough treatments for diseases such as Alzheimer’s and cancer, and who knows, maybe even narcolepsy.” — SETH MEYERSThe Punchiest Punchlines (100 Days Down Edition)“Today marks the end of President Joe Biden’s first 100 days in office, which is the period where every president tries to get their big things done. You know, F.D.R. introduced the New Deal, Ronald Reagan rolled back the welfare state, and Bill Clinton installed that stripper pole in the situation room.” — TREVOR NOAH“And to celebrate the occasion, last night Joe Biden delivered his first address to Congress. Yes, for hundreds of years Joe Biden has sat and watched other presidents give speeches to Congress, but now it was his turn.” — TREVOR NOAH“Joe Biden’s got that new job enthusiasm, which always fades over time. You know, and right now he’s like ‘I’m changing everything.’ And like a year or so from now, his top priority — top priority — is going to be angling his computer monitor so that no one can see he’s watching ‘Outlander.’” — TREVOR NOAH“And get this: 85 percent of people who watched Biden’s speech approved of it. That’s amazing. The only other things Americans like that much are Dolly Parton and cheese fries.” — JIMMY FALLON“In Trump’s first 100 days he accomplished a lot, too. He tweeted that Snoop Dogg’s career was failing, that Nordstrom was mean to Ivanka, and that he was a better host of ‘The Apprentice’ than Arnold Schwarzenegger.” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Bits Worth WatchingDesus and Mero shared some thoughts about Justin Bieber’s new dreadlocks.Also, Check This OutAfter a breakthrough performance on “The Tonight Show” in 2017, “there were a lot of people I felt that had pigeonholed me into this idea of what they thought I was,” Harrison said.Chantal Anderson for The New York TimesOften playing a scene-stealing side character, Patti Harrison finally gets a starring role in “Together Together.” More
Federal agents “made sure to show up in daylight, when Rudy was still asleep in his coffin,” Jimmy Kimmel said on Wednesday.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. We’re all stuck at home at the moment, so here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.‘Sweating Grecian Formula’Late-night hosts couldn’t resist mocking Rudy Giuliani on Wednesday after the F.BI. searched his apartment and his office in Manhattan.“The F.B.I. showed up with search warrants at 6 o’clock this morning. They made sure to show up in daylight, when Rudy was still asleep in his coffin,” Jimmy Kimmel said.“Come on, that’s way too early! Rudy’s not himself until he’s had his first cup of hot breakfast wine.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“They took the former mayor’s electronic devices; they were seized. I think it’s safe to assume none of those electronic devices were toothbrushes.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“I know Rudy Giuliani is a high-powered lawyer, mayor of New York City, adviser to the president of the United States, but I still picture his office above a repair shop right next to a palm reader’s.” — JAMES CORDEN“But Rudy’s lawyer — very upset. He called the raid ‘legal thuggery.’ He said, ‘Why would you do this to anyone, let alone someone who was the associate attorney general, U.S. attorney, mayor of New York City and the personal lawyer to the 45th president of the United States?’ Who would dare to show up unannounced and take his beloved Jitterbug phone? It’s just not American.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Investigators are reportedly conducting a criminal investigation into Giuliani’s dealings in Ukraine to try to dig up dirt on the Bidens on behalf of Donald Trump. And if you think he was sweating Grecian Formula before, you should see him now.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“When the agents walked in, Rudy got so nervous, he started sweating hair dye and tucking all the evidence down his pants.” — JIMMY FALLON“Oh no, they took his cellphone. Now he’ll have to butt-dial reporters on a landline.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Yeah, Rudy panicked and called his lawyer, then when his own phone starting ringing, he panicked even more.” — JIMMY FALLON“But lucky for Rudy, wives can’t testify against their cousins.” — SETH MEYERSThe Punchiest Punchlines (New Address Edition)“Well, guys, earlier tonight, President Biden delivered his first joint address to Congress on the eve of his 100th day in office. Last time someone in their 70s got that much applause, they were doing ‘Da Butt.’” — JIMMY FALLON“Biden was the first president to deliver the speech in front of a mask-wearing audience. If you don’t count Bill Clinton’s last State of the Union, whose theme was ‘Eyes Wide Shut.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT“President Biden tonight laid out the specifics for his ‘American Families Plan.’ Trump had a family plan, too, but his was to give jobs to everyone in his family.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“That’s right, the Capitol took center stage tonight, and I got to be honest, it was nice to see someone behind the podium who wasn’t wearing deer antlers and a pelt.” — JIMMY FALLON“Yeah, it was a fun night for Democrats. On the other hand, Republicans didn’t seem too thrilled. They looked like they just heard their best hope in 2024 is Randy Quaid.” — JIMMY FALLONThe Bits Worth WatchingOn Wednesday’s “Full Frontal,” Samantha Bee urged the Biden administration to step up improvements to the country’s border policies.What We’re Excited About on Thursday NightLeslie Jordan will promote his new book, “How Y’all Doing? Misadventures and Mischief From a Life Well Lived,” on Thursday’s “Late Night.”Also, Check This OutFlorence Welch is part of a formidable team enlisted to bring “The Great Gatsby” to the stage.Rob Grabowski/Invision, via Rob Grabowski, via Invision, via Associated PressFlorence Welch of Florence + the Machine will write the lyrics for the new “Great Gatsby” stage musical. More
“I’ve got to be honest: I’m going to miss wearing a mask.” Fallon joked on Tuesday. “The adult acne made me feel young, you know?”Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. We’re all stuck at home at the moment, so here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Mask OffPresident Biden announced on Tuesday new coronavirus guidelines that would allow vaccinated Americans to forgo wearing masks when participating in outdoor activities or when not in a crowd.“When people heard that, people in the street started flashing their mouths like it was Mardi Gras,” Jimmy Fallon joked.“I’ve got to be honest: I’m going to miss wearing a mask. The adult acne made me feel young, you know?” — JIMMY FALLON“Aw, yeah! Take it off, baby! Show daddy them nostrils!” — STEPHEN COLBERT“That’s good news. Where are we on pants; are those still required?” — JIMMY KIMMEL“This is great news for people who love fresh air, but a little late for those who already have the tan lines.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“Now we can go back to the good old days of giving each other dirty looks because of racism, classism, sexism, ableism, homophobia, and those people who wear Adidas pants with Nike shoes.” — TREVOR NOAH“You see, we never needed masks; we already knew how to hate each other.” — TREVOR NOAH“On the bright side, now we can stop weirdly opening our eyes to greet people on the street.” — JIMMY FALLONThe Punchiest Punchlines (Who Charted Edition)“I’m also glad because now, according to the C.D.C. charts, if you’re vaccinated, you can go eat outdoors now without a mask on, as opposed to before, when you had to wear a mask while you were eating.” — TREVOR NOAH“The chart ranks activities from safest to less safe to least safe. It’s the same chart people use when deciding between Delta, United and Spirit Airlines.” — JIMMY FALLON“Because what better way to get people to remember something than a 14-row, three-column, color-coded document with loads of text?” — JAMES CORDEN“Who designed this chart, the same people who designed those parking signs in L.A.?” — TREVOR NOAH“I love, as well, if you look, exercise class is the last thing on the list. It’s even like the list going, ‘Look, we both know you’re not going to do it.’” — JAMES CORDEN“It’s unreadable. You don’t see the forest service putting out flow charts like: ‘No fires, unless the fires are in stone pits, or you come from a long line of firefighters, or you watch the weather and you know a rainstorm is coming in a few minutes.’ No, they say: ‘No fires or this bear is going to eat your [expletive] family.’” — TREVOR NOAH“And, yes, I know the C.D.C. is just trying to cover all the bases, because maybe there’s a tiny chance you could get corona, even if you’re vaccinated. But if that messaging ends up convincing people that there’s not much of a reason to get vaccinated at all, then we’re shooting ourselves in the foot, which is not something we should do. Or, as the C.D.C. would put it: ‘masked guy in an indoor red zone.’” — TREVOR NOAHThe Bits Worth WatchingCorrespondent Dulcé Sloan delved into the history of female hip-hop M.C.s on Tuesday’s “The Daily Show.”What We’re Excited About on Wednesday NightMike Lindell, the chief executive of My Pillow, will appear Wednesday on “Jimmy Kimmel Live.”Also, Check This OutNichole ShinnVaccine fan fiction is getting users hot on TikTok. More
“The ratings for the Oscars plummeted from 23 million last year to less than 10 million this year. How can something so woke put so many people to sleep?” Jimmy Kimmel joked on Monday.Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. We’re all stuck at home at the moment, so here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.Are You Still Watching?On Monday, late-night hosts weighed in on Sunday night’s Oscars ceremonies, which, despite some historic firsts and funny moments, brought in a much smaller audience than last year’s awards.“The ratings for the Oscars plummeted from 23 million last year to less than 10 million this year. How can something so woke put so many people to sleep?” Jimmy Kimmel asked.“The ceremony was watched by a record-low 9.9 million people. Yeah, 9.9 million. That’s like taking everyone who watched ‘Mank’ and adding 9.8 million.” — JIMMY FALLON“I guess most people thought the show was a little sluggish and, at times, a bit uncomfortable. It was as if the whole ceremony had just gotten its second Pfizer shot.” — JIMMY FALLON“This was the Oscars that finally answered the question, ‘What happens when you don’t cut off acceptance speeches?’ Turns out, they go on for a very long time.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“For whatever reason, the awards were held at Union Station downtown, which is the closest many of these stars have ever been to public transportation.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“Well, I guess the train station made sense ’cause I fell asleep 30 minutes in. When I woke up, I had no idea where I was.” — JIMMY FALLON“Now, despite the pandemic shaking everything up, the Oscars pulled off a lot of cool moments last night. I mean, we got to see an awards show in a train station, right? We saw Regina King get her steps in. And we even got to see Glenn Close audition to be in Cardi B’s next video.” — TREVOR NOAH“But we also got a lot of history made last night. Chloé Zhao became the first woman of color to win Best Director, Yuh-Jung Youn was the first Korean actor to win an award, and Daniel Kaluuya, my friend, became the first person to get an Oscar and a beatdown from his mama on the same night.” — TREVOR NOAH“You can’t be saying ‘sex’ in front of African parents. In fact, I’m sure the only reason she didn’t whip Daniel’s [expletive] right there was just because there were too many white people in attendance.” — TREVOR NOAH“His mom was like, ‘This is so embarrassing’ and he was like, ‘Relax, no one saw it.’” — JIMMY FALLON“It was an historic evening. You know, before last night, an Oscar had never been given to a still photo of Anthony Hopkins before.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“There were some surprises, notably in the category of Best Actor. Everyone thought that would go to the late Chadwick Boseman. They even saved that category for the end of the show, assuming it would be a big emotional moment to wrap it up. But instead of Chadwick Boseman, Anthony Hopkins won Best Actor for playing a man with dementia in ‘The Father,’ and he was so committed to his role, he forgot to show up for the Oscars.” — JIMMY KIMMEL“And this is true. He was reportedly asleep when he won, which is not a great sign for network television when they say, ‘Hey, Anthony, you know you might win tonight’ and he’s like, ‘Eh, I’ll just watch it on YouTube tomorrow.’” — JIMMY KIMMELThe Punchiest Punchlines (Missed Shots Edition)“Apparently, some people are refusing the second shot because they feared the side effects, which can include flulike symptoms. Unlike the coronavirus side effects, which can include deathlike death.” — STEPHEN COLBERT“One interesting group of people refusing to get the vaccine: people who have gotten the vaccine. Because millions of people are skipping their second doses of Covid vaccines. I can’t believe it — Americans are saying no to seconds?” — STEPHEN COLBERT“I mean, just a few weeks ago we were scrambling for appointments — refresh, refresh, refresh. Now you can pick up Moderna shots in the two-for-one bin at Walmart.” — TREVOR NOAHThe Bits Worth WatchingJustin Bieber joined Jimmy Fallon and the Roots for a stripped-down version of his new single “Peaches.”What We’re Excited About on Tuesday NightThe “Pose” star Billy Porter will appear on “Jimmy Kimmel Live” on Tuesday.Also, Check This OutAnthony Hopkins as the dementia-stricken patriarch in “The Father.”Sean Gleason/Sony Pictures ClassicsAnthony Hopkins had to accept his Best Actor Oscar via social media because producers denied him an opportunity to go live via Zoom during the ceremony on Sunday night. More
